Love Me to Death (25 page)

“And exactly how should I be kissed?”

“The same way you should be made love to … slowly and with care. Now get up; I’m going to taste your mom’s pancakes in the same house where you kissed that little criminal.”

She laughs again. My lips twitch but I hold back my smile.

“Up, I have to break my pancake virginity with your mom.” I laugh for a moment. “That sounded wrong, right?”

She nods with a smirk on her face.

“Whatever, I’m going to eat and then I’m going to make love to your mouth with mine and kill every memory of Joey the Jerk’s kiss from your mind and this house.”

“Are you going to nickname all of my exes with weird names?”

“Only the jerks and so far all of them are jerks,” I say before rolling her off me and heading to the kitchen. I hear her laughing behind me but I ignore it.

Ned is right; her mom’s pancakes are delicious. I try my hardest not to make groaning noises at the table while I’m eating.

“They’re good, right?” Ed asks as he glances proudly at his wife.

“They are delicious,” I say with a mouthful of pancake.

“Wow, I didn’t see that reaction when you ate mine,” Ned teases. “Maybe I should let some more
people
try mine and gather more feedback.”

“Maybe you should,” I agree in my pancake daze.

“We are still talking about pancakes, right?” Ed asks.

Ned goes red and I smirk.

“We are most definitely talking about pancakes,” I say smiling at Ned.

“Are you done yet? There’s somewhere I would like to take you before my girly day with Mom.” Ned rushes me. At first, I think that she is just trying to end her father’s conversation but the look on her face tells me it’s something else. Sliding the last piece of pancake into my mouth, I nod. I stand to my feet and lift my plate.

“Thank you, Nora, I really enjoyed that.”

“Thank you, Cole, and leave it,” she says gesturing toward the plate in my hand, “I’ll clean it up. You two go and have some fun.”

“Thanks,” I say. Ned is unusually quiet.

She’s still quiet when we are outside and I wonder where she is taking me that has suddenly changed the entire mood. I slip my fingers between hers and squeeze gently.

“You ok?”

She nods.

I don’t push any further and I leave her to swim through her thoughts. She’ll come back to me when she is ready. Instead, I use the opportunity to sightsee. Blue Creek really is a beautiful place. I don’t think I have ever seen this much grass and hills in my life. It almost feels like an idea of what the earth was like before man started to experiment with it. There’s a distant smell that keeps flying up my nose as we walk. It’s like a mix between the ocean and wet wood. I like it. It’s not too cold but it’s not incredibly warm either, it’s in that midpoint where a coat is too much but a T-shirt would leave you way too cold. I rub slow circles on the back of Ned’s hand as we walk just to remind her that I’m still here. She squeezes back and I know she’s thanking me.

I almost feel guilty for walking on the grass as if I should tiptoe everywhere I go but there’s not much choice. My thoughts are momentarily put on hold by the sound of Ned’s voice.

“There’s someone I would like you to meet,” she whispers. It’s the first time I realize that we have stopped walking. My eyes look up and that’s when I see a sign:

Blue Creek Cemetery

I blink a couple of times before looking back at Ned. She doesn’t say anything else but instead pulls me through the arched metal doorway. I hate cemeteries. The fact that I don’t visit my own mother’s grave is a testament to that. There’s something eerie and lifeless about them. I’m not entirely sure how visiting a place like this can give a person any peace when you are constantly surrounded by the reminder of death.

We stop again when we are standing in front of a gray, marble stone. I look closer and see the words,
Laura Marie Waters.
I want to ask if it’s her grandmother but the dates under the name don’t add up.

“It’s my sister,” Ned says calmly as if she can hear my thoughts.
Ned had a sister?
I’m confused. I have no idea what to say so I say nothing.

“She died when she was seven years old. She would have turned twenty-three this year.” She’s not looking at me as she says any of this. “She drowned.”

My grip on her hand tightens and for the first time I realize that Ned understands loss on more levels than any human should have to.

“We were playing by the lake, throwing bread crumbs to the ducks. Mom told me to keep an eye on her — she wasn’t far from us. She said I was ten years old and a big girl now, that I could do it. I thought I was doing a good job, I really did but it happened so fast. She disappeared under the water so quickly and I couldn’t find her. I knew Mom had given
me
the responsibility to watch her and so I didn’t call for help. I jumped into the lake after her but I couldn’t swim. I tried, really hard. I remember kicking every limb in my body but I just sank faster. And then a hand pulled me up. It was Pops. I was so happy to see him but his face was sad. They couldn’t find Laura and by the time they did she was … She didn’t make it.

“I blamed myself for years. Mom and Pops never did, though. Mom blamed herself for expecting a ten-year-old to watch a seven-year-old and Pops blamed himself for not swimming fast enough. The self-blame went on for years. Each of us in our own secret chamber of torture. I used to watch Mom for hours just sitting and staring out the window as if she was imagining a life that wasn’t real. One day I asked her what she was doing and she said that she was imagining Laura’s life. She said she wasn’t sad that Laura had died, she was sad because she didn’t get the chance to live. She lost the opportunity to see her do all the things a young girl should get to do. She made me promise —that day—to never miss out on a single moment or experience. That I would do
everything
that I could every year of my life. That’s why they were so supportive when I moved to New York.”

“That’s why you hired me,” I say in understanding.

She nods. “It’s an experience that she thinks I can’t die without feeling.
Falling in love,”
she laughs humorlessly. “I don’t agree but I’d do anything to lessen her pain. Laura left her so empty, she never got the chance to ask her for anything before she died but I can give her that. I can give her that last bit of hope so she never has to sit staring out of a window imagining what my life could have been like. She’ll know that I lived it to the fullest. I’ll do anything to make her happy, Cole.
Anything.
She deserves that.” I’m not sure if she knows she’s crying but I pull her into my chest and wrap my arms around her. “I couldn’t save Laura but I can give her this. Even if it’s not real I can still give her this dream,” she whispers the words more as a question.

“Yes, you can. We’ll give it to her together. I won’t let you down, Ned. I promise.” I hold her so tight, praying that I can take away every bit of pain that she is feeling. She may seem strong on the outside but I know better. What amazes me about this woman is that she’s not breaking down because she’s dying; she’s breaking down because she’s terrified she won’t make her mother happy before she goes. I don’t think I’ll ever meet another Neddie Waters in my entire lifetime. That’s why I have to have as much of her as I can in this one. I hold her in my arms and make a promise that from this day forward I will never let her go. Not just because she needs me but because I need her.
Damn I need her so much.

“I’m going to miss you, Mom,” Ned says as Nora holds her tight in her arms. They are both holding onto each other as if they never want to let go.

“Frustrating ain’t it?” Ed asks from beside me.

“Pardon?”

“Knowing that there isn’t a damn thing you can do to make things right,” he says sadly. I gulp but don’t utter a word. “I haven’t known you long, Cole but there’s something about you that I like. I’m trusting you to look after my girl.”

“I will, I give you my word.”

“Good, here,” he says handing me a card. I look down and see a list of phone numbers. “It’s in case you need to reach us … you know … in the event of an emergency.”
I don’t want to hear this.

“Right,” I mumble.

“Cole.” Our conversation is interrupted as Nora calls me over. I walk over to her and she immediately envelops me in the tightest hug. “Thank you,” she whispers in my ear. “Thank you,” she repeats. And I understand. I press my lips against her cheek before standing back.

“Now don’t forget to call as soon as you land,” Nora says to Ned.

“We will.”

“Good, now get going before you miss that flight of yours.” Her voice is shaky but she is fighting to hold back the tears.

“No crying Mom, remember our promise.” She winks at her and I wonder what the promise was. Looking at Ed and Nora gives me hope. They already lost one daughter and now they are losing another and yet they are the kindest people I have ever met. It makes me wonder what happened to my dad. It also makes me realize that he has no excuse for his behavior.

“Let’s go,” Ed says as we load our bags into his pickup truck and head to the airport. “So what do you kids have planned when you get back to New York?”

“Well we made a list of things we need to do, once we return so I guess we’ll get started on that, right?” I say to Ned. She smiles warmly and I know that she knows I’m referring to the bucket list that we created before we came to Ohio.

“Yeah, you know jumping out of airplanes just the usual,” she laughs.

Her father laughs too, thinking it’s a joke but I am not at all amused. In fact, I feel a little nauseous just at the thought of it. I poke Ned in her side and the grin on her face doubles in size. That’s pretty much all that is said before we spend the rest of the journey in our own comfortable silence. Locked inside the safety of the privacy of our own minds.

“We’re not even inside of my house yet, Cole,” Ned moans as I grin at her.

“I don’t care, I have been the best behaved ‘boyfriend’ during our entire trip, New York brings out the naughty Cole.” I laugh as I push her inside of her penthouse. I kick the door with my foot and skillfully dodge our bags — which have been thrown in random positions on the floor — as I kiss her while walking toward her bedroom.