Love, Lust, and Other Mistakes (8 page)

I can’t
remember when or how she and I started to become so intimate. It didn’t surprise me that I could enjoy having sex with a girl – to me sex is as natural as breathing.  What had surprised me, however, was Madison’s eagerness to participate and her seeming insatiableness once the initial shock had worn off.

We don’t have too many opportunities like this – she and I alone.  At work, we’re part of a tight-knit team and even outside of work there always seems to be one of our co-workers lurking around. Only when we patrol together
are we truly alone.  Even in moments like this, the threat of being caught exists.  We could take too long and Rebecca or Murphy could stumble into the alleyway looking for us.

Part of me wants to get caught – to see Madison
try to explain to our friends why my hand is down her pants.  But the rest of me, the sane part, knows that if our secret is exposed, she would deny anything had ever happened between us, and I’d never have this opportunity again.

She pulls
my hand out of the front of her jeans and I immediately miss her warmth.  She licks her lower lip and unfastens the front button of my pants. Oh God.  Wordlessly, and without complaints from me, she unzips my pants and roughly tugs them down my slight hips, dragging my underwear along with.

I
immediately tense when I hear the service entrance door open nearby. The metal door shrieks against its metal hinges. Madison ducks down out of sight, but I’m too startled to move. I cautiously peer over the green metal dumpster that stands between me and the door.  A gasp catches in my throat when I see Rebecca poke her head out the opening.

She turns
her head to look around the alley.  When she notices me, seemingly standing by myself against a wall, she pauses.  “What happened to you guys? Murphy and I were getting worried.”

I hear
an almost imperceptible giggle come from the woman crouched near my feet. Maddie silently pulls my pants all the way down, leaving me naked from the waist down.  My eyes widen when I realize she isn’t going to stop even though Rebecca is standing just a few feet away.  Only an oversized dumpster stands between us and Rebecca.

“
We, uh, we’re just wrapping things up,” I uselessly lie. “Caught some kids dealing, but, uh, they took off running.”

“Where’s Madison?”

“She’s, uh, in the squad car filling out some paperwork.”

The woman in question separates my pussy lips with her fingers and breathes against my naked sex.
“She, um, said she’d be right back,” I say through clenched teeth.  “Told me to stay behind in case the kids come lurking back.”

Madison wets a finger with her own saliva and then slides her digit along my bare slit.  My knees wobble and my eyes cross.

“Oh, okay.  Sorry for being nosey,” Rebecca apologizes.  “I should have known you two could take on some kids by yourselves.”

Madison presses
the tip of her middle finger against my wetness.  She dips her digit in shallowly before pulling it out.

“
I’ll be in soon,” I breathe out shakily.  “I’m just gonna wait for Maddie to get back.”

Madison slides
her single finger back inside me, causing me to lurch and clutch onto the metal dumpster.

Rebecca eyeballs me, as if sensing something is wrong.  If she suspects anything, however, she doesn’t let on. 
“Okay.  See you in a bit.” She turns on her heels and goes back into the bar.

When the service door screams shut again, I audibly growl. “Fuck, Maddie.
Do you
want
to get caught?” I hiss.

She
looks up at me from between my thighs  She strokes her fingers along my inner thighs, making my muscles tense and twitch. “What’s the matter?” she taunts playfully.  “I thought you liked living dangerously.”

“I do,” I protest weakly.  It’
s hard to form a compelling argument when she continues to touch her so intimately.

Madison grabs
onto the back of my knees. “Oh, calm down,” she chastises, still crouching near the ground, “it’s not like I did anything to make Rebecca suspicious.  Just be thankful I didn’t do
this
to you.” She nuzzles her way between my sensitive folds, pulling an immediate low moan from my mouth.  She slides her tongue in between my shaved lips before sucking my clit into her mouth.

“Although it would have been funny to see you try to talk while I sucked on your clit,”
she muses, pausing to tease me.

I grunt
in response and wrapped my fingers in her hair.  I tug her face more fully into my naked sex. “You do enough talking for both of us,” I grumble.

Rather than pull away from my
dominant hold, she leans further in.  Her hands moved to my backside and she tightens her fingers on my ass. 

Feeling my
knees about to give out again, I widen my stance and lean back against the brick wall for stability, not minding that the rough exterior bites into my exposed skin. “You wanna go back to mine?” I pant, still holding her against me.

Showing a
dmirable willpower, Madison pulls away.  “We should go back inside,” she states, shaking her head. “Rebecca and Murphy are gonna start to worry again.  They’re worse than my mom.” She stands up, pulling my pants up with her. 

I feel
like throwing a tantrum, but I somehow retain my composure.  It would ruin my edgy, stoical exterior if I pout about being unmercifully teased that evening.

Madison
wipes at her mouth with the back of her hand.  She licks at the corners of her mouth, savoring the remnants of my arousal. The site does nothing to squash my raging libido.

“We could
always tell them we’re going to patrol for those kids who ‘got away,’” I practically pant. “It wouldn’t be the first time we’ve lied to them.”

She presses
herself me and stands on her tiptoes so we’re face-to-face.  “It’s not the lie that gets me hot,” she breathes.  She leans forward and brushes her lips against my mouth.

I feel my heart thud loudly in my chest. I
wondered if she can feel how hard it beats whenever she’s this close.

“See y
ou back inside?” She grins affably as she comes down from her toes.

I blink
, amazed at how quickly she has regained her composure, as if she hadn’t just been on her knees in a dark alley minutes ago. “Yeah, I just gotta…catch my breath.”

“Don’t t
ake too long,” she smirks. “Cause if you’re lucky, maybe I’ll spot a drug deal in the girl’s bathroom later.”

+++++

Telephone Conscience

The phone rings shrilly, jolting me out of my sleep.  I look blearily at the red glowing alarm clock near by bedside and wince when I see the time.  I can’t imagine who would be calling me at this hour.  I pick up the phone and croak out a hello.

“Hey
, sexy,” I hear a voice purr on the other line.

It takes me a split-
second to recognize the woman’s voice.  “Terri?” I guess, sitting up slightly in my bed.

“I know, it’s been a while,” she says, her words dipped
in regret.

“Yeah, it has,” I agree.  I look at my alarm clock again.  Why is she calling me at this hour?

“I’ve been thinking about you,” she tells me.

I blink a few times.  The words don’t seem to be computing in my sleep-fogged brain.

Terri and I had met nearly half a year ago through a mutual friend.  I had a few summer months off from teaching and was looking for new people to spend time with during the days. She wasn’t the typical person I would be attracted to or even the kind of woman I’d want to befriend.  We’d go tanning together, smoked cigarettes, played video games, and drank bad coffee together at all-night diners.  She was the kind of person who seemed to bring out my vices.  And, she thought my sexuality was the most interesting thing ever.

I met her parents once.  The four of us had
had dinner together at Terri’s childhood home, and I was pretty and femme and polished and polite.  Her parents adored me and asked Terri why she couldn’t spend more time with people like myself.  Terri laughed, rolling her eyes and commented that maybe she should
date me
if they liked me so much.  Surprisingly, they weren’t against the idea.

Terri had a thing for the Bad Boys
and Unattainable Men – the guy with a handful of girlfriends and maybe even a wife and a couple of kids in the mix – wholly uneducated men who drove cars nicer than their houses.  I couldn’t understand her affinity for them, but she pointed out she couldn’t understand why I was only attracted to other women.  So I decided to show her why.

It became a game between the two of us – a game of chicken – how far would the other one push?  She’d spend the night at my apartment, sleeping next to me in my bed and stripping down to her bra and underwear.  I’d p
retend it didn’t affect me, and sleep with my hand casually draped around her waifish waist, my fingers stroking along her flat abdomen. And then she’d groan and tell me how good it felt, and I’d tease her back saying, “But I’m a girl, Terri. You’re not supposed to get turned on.”

I might have taken a few cheap shots, kissing the back of her neck and breathing warmly against her ear.  But I never took it any further than that.  I know I could have done more, and she wouldn’t have turned me down.  But if we were going to move beyond heated flirtation, I wanted her to be the one to make the first move.

“I want to come over.” Her voice jolts me back, away from my unorthodox musings.  Her voice is little more than a whisper. “I want to lick your pussy.”

Oh. My. God.

My stomach drops and my throat tightens. I audibly choke.  “You can’t say things like that,” I wheeze.

“Why not?” she whines, clearly annoyed with my reaction.

We’d been on a pseudo double-date to the local county fair a few months ago – Terri, her boyfriend, myself, and a friend her boyfriend had brought along, apparently for me.  I guess Terri forgot to mention to her boyfriend that I liked women.  I was polite to the fourth-wheel, thankful in part for his presence.  Seeing Terri with her boyfriend didn’t necessarily make me jealous, but it did bother me that she continued dating such bottom-feeder men.

After the fair, the four of us went back to
her boyfriend’s shabby bachelor-pad to watch a movie.  I can’t remember what the movie was because Terri was sitting next to me and stroking my inner thigh for the duration of the film.  Luckily, there was a blanket covering our laps.  Unluckily, I’d chosen that day to wear a loose, flowing cotton skirt. 

Terri’s hand had originally rested innocently on my lap, just toying with my fingers.  But as the night progressed and the lighting in the room dimmed, her hand had somehow found its way under my skirt.  Now, hearing her voice again after so many months, I could almost feel the ghost of her fingertips brushing against my sensitive inner thighs.

“You’ve got a boyfriend, Terri,” I wearily remind her.  It was one of the reasons why I had stopped trying to ‘convert’ her months ago.

“But he’s not here right now,” she says devilishly.

“Terri,” I sigh, rubbing at my eyes, “you’re not even gay.”

She giggles. “Maybe I am for you.”

I don’t know what to say to that. Instead, I just make a disapproving noise in the back of my throat.

“Please,” she pouts. “I want to eat you out, so badly.”

Her words drive me crazy.  I’ve never been in a situation like this before.  A beautiful bi-curious woman is literally booty-calling me.

“You…you can’t,” I manage to eek out.  “
We
can’t.”

I hear her frustration. “But I’m
so horny
,” she complains breathlessly.  “And all my toys just aren’t doing it for me anymore.”

“Toys?” My voice breaks like a pre-pubescent boy’s.  Not cool.

“Mmhmm,” she purrs. “My little silver vibrator that I run along my clit.   And my thick, purple dildo that fills me up like no man can.  Mmm,” she sighs into the phone. “I wish you were here so you could push my dildo in and out of me.  That would feel
so
good.”

I don’t think I’ve ever sweat just from the sound of a woman’s voice
or her choice of words.  But I feel the faintest trickle of dampness in the small of my back as I listen to Terri’s libido-driven talk.  It’s like I’m starring in my very own porno movie. “Oh-oh, really?” I sputter out.

I always knew she had an exhibitionist side to her.  If her strutting around in her underwear in my apartment wasn’t evidence enough of that fetish, I knew firsthand that she liked to give unsuspecting men complimentary sex shows on her webcam.  

“Uh huh,” she confirms in that maddening baby-girl voice. “I wish you were here so you could fuck me so deep with that cock.”

This girl should quit her job and become a sex-phone operator. She’d make piles and piles of money.

“What would you do to my body if I was there?” she presses me.

Oh shit.
I know I’m at a crossroads.  I can either respectfully bow out of this conversation and feign an early morning wake-up call,
or
I can take the next step and let her know I’m game for whatever she’s got planned for this telephone call.  I glance a final time at my alarm clock.

Oh, fuck it.

“Well first of all, you wouldn’t need that cock with me around,” I tell her.  “I’d want to get you off with just my tongue and mouth.  I bet you taste sweet.”

“Oh God,” she groans heavily.

“Where are your hands, Terri?” I call her out.

“In my pants,” she gasps.  “Where I want you to be.”

“And what are your hands doing?” I scold.

“I’m, uhn, touching myself,” she moans breathily.  “I’m sliding the tip o
f my finger up and down my slit.”

The noises she’s making on the other line are sexy as hell, and it makes me second-guess why I’m keeping this confined to the phone.  All I’d have to do is say the word and she’d be here in my bed.  But she
does
have a boyfriend. And I’m not that kind of girl.  Only a little bit.              

On the other end of the line I hear some rustling.  The background noise soon silences and my ears are instead greeted with
unmistakable sloppy noise of her pushing and pulling her fingers out of her pussy. “Can you hear that?” she pants, bringing the phone back up to her mouth. “I’ve never been so wet, and it’s all because of you.”

And that’s when I realize, I can’t do this.

“Stop,” I sigh.

“What?”

“You have a boyfriend,” I unnecessarily remind her.  I feel like a broken record.

“Why does he have to ruin our fun?” she whimpers into the phone.

“Because,” I say, sitting up in bed and feeling not a little bit disappointed in my own willpower, “I’ve been on the opposite side of this thing before.  I’ve been the one who’s been cheated on, and it’s not a fun feeling.  I can’t do that to someone else.” I pause.  “Even if that someone else is a man.”

She’s quiet for a long moment and it’s so silent, I half imagine she’s hung up on me. “I don’t know how to do this,” she finally says in a voice not much more than a whisper.

“Do what?” I ask, running a hand through chaotic curls.

“Nothing,” she insists. “Never mind.”

Another silence envelops the uneasy conversation.  “I guess I’ll let you get back to sleep,” she says.  Her voice sounds tired, disappointed.  I know because I am, too.

“Terri,” I start.  “Don’t be angry with me, okay?  Believe me, if it were any other situation, if you weren’t already in a relationship…” I trail off.

She sighs heavily into the phone.  “I know, I know.”  Her voice gets quiet. Wistful. “Just my luck that I fall for the lesbian with a conscience.”

I bite down hard on my lower lip and murmur my agreement. Then I wish her a goodnight and hang up the phone.

+++++

PILLOWTALK

“It’s come to my attention, that I’ve been a little bit of a pillow queen when it comes to sex.” I noisily drop a cardboard box in the center of my girlfriend’s bedroom.

She’s reclined on the mattress in our one-bedroom apartment with her legs crossed and her hands propped beneath her head. “You won’t hear
me
complain.”

I stick out my bottom lip. “But I want to have some fun, too.”

“Oh and me eating you out for hours isn’t fun?” She clasps her hand over her heart. “That hurts,” she feigns.

I grin and drop my eyes, feeling a slight blush creep onto my cheeks. “Of course that’s
fun
,” I murmur.  “But I want a chance too, you know.”

I can feel her smirking at me as I carefully unpack the contents of the rectangular container. “Is that a cheerleading baton?” she nearly guffaws.  “We gonna do a little role-playing?”

I pull the metal rod out of its packaging.  I twist my head and look at the packing receipt.  “No, apparently it’s called a ‘spreader.’”

“Oh. My. God.” She sits up in bed with a jolt. “What’s with the heavy hardware?”

I try to not look as uneasy and embarrassed as I feel.  I want to be in control and confident, not a squeaking little mouse.

“I don’t want you to get bored.”

“Believe me, hun.  You’ve already proven that you’re far from vanilla. We really don’t need…all this stuff.”

I chew on my bottom lip. “Does that mean you don’t want to?”

“Hell yeah, I want to…I just don’t want you to feel pressured into doing sex things you’re not comfortable with.”

I stare at her hard, trying to be fierce. “I think you should get undressed.”

She raises a challenging eyebrow at me.  “Oh yeah?”  She smirks. “And if I refuse?”

I stand up and toss the metal bar on the bed. “Then I guess you won’t get a chance to try it on me next.”

She makes quick work of undressing herself, haphazardly pulling off her clothes and tossing them on the floor.

“Stand up.”

She immediately obeys my clipped command and I can’t deny the rush of power that surges through me.

I kneel in front of her and carefully attach the spreader bar to her ankles.  I carefully, meticulously wrap the two large leather cuffs at either end of the sturdy metal bar near the stem of her shapely legs.

“Jesus, I’m gonna be sore in the morning,” she says, looking down at the bar between her legs. I can detect a slight waver in her words.

“Am I hurting you?” I ask, deeply concerned.

“Don’t worry,” she winks, naked and legs spread apart in front of me.  “It’s
so
worth it.”

“What’s it feel like?” I ask, staring down at the metal bar positioned between her lover’s legs.

“Not gonna lie, it’s kind of incredible,” she breaths. “I’m spread wide open for you, and I know I should be feeling all kinds of vulnerable, but all I can think about is how good it’s gonna be when you finally touch me.”