Love Song Series Box Set (2 page)

Immediately, Matty wraps me up in his arms and starts to rub small circles on my back.
I can feel the tension in his body as he starts to speak. “Shhh, sweetheart. Everything will be okay.”

I look up at Matty
, and the tears fall even harder. He looks so much like Jase that it hurts to even look at him. “No, it’s not. Nothing will ever be okay again.”

“
Yes, it will. I will beat Jase’s ass, and then everything will go back to the way it should be.”

I try to pull away, but he
’s not letting go. I settle for shaking my head. “No, I don’t want that. I just want to go away for a while. I have to get out of here before Jase gets home. I can’t face him right now.”

“
You don’t have to leave, Jules,” Matty whispers, guilt lacing his voice.

I have a feeling he knew what was going on with Jase and
Becca, but I’m afraid to ask. Matty has been my friend for years. It would hurt too much to know he had kept this from me.

“
I have to go. There’s no way that I can be around him right now. You have to understand,” I explain.

“
I’m sorry, Jules. He doesn’t deserve you,” Matty says and continues to rub my back.

I jerk away with such force that he stumbles backwards.
I look at him and nearly shout, “No, he doesn’t. That’s why I’m leaving.”

He
’s quiet for a moment, just staring at me. Then a sad smile spreads across his face. “You could give it a little time before you leave. You know that my brother isn’t the only man in town.”

I shake my head.
“No! I can’t even think about that right now.”

As far as I
’m concerned, I don’t even want to think about men. If being in love hurts this much, I never want another man. “I don’t have time to keep talking. I just need to leave.”

He sees the determination in my face and loses his smile.
“Where are you going?”

“
I don’t know yet, but as far away from Jase as I can get.”

He nods, knowing there is no reason to keep fighting me.
My mind is made up, and nothing he says will change it. “Will you at least call me when you figure it out?”

My tears catch in my throat. I
’m afraid to answer. Nodding my head is all I can manage.

“
And you better call me every once in a while, just to let me know you’re okay.”

My chest expands with emotion.
“I will. I promise.”

He leans down and places a soft kiss on my forehead.
“I love you, sis.”

Pain laces through my chest at the nickname.
I’m not his sis, and now I never will be. “Love you too, Matty.”

With those words, I turn away and hop into my car. Sadness hangs around me as I look toward our home one more time before hitting the road. Tears stream down my face as I whisper,
“Goodbye, Jase.”

Jase

I finish up my shift and clean up before going home. No fucking way was I going back to Julie smelling like sex. I didn’t even want to touch her, but Becca wasn’t willing to take no for an answer. She even mentioned having a talk with Julie. I couldn’t let that happen, so I figured the best thing to do was just fuck her and get her the hell out of here.

As I walk out of the bathroom, I look around the garage.
All the guys are standing around a candy apple red, ‘82 Firebird, talking. Not one of them has spoken a word to me since Becca left. Hell, they’ll hardly even look at me.

Done with this cold shoulder shit, I walk toward them and step next to my brother.
“When did we get the Firebird in?”

Instead of answering me, he walks over to the shelf and grabs a
clipboard. Tossing it at me, he heads out the door without so much as a goodbye.

I look toward the other guys, waiting for them to say something
, yell at me, try to knock my damn teeth out, anything. Instead, they turn away and follow Shane out the door. They all think I’m the biggest fucking bastard in the world. Hell, I guess I am.

I can
’t believe I’m doing this shit, cheating on Julie. What the hell am I thinking? She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I know all the drinking and fucking around is my half ass attempt to deal with Mom’s death.

Only Matty and Shane know what I
’m going through. Losing a mom isn’t easy for anybody. Losing a mom like mine is fucking intolerable, especially when it was my Dad’s fault. He just had to get him some on the side. If it wasn’t for that shit, my mom would still be here. The irony isn’t wasted on me. I guess I’m just like him.

I get drunk to dull the pain of her loss.
Once I’m trashed, it’s like my dick has a mind of its own. Fuck! How the hell am I supposed to fix this shit? How do you come back from fucking your girl’s best friend? Even Becca looked ashamed today. She froze up right in the middle. I don’t think she got off, but I don’t give a damn. Maybe she’ll leave me the hell alone now. It was a mistake, never to happen again.

I come out of the garage and feel my foot sink into something. I look down and see my shoe encased in thick chocolate icing.
What the hell? I bend down a little, to get a closer look, and see what’s left of my name written across the top.

It takes a minute for my brain to process what I
’m seeing. When it finally does, I throw my head back and suck in a deep breath. Shame courses through my body as the realization of why the cake is here hits me. Birthday cake. She made me a fucking birthday cake. Julie was here, trying to do something nice for me, and I was fucking her best friend.

Guilt slams into me as I race over to my truck.
Once I’m in, I lay on the gas until I pull into the driveway of our apartment. As I climb out of the truck, I notice that my brother Matty’s truck is here but don’t see Julie’s car anywhere.

As soon as I walk into the house, I
’m thrown back with a fist straight to the face. “You are a fucking stupid son of a bitch. You lost the best thing that ever happened to you. For what? A quick lay that you could have gotten from your own girl?” Matty yells at me.

“
What do you mean, I lost her? Where the hell is she?” I yell back as I climb off the floor.

A cruel smile spreads across his face, letting me know he thinks I deserve whatever pain is fixing to come my way.
“She’s gone.”

I don
’t bother asking more questions, just run up the stairs and start looking for her. She can’t be gone. There’s no way Julie would’ve just left me. No matter what, she would have at least let me try to explain. I might not have had the answers she needed, but she would’ve listened.

When I step into the bedroom, my heart skips a beat. The bed is crumpled, pillows
lying on the floor. There’s no make-up or perfume on the dresser. Even the pictures of her family are missing. Panic consumes me as I run to the closet. All of her things are gone. Every fucking thing is gone.
No!

I turn away from the closet, my head spinning with the realization that she
’s left me. A second later, I notice my Grandpa’s dog tags lying on my pillow. She hasn’t taken them off in years, not one damn time. She knows how important they are to me, and she knows that wearing them makes her mine. The sight of the dog tags nearly brings me to my knees. I know her taking them off means she’s done. She hasn’t just left me; she’s done with me for good.

I walk toward the bed
, sink down onto the mattress, and cry. It’s the first time that I’ve cried since I was a kid. I didn’t even shed a tear when my mom died. I couldn’t let myself break down then; I thought I had to keep it all in, but I can’t keep the tears away now. It seems forever that I’m sitting alone, head in my hands, crying at my complete and utter fuck up. I cry for Julie. I cry for my mom. I cry because I know my life will never be the same.

I
’m startled from my thoughts at the sound of Matty’s voice. “Told you, man. You fucked up, and you have no one to blame but yourself.” I look up and see him standing in the doorway.

“
Where is she?” I pull myself together and stand up. My body, tense from trying to swallow the pain of losing my girl, lets out an involuntary shudder.

“
I don’t know, man. She packed her shit and left. She’s just gone.”

“
She can’t be gone. Where would she go?”

“
I don’t know. She refused to tell me, said she didn’t even know herself.”

“
Fuck!” I moan out in a voice filled with pain.

“
You should have seen her. She was fucking broken,” he sneers, shaking his head. “Shit, brother, I told you when you started with her to keep your dick in your pants. Wherever she goes, I hope she’s happy.” Contempt fills his face as he looks at me with disgust.

Turning away from me, he stops in the doorway. Without looking back, he starts to speak in a voice filled with determination.
“If she comes back, she’s not yours anymore. You better remember that, because I hope like hell that I can make her mine.” With that, my brother slams the door.

What the fuck have I done?

Chapter 1

Nine Years Later

Jase

Today is family dinner at Pop
’s. I think it’s total bullshit. He started this shit after Mom died. As far as I’m concerned, it’s too fucking late for him to turn into a family man now. He should have done it when she was still alive. If he had, maybe she’d still be with us.

Don
’t get me wrong; I love my pop, always have and always will, but he screwed up with Mom. If it weren’t for him fucking around, she would’ve been home that night, not running away to Aunt Sue’s. Then, she never would have flipped her car, and our family would not have fallen apart.

There
’s always disappointment in Pop’s eyes when he looks at me. I’m not sure if he’s still disappointed about what I did to Julie, or because of all the women I fuck. Maybe it’s the whiskey dinner I have every night. It’s probably all of it.

The last nine years
have been total fucking shit. I lost my girl, the only woman I will ever love, because I couldn’t keep my dick in my pants. For months after she left, I thought she would come back to me.

I tried looking for her but always came up empty. I begged her family
, fucking begged them, to tell me where she was. I talked to her friends, but if they knew anything, they weren’t telling me. No one would give me a fucking clue, so I finally quit asking, but I’ve never lost the hope that I’ll find her someday.

I turned to whiskey and sex to fill the void she left.
I have a different woman every night. I never date; it’s always just a quick lay. I never fucked anyone at my place either; bathroom in the bar, alley, truck, anywhere but the home I shared with Julie. When it’s over, I always go back to our place and think about how fucked up my life is. Then I drink myself into oblivion. Most mornings, I don’t even remember the girl I fucked the night before. If it weren’t for missing a condom from my wallet, I wouldn’t have even known that I’d gotten laid.

I never thought I
’d be this kind of guy, but I have to do something to dull the pain. I never knew someone could hurt this bad and still be alive. Some days, I wonder if I’m really living at all. Maybe this fucked up life is my own personal hell. I deserve it. I deserve to live in hell. Shit, I deserve worse than hell.

My phone rings, shaking me away from my thoughts.
“Yeah.”

“
What’cha doing, babe?” The whiney voice coming through the phone makes me wish I had looked at my screen before I answered.

I don
’t bother answering her question. “What the hell do you want, Becca?”

“
I was hoping you would come over later.”

“
Not gonna happen.” Fuck, would this bitch ever give up?

Yes, I cheated on Julie with her.
Even worse, I kept fucking her after Julie left. I was always too damn drunk to remember it, but even I know that’s not an excuse. It was nearly a year later before I finally had the balls to kick Becca aside. I got to a point where I just couldn’t be with her anymore. She represented everything I’d lost, and I couldn’t forget it. I know it was my fault. I know I’m the one that fucked up, but Becca played a major role in the mess my life has become.

I tried to do the friends thing
with her, but she was always there trying to get another shot at my cock. I finally had to tell her it was over; no more hook-ups or drunken nights, but she’s still always around. Sometimes, I swear she’s my fucking shadow. I can’t look over my shoulder without seeing her.

It took me awhile,
but I finally figured out what Becca was doing. She was trying to make me see her as my next Julie, but I would never let that happen. There’s only one Julie, and she’s the only one for me. I miss her. I miss her laughter. I miss the way her eyes light up when I make her come. Most of all, I miss the way she would whisper she loved me into my ear every night right before closing her eyes.

Fuck, I just miss everything about
Julie.

I pull into Pop
’s driveway and shut off the truck. Becca is still muttering away, but I cut her off. “I told you before. Don’t call me anymore.” With those words, I end the conversation and shove the phone in my pocket.

I get out of my truck and walk toward Pop
’s door. I know my brothers are already here, and I notice Julie’s Aunt and Uncle’s car is around back. I don’t know why Pop does this shit to me. Doesn’t he know how damn hard it is to see Mack and Angie all the time.

“
That fucking bastard did what? How is little Jenny?”

What the hell? Who the fuck is Jenny?

“You tell Julie that Matty, Kristen, and I will be up there as soon as we can. You keep her daughter with you. I don’t want her bastard of a husband anywhere near our little girl.”

My Julie got married? She has a kid?

My heart drops. I feel bile rising up in my throat at the thought of Julie being with someone else, having a family with another man. The finality of it all hits me, and I swear I can feel my heart ripping in two. Part of me wants to turn around and hit the whiskey, while the other part wants to find out what the fuck is going on.

Temptation wins.

“What the hell happened to Julie?” I say as I storm into my pop’s kitchen and see Mack talking on the phone.