Love Undefeated (Unexpected #5) (14 page)

He addressed Devon. “Let me know how you plan to change the emissions during the development phase as Nalee outlined. Maybe we could work on using a different generator...or reduce the impact of nitrogen oxide and carbon monoxide during blasts. We have some work cut out for us, but I’m sure we’ll find a way.”

Devon raised a brow and grinned. “Thanks. I’ll let you know.”

After Justin left, I walked to the empty seats and started picking up the papers on the table.

“When I was in college, I met this amazing girl at my frat’s party. She was,” putting his hand up in the air, “yay high and she had these gorgeous eyes...”

I kept picking up the scattered sheets on the glass table, perceiving a hint of nostalgia in his voice, and keeping track of where he was standing through my peripheral vision.

“I thought to myself, ‘She’s beautiful.’ And when I talked to her, I said, ‘She’s hilarious.’ Beauty and humor. That’s a rare combination in women at that time. And now — extremely rare.”

I reached for a piece of paper in the middle of the table, my blouse lifting to stretch and I lowered my hand down as soon as I realized that I had inadvertently flashed him my stomach.

“That’s, um, interesting,” I said, confused as to why he was talking about his college days. Didn’t he have to be somewhere? My mind was occupied with what had happened during the meeting and the key points of improvement that I wanted to run by Stephanie later. I thought we’d finished and I was just waiting on him to leave so I could turn the lights off before I left the conference room.

“I wanted to ask her out, but when I asked her if she was with someone at the party, she’d nodded and pointed to a guy who I used to hang out with, but he became an ultimate douchebag so I was actually surprised to see him at the party. For a medical student, he was a dumb one.”

My hands stilled at the mention of
medical student.

He stepped into my personal bubble and with his right hand he touched my forearm, and I felt the air in the room warping into a slow simmer of heat. Goosebumps started to form across the back of my neck, rapidly spreading across my arms.

“I may have been a typical college guy who imbibed in large quantities of alcohol and way too many extra curricular activities outside the study halls, but I adhered to a cardinal rule to not get involved with women who were already with someone else. Especially if she was with someone I knew, no matter how idiotic he might be.” His devastatingly blue eyes were fixed on me, and lowering his gaze to my lips, he added, “He deserved whatever you did to him. I heard what happened to him and some of my friends who happened to be his friends wanted to avenge his image on social media, but I was the first one to speak out against him. Because a woman who had beauty and humor couldn’t have done what she did for no good reason.”

My throat went dry at his remarks, I eeked out, “You knew me from college? How?”

He nodded his head, “You had one too many tequila shots, Nalee. But you were still funny and didn’t make a fuss when I’d accidentally sloshed my tenth drink that night on your tank top. Instead you laughed and took off your top and asked me for my shirt in exchange. So how can a woman like you not make an impression on me?”

“Oh my gosh.” I contained the embarassed squeal inside my throat. “That was you? I thought I dreamt it, but when I woke up, I wondered whose shirt I was wearing and obviously it wasn’t Jerome’s because he never wore anything that wasn’t Ralph Lauren or Armani-approved.”

“Imagine my luck when I saw you today, Nalee.” His eyes darkened with unabashed interest, the honesty in his voice evident, his hand still on my arm, he kept going, “Robert was being an arrogant brat with his comments. You don’t deserve them. I scanned through your research and now I can add brains among your assets.”

“I’m bummed that my proposal didn’t pan out at first.” His face was lit up, he looked nothing close to bummed, his blue eyes shone in amusement. “But now I’m very pleased that we have to make changes because this means we’ll be working quite closely…for a while.”

His hand left my forearm and found its way to the bottom of my chin. It was way too close for personal comfort, but he hadn’t given me time to react.

“Beauty, humor and brains. Nalee Sands, I’d like to make it official. My name is Devon Wahler. And one day, I’ll put a ring on your finger.”

Oh.

My.

Frickin’ Frack.

The wind against my face felt cold, nippy. During these months, humidity was high but the air coming in from the bay made the incoming air cool. I never liked warm weather. I loved cooler months, but not the snow. Ask anyone from my hometown if they loved snow. They’d tell you they love it for a minute and for the rest of the winter months they hate it enough that they’d take one hundred degree weather for the whole year rather than shovel and dig their cars out of the icy blocks.

I felt my phone attached to the right side pocket of my yoga pants buzz.

Not wanting to break my running speed, I let it go to voicemail.

Two seconds later, it buzzed again.

Passing by my favorite smoothie place, I knew I was nearing my four mile mark, savoring the smell of the fresh ocean water on an evening like this. There were so many little shops and boutiques close by my place that made it safe for me to jog even late at night. I’d prefer to jog in the morning, but my office hours did not allow it. I’d rather sleep an hour more than exercise and everyone who was close to me was aware of this fact. When we were in college, Tanya often dragged Sedona and I to some new exercise phenomenon – barre, pilates, underwater yoga – I tried them all. And I went willingly. I just had one rule: No voluntary movement or anything requiring physical effort before 8 AM.

Feeling the burn on my legs and thighs as I gained more speed, I breathed in and exhaled longer. My lungs expanded to accommodate the extra exertion I was subjecting my body to. The extra seven pounds on my stomach and thighs was not going to magically disappear. I wasn’t in a hurry to lose it either. In another time, I would have gained thirty or forty more pounds and I would have welcomed it. Because it would mean one thing:
she
was breathing, growing, living inside of me.

A trickle of tears escaped my eyes and I blew air from my mouth to stop myself from hyperventilating. Everyone says it takes a while to get over it. That with time everything will feel better. That one day I’d wake up, open my windows, and greet the sun again as it rises from the dawn. That I’d forget how I felt and move on.

I
think
everyone is a liar.

How could everything feel better when nothing would ever be the same?

How could I forget when I never wanted to let go of her?

How could I get over it, over her, over what happened, when her memory was the one thing that kept me going?

The sympathetic nurse who gave me her shoulders to cry on had wrapped her in a pink blanket and soothed me said that she’d pray for me to find a way to move on.

At that time, I’d clung on to her words as if they were my lifeline.

Every hour had seemed like a year. Every day a lifetime.

I
knew
everyone was a liar.

I wouldn’t move on from her. I wouldn’t ever forget her.

She occupied a space inside of me that would forever be hers. No one and nothing could ever replace her.

When I’d asked for a reason, Dr. Hosier, my OB-GYN, explained that a clotting disorder had resulted in a miscarriage. It was inevitable. My baby wasn’t going to make it through the whole pregnancy so nature had taken its course and took her from me.

Slowing myself down, I expelled the breath I’d been holding for a minute and glanced at my watch, 7:55, before stopping and stretching my legs on top of the lowest steel bar that surrounded this side of the building, separating it from the road.

“Whew, it took me thirty three minutes to run this tonight!” I exclaimed, feeling the heat from the back of my neck as I massaged a tender spot.

“A new record for you.” His eyes rose to meet mine, his hand holding a small green towel which he slowly wrapped around my back as soon as he reached me.

A kiss on my left cheek, a pat on my right shoulder, and a cold bottle of water was handed to me.

He was ready for me tonight.

I could tell he’d just come from work. His tie was slightly crooked and he was wearing a dark blue dress shirt that fit his solid form perfectly.

He held my hand as we walked towards his car, the roaring engine of a muscle car behind us deafening the silence between he and I.

He didn’t say a word as he opened the passenger seat of his car so I could get in.

As soon as he sat on the driver’s side, he pulled my arm so I could cradle my head on the right side of his chest, the center console separating us by a few lengths.

I think everyone was a liar.

I knew everyone was.

But
he
was the biggest liar of them all.

He’d promised me he’d never leave me.

On the days I needed him, he pushed me away.

On the nights I craved him, he was nowhere to be found.

We sat here inside the car, facing the massive building in front of us where lives were born and lives were lost. I watched the bustle of activity in front of us. The doctors and nurses in their scrubs and coats coming and going to and from their shifts. The visitors walking towards the information booth. The security guards lightly patrolling the perimeter. I wonder what brings them here. Are they sick? Is a family member sick? Are they here to work? Are they here to get treatment? Are they going back home after a treatment?

No one goes to the hospital for fun.

Some people go in and don’t come back out.

Everyone goes here for a purpose.

I run here every night for a purpose.

To be close to her. To never let her go.

“I’m here, Nales.” He sounded exhausted, the lines below his eyes that I’d glimpsed at for many days now have grown in numbers. “Anytime you need me, I’m here.”

You weren’t here before.
My mind wandered to how things would have been between us if he’d been there for me.

“Hmm…” I sighed, looking up, squinting my eyes so I could count the floors of the building.

Eighth floor. Room 822. Labor and Delivery.

I didn’t go through labor, but I delivered her.

She was so tiny, so precious, so fragile.

The nurse had informed me that she’d called the person I’d written down as my emergency contact. Xavier and I were still talking when I’d gone to my first OB appointment. I was operating on a daily dose of pregnancy brain during the times we’d been separated, and by the time I’d remembered that I’d put him as the person to call during an emergency, it was too late.

“How long will it take for you to love me again?” he whispered his plea. “I’m not trying to push you into anything, but I just want to know if…maybe…”

“Hmm…” was my only response. Closing my eyes as I tried to form an image of her. Of what she’d looked like. Or what she would have been like.

“Okay.” I felt his head nod as he spoke. “I love you, Nales.”

I heard his words. I just didn’t understand them anymore. I loved him. I would always love him. But will I ever forget after forgiving him?