Love Notes ((Book Two of the Heartbeat Series)) (10 page)

“I cannot tell you how sorry I feel that I made a fool out of myself, I tore Killjoy apart and above all I doubted you.” I hung my head low after I spoke.

Rand lifted my chin and said, “You think you can get rid of me that easy? I love you and you look so beautifully desperate when you doubt me. I told you this before. I love you so much, but…I thought I lost you. I thought I was going to lose you and I didn’t think I could ever go on. I beat myself up that I would never forgive myself for not being with you while you were in such pain. This past week was a very dark place for me while you were sleeping. I tried to be positive and hopeful, but I also have had a track record of losing the women I loved in my life such as my mother and sister, and I don’t pray often but I prayed to whatever force above or whoever would hear my prayers, to bring you back to me and make you well.”

My head ached from the accident and I added to it by crying. My eyes stung from the tears and I wanted to escape from thinking the worst of him, “Hey can you promise me something?”

Rand said, “Yes, anything my love since I think this means you are keeping me.”

“Can you promise to bring me a tuna melt and some kind of yummy dessert besides you? You’ll have to sneak it in since they have me on some crazy diet.”

Rand kissed me and in between our lips touching he answered me punctuating each word with a kiss. “I. Will. Get. You. A. Sandwich. And. Anything. Else.” And with that we did not stop kissing for an extensive amount of time.

When Rand left to go out for a bit he assured me that he would be back very soon. I wanted an update on Jillian and he promised me that he would go check on her and Raeford would surely be by as well to fill me in. I still had a thought in the back of my mind about the doctor saying a baby was lost. I hoped that later in the afternoon I would get the moment to confess that to Rand after I had regained some strength and maybe could ask about this when my doctor did his rounds. As he left, he ducked back again to blow me a kiss, and I raised my arm slightly to catch it. My heart tugged and it was a good feeling. I let out a sigh and reached for the remote to watch the television to pass the time. As I surfed through the channels, I heard a light tap on the door. I yelled, “Come in.” Killjoy entered and smiled at me. “Are you sure you want me to come in? Rand passed me in the waiting room and told me you were resting but he had to go out for a bit. I didn’t want you to be alone.” Killjoy gingerly spoke.

She had such loveliness to her. I extended my hand to her and she came to claim it and sat with me and held my hand for the longest time. I knew if she liked men and I wasn’t in Rand’s life that surely he would have chosen someone like her. Although she looked rougher on stage with the makeup and wardrobe that she rocked, here she was simply beautiful, dazzling, and very kind and sexual with her touches and mannerisms. She made me feel comfortable conversing with her. Time flew by and at one point Raeford popped in and hung out for a while with us. He said Jillian was doing better, she had sustained injuries that left her in her bed but maybe I could be wheeled to see her soon.

Raeford and Killjoy shared with me that when they received the call that there was an accident they thought the worst and they didn’t know how to tell Rand after he lost his sister so tragically. Raeford admitted that while he was so upset thinking about getting to Jillian, that he had to put on the brave face to keep Rand calmer. Rand was a complete train wreck. He was totally restless on the plane not being able to communicate with anyone until they landed and the unknown was ripping him apart. Killjoy said as they pulled into the hospital parking lot, Rand sprung from the moving vehicle and ran toward the entrance doors.

“Did I just hear my name? Did I make the Olympic team for fastest sprinter?” Rand chimed in as he came in holding two brown bags and I knew it was food.

I soothingly held Raeford and kissed his cheek goodbye only for the moment. As I turned from my side where Raeford was standing to say goodbye to Killjoy she just blew a kiss in my direction.

Rand laughed and asked, “Should I be jealous?” I exchanged a glance with Killjoy and laughed. With us both left alone again he teased and shook brown bag number one in front of me and then smoothed out a napkin over the sliding tray. Rand poured a cup of peach iced tea and then removed a huge tuna melt sandwich from the bag with an exaggerated flourish worthy of a magician. I could see it coming closer to me as he raised the tray up over my bed. As I dug into the sandwich, I made such moans at how good it tasted, and I wanted to finish before a nurse came and stopped me.

I ate so fast and when I looked up after each bite, Rand seemed amused. “I know I look pathetic, but I am so hungry. Thank you so much for this.” I just finished up and the orderly entered with a lunch tray for me. As he sat it down, I laughed along with Rand. Just when I was going to tell him to take it that I wasn’t hungry, Rand instructed him to leave it and Rand peeked under the plastic cover to reveal the lunch.

“Green Jell-O cut into squares, soup and two packs of saltines; do you want any of this?” Rand asked me, and I shook my head a definite “no”. Then he said, “I still have another brown bag that you may want if you’re still hungry.” He waved the bag close to me but not opening it up yet for a reveal. Rand was having too much fun and then he finally pulled out a large creamy iced red velvet cupcake.

“It looks real good, and if you don’t want it, I do.” he remarked.

“Oh I will so have a red velvet cupcake! Besides it’s my favorite, bring that here.” I spoke lightly but in a happier tone.

As he lifted the cupcake to me, he taunted me first with a drop of icing on my nose, and I tried anxiously to lick it with the tip of my tongue, this only seemed to excite Rand. I could see the bulge in his tight jeans. As he moved closer to play with me again, teasing me with the sweet treat, my hand skimmed the front of his jeans and I fumbled to undo them to release his apparent straining response. Rand backed up a moment and said, “Patience you, we have a lifetime together.” And when he came in closer again to wipe off the icing with his pinky I saw something that took my eye from the growing fly of his pants to what was dangling on his pinky finger. There spinning around was the most lovely, cushion cut exquisite diamond engagement ring.

Rand dropped to the side of the bed. I reached around on my covers to grab the bed remote to lower the bed, but it was already at the lowest position. Rand looked up at me and slowly spoke, annunciating each word to me, “Madison, my love, will you never leave me, never scare me that you will leave me, will you stay with me forever and be my wife? I love you so very much!”

I leaned over the side of the bed and tilted down to him and said, “Yes, yes I will be your wife, you are my entire life, and I won’t ever leave you or frighten you again.” As he slid the ring on my finger I felt for the first time our bond. Deeper than the bond that just sex had brought to us, deeper than the time we’d spent together over the past months.

He said he planned to propose with a ring when he returned from the tour but that he was not going to wait a moment more. He wanted me to know the depths of his love for me and wanted everyone to know. Rand wanted me to plan a wedding when I felt better and was on the mend. He didn’t want to lose a moment’s time with me ever again. When the nurse popped in to check on me and asked how we were doing, we both in unison said we were doing great. She caught the shimmer of the facets from my engagement ring as it caught the lights above. With a smile on her face she turned and pulled the door shut behind her.

As I clung to Rand in this moment I knew I had to release myself to address another very important matter.

He must have seen that I had something to say because he asked, “Now what’s going on in that pretty head? You look scared.” With the calm depths of his blue eyes focused on me I managed to begin to answer him.

“Rand, I love you so much, but I heard something that affects us both so much. While I was in and out of being conscious, I heard the doctors talking. I clearly heard them say, it was sad that she lost the baby. Did I lose our baby? Tears began stinging my eyes I let out, “Was I, or were we pregnant?” I let out a choking sound of air and my tears spilled from my eyes.

“No, no Madison we did not lose a baby…Jillian did.” My heart stopped, I never knew she was pregnant, but I remembered that she told me on our fated walk that she needed to share something private with me.

I yelled out, “How are they, I need to see her, how is Raeford? He never shared this with me when he came to see me.” Rand cupped my chin and the wetness of my flowing tears skipped across his fingers, “If it was us and our baby, I know I would be broken, we’d be devastated.” Without any words, I slowly shook my head to agree with him. The sadness of her news spread through me, and joined the pain of my already tired body. Even trying to move and sit up was still uncomfortable. I knew I had to push past this and get stronger so they would take me to visit her. I knew I needed to be with her.

As I laid back to rest from what was the most exhausting day thus far from my bodily pain, my drama and all the excitement in my heart for my engagement, my thoughts and prayers were silently being sent to the other hospital room where Jillian was lying and I was certain Raeford was by her side.

Several hours later, my door opened and Killjoy popped in and asked, “Are you both good?”

We looked at her, I was feeling rested and my eyes had dried from earlier, and I flicked my ring finger. “Oh, I’m better than good,” I smiled.

“It’s beautiful, I knew he was going to do this but didn’t know when,” Killjoy happily said “Hey let me leave and guard your door so you both can have some real privacy.” Before she left Rand’s lips were crushing toward mine. I had not seen him in so long. As horrible as my body felt, I ached to have him inside of me. I felt the need in his kiss and let him reach under my blanket to find all I had on was a hospital gown that covered three sides of my body. His fingers stretched down to feel me and my legs opened widely at his touch. I knew it would only be seconds with his talented fingers playing along my core leaving me tingling. Then, as he strummed his two fingers inside my folds, I exploded. I called out his name and then tried to muffle the moaning sound in my pillow.

“Did that make you feel good?”

“Yes, Rand you always make me feel so good. Sorry I came so quickly, but I’ve missed you.”

“Love, I’ll have to make you come again. I would love to taste you but that will wait till we have more time and I can have you as my appetizer, my entrée and dessert,” and he slowly licked his lips.

“You had me at appetizer.” With that, I reached to his jeans and began to undo them. To my surprise he was going full commando. I guess Killjoy did not pack him anything to wear under his jeans. That alone got me more excited. I moved over to the far side of my bed which was only a twin bed.

“Come up here with me, I want you,” my eyes never left his.

“Love, you are so sore and hurting, the last thing I want to do is cause you any pain. But I will climb next to you.” He pulled his body closely behind mine under the thin hospital sheet. We held one another gently for some time. I could feel his heart beating on my back and it became the same rhythm as mine. We both were so caught up in one another quietly and peacefully. It was perfect. It’s a moment like this that being in his presence warms my heart. I was so tired and my eyes rested for quite sometime and I woke up as I felt Rand lift up from the bed. As he stood to the side of my bed I looked up at him and said, “Babe, I need to feel you, I won’t be in any more pain unless you deprive me of this.” I even tried to bat my eyelashes that had no makeup on them for him to give in to me. Rand laughed at my sultry attempt and asked me, “Are you sure? You know I can’t say no to you.” I looked at him and nodded yes. I don’t think it took him but a few second to drop those jeans and slide up into the bed in front of me. It was only one quick thrust and he slid fully inside me. I felt like we were in high school in his childhood bedroom on his tiny bed, having sex. This moment of him deep inside me felt so good that it briefly took away my real soreness.

“You feel so damn good! Ahhh, so good,” he cried out as he came very quick, but held on to me and stayed in me longer.

“I miss us, I miss this, I love you so much Madison,” he said. “When I get back in a month we are going to make up for all the lost moments. I want you healthy and ready. I won’t be letting you out of my sight or my bed.” He slowly removed himself from inside me and reached to the floor to gather his jeans and he headed to the bathroom.

I leaned up slightly to tell him too, “Rand I look forward to-” and I stopped unable to complete my words as the night nurse had entered my room. If she were a few seconds earlier we would have been caught in the bed together. There is never a day in a hospital where a part of you is left to have some privacy and you are unexposed. But we successfully pulled this off and I would now have to add hospital sex to my list of firsts with Rand.

Chapter Six – Unexpected Visitor