“Sure.” She grinned at him then sat down again. She settled her hands on the log, on either side of her hips, and leaned forward to watch her mini-chef prepare her treat. Around the fire, people were making new friends and having fun, and nobody was paying any attention to the fact that she was sitting with the Howards.
Nobody except Ryan. Her heart skipped a beat as the side of his hand rubbed against hers. He was cuddling Maya close to him, and his eyes were on his sons, one at the fire, one still making a polite circuit through all the party attendees, offering marshmallows for roasting. Ninety-nine percent of his attention was on them. But one percent had found a way to hold his daughter in a way that he could also stroke Holly’s fingers ever so gently with his. She held still and just let the tingles creep up her arm and into her heart.
This was hard. But it wasn’t impossible.
No, impossible would be not having Ryan at all. If she only got a sliver, that would have to be good enough.
— SIXTEEN —
R
YAN parked his truck two spots up from where the street was barricaded off.
He was definitely going to hell for this. But when he woke up that morning to a phone call from Dani, offering to take his kids to church, and then a message from Holly saying that she was on set all day but not busy, if he wanted to stop by for a visit…it was like the universe was telling him to seize the day.
Not God. God would want him to go to church, but he and the big guy hadn’t exactly been on speaking terms since Lynn died.
Which he felt guilty about, enough to send the kids off with Dani, but not enough to keep him away from Holly.
They were shooting on Main Street today—Sundays were a quiet day in downtown Pine Harbour anyway, most of the stores closed or only open for a few hours in the afternoon. Holly had told him they would start early, ready to get the first shots as soon as the shadows stopped being obviously long. He stood on the sidelines of the action for a few minutes, watching as Joshua tried to kiss Parvati and she shoved him away. When James called “Cut!” and had them retake their marks to do it again, Ryan slid his phone from his pocket.
I’m here. Where are you?
Trailer in the parking lot behind the bank. My name is on the door.
When he got there, he followed the row of trailers—five of them—and found hers at the end, tucked back against the buildings on the far side of the block. He knocked quietly and, after
flashing a quick look over his shoulder at the empty lot, stepped inside when she opened the door.
She was wearing tiny black shorts and a sweatshirt, and her face was make-up free, like she’d just scrubbed off her character. Gorgeous didn’t do her justice.
“Hey,” he said quietly, reaching for her, gathering her in his arms, relieved that she came easily. “We’re all alone.”
Nodding, she stretched inside the sturdy circle of his arms, rubbing up against him. “I sent Emmett back to the cottage for the day. I told everyone else I’m having a nap until after lunch.”
“I sent my kids to church so I could be alone with you.” He grinned down at her shocked expression and kissed the end of her nose. “I know. I’ve already processed it in my head and I’ve decided you’re worth the risk of eternal damnation.”
“Pretty sure God is more forgiving than that.” She kissed the corner of his mouth and when he smiled, she licked along the curve of his lips until their faces aligned. “But that’s very sweet.”
“And how about you?” he asked softly, moving his lips against hers, unable to pull away, even as they talked. “How forgiving are you?”
Wrinkling her brow, she pulled back to look at him better, but he caught her by the back of her neck and brought her mouth back to his. “What do you mean?”
“I was…brusque yesterday. I thought the bonfire might be fun, and my kids had a blast, but it was harder than I thought to pretend not to know you.”
“When you touched my hand,” she breathed against his skin, “all was forgotten.”
Hot relief pulsed through him. He’d known it—they’d sat together for more than an hour, quietly talking, brushing arms and fingers, and sharing glances. But he’d left with his kids while she was busy, and they hadn’t talked again. The lane had still been full of cars when he’d fallen asleep. And then her message this morning hadn’t promised anything.
Hadn’t stopped him from stuffing condoms in his pocket, though. She turned him into a nineteen-year-old again.
But the ease at which she bent for him—further and further, like she was unbreakable—it worried him. Because everyone had a breaking point. He’d fallen right through his over the winter. He didn’t want to be the cause of heartache. Didn’t want to take advantage. “You shouldn’t forget, Holly,” he said roughly, gripping her tightly. Holding her to him as he dragged the truth in front of her. “I’m selfish and thoughtless and can’t offer you much. You should be wary of me.”
“I am,” she said, so soft it took him a second to process that she’d agreed with him. Her eyes, half-hooded with unmistakable desire, crinkled at the corners as she smiled languidly at him at the same time as she leaned into his body, tucking her hips into his. His hands went to her ass as if by automatic command, hungrily stroking over her lean but curvy muscles there. “I know better than to fall for you, Ryan Howard. Even though you’re so…very…cute.” Punctuating the last word with a kiss, she shook her head at him. “But you’re a better guy than you think. I know what we’re doing here, and I’m not scared.”
Something flickered in her gaze. Maybe a silent
anymore
that she didn’t want to say out loud.
Well, two could be brave. “I’m scared.” Admitting it felt good. Freeing. “This feels like madness, what we’re doing.”
Her face lit up at that, her reaction tugging his arousal to the forefront. “I know. But we’re doing it together. It’s our secret madness. And I might not know how you’ll react to me any given day, but I always know you’ll keep my secrets.”
It pissed him off that she didn’t seem to have that in anyone else. Her best friend was traveling around the world—a musician, she’d said—and her mother…Ryan couldn’t go there. Not without losing his shit. And they only had a few hours.
He coasted his hands over the skin at her waist, smooth and soft and taut, then up the inside of her sweatshirt. Up, up, up. His mind blanked a little when he realized she wasn’t wearing a bra, but then his inner caveman took over, hauling her in for a desperate kiss as he cupped her hot flesh and rolled her tight nipple between his fingers. His mouth watered at the memory of how good she’d tasted, and he kissed her hard, demanding more and more until they were clawing at each other.
“Wait,” he burst out, remembering what he’d practiced on his drive into town. “I want to ask you out. On a date.”
“Huh?” She nosed along his jaw, her fingertips working at his belt buckle. Her breathy sounds and cool, questing hands were distracting him again. “In public?”
He cleared his throat. Yes, damn it, in public. It was hard to think with her so close to him, but he wanted to do this the right way. “Maybe not at Mac’s, but yeah. I thought we could take a drive somewhere. My in-laws will be back soon, or I could ask someone to babysit.”
“Do you want to bring the kids? I mean, if you want to, that’s okay—”
“I don’t want to.” He shook his head. “I love my kids, and I love that you like them so much. But we’ve only got a few weeks left, and I want some time alone with you. I’m not going to get greedy. But one night, just you and me.”
“A boy and a girl on a date,” she whispered, her eyes bright and her lips soft.
“Yeah.” He leaned in and tasted her again, sucking her lower lip into his mouth before realizing he might have given her the wrong idea. “In case it wasn’t obvious, I don’t want to wait for a real date to…you know. I should, that would be the right thing to do—”
“You know?” She laughed and flicked her gaze past him to the door. “There’s a lock on that. The right thing sounds terribly overrated. Let’s have sex. Right now. Let’s just…be mad.”
In a stride and a half, he had the lock flicked, and when he turned back, she had her shirt off.
“Wow,” he breathed, taking her in. She was all limbs and shadows, willowy and soft. Her breasts looked better each time he saw them, and now he could actually take his time… “Bed? Couch? Wall?”
“Yes, yes, yes.”
He advanced on her, telegraphing his intent to lift her up, and she leapt into his arms, sighing as he pressed her against the floor-to-ceiling cabinets. She wiggled her hands over his shoulders, shoving his buttoned down shirt down his arms before tugging his undershirt up his mid-section. Which made kissing her a challenge, because she’d effectively handcuffed him with his shirt. Leaning over, he laughed as he shook it off, then pulled off his tee. Two of them could play the naked skin game, although hers was infinitely more attractive.
But she thought he was
cute
. He’d work with that.
— —
It was really unfair how good Ryan smelled. Holly breathed in the warm, sweet scent of his skin.
A full-bodied masculine aroma, with undercurrents of laundry detergent and a high note reminiscent of Irish Spring bar soap.
She tried to laugh at her inner funny, but she was too turned on, so it just came out as a breathy sigh as he loomed over her. He was doing it on purpose, being all big and lumberjack-y. He knew what that did to her.
And now that he was half-naked and right in front of her, she needed to touch him. She spread her hands across his chest, achingly aware of her upper arms rubbing against her bare breasts. His smooth skin burned her fingertips, stretched tight over his flexing muscles. She traced down the narrow path of hair down to his belt, twisting as she tugged them together to make sure her breasts were free for him.
Touch me
. Why she didn’t just say it out loud, she didn’t know. Not shy, just…now that she was touching him, and they were really going to do this, the flirty fun was fading away—something even better, headier, was replacing it. Her pulse beat confidently as she worked his belt open, then the button at the top of his jeans.
His breathing changed, too, and she looked up at him.
This was big for him, too.
Bigger, you idiot. The last person he had sex with was his wife
. Swallowing hard, she tightened her grip on his waistband and, slow as molasses, pulled him hard against her. She didn’t go for his fly yet. She could feel his erection straining, knew he wanted her. She needed to show him first that it was okay. That she wanted him too, that he could trust her to give him this.
This wasn’t a game. It was real and awesome and yes, frightening. “Okay, I’m scared, too,” she whispered, pressing her mouth to the side of his pectoral muscle, twisting and sliding between his body and the wall so she could always see his face as she kissed his body all over, loving the way he shuddered under lips and hands and breath. “But I want you. I want you inside me, and on top of me. I want this. You and me. Just for us. Just for today and this month, our little secret.” She exhaled as she let go of his belt and wound her arms over his strong, broad shoulders and wrapped them around his flexing neck. “So you can have me wherever you want me. Bed’s through the door. Couch is fine. Or this wall—”
She squeaked as he spun them around, pointing her backwards to the bedroom. Finding her feet beneath her, she laced her fingers through his and guided him there, her eyes on his the whole way. As soon as they were through the doorway into the minuscule bedroom, not much bigger than the bed itself, his hands were on her hips, then his fingers were under the fabric of her shorts, shoving them down.
Yes
. She wanted to scream it from the roof, but that would violate the promise she’d just made him, so she hollered it in her head instead.
Get me naked, mister.
Dipping his head, he kissed her neck, then along her collarbone. Rough and hungry, he licked and sucked and swirled his tongue along her skin as her shorts slid lower on her ass, then off. She reached for him as he slowed down. She wanted his pants off, too, but before she could snake her fingers between his jeans and his yummy skin, he grabbed her wrists. His breath was coming faster now, ragged and heavy.
Please don’t change your mind
.
“If you touch me, I’m gonna blow,” he said, his words unexpectedly interrupting the loud thud of her heartbeat. “And I wanted…I promised…”
Ever so slowly, she twisted her wrists out of his grasp and kicked her shorts off her toes. Naked, she crawled backward and stretched out for him, letting him look his fill of her. Under his hot, hungry gaze, she felt radiant. Between her legs, she could feel the evidence of how he affected her, and when his eyes lingered there, she slid her thighs apart, just enough for him to see her slick, pink skin.
Drunk on desire, she wiggled her fingers at his pants. “You don’t need those, either.”
He pulled some condoms from his pocket—
thank you thank you thank you—
and pushed the jeans down, then cursed because he was still wearing his boots. She giggled, rolling to her side as he sat, swearing a blue streak as he shoved everything off except his boxers.
Just regular boxers.
I’ll get him some boxer briefs. Black ones. Snug
, she thought, then…
No. Let him be different. Let him not give a fuck about Calvin Klein, because he’s cute. And rugged. And—
“Stop thinking, woman,” he growled, as he tipped her onto her back again and covered her body in his, his mouth demanding entry to hers that she gave him immediately. His tongue stroked into her like a promise.
This is how I’ll fuck you
.
She wrapped one of her legs around his hips, the soft cotton of his underwear a delicious contrast to the crispy hair on his thighs, teasing her calves as she stroked her other leg up and down his.
Leading with his hands, he moved down her body, loving her neck, then her breasts, and her belly, before settling between her legs. He kissed the insides of her thighs, back and forth, back and forth, working his way higher until her legs met her pelvis. The first feathery brush of his lips against her labia made her jump, then sigh. And blush, but he kept going like he didn’t know he was torturing her in a wonderful, dangerous way. Kisses turned into licks as he made her bloom for him. She dug her heels into the bed and rocked up to meet his mouth, and he laughed as he slid his fingers through her slippery pussy, holding her open so he could enter her with his tongue.