Love Will (57 page)

Sense the heat surrounding

From thirty feet apart

A feeling so confounding

I felt my heart restart

“Defibrillator…” she says.

“Yeah,” I respond with a coy grin. She moves in to kiss me again.

A man like any other, who likes a woman’s touch,

Sex is my barbiturate; it’s always been my crutch.

It’s never really done what I’ve expected it to do

I’ve never actually slept a night until I slept with you.

An experiment of fact

To combat your fear of lies

Your exterior, I cracked

When you looked into my eyes

A time of give and take

Of your stories for mine

Knew a lot was at stake

This whole detour was a sign

I release her hand and motion for her to come closer.

“You’re sure this is okay?”

“I normally sleep like this with a pillow,” I tell her, draping my arm over her body, pulling her into me. I touch my lips to her nose before kissing her full on the mouth. She rests her hand on my hip and splays her fingers across my bare skin.

“That was beautiful,” she finally says.

I shake my head.

Up against my chest, you whispered in my ear

Spoke to me four words I’d never thought I’d hear

Took advantage of the offer and kissed that dimpled cheek

You took everything I gave you, leaving me fatigued and weak

I’m indebted to you. Alert. Awake.

I’m committed to you. Assuaged. Appeased.

I submit to you. At ease. Asleep.

A man like any other, who likes a woman’s touch,

Sex is my barbiturate; it’s always been my crutch.

It’s never really done what I’ve expected it to do

I’ve never actually slept a night until I slept with you.

“Make love to me,” she whispers the four words to me again, then raises her brow to reveal the dimple that awaits my next move.

Chapter 24

I glance over at Shea’s gas gauge, certain that we have over half a tank left when she pulls into the station. She parks her car in a space close to the road, away from any other patrons. I look down at my hands and start shaking my head, not wanting to hear her objections.

“I just don’t think this is such a good idea, Will.”

“Not everything we do in life is spurred by good ideas, Shea. Some things are done out of necessity, and this is one of those things.” I look over at her from the passenger seat, pleading with her to proceed. I don’t like not being in charge of this situation. “If you don’t want to go, I get it. I’ll call a cab to take me the rest of the way.”

She makes a production out of peering all around her, to both sides and front and back. “Gee, Will, there are so many taxis buzzing around us out in
The Middle of Nowhere
, Colorado.”

“I’m sure there are services… or you know what? Callen walked farther than this–from Divide to Colorado Springs. I could make it to his house.”

“You are
not
walking. You needed help getting out of bed this morning, remember?”

“I feel much better now. I just needed a little medicine and to stretch.”

She sighs and runs her fingers through my hair, dragging them down the side of my face and scratching the four-day-old scruff on my jaw. “From what you’ve told me, I worry it’ll get physical.”

“I’m not going to be the one to go that route.”

“That doesn’t mean it won’t go that way. He has guns, right?”

“I’m his
son
, for Christ’s sake.”

“Mine’s in my glove compartment,” she says with hesitation.

“No,” I tell her, adamant.

“Just in case.”

“Don’t touch it. No matter what, don’t touch it. I don’t care what he does. I’m not kidding, Shea.” I take off my seatbelt to face her fully, showing her how serious I am.

“I’ll do what I have to in order to defend myself, and you, Will.”

“This is a non-negotiable, Shea.”

“Then we don’t go,” she says, putting her car in reverse.

“How can you be against fighting but willing to pull a gun on someone?” I ask her, disbelieving of her staunch stance on this.

“If I’m going to be in the middle of a fight I don’t want to be in, I’m going to make sure it’s a
fair
fight.”

“I’m not backing down on confronting this asshole. So whatever that means to you, fine.”

“Okay,” she says, pulling out of the space and heading toward Divide.

“I want that gun gone after we leave there, though. I’ll buy you ten other things that will provide protection, but you can’t have a gun.”

“I’m sorry?” she asks.

“Pull over,” I tell her. She was going to before I said anything, and does so quickly, letting the car idle. “I told you the stats, Shea. I’m not making shit up. Your chances of being killed by a gun increase just because you
have
that fucking gun. So, no. I’m sorry, I don’t want you carrying that thing around. I love you too much for that. And carrying it in your glove compartment? Are you fucking
kidding
me? Is it at least locked?” I open it up carefully and find her nine-millimeter handgun under a pile of papers. I glare at her out of the corners of my eyes.

“It’s not loaded,” she says.

“Where’s the ammo?” She swallows. I dig further under the papers to find a couple of loose magazines. “Is this how easy it would be for me to get rid of the threat of you using it?” I ask her, rolling down the window. “This isn’t very responsible,” I mutter.

“All right, I know. I was in a hurry when I left.”

“One way you should
never
handle a gun,” I lecture, burying the ammunition in the glove box. “You’re smarter than this,” I tell her. “You’re more
humane
than this.” I sigh before relenting. “Why don’t we talk about what you’re afraid of later?”

She nods her head.

“Because that shit scares me,” I tell her, pointing to the gun.

“I’m getting that.” We stare at one another as I try to understand where she’s coming from. “I have bigger fears than that.”

I close the small door at my knees carefully, wondering if I’m making the right decision by continuing on with this mission. Surely my dad wouldn’t pull a gun on
me
. I can’t guarantee he wouldn’t pull one on Max or Callen, but I don’t think his problem is really with me.

I stop Shea from putting the car in gear and lean up to kiss her. “I’m sorry for all that. I’m already feeling the tension. Envisioning that scenario is beyond anything I’d played out in my head, and I’ve gone over just about everything. That just added a whole other layer I’m not at all prepared for, and I felt like I was prepared for anything up until then. So… I’m sorry.”

“I wish you didn’t have to do this.”

“I wish I didn’t have to, either,” I tell her. “But I do.”

She nods once more and steers back into the road, where we continue on quietly until we find the country lane that will take us to my father’s house.

“I think this is the one.”

“Which way?”

“Left.” We travel down the gravel road toward a double-wide trailer, parking just beside it. We get out of the car, meeting at the front of it, and are confronted with the sight of two little girls–one brunette and one blonde–playing in a sandbox on the side of the house.

I didn’t anticipate them being here, either. And they’re so small.

Shea takes my hand in hers.

“Who are they?” she asks.

“My half-sisters,” I tell her, staring at their long pigtails as they blow in the wind, their backs to us.

“You didn’t tell me, Will. I won’t use my…” she stammers. “Will, I won’t.”

“I know,” I tell her, squeezing her hand, unable to take my eyes off the girls. One of them turns around–the older of the two. She stands up, brushing the dirt off her knees.

“Who are you?” she says, scratching her arm. The younger one’s curiosity gets the best of her, and she cranes her neck to see us.

“Ummm… is your dad here?”

“He had to go to the store. He’s gonna be right back. Who are you?” she repeats herself.

“What about your mom?”
Surely they didn’t leave them here alone like this.

The little girls are both standing now, holding hands, looking afraid.

“It’s okay,” Shea says, letting go of me and squatting down to their level. “We’re here to talk to your dad. Is it okay if we wait here with you?”

“You’re Laramie?” I ask, hoping I got it right. Max has talked about them in the past and Callen met them when he was here, but I never made an effort to get to know my father’s second family because I never thought I’d meet them.

“I’m Laramie, and this is Harmon,” she says.

“I’m Will,” I tell them.

“My daddy’s William.”

“I know.”

“You look kind of like him.”

I walk toward the sandbox slowly, cringing as I lean over to dust off the log that forms the edge of it, and then take a seat. “That’s because he’s my daddy, too.”

“No, he’s not!” Laramie says, laughing. Harmon joins in.

“He is, too. I pinkie-swear. Do you know how to pinkie-swear?”

Laramie’s eyes widen as she nods her head and holds her tiny finger out to meet mine. After we latch our pinkies together, I do the same with Harmon, only I have to help her out. I think it’s her first pinkie-swear.

“I’m your brother. Your oldest brother. You actually have two.”

“Really?” Laramie asks.

“Nuh-uh,” Harmon says, not understanding.

“It’s true.”

“He doesn’t lie,” Shea says, joining us.

“Who is she?” the older sister asks.

“This is Shea. She’s my girlfriend.”

“But she’s
black
.”

I can feel my nostrils flare as I inhale, angry at what my father has obviously taught her. “I’m sorry,” I say to Shea softly.

“It’s okay.”

“She’s just beautiful to me, Laramie. You don’t treat your sister differently because her hair is a different color than yours, do you?” I ask.

“No,” she says, as if it’s a completely stupid idea.

“Well, where I come from, we see skin color as the same thing. It’s just diversity.” Shea gives me a look. “They’re just
differences
. Things that make it so we all don’t look the exact same. So we’re all unique.” Of course race is much more than that, but I think I’m dealing with a five-year-old and a three-year-old, so I’m trying to relate as best as I can. “Don’t you think she’s pretty?”

I get head nods from both of them. I’ll take that as a little progress.

“Where do you come from?” Harmon asks me. “Are you from the moon?”

“Yeah, Daddy tells us bedtime stories about a boy named Will who lives on the moon.”

My stomach drops as I lose my breath. “He does?” I ask them, looking at Shea and trying to steady emotions I hadn’t expected to creep up. “What does he say about this
Will
on the
moon
?”

“That he’s really smart and reads a lot and he lives alone and he’s lonely and he can’t find his way back home, so he looks for ways to travel to all the other planets,” Laramie says.