Love Will (63 page)

“Is that what we’re going for? Fun?” She looks as if she’s been scolded. “I’m just wondering. Why are you here, Laila?”

“Please don’t tell me you’re still angry.”

“I’m not angry. I’m just surprised to see you. A little shocked, to be honest.”

“Come on… when you found out your band was playing Provo, there wasn’t a part of you that wondered maybe… just maybe… we might run into one another?”

“It was a very remote possibility. Too remote to give much thought,” I admit. “I’d never heard from you. I assumed you’d just forgotten all about me.”

“I never, never could have. I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me.”

I shake my head. “I didn’t. There was no place for you in my life after what you put me through. Everything changed. I changed.”

“What happened to you?”

“
You
happened to me, Laila. I went off the rails after you. I decided that love didn’t exist; or if it did, that I wasn’t worthy of it. That someone filled with so much anger and hate didn’t have room for love anymore. I didn’t bother with it. But I liked the sex,” I tell her with an involuntary quirk of my brow. “That, I had plenty of time for. And endless opportunities.”

“So I’ve read.”

“You’ve been keeping up with me?”

“I’ve been following Damon’s career–and not because he’s good, even though he is. When I found out you were coming to town, I knew it was a sign.”

“A sign for what?”

“To talk. To apologize for what happened.” I nod my head, staring her down, trying to decipher what she really wants. “I am so sorry, Will. We were so young.”

“Age had nothing to do with it. Had the tables been turned, and you were Landry’s girl first and not mine, I would have known that you were off limits. No questions asked. And if there really was some connection between us–”

“Like there was–”

“Yes, like there was, I would have approached him before pursuing anything with you.”

“So you’re not denying what we had was something special...”

“I never denied it. But you ruined any good feelings that were once associated with that relationship, Laila. Do you not understand that? I was devastated. Ruined. I was a kid with a very fragile heart. You should have handled it with better care.”

“I didn’t know what I had, Will, until you were gone.”

“How poetic. They should write songs about that–oh, wait. Pretty sure there are hundreds. I know I’m not wasting my time on any more.”

“Would you rather have never known?”

“I used to think about that all the time. How different my life would have been if Landry didn’t come see me the morning after our night together. If he’d kept your secret to himself, and I never knew you two had been dating.

“Here’s how my life would have been, Laila. I would have gone back to New York, still high on my feelings for you. The night before we had agreed to break things off amicably, which I still think was a smart decision on our part. I would have remembered you fondly, and over time, the love would have dissipated. I would eventually search for that feeling in another girl. One who might have similar qualities to you. One who may be completely different, because I didn’t want to be reminded of the girl I left behind. That part would be irrelevant.

“The important thing would be that I would have felt things for one girl. I would have loved someone. I would have been able to live with my decisions. Maybe I would have been able to sleep at night instead of letting my brain wander to avoid the barrage of images that plagued me of the hundreds of mistakes I’ve made late at night, Laila.

“So, yeah, maybe it would have been best if I didn’t know.”

“It seems like you’re still angry.”

I take a few deep breaths, thinking about how I’ve just laid into her. “Sorry. That’s how I used to feel when I
was
angry.

“But you know what?”

“What?”

“Had this gone any other way, I wouldn’t be where I am now, and I like where I am now. If I hadn’t known about you and Landry, I may have never gotten mixed up with Damon, which means I never would have gone on tour with him. This has been one of the greatest fucking experiences of my life.”

“Well… then that’s great, Will. And you’re gonna get to go to Europe. I went to France once. I’ve always wanted to go back.”

“No, I’m not going.”

“You have an opportunity to play for someone bigger? I mean, you’re amazing. When did you even learn how to play?”

I shake my head. “I, uh… bought my first guitar–played my first chords–on my way to the airport leaving Provo, actually. We drove by a garage sale and the guy selling it thought I had natural talent. He cut me a deal on a nice guitar because of it. Then I taught myself to play… by ear.” I shrug my shoulders humbly. “Guess I
was
a natural.”

“So who will you be touring with?”

“Oh, no… I’m going back to school to get my PhD.”

She looks confused. “What, Dr. Will Rosser? A doctor of what?”

“I guess it’s good to know you don’t stalk me. It’ll be Dr. Will Scott, and it’s a PhD in Physics.”

She grins. “See, that actually makes sense. You already have your Masters?”

“Yeah, I got it when I was twenty-two. One of the youngest in the program at NYU,” I say proudly.

“Landry would be so jealous.”

It’s as if she stabbed me in the back all over again, just by the casual way she mentions his name, and it apparently shows.

“I’m sorry. We don’t date anymore–we didn’t really date long at all–but we still talk from time to time.”

“It’s fine. Don’t care.”

“He got his Bachelor’s in chemistry, but got burned out. He ended up getting his teaching certificate, and now he works at our old high school.”

“The world needs good teachers. I’m sure he’s good at it,” I say, not really giving him a second thought. I sigh and look Laila over. “You haven’t really changed at all.”

“You have a new scar,” she says back to me.

“Yeah. Fresh.” I laugh it off. “Life on the road.”

“Landry has a scar. You gave it to him.”

“Hmmm.” My temper got the best of me that day, but I have to say, I’d probably react the same if something similar happened today. They snuck around behind my back. My girlfriend and my best friend. Aside from my brothers, they were the two people I’d trusted the most at that time in my life. “I find most women like the scars.”

“True.”

“He can thank me later.”

“Probably won’t happen,” she lets me know.

“I won’t lose any sleep over it.”

“So, do you forgive me, Will?”

“I…” I look at her with critical eyes. “I’ve moved on, Laila. I’m not sure that forgiveness plays a part in that. But am I still angry? No, I’m not.”

“I don’t know what that means for us, going forward,” she says, half-whining.

“For
us?
Going forward?
” She nods her head, looking hopeful. “It means you can rest easy knowing that I’m able to love someone again, okay? That you didn’t damage me permanently. I’m sure that’s your biggest concern about
us
. How your actions affected me, as an individual, since we broke up nearly nine years ago. We chose to end
us
that night, even before I learned of your betrayal.

“There’s no
us
.”

“But I was thinking that maybe we could keep in touch or something.”

“No, that’s not possible. That’s… a little too complicated for me. This is closure for me–on better terms.”

“Oh… okay,” she says, not arguing. I stand up, ready to make my exit. “Good luck finding… love, I guess.”

“I’ve found it, but thank you. She’s the best thing in my life, and nothing like you. Met her on this tour, in fact. So see? I wouldn’t change a thing.”

“That’s great.”

“And Laila, I don’t guess you remember why I was in Provo in the first place. My mom was sobering up… she was an alcoholic, remember? I don’t drink.”

“I know that’s not true. I saw videos from Chicago. I know you can have a good time,” she says, acting as if she’s caught me in a lie.

“Is that what you were hoping for today?”

She shrugs. “If you didn’t want to get drunk with me today, that’s your business. You can punish me, that’s fine. I get it. Or maybe you just want to be faithful to your little girlfriend. Or perhaps there are cameras around? People watching?” She gets quiet. “We can go somewhere private. My apartment’s close by.”

“I’m good,” I tell her definitively. “Like I said. I’ve moved on. So goodbye, Laila. You tell Landry I’m sorry it didn’t work out with you two. I hear infidelity’s hardly ever worth the trouble it causes.” I walk away from her and across the bar to the table with my band mates.

“You don’t really have a
type
, do you?” Damon asks, his attention focused in Laila’s direction.

“She still here?”

“Oh, yeah. You can’t feel her stink eye?”

“I think I’m immune to that particular affliction.”

“What’d you say to her?” Tavo asks, laughing.

“Goodbye. I turned down an offer to go back to her place. She apparently wanted to get drunk with me today.”

“I’m free,” our drummer says. “She’s cute. Was she good?”

“Idiot, we were sixteen, and each other’s first. I
think
.”

“Still didn’t get confirmation of that?” Damon asks.

“No… and we only did it once, Tav. It was a grand romantic gesture that went sour real fast.”

“You think she’d go for me?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Peron says. “Find your own girl. Stop going for Will’s cast-offs.”

“Thanks, Per.”

“Will, I have to tell you,” my best friend says, “you don’t have a good track record with girls and two-syllable names, both starting with L.”

“Well, there aren’t any left, are there? I’ll avoid the Lolas and the Lailas.”

“Lulu,” he suggests. “Lyla. Lela, maybe?”

“Lilly,” Bradley adds.

“Good one,” Peron says. “Lilith.”

“I think a Lilith would be fine, guys,” Tavo says. “She sounds like Will’s kind of girl.”

“She’s got the nerd quotient happening?” Peron asks.

“Yeah,” we all agree.

“So the rule is to stay away from girls with two-syllable L names that end in vowels. Right?”

“And sometimes Ys,” Bradley amends the rule.

“Of course, the
sometimes Y
rule.”

“Why are we making rules for you?” Peron asks. “Don’t you have an S-H-E-A?”

I grin. “I do. And not a single fucking L in that name.”

“Whoa…” Tavo says, coming to some sort of epiphany.

“What?” I ask.

“You have two Ls in
your
name.” I stare at him, wide-eyed, waiting for the point that never comes. He takes a drink of his beer.

“He still drunk from last night?”

“Maybe,” Bradley admits, patting him on the back.

“Oh, to be Tavo,” I say through a sigh, looking over the menu. “Have you guys ordered?”

“We were waiting for you.”

“She’s still staring at me, isn’t she?”

“Wanna go somewhere else?”

“Definitely. And you know what? For trusting me–or not, I’m not sure which one–with my ex, it’s on me.”

Since they all know about my meeting this morning, nobody argues.

We go out to a bar after the Provo show and schmooze with some fans. Once Damon and Tavo have found their hook-ups for the night, Peron and I head back to the hotel with Alex. Exhausted from a long day, I decide to decline the offer to write and retire to my own room.

Knowing it’s very late, I decide to call Shea anyway.

“Will?” she answers with a gravely voice that she then clears. “How are you?”

“Sorry I woke you up.”

“It’s okay. I fell asleep watching TV again. I tried to wait up. How was the show?”

“Great. Really good crowd.”

“How was Provo?”

“It’s changed a lot in the past eight years. Some parts are almost unrecognizable.”

“You didn’t run into Laila, did you?” she says with a little laughter on the end of her question.

“Funny you should ask that.”

“You’re kidding me.”

“She tracked me down at the hotel earlier today. Wanted to have a drink with me.”

“Did you?”

“I skipped the drink part, but I did meet with her. Hope that’s okay. It was all out in the open, in the hotel bar. The guys were even there, watching me like a hawk. You can get a play-by-play from Damon.”