Love You Better (33 page)

‘So,’ he said, turning to face her as she took off her seatbelt.
‘I g
uess I’ll see you back at work. Are you sure you’re ready to
come bac
k?’

‘It’s been weeks, and my doctor’s certificate runs out soon. I’ll see how I go, but I’ve got to start sorting my life out sometime.’

He followed her out of the car and got her bag from the boot.

‘If you don’t mind my asking . . . what happened with you and Olly? You only just took him back.’

She looked down at the pavement. She wanted to tell him; it was clear Lou hadn’t told him the real reason. It would be wrong and downright hypocritical to lie to him now she knew he’d been honest with her, but she didn’t want to think about what Oliver had done. She looked normal, and despite the odd stab of pain in her ribs, she
felt
normal. Things had been sorted out between her and Penny, and her and Smith. She didn’t want to ruin the mood by telling him the truth.

‘It’s complicated,’ she replied as Lou opened the front door and excitedly waved at her.

‘Fair enough.’ He nodded and looked over at Lou. ‘I’d better leave you two to it.’

Effie stood in front of him, and his eyes flicked down to the ground. Were they supposed to hug goodbye? What did they normally do? She tried to remember, but her mind drew a blank. Why was this so awkward? Smith leaned forward to hug her as she turned her head to kiss his cheek and her lips ended up somewhere between his mouth and chin. Her cheeks burned as he awkwardly patted her back, and she pulled away, keeping her eyes firmly on the ground. Talk about embarrassing.

‘See you later. And thanks for the lift.’

She scurried away from him and headed towards Lou, who was standing in the doorway with her lips clamped together and pulled tight as she held back a laugh.

‘Don’t,’ Effie warned, but she couldn’t keep the grin off her face.

Lou let the laugh out and wrapped her in a tight hug, and Effie heard the Golf’s engine start. ‘I’m not saying a word. It’s ace to have you back.’

An hour later, Lou put the plastic container that had held her special fried rice on the coffee table. ‘So, basically, Mickey and I are hanging out in a kind of friends situation. It’s nowhere near a relationship, but I’m grabbing it with both hands.’

‘That’s great.’ Effie smiled. ‘It’s got to be a good sign.’

Lou grinned. ‘It is. It feels like we’re heading in the right
direction
.’

Effie put her container on top of Lou’s and sat back in the sofa. They’d ordered takeaway and gone through the mountain of food, catching up. In the time she’d been away, Lou and Mickey had been talking often, working their way through what had happened, and she looked happy. Ecstatic, even.

‘Have you been on any dates together?’ Effie asked, rubbing her full stomach.

‘Not really. I mean, we haven’t spent any real time alone together, but it’s been nice. You can see for yourself soon. There’s that open-air cinema thing later this month. He said he’ll try and get some tickets if you’re up for it.’

‘To see what?’

‘Back to the Future.’
Effie grimaced, and Lou matched it before laughing. ‘I know. It’s so not my thing either. If it were up to me it’d be
Dirty Dancing
, but they’ve sold out.’

‘Let’s face it, it’s not really about the film, though, is it?’

Lou blushed. ‘Will you come? It’ll take the pressure off.’

‘Of course.’ Effie nodded. ‘Although if this is you under pressure, I have to say, it suits you. You look great.’

‘So do you. You look happy.’

‘I am.’ Effie smiled. ‘It feels weird to say it, given what happened, but maybe it was all for the best.’

‘Have you heard anything from him since you said you wanted a divorce?’

Effie nodded. ‘I’ve had to keep my phone switched off. He keeps texting and calling. Izzy too.’

She’d ignored her sister-in-law’s calls, just as she’d ignored
Oliver’s
, and she felt bad for it. She liked Izzy, and it didn’t feel right to block her out, but she couldn’t speak to her. She didn’t want to have to be the one to tell her that the brother she loved so dearly was a monster. Let Oliver be the one to tell his family and friends why their marriage had ended.

‘You know you can get his number blocked,’ Lou said. ‘Just tell them he’s harassing you.’

‘I’ll get a new number. It’ll be quicker and much less hassle. That way I can just give the new number to the people I want to have it.’

‘And would that include a certain James Smith?’ Lou grinned. ‘Seriously, you two were like a pair of teenagers outside.’

‘God, don’t. It was beyond embarrassing.’ Effie buried her face in her hands.

‘He looked just as awkward as you did, so don’t worry about it. At least you got to clear the air.’

Effie looked back up at Lou and frowned. ‘Did you duck out of picking me up on purpose?’

‘Yep, and you can thank me later,’ Lou replied, tucking her feet under her on the sofa. ‘He told us about what Claire said to you and gave us his version. You had to hear him out, and you’re as stubborn as anything, so, sorry – but not really.’

‘It’s fine,’ Effie replied, rubbing the skin that, up until a couple of weeks ago, used to be covered by her wedding ring. ‘I should’ve listened to him in the first place. Thanks for not telling him by
the wa
y, about . . . you know.’

‘There’s no way I was going to unleash that bit of information.’ Lou shook her head. ‘He’ll go ballistic if he finds out.’

‘I know.’

‘So what happens now with you two? I mean, let’s face it: it’s not like you’re going to rebound from twat-face, is it? Not if you didn’t love him properly in the first place.’

‘Nothing’s going to happen. I don’t even know how Smith really feels about me.’

Lou rolled her eyes. ‘Oh, for goodness sake. Are you blind? Did he not tell you the reason he came back?’

‘No, I’m not, and yes, he did, but he also told me he wasn’t interested when we went to Ireland. You sound like Mum. He’s been back eight months, and a lot can change in that time. Look at my life.’

‘You’re wrong,’ Lou said, shaking her head, ‘and me and your mum are right.’

‘Has he actually told you he loves me, in those words?’

Lou frowned. ‘Well, no, not exactly. But he doesn’t have to. It’s obvious.’

Effie pulled the small cushion to rest on her lap. ‘I’m not going to take the chance on a maybe.’

‘But you love him. You pretty much said so yourself at the Sketch launch.’

‘I know.’ Effie nodded. ‘But I’ve got so much stuff to think about right now. I’ve got to get better, change my number, find out about a divorce, somehow get my stuff back from the house and find somewhere to live. I can’t put my energy into something that might not work out. Not when it comes to Smith.’

Coward.

She frowned, remembering what Penny had said at the
airport
, but surely it was better to protect herself right now than to be exposed. Imagine how mortifying it would be if he turned her down. They’d only just got their friendship back to a good place. Maybe it was better to just leave things as they were.

Lou leaned over and squeezed Effie’s knee. ‘I know it’s overwhelming, but you just need to take one day at a time, like you told me, remember? Make a list, and we can go from there. And you know you can stay here as long as you like.’

‘Thanks.’ Effie smiled.

‘That said, I still think you’re wrong about Smith, but I hear you. You need to sort things out first, and he’s not going anywhere. One day at a time.’

33.

H
ow did you get on?’ Lou asked.

Effie held her phone to her ear and sighed, closing the door behind her. ‘It was a waste of time. I can’t get a divorce because we’ve been married less than a year.’

‘What about an annulment?’

‘Nope. I don’t qualify.’ She put her handbag on the sofa and sat down. ‘If he’d given me an STD on the other hand, there’d be nothing stopping me.’

‘Seriously? You mean battery isn’t a good enough reason to split from your husband, but being given chlamydia is?’ Lou asked with more than a touch of sarcasm.

Effie sighed again. She’d spent all morning at the local Citizens Advice Bureau, having secured an appointment, and after thinking she’d have to wait for weeks to get one, she’d taken it as a good omen. She’d expected to hear good news and had stepped out of the house full of optimism. The day after getting back from Ibiza, she’d got a new number and mentally crossed it off her to-do list. She’d wanted to do the same with the start of divorce proceedings, as she was eager to try to get her life in order. The idea of waiting another three months before she could start the process to dissolve her marriage made her feel grey inside.

‘The good news is, I could get legal aid after November because of the violence.’

‘I don’t understand. Surely if you went to the police, this could get expedited? We have the photos we took too, remember?’

‘I’m not going to the police,’ Effie replied, kicking her shoes off. ‘I told you already. It happened ages ago, and it’ll be my word against his.’

‘No, it won’t. They take it seriously now.’

‘Lou . . .’ Effie ran a hand through her hair. ‘He knows the law inside out, and his dad was one of the best QCs in the country. I’d be stuck with a solicitor through legal aid. I wouldn’t stand a chance, and I don’t want the ins and outs of our relationship to become public. And even if I did go to the police, it wouldn’t change the facts. We’ve not been married long enough to divorce.’

‘So what are you going to do?’

‘I’ll have to wait it out until then, I guess. There’s not much else I
can
do.’

Effie scowled. She should never have married him in the
first place.

‘He doesn’t know you’re at mine, does he?’

‘No, thank god. He doesn’t even know I’m back in the
country
.’

‘Well that’s good,’ Lou offered, raising the tone of her voice in an attempt to cheer Effie up.

‘I know. I just wanted to get the ball rolling, you know?’

‘It’s just three months,’ Lou replied. ‘It’ll fly past, and come the fifth of November, you can be the first in line for a solicitor.’

‘Don’t worry, I will be.’

‘That’s my girl. Twat-face won’t know what’s hit him when the time comes. Serves him right. Listen, I’ve got to go, but I’ll be home by six. We’ll talk more then, okay?’

Effie nodded. ‘Okay. I’ll see you later.’

She hung up and rubbed her hands over her face. The optimism she’d come back from Ibiza with had disappeared in the space of one morning, and as she inhaled, a sharp pain made her catch her breath. She’d thought her ribs had almost healed. The doctors had said it would take around six weeks, and she hadn’t needed to take her painkillers for ages.

Tears loomed in her eyes, but it was more from disappointment than pain. She took a deep breath, clenching her teeth as her ribs protested. She couldn’t fall apart, not now. Her appointment was a setback, but it was only three months. She could do it. Come
Monday
, she’d be back at work, and the days would pass more quickly. Oliver couldn’t contact her anymore, and he didn’t know where she was. She could keep it up until November. She just had to keep focused.

‘One smoked-chicken and sun-dried tomato panini and a bottle of water.’ Smith put the paper bag down on her desk as he perched on the end of it.

‘Thanks.’ Effie sat back in her chair and smiled at him.

‘How’s it going so far?’

‘Good.’ She nodded. ‘I’ve got a mountain of emails to get through, but it’s nothing major.’

Her first morning back at Archive had passed quickly. After walking into the office to see her desk covered with balloons and a welcome back banner, she’d spent more time catching up with her colleagues than working.

‘It feels more like a Friday than a Monday,’ she said, tearing the wrapping from her panini.

‘We’re happy to have you back,’ Smith replied, leaning over to take one of the doughnuts from the box she’d brought in. ‘Nobody else can work that spreadsheet like you do.’

‘Thanks. It’s how I make myself indispensable.’

‘You don’t have to make a spreadsheet for that.’ He grinned and took a bite of the doughnut. ‘Did Lou mention the open-air cinema thing? Mickey got the tickets this morning. It should be fun.’

She shook her head with a smile. ‘Did nobody ever tell you it’s rude to talk with your mouth full?’

‘Blame my parents.’ He took another bite, bigger than the last one. ‘Shit.’

Effie laughed as a blob of raspberry jam dropped from the doughnut onto his jeans, and handed him a tissue. ‘Serves
you righ
t.’

He took it from her and scooped it away.

‘What do you think about him and Lou?’ she asked, unscrewing the lid from her bottle. ‘Do you think they’ll get back together? Has he said anything to you?’

‘Are you scoping out information for Lou?’ He raised an
eyebrow
and scrunched the tissue up in his hand. ‘Because if you are, you’re not getting anything from me.’

‘No,’ she lied. ‘As if.’

‘Good.’

‘It’s just that she’s really nervous about it. It’s the proper first date they’ll have been on since they started talking again, right?’

‘Yeah, but we’ll be there too. It’s not like it’ll be an intimate kind of thing.’

‘I suppose.’ She took the panini from the bag.

Smith was too astute for his own good. She’d promised Lou she’d try to sound him out, but Smith wasn’t budging, and his view that it wouldn’t be intimate unexpectedly stung.

‘Okay, fine. All I’m going to say is, it’s looking hopeful.’

‘Really?’ Effie grinned.

‘He loves her. She loves him. It’s only a matter of time, right?’

He looked her in the eye, and she blinked. Why had that sounded like it was about much more than Lou and Mickey?

‘It’s all about the long game.’

He grinned, took another bite of his doughnut and went back to his desk. As she watched him, a wave of warmth started in her stomach and spread throughout her body in seconds. She turned her chair so he wouldn’t be in her line of sight.

The long game. Was that what he was doing, waiting until the opportunity presented itself to . . . what? Kiss her? Tell her he loved her? Assuming that he really did love her, of course. She wondered what would happen if she were the one to make the first move,
and the
n she bit into her panini, determined to think of something else. She was in no position to do that, no matter how much she wanted to. And besides, she still wasn’t sure that he was for real. Smith was competitive, and if he was looking at this as a game, she’d end up being a pawn. He’d told her himself, he wanted to be Just Friends.

She picked up her small desk calendar, flicked through to the fifth of November and drew a circle around it. The red ink looked stark against the white background. Smith wasn’t the only one with a long game to play.

A few days later, Effie sat on the grass in the park close by their office and took her salad box from a brown paper bag.

‘Hang on,’ Smith said and pulled out a paper napkin from his bag. ‘Here.’

She took it from him and pulled her sunglasses down from her head, looking around them. She sighed dreamily as she lifted the lid on her salad box.

‘Do we really have to go back to work?’ she asked.

He smiled and crossed his legs. ‘Yep. But not for another
forty-fo
ur minutes.’

‘Ooh, lucky us.’ Effie drizzled the lyonnaise dressing from the small sachet over her salad. ‘Forty-four minutes isn’t that long.’

If she could, she’d lie back on the grass until the sun went down. She hadn’t banked on missing the Clapham garden, and Lou’s tiny balcony was no comparison. For now, snatched moments in the park would have to do, and if she had to share it with half of London, so be it. She looked around at the dozens of other people squeezed into the little patch of green between her office and the Tube station.

‘Had enough of being back already?’ Smith asked and bit into his baguette.

Effie shook her head and looked at him, his jaw flexing as he chewed his food. ‘Not at all. It’s just such a beautiful day, it’s a shame we have to be stuck in the office.’

‘I’ll play hooky if you will. We can escape for the afternoon.’

She laughed at his cheeky grin. ‘You’re a bad influence, Smith.’

‘I don’t even try to deny it.’

She stuck her plastic fork into her lettuce leaves. Since she’d returned to work, the days had flown past, exactly as she’d hoped. She’d settled straight back into her routine with ease, and everything was as it had been before, with three notable exceptions.

The first was obvious. Instead of leaving her marital home each morning, she left from Lou’s flat. It had been two and a half weeks of unashamed fun. They ate together almost every night and had breakfast together in the mornings. The evenings had been spent watching old films, both of them with their feet propped up on the sofa as they wore face masks or painted their nails. Even though Effie was camping on the sofa, she wouldn’t have traded it for her luxury memory foam mattress back in her marital home for
anything
.

Secondly, Oliver was still firmly off Effie’s radar. She’d half expected him to turn up at her office at some point, pleading with her to take him back, but he’d clearly accepted that they were over, because she’d heard nothing. And she wasn’t surprised to realise that she didn’t care. If anything, it only made her resolve even stronger to go for a divorce when the time came.

‘Okay, I’ve got a question for you,’ Smith said, holding his baguette with one hand and sticking his hand into a bag of crisps with the other. ‘Imagine there were only forty-four minutes left
to live
.’

Effie grimaced. ‘Jeez. This sounds like a fun conversation.’

‘Maybe there’s an asteroid racing towards us, or the ice caps have melted and a massive tidal wave’s going to kill us all. What would you do?’

‘Apart from panic and cry?’

Smith nodded and tipped his head back, dropping a few crisps into his mouth. How could anyone eat salt and vinegar crisps and a tandoori chicken baguette at the same time? Through the dark lenses of her glasses, she watched as he washed it down with a mouthful of Coke and thought about his question.

The third and most obvious difference to her life before was Smith. If he was playing the long game, then he was the star player. Every day, he’d get to the office with an extra hot latte for her in addition to his Americano. They’d started lunching together when his schedule allowed it and fallen into a pattern of ‘I’ll pay this time, you pay next time.’ At the start of her second week back at work, the Northern Line had messed up on her way home, and she’d ended up being stuck in a tunnel along with a seemingly
inhumane
number
of other commuters for twenty minutes, all packed together and sweltering in the August heat. Smith had offered her a ride home the next day, and ever since, he’d brought his spare helmet as a
matter
of course. He looked out for her as much as he could, so much so that she knew they were attracting strange glances in the office. She could only imagine what their colleagues thought was going on, but the fact was, nothing had changed. Fundamentally, they were the same as before. Just Friends. There’d been plenty of opportunities for him to make a move, to get to the final stage of his game, but he’d placed himself firmly in the friend zone.

Nearly every memory she had of the time since she’d come back from Ibiza had him in it – at the airport, in the car, on his bike. If the world was going to end in forty-four minutes’ time, she wouldn’t care what she did. As long as she did it with him.