Love Me Broken (30 page)

“Yes,” I say, and kiss her on the lips. “Fucking amazing.”

She grins. “Literally.” I smile back and press my forehead to hers, wanting to drown myself in the bliss of this moment. Right now, in this garage, on a crappy mattress on the floor, we’ve found an oasis from the pain of the world. Our own little paradise. I never want to leave it.

Her hair is so soft. I run my fingers down the length of it, from her scalp to where a strand lies between her breasts. I feel her breath catch at my touch, and my cock pulses. I kiss her, and she puts a hand on my dick through the sheets.

Suddenly there’s a knock on the door, and we both jump like we’ve been caught with, well, a hand down our pants.

“Yo,” calls Levi from the other side. “You two awake?”

Erica scrambles to pull the sheets up to her collarbones. I don’t bother, leaving them around my waist with my chest bare. I sit up and call back, “Yeah?” It’s not in a particularly friendly tone.

“I’m making some pancakes, if you two are hungry.”

I look at Erica, and she nods. “Thanks, man,” I say. “We’ll be out in a minute.”

Levi doesn’t reply, and in a second I hear his footsteps walk away and drawers opening in the kitchen. Erica lets out a breath she’s been holding.

“I guess he knew I was here all along,” she says. Then her face reddens at the implications of this, at what Levi might have heard.

I kiss her on the forehead. “Better him than your parents.”

Her eyes widen, and her face pales a little. “I can’t even imagine,” she says. Then she bursts out laughing. I laugh too. She starts looking around the room, and her eyes land on the pile of her wet clothes by the door. “Crap,” she says. “I don’t have anything else to wear.”

A grin breaks out on my face. “I don’t mind.”

She smacks my chest lightly. “I’m serious. I didn’t exactly plan ahead.”

I wave away her concern. “No big deal. You can borrow some of mine.” I try to hold back my smile, but I can’t. “We’re the same size, right?”

When we emerge from the garage into the kitchen, Erica is a good three steps behind me, like she’s trying to hide herself from view. She’s wearing a gray t-shirt that goes halfway down her thighs and a pair of orange workout shorts that look like capris on her. The waist was obviously too big, but we tied it pretty tight with the drawstring. The shirt, though, there’s not much helping that. She’s also barefoot.

“Hey man,” Levi says, his back toward us. “Hope you’re hungry.” He’s at the stove, flipping something with a spatula. There’s a stack of pancakes on a plate next to him, and I see that he’s cleared off the kitchen table, all except for three table settings: three plates—real ones—and some silverware laid out on folded paper towels. Erica rushes to take a seat before Levi can turn around, and I take the seat next to her.

Erica looks around the kitchen, taking in the details, and I reach under the table to hold her hand. At my touch she looks down at her hand, then at me. She smiles. Then Levi flicks off the stove and carries over the pancakes, some bacon, butter, and syrup.

“Now,” he says, dropping two large pancakes onto Erica’s plate, “don’t feel obligated to finish. I realize it’s a lot of food. But I’m not good at small portions.”

Erica waits to eat, her hand under the table in mine, and watches while Levi puts three pancakes on my plate, and then another three on his own. There are still at least seven pancakes on the plate, and he sets this in the center of the table. Then he puts out three glasses, one for each of us.

“These smell so good,” Erica says. She’s smiling in a different way now, and I hope for her sake that these pancakes aren’t terrible. I know she’s too polite to do anything but clear her plate.

Levi grabs a half-gallon of milk and a carton of orange juice from the fridge and places them in the center of the crowded table. Then he sits down, pulling up his chair to the table with a loud scrape.

“All right,” he says. “Dig in.”

Erica pours orange juice while I butter my pancakes. It’s a minute before everyone gets their plate the way they like it, and then I realize Levi is waiting for Erica to take the first bite, watching her expression as she cuts into the stack of pancakes and brings the fork to her mouth.

She chews, her first bites slow, and then her eyes fly open like she’s burned herself or something. Fuck, I think. It’s probably raw. But then she chews some more, quickly now, and makes a deep moan.

“Mmmmm,” she says, and it’s a sound of pleasure mixed with surprise at that pleasure. She swallows. “Wow,” she says. “That’s actually really good.”

Levi laughs, and starts to eat his. Then I join the party and dig into my own plate.

Okay. I have to admit the pancakes are pretty damn good. They’re not raw at all. They’re light and fluffy, and soft enough that they almost seem to melt on your tongue. And he’s loaded them with stuff: big juicy blueberries and bananas, and I think granola or oatmeal or something. You don’t even need butter or syrup; you can eat them just like this. But of course I add the extra sugar and fat anyway. Force of habit.

“Damn, Levi,” I say, reaching for another helping. “And here we’ve been eating takeout and pizza?”

“You didn’t have a girl over before,” Erica kids. “Right, Levi?”

Levi laughs, his mouth full of food. “Yeah, I guess so.” His words are mumbled by the food, and watching him I begin to understand why most girls don’t like Levi. He’s a great guy, but the dude needs some lessons.

The food is so good that we’re pretty much silent as we stuff our faces for the next ten minutes. I didn’t even realize I was hungry, and now I can’t get enough. Then I remember I didn’t ever eat lunch yesterday. And with everything else that happened, it put my body through a lot. I look over at Erica and see that she’s eating pretty consistently too. She’s a girl, so she’s watching her pace and not just stuffing her face, but I get the feeling if I tried to take a bite from her plate, she’d fight me off with her fork.

I clear my plate first and lean back in my chair, very full, very satisfied. I look out at the back yard and see that the rain’s stopped. I can’t see the sky except for a narrow band between the awning of the back porch and the top of the neighbor’s roof. There’s some blue in it, so I guess the storm’s passed.

Erica follows my gaze. “Looks like it’ll be a nice day.”

“Supposed to be sunny,” Levi confirms. Then he gets this grin on his face. “You know, Adam, we don’t need you at the shop today.”

“Oh really?” I say, grinning back. I know they totally need me today. The convention’s next week. “Is that so?”

“Yeah, real slow. No appointments. I have to go in for some inventory stuff, but...” He looks at his pancakes. “It’d be a shame to waste a day off. You can even borrow my bike if you want to.”

I take back everything negative I ever thought about Levi. After today, it’ll be my goal to get him a girlfriend. I owe him for this. Erica starts to ask why I’d need Levi’s bike, but I wave her off. “Mine’s not running,” I say, not wanting to go into the whole story. She’s quickly distracted by thoughts of a daytrip.

“It’s a weekday,” she says, getting excited. “I bet the beach isn’t too crowded.”

“You wanna go?” I ask her. “What’s a good beach by here?”

“Cannon Beach is pretty nice,” she says, “but Seaside is closer. Plus I like the shops there better.”

“Seaside sounds perfect,” I say. “You need to stop off at home for some clothes?”

The joy drains from her eyes. Fuck.

“Or,” I say quickly, “we could just wash your clothes from yesterday.” I turn to Levi. “They got wet in the rain.”

Levi mouths the word, “Oh,” but thankfully he stays silent.

Erica’s smile is back. “Okay! But,” she turns to Levi, “do you mind if I use your shower first?”

Levi says he doesn’t mind, and the plan is settled.

When we’re all done eating and Levi is taking our plates—he insists we don’t help—I throw Erica’s clothes into the wash on the quickest setting. The shower isn’t big enough for two, so I jump in for a quick rinse, then show Erica how to use the settings and leave her to it. I check on her clothes, watching them churn in the machine, and my mind starts working.

I come up with an idea. Erica’s not going to like it. But sometimes life isn’t about what you like, it’s about what you need.

I head back to the kitchen. Levi’s still by the sink, drying off the plates with a rag. He turns to me.

“So, uh, about that bike,” I begin.

“Yeah?”

“You think you can hook me up with a car instead?”

I take my time in the shower, partly because I need a few minutes to myself to think. Yesterday feels like a fever dream. A beautiful start to the day; the fight at the fish stand; the fight with Pete; the fight with Dad; walking through the rain; and then Adam. Adam all night. If the soap weren’t stinging the scratches on my arm, I’d think that I had imagined the whole thing. But it was real. And the question is, now what am I going to do?

I find that I don’t want to go home. I know I’ll have to eventually; all my stuff is there. But I don’t want to live there anymore. There’s no ambivalence about this in my mind. It’s settled. It’s time to leave.

But where will I go? Can I live with Adam? Will he let me? What about when he leaves at the end of the summer? He said I couldn’t follow him before, but now, things have changed, right? I feel like we can be together now.

And yet... I still know so little about him. Where he was born, what his birthday is. All the things you usually learn first about a person. Yet at the same time, I feel like I know him better than anyone else I’ve ever met. It feels natural to be with him, like we just fall into place when we’re around each other.

A fresh towel, courtesy of Levi, is folded on the closed toilet seat. I’m happy to see that the bathroom is sparkling clean, which is saying something in a house with two single guys in it. Especially two mechanics who weren’t expecting company. And I wonder, did Adam clean this? Or did Levi?

I rub my hair dry and use what deodorant and toothpaste I can find in Adam’s toiletry bag. I use my finger to brush, and while doing so, I start making a mental list of the bare necessities I need to pack from home. I want to travel light. It has to fit into a suitcase. A backpack, maybe. Something I can carry on a motorcycle.

I emerge from the bathroom wearing Adam’s clothes again. I don’t feel as awkward in them this time. Maybe it’s the shower. Levi is wiping down the counters in the kitchen, and something about the attention he is giving to wiping away each little crumb tells me it is Levi that cleans the bathroom. He throws a paper towel away and catches me in the corner of his vision.

“Oh, hey,” he says, wiping off his hands on a rag. “How was the shower?”

“Great,” I say. My hair feels wet on my shoulders, and I didn’t bring my purse with me so I don’t have any makeup on. I feel very naked standing in front of Levi, and I realize he’s basically a complete stranger. After breakfast, though, I’m starting to become more comfortable around him.

I look at the door to the garage, which is open, and see that the space is empty. “Where’s Adam?” I ask.

Levi freezes, and then bites his lip. “He’s, uh, picking up something for you two to ride.” His eyes are darting around the kitchen. “Well, I should probably get to work.” He picks up his keys from the table and pats his pockets, checking for his wallet. He’s about to walk out the door when he remembers. “Oh yeah. I put your clothes in the dryer. Should be done in twenty.”

He points to a small closet next to the kitchen that holds the stacked washer and dryer. I nod, indicating that I can handle it. He stands awkwardly for a moment, I guess trying to figure out if I’m a good enough friend for a hug or if that would be inappropriate. He settles for a wave, and I wave back. He lets out a breath of relief at being done, and is out of the house before I have a chance to sit down.

I sit at the kitchen table, now cleared, and listen to the sound of my clothes tumbling in the dryer. My foot is tapping. Astoria’s a small town; it shouldn’t take Adam too long to walk down to the shop and pick up the bike, right? I look around at the cabinets, at the tiny sink, and I wonder what it would be like to live here. Not in that nonchalant way I sometimes wonder when passing random homes on a long drive, but in a practical way. Where would I put my stuff? How would we schedule all of us using one bathroom? Would Levi even allow me here, or would Adam have to move out for us to be together?