Love's Challenge (Pearl Vampire Chronicles #5) (6 page)

“Maria showed up at the clinic, Carlos.  She told me to tell you she’s in
your room,” I whispered.  Carlos visibly flinched like he had been slapped
across the face then he squeezed his eyes shut.  Matt tried unsuccessfully to
suppress the sinister grin that he had on his face.  

Carlos cleared his throat.  “Guess I better go see what she wants.  I’ll,
um, see you around,” he said as he glanced desperately at me.  I couldn’t let
him leave like that, I just couldn’t.  I closed my eyes and quickly linked with
him,
‘It’s all good. Go to her,’
I thought then I opened my eyes and
felt a little better as I saw the relief in his face.  I forced myself to not
look as he stood up and walked out of the room.  Shit, how the hell am I
supposed to fix this?  I didn’t move.  I didn’t breathe.  I didn’t know what to
do.  We sat in complete silence, just staring at the walls.  Finally, Matt
pushed his chair out and stood up. 

“You must be pretty tired.  I’ve got a few things to finish up in the
office.  Why don’t you go on to bed?  I’ll be in a little later, okay?” he said
then he gently kissed my forehead.

“Oh, okay.  I’ll see you later, then,” I mumbled.  I followed him out
into the hall and watched him walk away.  He didn’t look back, not even once. 
I hung my head and walked alone to our room.  The second I was inside I had my
cell phone out.

“Hello?” said a sleepy voice at the other end.  “Sarah?” Cindy mumbled.

“You were wrong Cindy,” I choked out.  “He’s not going to get over it.”

Now she was awake.  “Sarah.  Calm down.  All this just happened last
night.  Give him a little time.  Was he there when you got home?  Because, if
he was, that was a big step for him.  When I talked to him this morning, he
said he was going to be gone when you got home.  He was there, wasn’t he?” she
said.

“Yes, he was here.  But you talked to him this morning?  And how did you
know it happened last night?” I said

“Yes.  He called me and told me it had finally happened.  He could hear
it in your voice when you called him to tell him your flight was cancelled.  He
could feel it.  He knew, Sarah.  He knew and he still loves you.” she said.

“No he doesn’t.  How can he?  Cindy, I fucked this all up.  I don’t do
that.  I don’t fuck things up.  I fix things.  But I don’t know how to fix
this, Cindy.  How do I fix this?” I sobbed.

“He does love you, Sarah.  That’s why he’s still there.  That’s why he
didn’t leave.  Just give him a little time to work things out.  He loves you,
but he’s angry right now.  He knew this was going to happen, but the reality of
it actually happening is a little too much for him right now.  He just needs a
little time,” she said.

“He won’t let me talk to him, Cindy.  How can I fix this if I can’t talk
to him?” I said.

“You love him, right?”

“More than he’ll ever know,” I sobbed.

“You still want to be with him?”

“Yes.”

“Then you don’t need words, Sarah.  Show him.  Words are meaningless to
him right now.  You need to show him how you feel.  You need to show him that
he’s the one you want.  What happened with you and Carlos had to happen.  It
couldn’t be stopped.  But Matt is the one you belong with.  Everybody knows
that.  You know that.  Carlos knows that.  Even Matt knows that.  We all know
that Carlos will never belong with anybody, not for forever.  You and Carlos
will always have a connection.  And this will probably happen again and again
over the years.  You two will fight it until you can’t control it anymore, it
will finally explode and then you will all get back to your lives.  But
everyone knows Matt belongs with you and you belong with Matt, always,” she
said.

“I can’t go through this again, Cindy.  I can’t put Matt through this
again,” I whispered.

“Yes you can and yes you will, Sarah.  It’s inevitable.  It’s
unavoidable.  It’s destiny.  It’s fate.  Call it whatever you want, but it’s
your future.  And you’re strong enough for this.  Carlos is strong enough for
this.  Matt is strong enough for this.  And your marriage is strong enough for
this.  Trust me,” she said.

“God, I hope you’re right,” I said.  “I’ll let you go back to sleep now. 
Thanks, Cindy.  I love you.”

“I love you too, Sarah.  Go get some sleep.  He’ll be there in the
morning… or maybe even sooner.  Bye.”

“Bye,” I said.  I hung up the phone and dragged myself to bed.  I didn’t
expect to sleep, but I was so physically and emotionally exhausted that I
drifted off right away.  But the nightmares started soon after.  Violent,
horrible nightmares full of all the crap that had led us to this point in our
lives: the Elders, Malina, my falling on the spikes and almost dying when I
saved Matt, and the pain, all the pain that I’ve ever felt since I was turned
threw itself on me all at once.  I felt my body curl up into a ball.  I know I
cried out more than once.  Suddenly a feeling woke me that I never thought in a
million years I’d be feeling tonight.  My scar tingled.  My scar – the exact
mirror of Matt’s scar – the scar that was necessary as part of the process to
turn me into a vampire – the scar that allowed us to feel what the other was
feeling when it was touched.  I opened my eyes and looked at my hand.  I
actually felt angry at it.  How dare my hand make me think he was touching his
scar?  But then a slight movement caught my eye.  I looked over the tops of my
fingers… and saw him.  He was sitting in the chair in the corner of the room. 
As he stared at his hand and traced his scar, he finally spoke. 

“I thought about going to Stacy’s (who runs our own vampire call-girl
service here in the compound) tonight – picking a girl and screwing her – just
to prove to myself that I could do it… and to hurt you.  But then I realized
that I don’t want anyone else.  You’re the only one I want.  You’re it.  You’re
more than enough for me.  So, I started wondering.  Why aren’t I the only one
you want, Sarah?  Why aren’t I enough?”  He continued tracing his scar, but
looked up at me and waited for my answer.

“You are enough for me, Matt.  You’re more than enough.  You’re the only
one I want,” I said.

“But I’m not.  Look what you did,” he whispered.

“Look.  You’re not going to believe me, but I’m going to say it anyway. 
I didn’t want to do what I did.  I only want you.  And Carlos didn’t want it to
happen either.  What happened was something that we couldn’t stop.  I don’t
know why there’s this weird connection between us.  We tried to fight it.  We
did fight it for as long as we could.  But it just got too big.  I couldn’t
fight it anymore.  He couldn’t fight it anymore.  But we didn’t want it to
happen.  I didn’t want him.  I only want you,” I said.

“So, is it going to happen again?” he said.  Fuck, I thought, don’t ask
me that.  Okay.  Be honest, Sarah.

“I don’t know.  Probably,” I whispered.

“Do you want it to happen again?” he said.  Shit, you had to go there,
didn’t you?

“I don’t know, Matt.  Yes and no.”

“But, he’s going to sleep with other people.  Doesn’t that bother you?”
he said.

“No,” I said.

“Why not?” he said.

“Because he’s not the one I want.  He’s not the one I belong with,” I
said.

“Well, if I ever do find someone else that I want, you have to be okay
with that,” he said.

“I know,” I whispered.

“But, will it bother you?” he said.

“Yes.  More than you’ll ever know,” I said.

He nodded and seemed somewhat relieved when I said that.  Suddenly pain
filled his face.  “Shit, this hurts so fucking much, Sarah,” he whispered.

“I know.  And I would tell you I’m sorry a million times if I thought it
would make it better.  But it won’t,” I said.

“No, it won’t,” he said.  Then he stood up and walked toward me.  “Move
over.  I want to lie down, but I just can’t face you right now.  I need to have
my back toward you.  Can you understand that?”

I nodded as I pushed myself toward the middle of the bed.  “Would you
rather I went out to the couch?” I whispered.

He didn’t answer.  He just lay down, grabbed my arm and pulled me in
tight behind him.  I bit my lip and choked back the sobs that were trying to
fight their way out. 

I didn’t move an inch.  And I didn’t sleep either.  I just stayed right
where I was and hoped that it was a beginning and not an end.  I have no idea
if he slept either, but as daylight crept into the courtyard, he finally spoke
again.  “Is it like this incredibly powerful and strong invisible thing pulling
you?  Something, that even if you don’t want it to, it’s still there pulling
you?” he said.

“Yes,” I whispered.

He nodded his head.  “Uh-huh.  I know what it feels like,” then he
suddenly sat up.  “I have to go shower,” he said.  He stood and took two steps
toward the bathroom, then stopped.  He turned and faced me… and began
undressing.  He slowly peeled off all of his clothes and stood there, in all
his breathtaking, naked glory, and slightly smiled at me.  I wanted to squeeze
my eyes shut.  I didn’t want to have to look at something so beautiful that I
couldn’t have, anymore.  But I didn’t close them.  I forced them to stay open.  That
is, until he turned and headed into the bathroom.  The second he turned, my
eyes were shut and I was biting my lip.  I didn’t want to cry until he was in
the shower.  But this time I wouldn’t have to cry.  As he reached the bathroom
door, without looking at me, he said, “Are you coming?”

“Are you sure?” I choked out.

“Sarah, don’t ask stupid questions.  Just shut the hell up and get in
here.”

I covered the distance in half a second.

Chapter
Six

I stared at him, under the cascading water, as I slowly peeled off my tank
top and shorts.  I was expecting him to suddenly shout, ‘Ha, just kidding. Get
the fuck out.’  I’m sure I deserved that.  I deserved a lot worse than that. 
But he didn’t.  Instead he just closed his eyes, leaned his head under the
shower and showed me his chiseled, Greek god-like body – a body that still had
me instantly wanting it no matter how many times I’d seen it.  I tentatively
stepped into the far end of the shower, and waited.  For a while he acted like
I wasn’t there.  He turned his back toward me and washed his hair and body, then
turned back around to rinse.  He opened his eyes and almost seemed surprised to
see me.  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to hog all the water,” he said as he stepped to
the side.  When I didn’t move, he put his hands on my shoulders and turned me
around until I was under the water.  Then he watched me.  I didn’t close my
eyes.  I was afraid to.  I was afraid he would be gone when I opened them
again.  So I kept them open as I wet my hair.  I kept them open as I shampooed
my hair.  And I kept them open, or tried to anyways, when I rinsed my hair. 
But as I began to blink and squint from the stinging shampoo, Matt said,
“Jesus, Sarah.  Would you frickin’ relax?  I’m not going to run away and hide. 
Give me a little more credit than that.  If I’m going to leave, I’ll tell you. 
Right now, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Why not?” I sobbed as I wiped the soap from my eyes.

“Why not?  Seriously?  Do I really need to answer that?  How about this? 
You answer this for me.  Why are you still here?” he said.

“Because I love you and want you so much that I couldn’t leave if I
tried,” I said.

“Exactly,” he said.  He turned, as if he was going to step out of the
shower, but he didn’t.  He stopped dead in his tracks and hung his head.  I
wanted to go to him in the worst way.  I wanted to hug him and tell him that
everything was going to be okay.  But I couldn’t.  Because I didn’t know that. 
I used to know that – before I messed everything up.  I used to know that
without a shadow of doubt.  But that was before.  Now was a whole lot different. 
Now was a brand new ball game. 

Ever so quietly he muttered, “Why do you make me want you so much?”

Why did
I
make
him
want
me
?  Was he crazy?  It was
the other way around.  I knew that for a fact, as I stood there clasping my
hands together to keep me from reaching for him.

“God damn it, Sarah,” he said as he turned and lunged for me.  His mouth
found mine as he pushed me against the shower wall.  I felt every emotion
coming from him.  At first it was anger, betrayal, pain, lust and love.  But
gradually, as the fire burned brighter in him, I felt the anger, betrayal and
pain beginning to splinter and the lust and love grew bigger and stronger.  As
he pinned my wrists to the wall, shoved my legs apart with his knee and entered
me, I felt the splinters of pain shatter as the love took over.  His hands
grabbed my hips as he thrust into me.  My hands grabbed his hair and pulled his
head back.  I kissed him harder as I felt my climax getting closer and closer. 
Suddenly he stopped.  He dropped my hips and backed away a few steps.  I was
panting.  Everything was throbbing.  Are you kidding me?  I thought.  Look at
how ready you are to burst… are you really going to walk away now?  He stepped
towards me and put his hands on my cheeks.  This is it, I thought.  He’s going
to say goodbye.  I tried desperately to brace myself.  “God, Sarah, I love you
so much,” he whispered as he slowly brought his mouth back to mine.