Emily was taken by surprise. ‘What do you mean, trouble?’ she asked worriedly. ‘What kind of trouble?’
‘The worst kind. Even Grandad got himself involved.’ When Emily opened her mouth to ask after the old man, Aggie put up a staying hand. ‘It’s all right,’ she assured her. ‘The silly old fool didn’t get hurt, thank God, but it could have been very different.’
‘I’m sorry, Mam.’ Emily knew she should have confided in her, but she hadn’t known herself how serious were her feelings for John. Not until last night, when he took her in his arms and made her feel like the most important person in the whole wide world. ‘I didn’t mean to keep anything from you.’
Brushing aside her apology, Aggie needed to know: ‘How far has it gone with you and John?’
Emily was embarrassed by her mother’s question.
‘Well, child? Answer me. You and John – how far has it gone atween you?’
‘We haven’t done anything wrong, if that’s what you mean!’
‘So, what
are
your feelings? I need to know.’
Emily blushed bright pink. ‘I think I love him, Mammy.’ She allowed herself a shy little smile. ‘I want to be with him all the time, and when we’re apart, I feel so lonely.’ Pausing to remember how it was whenever she was with John, Emily admitted, ‘I’ve never felt like this before.’
If Aggie had been concerned before, she was even more so now, for she had seen the look in Emily’s eyes, and it gave her a jolt. She had long thought of her daughter as just a lass, but now she knew that the ‘lass’ was fast becoming a woman, with all the complications that went with it. So, she loved young John, did she? Or she
thought
she did. In her opinion, Emily was still far too young to be getting serious like that, and she said so in no uncertain terms.
While Emily listened with horror, Aggie told her about John and Clem, and how the two of them had fought like tigers. ‘John stood up to him, I’ll give him that. By! He took such a beating … but he kept coming back for more. Look, lass, I want you and John to stop seeing each other,’ she finished. ‘Afore there’s murder done.’
Her words fell on deaf ears, however, because Emily was already out of the door and running like the wind, over the fields towards the rise, to the cottage – and John.
On his way back to the barn, Clem Jackson glanced up to see Emily fleeing across the fields. ‘She’s probably heard how I trounced that young feller-me-lad,’ he grinned. ‘It’s wild she is!’ He chuckled. ‘A wild beauty that needs a bit o’ taming.’ He had long fancied himself as the one to do the ‘taming’. These past months, the girl had seemed to blossom. He spent hours just watching her. It gave him such secret pleasure.
Climbing the ladder to the hayloft, he dumped his bag of tools and began to examine the faulty winding mechanism that winched heavy sacks of potatoes and other items up to the door at the top of the barn. He threw a bit of the chain up to lie out of the way on the crossbeams, and as he did so, a small notebook fell into the hay at his feet.
‘Hello, what have we here?’ Clem said aloud, and picked it up.
The initial pages were merely the innocent jottings of a young girl, telling of her joy in this place, then the dismay after her daddy went away, and the arrival of her mother’s brother, Clem Jackson. She spoke of the way their lives had changed with the death of her granny, and her stillborn brother, and how she prayed every day that Clem would go away and they might find some peace from him.
There were many entries about John, and how they enjoyed each other’s company.
I like him a lot,
she had written.
I think he likes me too
. Girlish things. Simple and lovely. But there was little here to fire Jackson’s imagination.
Until he came across the latest entry.
‘By! This is a real eye-opener an’ no mistake!’ he declared, the slaver dripping from his mouth as he read aloud to himself:
‘
Last night, John and I held each other. It was so good. He told me he loved me, and I said I felt the same way. Something wonderful happened then. He kissed me, not like a friend, but like a lover. I knew that he wanted more, and so did I. But I was afraid, yet oh so excited. I had such powerful feelings, I couldn’t stop trembling.
He touched my breast … it was a strange and beautiful feeling and I didn’t want him to stop. But he did, and when I asked him why, he said he didn’t know, except we shouldn’t go so far. At least not yet. He didn’t want to spoil me, or hurt me. He thought it was best if we courted for a while, and then we would both see how we felt.
I know he was right. In fact, I felt ashamed at my own part in it, because I must have led him on. It’s just that I do love him so. I know that now. Even if it takes years, it’s John I want.
If Uncle Clem knew we had been so forward, he would go mad. I know he would put all the blame on John, but I was as bad. Nothing happened though. John stopped it before we got carried away, and in a way I’m glad he did.
Clem says John is only after what he can get and that he has no respect for me. But now I know he’s wrong, and besides, I don’t care what my uncle says. He will never stop me from loving John. He makes me feel different – alive – like I’ve never felt before.
When he held me close last night, when he touched me, it made me shiver inside. We’ll do like he says, though. We’ll court for a while, then one day we’ll marry, and I’ll be his wife. John, and his children: that’s all I want, and I’ll be happy for ever.
’
Lizzie was the first to see Emily running towards the cottage. ‘The lass is here!’ she called up to John, who was in his bedroom pacing the floor, deep in thought. ‘Best get yersel’ downstairs.’
When a moment later he emerged to see Emily coming down the lane, his first impulse was to go to her, but Lizzie reached out to restrain him.
‘Listen to me, son,’ she persuaded softly. ‘When my brother Petey was lost in the mine disaster, getting on for fifteen year ago now, and your mammy pined herself away soon after, you and me had nobody else but each other. I promised my sister-in-law I’d do my best to raise you as she and Petey would have done. I’ve loved you and cared for you, and you’ve been like my own son, and I thank God for every minute.’
‘I know that,’ he answered, and hugged her. ‘You’ve been like a mother to me, and I’ll always be grateful for that. But this time you can’t help me. I’m a man now, Auntie, and this is something I have to deal with myself.’
Though Emily was opening the garden gate by now, and he was aching to go to her, the urgency in his aunt’s voice made him pause.
‘In all these years I’ve never asked you to do anything against your nature,’ she said. ‘But I’m asking you now, and you have to listen, son … for your own good, and for the good o’ that dear lass.’
Tears filled her eyes. ‘Let things happen gradual between the two of youse. Don’t be too hasty and do something you’ll regret. You’re both so young – you’ve got all the time in the world.’
‘Don’t worry.’ Gently gripping her plump shoulders, he said, ‘Trust me. You know I’ll do what’s right by her.’
As he went out to meet Emily, Lizzie watched them fold into each other’s arms, and her heart sank. ‘By! It’s a bad bugger who’s took over Potts End,’ she murmured. ‘I don’t know what’ll become of the two of youse, but he’ll not let you have any peace, I’m sure o’ that!’
Her sorry gaze followed the couple as they walked away, towards the fells, where the canal rose and dipped through the lock-gates, and the skylarks sang their cheery song overhead.
It’s a lonely old world for such as me, Lizzie sighed. She recalled her own young love many years ago, and the rush of nostalgia brought a smarting of tears to her pretty green eyes.
Down by the canal, Emily chided John for having gone to see Clem. ‘If you’d told me what you meant to do, I’d never have let you go,’ she said. She was horrified by John’s injuries.
Drawing her down to sit next to him on the bank, John slid his arm about her shoulders. ‘I just wanted for you and me to have our courtship put out in the open,’ he explained. ‘I didn’t want us hiding round corners and being afraid at every footstep.’
She looked up, an appreciative smile on her face. ‘I know,’ she said, ‘but you can’t reason with a man like that.’
He studied her now; those intense nutmeg-brown eyes and that innocent smile. Today, her hair was free from its plaits and tumbled silkily onto her shoulders. His heart turned somersaults. ‘Emily?’
She looked up. ‘Yes?’
‘There’s something I have to tell you.’
Sitting round she looked him full in the face. ‘You’d best tell me then.’
Shifting uncomfortably he began, ‘Do you want us to get married one day?’
Her eyes opened with astonishment. ‘You
know
I do!’
‘That’s what I want too, sweetheart.’ Cupping her pretty face in the palms of his hands he studied her every feature. ‘Look, I’ve been thinking – about you and me, and our future. When we do get married, I want us to have the best wedding, one we’ll remember for the rest of our lives.’
‘That’s not important.’ Putting her finger to his poor split lips, she told him, ‘All I want is to be your wife. All the fancy trimmings won’t make any difference.’
‘I know that. But there are other things that do matter. I need to make you a home, and give you nice things, and later when we have children, we won’t want them to go without. You know what I’m saying, don’t you, sweetheart?’
‘I’m not sure.’ She shook her head, the beginnings of doubt creeping into her heart.
‘The truth is,’ he went on, ‘I have no savings, and precious few prospects.’
‘No! You have your work – every wagon round these parts has been either repaired by you, or built from scratch. You’re well respected hereabouts. Folk always call on you whenever they need a roof fixed, or other jobs done. There’s all sorts you turn your hand to.’
‘I won’t deny that, but it still makes me just a handyman. That won’t build us a house, or provide enough to give our children the best of everything.’
Emily would have none of it. ‘We’ll manage,’ she protested. ‘When the time comes, we’ll have a bit put by. We’ll be fine, you’ll see.’
Realising he was in danger of losing the argument, and putting her in more danger than she could ever imagine, he said firmly, ‘I’ve made a decision.’
She didn’t answer, for somewhere deep inside she feared what he was about to say. ‘You’re going away, aren’t you?’ Her heart sank like a dead weight inside her.
He nodded. ‘There’s a big world out there, and a chance for me to make something of myself. I won’t be away too long – a year or two, that’s all. We’re young enough to spare that time, and when I come back, I’ll have made enough money to get us everything you deserve.’ He paused; the pain in her eyes as she looked at him was strangling his heart. In a choked voice, he promised her he would come back, and when he did, it would be to make her his wife.
‘But I don’t need a big wedding,’ she said tearfully. ‘I only need you.’
‘Do you want rid of your uncle?’
Wiping her eyes she shook her head. ‘Him!
He
’ll never go,’ she said bitterly.
Her answer gave an edge to his argument. ‘I’ll
make
him go!’ he promised. ‘When I’ve got enough money to clear your mammy’s debts, I’ll be back, and we’ll be rid of him once and for all.’
She smiled through her tears. ‘Would you do that for us?’
‘You know I would.’
She thought how wonderful it would be if her uncle was gone, and for a brief moment her heart was lifted by his promise. But then she imagined what her life would be like without John, and it seemed unbearable. ‘Don’t go,’ she pleaded.
Common-sense crumbled when, suddenly, he was filled with a compulsion to take her away. ‘
Come with me, Emily!
’
Thrilled, she drew away from him, her eyes alight with excitement. ‘Yes!’ She laughed out loud. ‘Oh
yes
, John. Take me with you and I’ll get work. I’ll help you make your fortune!’ Like John, she had momentarily forgotten harsh reality.
In the heat of the moment, John wondered why he had not thought of it before. The solution was staring him in the face! Of course! If he couldn’t keep Jackson away from Emily, the next thing was to remove her out of harm’s way.
Besides, the idea of himself and Emily travelling life’s highway to make their fortune was wonderful. Later, they would come back and free her mammy and grandad from Jackson’s clutches. Potts End Farm would be returned to them, and life would be as it was before Clem came to taint it.
When, in that instant, common-sense prevailed and realisation dawned, a painful silence fell between them. It was broken by Emily’s quiet voice. ‘I can’t go with you.’ She raised her tearful gaze. ‘I have to stay and help Mammy. She could never manage on her own. Then there’s Grandad.’ She made a gesture of helplessness. ‘They need me.’
He nodded. ‘I know. I’m sorry, Emily. I wasn’t thinking.’ He held her hand and said reflectively, ‘Maybe Lizzie was right.’
‘What do you mean?’
He recalled his conversation with his aunt. ‘She said we were too young, and I’ve just proved her right.’ He was mortified. ‘The idea of you coming with me just took away my thinking.’
‘Don’t go, John,’ she murmured. ‘Please! Don’t go.’
‘I have to.’ Her pain was his.
Taking her by the arms, he drew her up, and for a time they stood together, he with his arms about her, and Emily nestled against him. Each could hear the other’s heart beating, as if they shared just one between them. They didn’t speak. All that needed saying had already been said.
With a suddenness that startled him, she wrenched away. ‘If you go, I’ll hate you!’ she cried, and when he reached out to console her, she turned and ran.
With his emotions torn in so many ways, all he could do was let her go. That dearly loved, familiar figure, running like the very wind, her hair flying in the breeze, and her feet bare as the day she was born. This was how he would remember her. This was the image he would carry with him, until he came back to claim her, one day when he had the means to free that troubled family.