Loving Alex (2 page)

We soon pull up outside of the hotel; James leans over and
kisses me softly, “I’ll call you later. Remember I won’t be home tonight?” He
says, his deep voice is hushed.

I shrug my shoulders, I don’t want to speak to him, and I
know that if I do I’ll probably break down. Inside I feel twisted, churned, there’s
a lump in my throat that I can’t swallow. I take a deep breath, a huge breath.
“I’ll miss you – lots. Please think about what I said…please.” I’m fighting
back the tears and practically begging him to give this up. If we’re to have
any future together I need him to be there at night, whatever happens to me in
the future whether it's with James or anyone else I’m not going back to a life
of being on my own day in and day out, to a life of being expected to keep
house. My life is different now, with or without James. It’s so far removed
from where I came from. The money’s great but it’s not just about that, it’s
about being wanted for who I am, not just
someone
at home and certainly
not as a punch bag.

“I’ll think about it, but I’m telling you now, I
will not
be a kept man and besides which, I quite like my job,” He pauses “you’ll be
okay tonight, won’t you? Make sure you lock the doors, front and back, and put
the chain on the front door. Take your phone to bed with you, and the panic
button.” He issues his instructions whilst looking at me with those intense
eyes of his.

“Okay, okay – I’ll make sure everything’s locked.” I huff,
wishing him out of the car before I let the waterworks loose.

He climbs out and looks back at me, “See you tomorrow
morning Blossom, I’ll try and get back for ten’ish.”

I watch James walk into the hotel, my heart feels so heavy
watching him go, leaving me. I wring my hands and breathe deeply, doing my
utmost to keep the tears at bay, I know I can do it, years and years of practise
have taught me how. Doesn’t do me much good, holding it all in, I know that,
but I can, I can do this!

“Straight home?” Archie asks, snapping me out of my
thoughts.

“Please, thank you Archie.”

We continue our journey in silence, we have truly had a wonderful
few days and now I feel that it’s ended flatly, what an anti-climax! I’m
returning to an empty home as Anna, my daughter, is still at the house in
California for another week with her best friend, Katie. The house is one of
the two holiday homes that were left to me by Maggie, the other being the villa
in Tuscany that we have just returned from.

Archie soon pulls up outside my large Chelsea home. I don’t
wait for him to open the door, I can’t be bothered with the ceremony and anyway
why do I have to have my car door opened for me? I’m perfectly capable of
opening it and letting myself out, there is no reason whatsoever that Archie
should do this for me, well not in front of my own home anyway! Or maybe it’s
just me, am I just being totally awkward and obtuse?

I slowly walk up the steps that lead to my shiny black front
door, stroking the paintwork as I put my key in the lock; it’s so very, very
smooth. Before I’ve had chance to turn the key, Muriel – my newly employed
housekeeper opens the door from inside, “Mrs. Drake, good to see you pet. How
was Italy?” She gushes. I like Muriel, I liked her when I first met her only a
couple of weeks ago. She reminded me a little of my mum although unlike my mum
she’s very slim and very fair, the palest blonde hair and ice blue eyes.

“It was good thank you. Has everything been okay here?” I
ask as I follow her back to the kitchen and see that there’s a pot of tea made.

“Everything’s been fine pet. I’ve just finished for today so
I’ll sort myself out and then I’ll be off.” She removes her apron and starts to
pull all of her things together, ready to go. “Your laundry’s all up to date,
washed and pressed, I’ve hung the clothes that need to be hung on the outside
of your wardrobe, I don’t like going in people’s cupboards and drawers, and
everything else is folded on your beds. Mr. Aconi‘s things are in the room he’s
using, at the back? I’ve cleaned through and I also did the windows, inside
anyway; you’ll need to arrange a window cleaner for outside. I haven’t done a meal
for you today because I didn’t know what you’d be wanting, I hope that’s okay?”
She rambles off what she’s done and what hasn’t been done looking for
reassurance. I nod, to be frank I really don’t care if she’s made something or
not, the way I feel now I really couldn’t eat anyway and to top it all I’m
going to be here in this bloody house on my own!

“You’ve done a great job, thank you. Are you sure you won’t
stay for a cup of tea?”
Please, please, please stay
I will her to say
yes.

“Sorry pet, I can’t this afternoon, I’m meeting my
daughter,” she frowns “maybe we can have a catch up tomorrow?” She offers as
she places a hand on my arm.

“Not to worry.” I sigh.

She gathers her things together and starts to leave, “See
you tomorrow.” she calls as she walks along the hall and to the front door
passing Archie as she goes.

“Do you want these taking upstairs?” Archie calls as he
stands in my hallway with two suitcases, he looks rooted to the spot, as if he
won’t move inside my home until told to.

“Please, if you don’t mind that is?” I call back, walking
towards him, “The room on the front, to the left.” I indicate towards the
location of our bedroom.

He trudges off upstairs with the cases as I start about
pouring a cup of tea from the pot that Muriel left. I’m standing at the island
flicking through a free newspaper when Archie returns.

“Will that be all Mrs. Drake?” He stands in the hall and
asks.

“Archie, please call me Alex!” I look at him firmly, he
smiles clearly ignoring what I’ve just asked. “Do you want a cuppa, before you
go?” I ask looking at the pot, I really don’t want to be on my own, not just
yet anyway.

“If you’re making. I’ve nothing planned for the rest of the
afternoon.” He says as he walks into my kitchen.

“Is Sam keeping you busy?” Sam, the concierge at the hotel
was overjoyed when he learnt that we’d taken on a driver. I initially employed
Archie to ferry me around as I have a fear of driving in the city but as the
concept developed and blossomed James and I decided that it would be best if he
were employed by the hotel rather than me, thus giving our guests an additional
service of a chauffeur if they wanted to tap into it.

“Yes, he is”.

“Sit down Archie.” I flap my hand towards the stools dotted
around the island.

He pulls a stool out and sits resting his hands on the
granite surface. “Tea or coffee?” I ask as I pull two mugs from the cupboard.

“Tea please, milk and two sugars please.” He’s very softly
spoken but I can imagine him being firm, if he had to be.

I pass Archie a mug, “I’m glad you’ve settled in,” I smile
as he takes the drink from me.

“Was that your housekeeper that left as we arrived?” He asks
as he takes a drink of his tea.

“Yes, Muriel. She started at pretty much the same time as
you.”

“She’s very familiar, although I don’t think I know her,
just something about her, her eyes and her hair, so very fair. Oh, ignore me;
she must have one of those faces.” He frowns, I can see that he’s thinking
deeply, he stands as he finishes his tea, “I’d best be off then Mrs. Drake
unless there’s anything else you need me for?”

“No, you’re fine Archie, you get yourself off,” I I stand to
show him out, “and please, it’s
Alex.”
I reiterate yet again.

He smiles as I walk him to the door and wave him off. I’m on
my own….

Not one for sitting around I wander
upstairs to unpack our cases, laughing at Muriel’s comment that she had put
James’ laundry in
his room
, surely she must know, she can’t be
that
naive to not know that we share my room. Oh well, maybe she’s just old
fashioned, nothing wrong with that, it’s just that, well she must only be a few
years older than me. Anyway, I move the clothes that she put in the other room
into the bedroom that we share and into the drawers and wardrobe space that I
have created for The Bossman, not that I needed to make much room as James
doesn’t seem to have an extensive wardrobe, but then neither do I, yet! I sort
out the cases and generally tidy around starting off a load of laundry,
pointless waiting for Muriel tomorrow when I’m here doing nothing!

I check the clock - 2pm and decide to give Anna a call
although I know it will be early in California, after an initial slow
connection her phone rings and she answers quickly.

“Hello.” She says on answering, she sounds sleepy. Shit,
I’ve woken her.

“Hi Anna, it’s mum. I just thought I’d check up on you. Are
you having a good time?” I ask.

“I was until you woke me mum – but yes, it’s great, really,
really great. Katie seems to love it too. The house is really close to the
beach.”

“I’m pleased you’re having a good time, and I’m sorry I woke
you!” I cringe.

“Don’t worry. We’ve been waking early anyway. How are you?
How are you feeling now?” Her tone becomes serious, she is of course referring
to the miscarriage of two weeks ago. I felt rough for a couple of days but
then, well I suppose mother nature took over and mended me, physically anyway.
Mentally, well as I didn’t know I was even pregnant I hadn’t become attached to
anything, but non-the-less a baby has been lost and that is very, very sad.
James was absolutely gutted confessing that he’d love a child of his own.

“I’m fine thanks, much better. What are you two up to
today?” I wander around the kitchen as I talk to her.

“Not much really, a day on the beach I think with some
people we’ve met.” I can hear her moving around, presumably in bed.

“Who’s that?” I ask.

“Oh, some really nice boys, you’d like them. Katie and I met
them when we went for something to eat when we were shopping at a mall, they
live around here…they’re really cool.” She tells me.

“Well you just make sure you’re careful, very careful.” I
pause, taking a deep breath, “please Anna.”

“I will mum, don’t worry, we’ll be fine. Look, I need to go,
Katie’s awake now, we’re going along the beach before breakfast. We’ll talk
towards the end of the week before we come home, okay?”

“Fine, but please, you and Katie look after yourselves look
after the house - just take care of yourselves. I love you.” I feel quite
emotional speaking to my darling daughter, yes she’s eighteen and will soon be
flying the nest, but she’s still my baby and always will be.

“Love you too mum and say “hi” to James for me.” She laughs,
I am so pleased that she likes James, that they seem to get along so well
together.

I end the call and make myself another cup of tea. The rest
of the afternoon passes slowly; I relax with a magazine, day dreaming about the
last few days with James.

With the August nights drawing in surprisingly quickly I
close the back of the house up and try to push the feelings of loneliness
aside. I root through my cupboards and freezer for something to eat and settle
on a Weight Watchers curry from the freezer, once it’s been processed by the
microwave and blasted into something that resembles curry I take refuge in my
living room with the my curry and the television for company.

Once I’ve eaten I take my used plate and cutlery back to my
kitchen I pick up my unopened mail and return to the TV with a glass of wine.
There’s the usual junk mail, companies trying to sell me made to measure sofa
covers and insurance, a bank statement, that makes me feel good, a couple of
utility bills and a letter from Shauna, the solicitor dealing with my divorce.
She confirms the news she telephoned through the day before yesterday, my
Decree Nisi has been granted and that we can look forward to the dissolution of
my marriage to Lewis in around six weeks time, this is good news but I just
can’t help but feel that Lewis will make life awkward, it’s the sort of
character he is, I’ll just have to hope and pray that he’s changed and realises
that I’ve gone, for good.

There’s a note from my new GP’s surgery welcoming me to
their practice and a large padded envelope. I’m not waiting for any parcels or
packages and on checking the label it’s definitely addressed to me. I carefully
open the padded bag and look inside, photographs?….I turn the envelope out onto
the floor in front of me, there must be twenty photo’s, all of me with Anna,
with James and on my own. They are taken in the hotel, out shopping and at the
airport, there’s no note. I turn the envelope over, regular stamps and a
printed label. The postmark is a standard London mark and from the smudged ink
I just work out that it was posted on the day we went to Italy, which would
explain why someone was taking photographs of me at the airport.

I feel very uneasy, if someone has all of these pictures,
then are they watching me now, do they…does
Lewis
know that I’m here on
my own, because it’s not rocket science to work out that it’s probably Lewis
behind this!

Feeling uneasy and to be frank a bit scared, I call James. I
told him I didn’t want to be home on my own. My phone’s in my bag, which is in
the kitchen. Dumping the photographs I firstly draw the curtains in the living
room, paranoid that someone is watching me now, then go through to get my bag.
I pull the blind down in kitchen too, although it isn’t over looked. I root
through my bag and find my phone at the bottom of the seemingly never ending
bottomless leather bag. I really do need to get a new one, one that isn’t an
abyss.

Taking my phone back to the living room I scroll down my
contacts list I find James number and tap it, he answers quickly, as if he’s
holding his phone.

“Hi Blossom,” He laughs “What’s up?”

“Don’t call me that! James, I have a problem!” I blurt out.

“What’s that?”

“I’ve just opened my post and I’ve a parcel of photographs,
all of me, me and Anna and you and me.” As I talk to him I pick up some of the
photographs and flick through them.

“Any note with it?” He sounds concerned clearly stopping
whatever he was doing.

“No, nothing. Whoever took them has watched us at the hotel,
at the airport and when I’ve been shopping. It’s got to be Lewis! Who else
would do this?” I’m starting to feel panicky again, I thought I was over the
panic attacks, I thought that I’d learnt to control them, “James I feel sick….I
can’t breathe, what if he’s out there now. I…I.” He cuts me off mid-sentence.

“I’m on my way, hold on Alex. I’ll be there as soon as I
can.” He hangs up as the tears flow again, shit! Why can’t I get a grip on
myself, why can’t Lewis just leave me alone? I feel as though my heart is
pounding although I’m sure it’s not. I try to concentrate on my breathing,
thinking about my happy place, I need to get over this.
Alex! Pull yourself
together
I mentally yell at myself.

I grip the photographs and sink to the floor leaning against
the sofa, tears more bloody tears roll down my cheeks. I keep telling myself
that he can’t do anything, I’m locked in and the house is secure but the
thought that he, or someone, has been watching me I find incredibly disturbing
and so very scary.

I try again to talk myself through the strategies that my
therapist suggested, we’ve only met once but we discussed the panic attacks and
what I can do to calm myself. I breathe deeply counting the seconds that I
breathe in and out, I count from one hundred backwards and think of my time
with James in Tuscany, the times we spent on our own wandering through the
streets of Florence but despite her assurances that these would help I still
feel more than a little panicky.

I hear James’ key in the front door, he pushes it open but
it halted by the security chain, the chain that he insisted I use. “Alex,
baby,” He calls, “take the chain off the door. Alex, it’s me. Take the chain
off the door.” He speaks slowly and firmly.

I push the photographs to one side and pull myself up using
the sofa for support. Holding onto the walls I walk slowly towards the front
door and slide the chain out of its bracket letting it swing against the door
frame. James pushes the door open and pulls me into him, “I’m here,” He
whispers, “I’m here,” I grab hold of him, refusing to let go. He guides me to
his side holding me around the waist he guides me back to the living room where
we both sit on the sofa. He just holds me gently, not saying a word as I weep
into his shoulder.

I break the silence, “Why James, why is he doing this?” I
ask.

“He’s not Alex…I checked with Benito on the way here. Lewis
is still laid up! It’s either nothing to do with him or someone’s doing it for
him! Are these the pictures?” He points to the photographs scattered on the
floor.

“Yes.”

He lets go of me for a moment, muttering as he looks through
the images, I’m sat concentrating on breathing and not letting this get the
better of me when he sits back beside me, I’m expecting a tirade of expletives
but he remains incredibly calm simply thumbing through the images. “I think we
know who’s behind this,” He sounds angry, “it has to stop Alex, he can’t keep
going on like this, the texts and turning up at the hotel, assaulting you…it
can’t go on. I’m calling Benito!” He snaps.

“What will he do?” my voice trembles.

“Well, for a start we can find out for definite
where
he is. If he’s still in hospital, which I doubt, but I would expect him to be
laid up he can’t possibly be up and about just yet, not after
both
legs
being broken! If it
is
him, then most definitely he’s asked someone to
do this, must have!” He stands, pacing around the living room constantly
looking through the pictures. “He’s fucking deranged Alex! Does he know that
Anna’s away?”

“I don’t know…I haven’t spoken to him and Anna said she
won’t! I don’t think he knows Katie’s parents, well not to speak to anyway so
he wouldn’t have found out that way.”

“Do you want a drink?” He asks me, a look of concern on his
face.

“There’s some wine in the fridge. I could murder a glass.” I
look down at the floor. I feel as though my privacy has been invaded that
someone has violated the personal space around me, and of Anna and James.

He leaves the room and returns after a few moments with two
large glasses of wine, he hands one to me and sits down again beside me,
dumping the photographs on the floor he leans to one side removing his phone
from his pocket. I watch this beautiful man, whose face is twisted, contorted
and angry as he jabs at the screen of his phone brining it to his ear. He takes
a deep drink whilst waiting for his call to connect; I hear only one side of
the conversation.

“Benito. Need your help mate… Can you come around to Alex’s?
… yeah, now… see you in twenty… Thanks.”

He all but throws his phone on the coffee table and reaches
for my hand.

“He’s coming here, he’ll sort it.” He pulls me towards him,
allowing me to rest my head on his chest and he just holds me.

“Why won’t he just leave me alone?” I think aloud.

“Because he’s a fucking bastard of the first order that’s
why!” He squeezes my shoulder, “Well, this time he’s over stepped the mark. I
thought he may have learnt his lesson, but no! The fucking retard needs to be
told again!”

I hold onto the diamond pendant around my neck, the one that
The Bossman gave me, it means everything to me.

“You okay?” He asks as he plays with my hair.

“I’ll be fine, just give me a few minutes and get rid of
Lewis for good!” I mumble.

“It can be arranged!” He grins broadly.

“No, no I was just thinking out loud, I don’t want him
killed – anyway, that would be an easy option, he needs to suffer!” I half laugh,
the wine clearly having an effect on how I’m feeling.

My James laughs with me, “You’re definitely Ramiro’s
daughter!”

He pulls me closer and we cuddle, just holding onto each
other, I feel so protected, so safe in his arms.

“Who’s looking after things at Reid’s?” I lift my head from
my place on his shoulder, looking up at him, he still looks anxious and
concerned.

“No-one - well, I told Marcus I was popping out, any
problems he’ll deal with,” He huffs, “I hope.”

We sit, waiting for Benito, James still has his arm around
my shoulders my head moved to his chest, his firm chest. I can hear his heart
beating slowly, steadily, God I love James so very much, please let this be
more than just a fling!

“This is nice.” I muse, running my hand over the white cotton
of his shirt.

“What?”

“Just sitting here, cuddling.” I mutter, feeling so much
more relaxed now that I’m not on my own.

He pulls me closer, “I shouldn’t have left you, the last
time I left you Lewis assaulted you. I said I’d never leave you again.” He
sounds so angry with himself, almost as if he’s chastising himself.

“But you can’t be with me 24-7!” I sigh.

“No, but I sent you home to an empty house on your own. If
I’d have been here you wouldn’t have been by yourself when you opened that
parcel.” His hand drifts across my shoulders, up and down my back, the
exquisite touches so welcome. But, I can tell by his tone, by his face that
he’s so angry with himself, I lean into him and see his other hand screwed up
into a fist, his knuckles are white. There is so much pent up anger there,
heaven help Lewis if they were in the same room together. Lewis is big but it’s
all fat, I suspect no match for James if they came to blows.