Authors: Matthew Formby
LIII
Blood was on the pavement and a man was lying on his side. Police officers surrounded the man as two paramedics climbed down from an ambulance. Curious people were being kept at a distance; all was secretive and hushed. Luke remained for a minute to check the man was still alive. He was and so Luke walked onwards to the train station.
Luke entered the pub on the top level of Woecaster Lillygreen Station and ordered a vodka and coke. He had ventured out without his socks on. He did not forgo wearing them often but had recently discovered that neglecting to put them on made him feel more relaxed. He always wondered why people overlooked little things like that, little things that could make or break your day.
The barmaid, a young Polish woman, brought his drink and he handed over the money. He looked around and noticed the wood panelling and advertising posters as he propped himself up against the bar. The barmaid then served a well dressed lady to his right. After pulling her pint, she retrieved a cloth from under the bar and started wiping. Luke took sips of his and pondered what he would do for the rest of the day. On Saturdays he liked to let his hair down. Three consecutive days of tedium at college required it. He considered whether to go for something to eat. There were a lot of choices in town - Chinese buffets, Greek tavernas, an Armenian basement restaurant, Italians with stone baked pizzas, Indians and bohemian vegetarian outlets. Luke had tried a fair few and though he was partial to eating, the restaurant experience was rarely pleasant. As he ate alone, he had to endure people's stares.
He had for a while eaten at popular takeaway chains - fried chicken meals, the occasional burger and sandwiches. Dropping in to eat at buffets had for a time been customary for him too. He gave up both when his sister informed him about how most fast food restaurants and buffets sourced their meat from factory-farmed animals. It was not only cramped conditions the animals had to bear - there were cages and physical abuse and neglect too. The way the animals were killed was often cruel too and being raised many to a small barn made them unhealthy; not to mention the hormone drugs they were often fed: when these were then ingested on into the human body, who knew what effect they had? Animals that did not have much space to roam had more fat on them and since animals raised at cheap prices were given poor quality foods, they did not yield the greatest meats.
In the bar, there was nobody to drink with. Lone businessmen, unhappy looking couples and a vulgar old man in a baseball cap who scowled were Luke's company. The barmaid came over shortly. "Try to be happy," she groaned. Luke had not noticed he appeared miserable, though he supposed he did come to think of it. He did not know what to say so he smiled and drank faster. He left soon and stood in the station concourse, still undecided about what to do. People rushed to and fro, not looking where they were going. Twos and threes and large groups of people sashayed in arcs and lines in all directions as Luke's head swam. Impatient, burly men almost walked into him. People passing gave withering looks as if to say, "What are you doing standing there? You've no right to be looking confused in a train station," their sneering, horrible eyes seemed to say.
There were always tourists in this city of famous football teams and they milled in the station self-indulgently. To appear to be enjoying themselves was the ambition of every good tourist - and few could resist the slow, don't-I-look-so-interesting walk in their trip in a foreign land. This city drew them in their droves, so many fools easily parted with their cash in search of a pipe dream of sports heroes and to watch music idols perform daylight robbery.
The station was full of warning signs. One read "Do Not Trespass On The Railway. Penalty £1000"; on another was written, "24 hour CCTV in operation" and another informed people: "Our staff have the right to work without fear". A prim voice intermittently broadcasted messages over the public announcement system: "No smoking is permitted in this station." Then, "It is nor permitted to skateboard, ride bikes or roller-blade in this station," Then, "Abandoned luggage will be seized and destroyed by staff." And, of course, the must have in the paranoid age Luke lived in: "If you see anything suspicious, please report to a member of staff." None of these messages helped to create a pleasant atmosphere for Luke to gather his thoughts. And still irritated and rushed passengers mingled, swarmed and scurried on the concourse.
He could not bear it anymore! - This wretched place. He quickly bought a ticket for London, then caught the first train. Every once in a while, generally once or twice a year, he would head down there and stay the night on the streets. He only ever went when he felt so bad; so bad he just had to get away. There was no way of planning it and preparing - he never foresaw the need to book a room. When he arrived, he bought a few more drinks and soon became merry. It took only half as many as it did on a day's heavy drinking in Woecaster. The effect of the warmer climate and sunnier disposition in the south, Luke supposed. He did not know where to go so he went for a walk until the evening; it being too late to return he huddled and slept in a phone box In the early hours of the morning a loud sound alerted him. A woman had burst open the door and her blazing eyes were looking at him. Coming out of sleep he heard her yell, "You don't flippin' do that!" before she rushed off.
On another trip down to London, Luke had caught another train on to Southend in Essex. He had been sitting on a bench for the evening when a tall, handsome man approached. The man introduced himself as Nick and sat to chat to Luke for half an hour. He asked why he was out for the night and had a heart-to-heart. It was quite unlike past conversations, especially with strangers, Luke had had - but then this was Essex. Nick listened to Luke talk about being different and struggling; and he promised Luke that someday Luke would be successful.
"I know whatever you do, you're going to graft at it and do amazingly. I think I'm going to see your name some day. Maybe when I'm out working in London I'm going to see your name up in lights. You'll be the director or the writer of some play that's on. 'Cause you know what, man? You're incredible. To come out here all the way on your own, I've never done anything like that. That takes guts."
"I've not been having much luck with women," Luke told Nick who laughed and looked to the sky philosophically.
"It's been a bit that way for myself, Luke. I just got divorced a year ago and I'm rebuilding my life right now. I'm just getting all the papers and the money sorted out as we speak. Soon it's all going to be over. I lost everything, pal. My house and most of my stuff. I've had to move back in with my mum. But you know what? I've got a new car, a bloody nice car and it's really hard but I'm going to find someone else. You've got balls, man. You're going to be someone special."
LIV
Each lesson at college was unbearable in a different way. English was plainly depressing: a book was read about impoverished itinerant workers fighting among one another and articles studied, discussed and dissected on the causes of the London riots and whether old people should be placed in care homes. The solemnity of the classes was stark and the debates people were forced to engage in seemed to Luke to be designed to amuse the teacher. She must have enjoyed creating conflict. Then again, no doubt the curriculum was designed to encourage that sort of idiocy. It was all about learning soft skills like group work - the kind of nonsense that made so many workplaces unproductive nowadays. You could not even get through the door on ability; loyalty to the clan was more what the boss wanted. If you were too clever, you would take their place.
Maths was lonely. During the half-time break, it was always on Wednesdays, the day of his maths class, that Luke felt like crying and going home. People hinted at the possibility of becoming more friendly but always pulled away. There were too many different personalities contained in such a small room.
Science was entertaining, at least. Luke almost felt he might make a friend or become part of something worthwhile here. It was also stressful. He could not see how they would all manage to pass this course with the constant talking. Chloe was hilarious at times but she was also naive. She could not understand that by talking at length about almost every subject the teacher brought up, thus creating a chain reaction of puns, one liners, banter and heated arguments, it was jeopardizing all the pupils' education.
Wendy was too young a teacher to be very strict and she liked Chloe and Penny too much to be firm. Chloe and Penny had brought in a box of chocolates for Wendy in the second lesson; and they usually flattered her by asking about her boyfriend and joking, but not in a way that made Wendy the butt, about how cool a teacher she was. The tutor also believed in a lot participation among students. She got them all to draw diagrams of whatever they learned in lessons in coloured pens. The groups would then give presentations in front of the class.
This detailed, time-consuming approach led to topics being covered at a slower rate than the curriculum intended. While she meant well, it meant she eventually had to be replaced by Philippa, a more old-school teacher. Luke did not dislike Wendy because she had brought out some fascinating conversations in the class. When they learned about drugs, Chloe had passionately defended them and raged against the hypocrisy of how alcohol and tobacco were the only legal drugs. She talked of her use of LSD, cannabis, ecstasy, ketamine and legal highs. Luke could see her point, yet by her very lack of discipline, he wondered if Chloe's drug taking had taken its toll on her. He largely agreed with all she said - yet Chloe's lack of self-control and academic ambition did not enamour one of her position easily.
It made him decide for now he was, on the whole, against drug use. He still thought it should be decriminalized. Now, though, he had seen evidence it could damage a person a lot; it seemed to have impaired Chloe's inhibition control and Luke could no longer easily condone recreational drug use as he had in younger years. If a man who was as intelligent, charming and practically capable as Benjamin Franklin could change his mind about something - even something of massive importance, as he had famously said in his speech to rally his countrymen to start the American Revolution - then so could Luke.
He had changed his mind about the police too. He now believed they should gain degrees, for he was realizing that every additional part of science, maths and English he learned about made him a more complete being. He was developing so many skills - organisation, critical thinking, analysis, constructive team work. These had always been there and progressed in other ways - but never so often and so resolutely. So many of his previous - and perhaps lazy - habits of thinking and behaving were being challenged and changing; he looked back on many things he had done only months ago with embarrassment.
Being able to use his brain more helped Luke to overcome his more base attitudes - and surely the police needed to do the same; the lowliest officers on the front line more than anyone. Though Luke believed that having name badges so officers could be easily identified, and changing their uniforms to harmonious colours and designs would humanise the police too. Of course, there was also the need to crack down on their abuse of steroids which made them too angry and big; not to mention the anachronistic use of animals for their raids which was both cruel and pertaining too much to their unreformed, violent roots.
If only the entire nation could be encouraged to learn in the way people were tuned into football or celebrity gossip. But no! It would not happen anytime soon. It was most likely the rich and powerful did not want the masses to be clever and civilized: they would be far more likely to topple them and expose their wrongs. As long as the majority of people remained callow and base, they could be controlled; harsh laws passed with the silly justification they were necessary. Gangs of thieves, gamblers, leaflet-handing Christians; these were what maintained the status quo. Sometimes Luke wished he was one of the less clever ones. To realize all this made him wonder why he even bothered putting up with all the anguish and heartache of his college days.
The very potential for science lessons to be fruitful made them curiously the most unbearable of them all. Every week, Chloe was thumbing her smartphone and showing clips off YouTube to Penny and Dave; bringing up funny things she had seen on TV or had done in the past. Luke thought she was a little obsessed with entertainment. It reminded him of Brave New World, a novel by Aldous Huxley in which drugs were used to subdue and brainwash a population. Chloe was so open-minded and a great spirit and yet Luke feared she may well have lost her way somewhere. At least Penny would sweetly tease him. She would say to the table, "Oh, isn't he cute? I'd love to just wrap him up and take him home." Luke never had an answer but a laugh. He admired the guts of Penny and Chloe, though, despite their faults. One day, he assured himself in his mind, I must be as daring as them; and say as I please, or else perish forever unloved and unknown.
LV
The website of the newspaper The Guardian has a comments section at the bottom of some articles and Luke liked to participate. When he was younger he had barely even watched the news. He could remember a time when he would vaguely hear in the background about bombs being dropped in Bosnia. It had not made him bad an eyelid. Not every child grows up oblivious but Luke had. Now he was older he read about almost everything. He began to want to know more when one of his home tutors made him feel stupid on a visit. She was able to speak a lot more eloquently than Luke and although he felt she was a snob he also wondered if he was not missing out on something. Thus he set out on his journey to enlightenment. His first tentative steps were taken reading his parents' weekly edition of the Radio Times. The amount of words he had to check in the dictionary was endless.