Loving Jay (20 page)

I stood up, leaving the table and moving away, deciding to answer after all.

“Hello?”

Silence greeted me on the line.

“Hello? Are you there?”

Faintly, the sound of a small sob reached me. Oh, God. Jay was on the other end and he was crying. I scrambled desperately to think of what could be the matter. Another bashing? A car crash? Bad hair day? Body waxing gone wrong?

“Jay? Buddy? Are you there? What’s the matter?” The adrenaline started to pound through my veins, the fight or flight response to my Other Half’s distress. Jay was crying and I was ready to fight his demons. One drunken jerk in a restaurant? No problem! Three gay-bashing thugs? Bring them on! Ten gay-bashing thugs? Give me warning and I will bring my brothers for backup!

Another pathetic sob sounded down the line followed by Jay’s shaky voice. “Oh, Liam!” He burst out wailing then, upset and blubbering all over the place but not in pain. Dread swallowed me whole. Oh, no.

I lowered my voice, calming and intimate. “Jay? Babe? Talk to me. Baby, tell me what’s wrong.” A distant part of my brain starting screaming at me then, yelling that I had just done something stupid. I knitted my brow together.
What?

Oh-holy-mother-of-all-clusterfucks. “Babe.” You just outed yourself to your whole family. You nong! You just called your secret boyfriend “babe” in front of your father.

But another sob came through my phone, piercing my heart, as I was too far away to help him. “Jay?”

Finally he gathered himself together enough to breathe and whisper to me. “It’s Grandma.”

And then I knew. Grandma with the emphysema hadn’t lived forever after all.

“Where are you? Are you at home?”

Jay sniffed and sobbed some more, but managed to squeeze out an affirmative. “Okay. Babe, listen to me. Hold on, okay? I’m on my way. One of my brothers will bring me right now. I’ll be five minutes, tops, okay?”

I spun around to my speechless family, their faces once again frozen as I confronted them. I automatically catalogued them again. They showed surprise, amazement, and astonishment mostly, but Dale was showing concern and Dad outrage.

I didn’t want to—couldn’t—deal with Dad right now. I searched my brothers’ faces. “I need a lift. Urgently.”

Ben was immediately on his feet, searching his pockets, but John waved him down. “I’m last in the driveway. I’ll do it. Come on, Liam. Let’s go.” I practically bolted for the door, John on my heels. My seatbelt wasn’t even fastened as John tore down the street.

“Where to, mate?”

“Osprey Drive.”

John flew through the roundabouts, barely stopping at the T-junctions, and broke the speed limits, following my directions. For once I couldn’t care less.

“This Jay? Is he the one on the TV?” John asked, pressing down on the accelerator.

“Yeah. I think his grandma just died. He couldn’t speak he was crying so much, so I’m not really sure at this stage.”

“Is he your boyfriend?”

“Yeah.”

John nodded. “Cool.”

“I love him, John.”

“Good. Now which house?”

I pointed out Daisy, who was parked proudly in the driveway, and John screeched to a halt behind the god-awful car. I immediately spotted Jackie, dressed all in black from her spiky black hair to her black combat boots. My stomach cramped at the sight of her. She was curled into a ball on the grass, sobbing her heart out under a large gumtree in the front yard.

“John!” I was desperate to find Jay but I couldn’t leave the poor girl out there by herself. I pointed. “That’s Jackie. Can you try to bring her inside, mate?”

I bolted for the house, unsurprised to find the front door unlocked. Sounds of hysteria hit me, and I followed the noise to the kitchen. Carol was desperately trying to calm Jay down, but he’d obviously worked himself into a frenzy. His eyeliner streaked in two black lines down his pale cheeks as he paced and threw his hands around, shrieking and bawling at poor Carol.

“No! You take it back! She is not dead!”

“Jamie, pet….”

“She can’t be dead! She promised me!”

“I know but….”

“You must be lying!”

Carol attempted to take him in her arms then, but he pushed her roughly away.

“I’m not lying, love….”

“No!”

I rushed in and Carol wept with relief. I could see the grief in her face as she turned to me. She seemed completely lost. “Oh, Liam. Thank goodness.”

I gave her a quick hug and my protective instincts took over. Someone needed to be strong and I didn’t even question my actions. I began to organize things, quickly taking charge and providing an anchor for them all to hang on to. “I’ll deal with Jay, now. It’s okay. I know. My brother, John, is outside with Jackie. Have you rung Jacey? No? No problem. You go and ring her and I will sort Jay out, okay? I’ll put the kettle on in five minutes.”

Carol left with a grateful squeeze of my hand as I turned to my agitated boyfriend. He was still pacing, on the edge of hyperventilation—his eyes stressed and his hands twitchy. “Jay? Babe? You need to calm down now. Breathe, remember? Big deep breath in… and out… and in… and out. Good. Now relax; breath some more. That’s it.” I could see Jay’s awareness returning, so I moved in, and took him in my arms. He reached for me and collapsed. I had to brace to take his entire weight.

“Oh, Liam! They said she died! How could she die?”

I lowered us both to the floor, bracing myself back against the kitchen cupboards as Jay curled up in my lap, crying buckets of tears into my shoulder. “I know, babe. Let it all out. That’s it. I’m here now and it will all be okay.” We sat for endless minutes, one grieving and one comforting.

Finally John stuck his head in the kitchen. I’d forgotten all about him. “Hey, Liam. Is everything okay in here?”

“John! Sorry, mate. I forgot you were still here. How are Carol and Jackie?”

“Jackie’s just gone to the loo. Carol’s okay, holding on alright, I think.”

I nodded and nudged Jay off my lap so I could stand. It was John’s first look at my boyfriend and he wasn’t exactly putting his best foot forward. I helped him up and wiped the tears off his splotchy face, smudging the black even further. I kissed him gently on the forehead. “Feel better now? How about you go and wash your face, hmm? I’m going to make everyone a cup of tea.”

Jay was pale but nodded and obediently trotted off without even looking in John’s direction. I turned to the stove and lit the gas, then filled the kettle to the brim with water. I had a feeling we were going to need lots of tea. John was still lingering in the background as I rooted through the cupboard looking for teabags and that terrible green chai stuff Jay drank.

“Sorry, John. I guess you got thrown in the deep end, didn’t you. You don’t have to stick around if you don’t want to. There is a bus I can take home.”

“Nah, it’s okay, man. I’ll hang about for a bit longer.” He hesitated a moment before venturing, “So that’s your boyfriend, huh?”

I snorted, setting out cups and finding the sugar. “Yeah. I know what you are going to say. Total fruitcake, right?”

John laughed. “I wasn’t thinking that, mate. I was thinking how bloody well you two fit together.”

Surprise was an understatement. I was staggered John would say something like that. “What?”

“Oh, come on. I’ve never seen you so paternal and protective. You waltz in here, take charge, and everyone listens to you. You have them all organized. And I saw in an instant how much you care for him. So he can be as fruity as a Christmas cake if he wants, as long as he is right for you.” John folded his arms across chest with a slight frown. “Unless, of course, he goes for Essendon. I could never like anyone who goes for Essendon.”

I laughed. “Jay is not really into football. I’m working on it, though. I told him he can come to your football games and perv on the guys as long as he learns the rules.”

John laughed. I found a tray and together we carried the tea to the lounge. Jay had curled up at one end of the sofa, his knees up to his chest. Carol sat staring blankly at the wall while Jackie sobbed quietly in the corner recliner. I dished out cups of tea as John sat on the arm of Jackie’s chair, rubbing her back slowly. I heard car doors slam and wordlessly made for the front door.

It was Trevor and Jacey.

“Hi, guys. Where are the kids?”

Trevor held Jacey’s hand. “My mother is with them. The kids didn’t need to be here for this.” I nodded my understanding.

The next four hours were hard, but we got through it. I sent John to the local shops to grab some finger food, and he arrived back with frozen pizza and quiches that we shoved in the oven to keep the troops fed. I doled out endless cups of tea and coffee and answered the door as people descended on the house who were strangers to me, but welcome family for Jay. Jay’s Aunty Faye and Uncle Tony arrived to discuss funeral arrangements and plans, and several cousins dropped by.

I answered the phone, spoke to people I didn’t know, wrote down phone numbers, promised to ring people with details, copied messages of condolence for Carol to read later, washed dishes, and soothed fraying nerves. I asked John to make sure he kept Jacey and Jackie apart, and he did a fantastic job. When tempers started to rise between the two of them, he simply created a job for Jackie to do in the kitchen.

I found a notebook for Trevor, and he diligently copied down the details to discuss with the funeral director who would come out tomorrow and meet with them all. Carol, Faye, and Tony compiled a list of people who needed to be informed, together with their phone numbers. Once I was sure Jay had it together, I sent him off with the top half of the list, and Jacey with the other half.

Finally, all was done that could be done. Carol looked exhausted, so with a couple of whispered words in sympathetic ears, the extended family packed up, and the house emptied. I sent Trevor and Jacey home to look after their own little family and sent John to the kitchen to cook a meal. Surprisingly Jackie followed, unwilling to be parted from her personal support person.

“Come on, Carol,” I urged, pulling her out of her chair. “Go and jump in the shower and relax for ten minutes while we put together something to eat.”

She stood and hugged me tightly. “Oh, Liam. I have no idea of what I would’ve done today without you here.”

I patted her back. “No worries. I’m just glad to help. Now scoot! Have a shower and make sure it’s hot.” I smiled as she left, and turned back to the room to see Jay watching me from the doorway, his eyes shining with joy at me. “What?”

He shrugged. “Just you. You really are a hero, aren’t you? You come in here and suddenly everything is fine. You make all the bad stuff go away until just the nice stuff remains.”

I scoffed and pulled him close, tucking him under my chin where I loved him to rest. “You are being ridiculous. I’m just doing what anyone else would.”

“No. You’re not. I don’t know how you came out of the womb so special. You aren’t like everyone else. No one else would be as nice to me as you. No one else would be my friend. No one else would take on three goons to save my butt. No one else would come into a house he barely knows and take charge of funeral arrangements. No one else would think to keep Jacey and Jackie apart to keep them from making a fraught situation even worse.”

I laughed at that one. “Keeping your sisters apart? Ha! That was simple self-preservation. Now, come on. Show me where your mum keeps the placemats so we can set the table for dinner.”

J
AY
WAS
deep in his grief on Monday and I left him to it, unwilling to burden him further with my own problems. He hadn’t grasped the concept of what it meant that John had been at his house that afternoon, so I gave him some space.

I had received a couple of text messages from my brothers Sunday afternoon, asking if everything was all right, and I simply texted back,
Yes. His grandma died. I’m helping out.
I didn’t feel like explaining who “he” was—but obviously I didn’t need to because none of them asked. Perhaps John had told them.

On Monday I waited until the civilized hour of 7:00 a.m. before asking Dale what the reaction had been. I thought that was quite decent of me, since I had already been at work for an hour by then. I couldn’t risk ringing him—I was at work after all and having a “what was my family’s reaction to me flinging wide open the closet door?” conversation at work was not exactly professional.

So I opted for text. Not exactly mature, but I hear men never are at times like these.

So how badly did Dad react to yesterday?

I chewed my nails and checked figures on my computer while I waited for him to reply. At that hour of the morning there were only two other people working on my floor, and neither of them were anywhere near me. Two minutes later the reply came through.

BAD. Dad did not react well. Sorry. Lots of shouting. Not the best way to come out, mate.

I stared at the screen. It wasn’t anything I didn’t expect. I knew that Dad would take it badly, but it still hurt just the same. I wished Jay were here to hug. When I was with him, the reasons behind being gay and living life out of the closet were clear. But at this moment, virtually on my own, finding out my father hated me was extremely painful. I felt like curling up in a ball and crying, just like Jackie had yesterday. I felt terrible. Jay had lost his grandmother, but I had lost my father, too. And I felt grief-stricken.