Loving (35 page)

Half an hour later the pains got harder and for a few minutes Bettina didn't know if she could go on. Her breath caught strangely, she felt herself trembling, she felt sick to her stomach, and she was suddenly violently cold. Ollie looked nervously at Mary, who was sharing a knowing look with another nurse. Bettina was in transition, and they both knew that this would be the worst. Half an hour later she clutched desperately at Ollie's arm and started to cry.

I can't ... Ollie ... can't ... no!" She cried harder as another pain came, and then screamed as the doctor examined her with his hand.

"She's at nine." He looked pleased, and then suddenly he was encouraging her too. "Just a few more minutes, Bettina. Come on ... you can do it ... you're doing great ... come on...." As sweat dripped relentlessly down Ollie's sides, somehow they talked her on, and fifteen minutes later the doctor nodded and suddenly everyone around them began to run.

"Ollie ... oh, Ollie...." She was holding on to him desperately and Mary saw that she was starting to push; it was time. They got her onto the delivery room table, and she grabbed willingly at the handles on either side.

"Do I have to have stirrups?" She looked at the doctor desperately, and he smiled.

"No, you don't." He had a nurse on each side help with her legs and instructed Ollie to support her under her shoulders, and suddenly all she wanted to do was push. She had the feeling that she was climbing a mountain, shoving boulders out of her path with her nose, and now and then it all got too much for her and she slid a little way back down the hill. But all their voices were mingling, encouraging her and spurring her on, and then suddenly, with a last gasp and hard push, Ollie felt her whole body grow stiff as she strained and between her legs a little red face appeared and gave a wail. He looked at it in amazement, still holding her shoulders in his hands.

"My God, it's a baby!" And then everyone laughed with relief. Two more pushes and the rest of their daughter had appeared.

"Oh, Ollie ... oh, Ollie, she's so pretty!" She was laughing and smiling, and this, time she was crying with joy, and Ollie and Mary were too. Only the doctor was dry-eyed but he looked as happy as they.

Half an hour later Bettina was in a room with the baby, and Ollie was still shaken by what he'd seen. His wife looked calm and unruffled, and proud of what she'd done. The whole birth had taken less than two hours, and she looked at them as she held the baby and grinned.

"You know what? I'm starving." Mary looked at her and laughed.

"I always was too."

But Oliver could only sit and stare in rapt fascination at his daughter. "I think you're both disgusting. How can you eat at a time like this?" But she did, she at two roast beef sandwiches, a milk shake, and a doughnut. You're a monster!" He laughed at her as he watched her devour the meal. But his eyes had never been as tender, and at last she held out a hand to him with a small gentle smile.

"I love you, Ollie. I couldn't have done it without you. A couple of times I thought I was giving out."

I knew you never would." But once or twice he had been frightened too, only because it had seemed so painful and so much hard work, but there she sat less than an hour later, her face washed, her eyes bright, her hair combed. It was all a little hard to absorb. Mary had gone downstairs for a cup of coffee, and to leave them alone. "You were wonderful, darling. I was so proud." They watched each other in endless, mutual admiration, and for an instant he wanted to ask her to many him. But he knew better. And even then, he didn't dare. They had already chosen the name for the baby. Antonia Daniels Paxton. And that was enough.

"Alexander, what do you think of your sister?" His mother looked at him in some amusement as he shrugged. She and the baby had been home for two days.

"Pretty cute, for a girl." He had survived his initial disappointment, after Bettina had let him hold her.

"Boy, is she small!" But he kind of liked her, and he handed her back with a smile. And then later, when he was alone with his mother, he let one thing slip. I'm sure glad you were married to my Dad when I was a kid."

"Are you? Why?" Bettina looked at him curiously, wondering why he had brought it up.

"Because what if people knew? Maybe they'd say something funny." He looked at her, frowning. "I wouldn't like that." He had just turned six in June.

"I guess not. But would it really matter, darling?"

"It would to me." Bettina nodded quietly and was lost In thought when Ollie came in to visit his wife and child. The doctor had let them leave the hospital quickly because the birth was so easy, but he wanted her to take it easy at home for about a week.

"What are you looking so serious about, madam?"

"Alexander. He Just said a very strange thing." She told him and he frowned.

"Maybe he's just sensitive about that right now." He tried to look noncommittal but there was a light of hope in his eye.

"What if she is too, six years from now?"

"Then we'll tell people we're married."

She looked at him oddly. "Maybe we should."

"What? Tell people that we're married?" He looked confused, and she shook her head slowly.

"No, get married I mean."

"You mean like now?" She nodded and he looked stunned. "Do you mean it?"

She nodded slowly. "Yes, I think I do."

"Do you want to?"

She smiled at him more broadly. "Yes, I want to."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! For heaven's sake, Ollie--"

"I don't believe it. I never thought I'd see this day."

"Neither did I. So shut up before I change my mind." Oliver rushed out of the room and a moment later they were laughing and drinking champagne. Three days later, after duly getting their license, with Mary and Seth in tow, Bettina and Ollie went downtown, and in City Hall they took their vows.

She looked at the certificate suspiciously afterward. "At least it doesn't say you're my fourth husband."

He grinned, but then he looked at her seriously. "Bettina, you don't have to be ashamed of anything you've ever done. You've done it all honestly. There's nothing wrong with all of that." He had always felt that way about her life, and she loved it about him. He made her feel proud.

Thank you, darling." And then, hand in hand, they walked down the stairs of City Hall. But when they got home, he was looking pensive and he gently held out a hand.

There is something else I want to take care of, Mrs. Paxton." But she knew he was only teasing. They had agreed that she would keep her own name.

"What's that Mister Paxton?"

But he looked serious when he answered. I want to adopt Alexander. Think I could?"

"If you mean would John let you, I'm sure of it." They had never heard from him. She looked tenderly at her husband. "Alexander would love it"

Ollie smiled at her slowly. "So would I. I'll call my lawyer tomorrow." He did, and four weeks later it was done. They were four Paxtons living under one roof.

On the first day in October all of the Paxtons flew to New York. Ollie had taken a three-month leave from work, they had found a nurse in New York to help Bettina with the baby, and they put Alexander back in his old New York school. By now he was a seasoned traveler. Ollie was quick to contact his old friends at the Mail. The play was hard work for Bettina, but she loved it, and she was fully recovered from Antonia's birth. When at last the play opened, it was another smashing success. They spent Christmas in New York in their suite at the Carlyle, and five days later they headed home.

"Feels good, doesn't it?" Ollie smiled at her happily as they lay in their own bed.

Bettina nodded happily. "Yeah, it does."

"I hope you wait awhile before you write another play."

"Why?" She looked at him in confusion, he was usually so encouraging about her work. But he was laughing on his side of the bed.

"Because I'm tired of freezing my ass off in New York. Can't you stick to movies for a while?"

"For the next six months anyway." But she hated to tell him that on the plane home she had been thinking about a new play. Her career was booming, and she had recently had several offers just to do films. Most ardent among her pursuers was Bill Hale, the man who had owned the first apartment they had shared in New York, but she had no desire to work with him and had never answered his calls.

"When do you start work on the movie?"

"In three weeks, I think."

He nodded, and a little while later they were both asleep. And the next morning he went back to work while she reorganized their life. The baby was almost sis months old and as cute as could be. Alexander was still on Christmas vacation and had turned out to be a big help with his sister. He loved to hold his little sister, and he was very proficient at feeding her and making her burp. Bettina was smiling, watching him do it at lunchtime, when she heard the phone. The sitter was hovering somewhere in the background, but Bettina nodded with a smile.

"I'll get it," She picked it up on the third ring, still watching Alexander hold the baby with a smile. "Yes, this is Mrs. Paxton." And then a long pause and, "Why?" And then suddenly her face turned gray and she turned around so Alexander couldn't see her cry. "Fine. "I'll be right there." They called her from the paper, but when she got there, it was already too late. The fire unit was double-parked on the street, and everyone stood around him as he lay lifeless on the floor.

It was a heart attack, Mrs. Paxton." The editor looked at her mournfully. "He's gone." She knelt gently next to him and touched his face. It was still warm.

"Ollie?" She whispered it softly. "Ollie?" But there was no sound, and the tears poured down her face. She heard someone urge the bystanders to go back to work or at least leave her alone, and she heard someone else say, "Isn't that Bettina Daniels? ... Yeah ... that was his wife.... " But the name of Bettina Daniels did her no good now. No success on Broadway, no movie, no screenplay, no money, no house in Beverly Hills would bring him back. At forty-five years of age, the man who wanted only the good life, who had wanted only to see tie birth of his first child, had died of a beast attack on his office floor. Oliver Paxton was no more. It was the third man she loved that Bettina had lost in this way, and as she watched them bundle him carefully onto a stretcher, she sobbed in anger as much as in pain.

Mary and Seth Waterston came down for the funeral, and afterward Mary stayed with Bettina for another four days, while Seth went back to work. But there was very little they said to each other. She helped mostly with the children. Bettina seemed hopelessly withdrawn. She didn't move, she didn't talk, she didn't eat. She just sat and stared. Now and then Mary tried to bring her the baby, but even that didn't help. She just waved her away vaguely and went on sitting there, lost in her own thoughts. She was scarcely better the night before Mary left.

"You can't do this to yourself, Betty." As always she was honest, but Bettina only stared at her.

"Why not?"

"Because your life's not over. No matter how hard this is."

But then she looked at her friend angrily. "Why Isn't it, dammit? Why not me instead of him?" And then, sadly, her eyes slowly filled as she stared at nothing. "He was such a good person."

"I know." Mary's eyes were damp too. "But so are you."

"When I had the baby"---her lip was trembling violently--"I couldn't have made it without him."

"I know, Betty, I know." She held out her arms and Bettina went into them and seemed to cry out her soul. But she looked better when Mary left the next day.

"What are you going to do now?" Mary looked at her piercingly as they stood at the gate.

Bettina shrugged. "I have to fulfill my contract. I have to write the screenplay for my second play."

"And after that?"

"God only knows. They keep hounding me to make other deals. I don't think I will"

"Will you go back to New York?"

But Bettina shook her head firmly. "Not for a while. I want to be here." Mary nodded, and they held each other for a long moment before Bettina kissed her cheek and Mary disappeared onto the plane.

Two weeks later, as promised, she appeared at the studio to begin discussing the initial work she was going to do in adapting her play. The meetings were dry, crisp, and exhausting. But Bettina never seemed to bend. She spoke to no one unless she had to, and at last she took refuge in her house to write the script. It took her less time than expected, and when it was completed, it was even better than they had hoped. They made her a lot of speeches about how gifted she was. And in short order Norton started getting an avalanche of calls. Bettina Daniels's reputation had been made.

"What do you mean you're not working?" He listened in shocked horror when he called her. "Just what I said. I'm taking six months off."

"But I thought you wanted to start a new play."

"Nope. Not a new play. Or a new movie. Absolutely nothing, Norton, they can all go to hell."

"But Bill Hale's office just--"

"Screw Bill Hale. I don't want to hear it ..."

"But, Bettina--" He sounded panicked.

"If I'm that good, they'll wait six months, and if I'm not, then too bad."

"That isn't the point, but why wait when you can pull in anything you want at this point? Name the price, name the picture. Baby, it's all yours."

"Then give it all back to them. I don't want it."

He couldn't understand it. "Why not?"

She sighed softly. "Norton, five months ago I lost Ollie." She sighed again. "The wind has kind of gone out of my sails since then."

"I know. I understand that. But you can't just sit there. It's not good for you." But she knew it was also not good for him.

"Maybe it is. Maybe all this bullshit isn't as Important as I thought."

"Oh, Jesus, Bettina, don't do this. Don't do some kind of beachcomber routine. You are about to reach the summit of your life." But she had already done that, When the baby was born ... when she married Ivo ... when she had shared some of her father's great moments ... there was more than just work and success. But she didn't want to explain to him. Just trying to made her feel tired.