“I shouldn’t ha—”
“It’s okay, Rob, it—”
“No, you don’t know, I’m not—”
“I know enough.” Piper said, raising her hand. “Don’t worry, please don’t worry. We don’t have to do this again. It was a mistake, but a small mistake.”
“Yes, a small mistake.”
“As I said earlier, I’ve got some things to take care of.” Piper smoothed her sweater over her hips, looking for nonexistent pockets, any kind of refuge in the awkward situation. What was she doing, she thought, waiting for permission to leave?
“Good night.” She was already walking out of the living room toward the door to the downstairs.
“Yes, uh, well, again, thank you very much for this today. Very kind of you. And, uh, good night.”
“MM-MMM, DELICIOUS
. Hard to believe these two are in the same test group. That last one was redolent of a Dumpster, with shades of dog poop in an oil barrel thrown in.” Rob smiled and let his head loll in pleasure. He had a reasonably well developed nose, but at this moment his enjoyment stemmed from the large creative descriptor territory and the lingo that went with it more than the actual wine tasting. Wines were such fair game. No hurt feelings, no tippy-toeing around what he wanted to say. Just spit it out, literally, and then spit it out.
He’d signed up for the monthly tastings and was on his third session. He appreciated the oblivion of sinking into the myriad dimensions of wine. It required one hundred percent concentration, and that was good. There was no room for other thoughts. As instructed, he considered the body of this latest offering, then got stuck on the word
body
. The image of a beautiful woman who resembled Piper invaded his mind and he lost his concentration. Then the sommelier, Gerald, resumed his talk, pointing out the nicest features of the wine and where it was lacking.
“And remember, folks, next month, please bring a guest with you if there’s someone who might be interested. We’d like to get the word out about the sessions. Ontario is producing some spectacular vintages and I want to raise the wine IQ here in Toronto.”
There was a little more chatter about baco noir grapes and then the class dispersed.
Rob had enjoyed his walk to the tasting, which was held in the back of a small restaurant on Bloor St., and the return trip was equally pleasant. Even though it was a few weeks before classes started up at the nearby University of Toronto, the kids were coming back to the city and the street was lively. Actually, he thought, it was vibrant at any time of the year, and that was something he appreciated about his neighborhood. His house was a few blocks north of Bloor, far enough away to keep his street quiet most of the time and close enough that he could walk out and buy almost anything he needed. He could eat almost every type of ethnic food that was available anywhere in the world, see plays, hear live music, go to the film festivals, attend lectures.
Occasionally he gave some of those lectures himself, glad to be in touch with students and the interested public at large. It was a relief from battling forces that sometimes seemed insurmountable. He’d realized even in his student days that a career in the world of environmental assessments was not for the timid. He particularly enjoyed the Q&As at the ends of the lectures. That’s when things really got interesting, rough and tumble. Yeah, he liked it when some of the aggressive business admin kids showed up. They were great at taunting the stalwart environmentalists; their presence guaranteed impassioned and wild arguments.
Blackberry lingered on his palate from the last round of tasting and he thought about the next gathering. Piper had seemed interested in expanding her “wine IQ.” She might agree to go with him. “No, I blew it,” he muttered aloud. “She’s probably afraid I’ll attack her.”
He hadn’t seen much of Piper in this week after the spontaneous kiss. He wondered if she was avoiding him, and he didn’t blame her. What had he been thinking, what had gripped him so severely to behave so inappropriately? He didn’t go around grabbing women he barely knew. Sandra would be horrified, on his behalf. She would say, if he was going to kiss a woman, he should make it count or not attempt it at all. And now he was analyzing his error in judgment through his wife’s eyes. Just stay in the present moment, he reminded himself.
Still his thoughts returned to Piper. He wanted to make amends. The wine tasting could be carefree, fun, but it would take some courage to ask her to the tasting. Was he asking her as a friend, something he’d already decided he couldn’t be? Or hinting that a relationship was possible…again, something that couldn’t be. There didn’t seem to be much else. His thinking felt messy. He grunted, his previous light mood now completely dissipated. He’d sleep on it.
“Has he asked you out?”
“Oh, Deirdre, he’s renting an apartment to me, not trolling through eHarmony. And he’s still in love with his wife—if you met him, you’d pick up on that right away. And he has Jennie to consider, and most of all he’s not look—”
“You’re protesting too much, Piper.”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake, I’m being realistic. Really, Dee, you don’t understand.”
“I know when I hear a spark in your voice, and since you’ve been living there, you sound happier, your tone is different. And that’s with a house nearly in ruins and the issue of your prodigal daughter. But wait, before we go there, is little Jennie still knocking on your door?”
“Yes, she’s my tiny faithful visitor, brings me presents, like some of the fluffy chicks she adores, a couple of storybooks. I love that kid.” Piper did love Jennie but wondered at all the attention the little girl paid her. She must be missing her mother.
“Sounds like she loves you, too. What does Rob think about all this?”
“That’s a good question. I have no idea. It’s usually the babysitter upstairs when Jennie visits, after I get back from school. I don’t think Rob gets home till about a quarter to six… usually.”
“You seem quite knowledgeable about his schedule,” Deirdre teased.
“You’re incorrigible. There is nothing going on. Even if he was interested—which he’s not—he’s not ready for a girlfriend. Plus, he’s got a pot belly.” Piper crossed her fingers behind her back as she visualized Rob’s fit, flat stomach. “And a hairline that’s receded to almost invisible…” In her mind now, Rob’s very full head of golden brown hair was predominant. “Let’s see, and did I mention the nasty overbite.” She tightened her fingers and grimaced, Rob’s wide smile that featured white and even teeth mocking her. She carried on quickly, not wanting to dwell on the lie. “And even if I was interested—which I’m not, because he’s nice but on the pedantic side of boring—”
“Those things aren’t necessarily deal breakers, Piper.”
“As I was saying, even if I was interested—which I’m not…well, I don’t know. I don’t think I’m good relationship material,” Piper said. There, surely Deirdre wouldn’t persist in the face of all those negatives.
“Of course you are, darling, it’s just a matter of finding the right man, your version of Sam.”
Piper sighed out loud. “I’m afraid you might have got the last good man, Dee. Anyhow, that’s not why I called you. I know you weren’t sure it was a good idea, but after I hung up from talking to you, I went ahead and asked Manny to meet me. So tonight’s the night, and he’s going to pick me up for dinner. I’ve suddenly got cold feet about interfering in Kathleen’s life.”
“It’s a tough one, Piper. No matter what you do, it’s inevitable that either Kathleen or Manny is going to be furious with you? It’s just as dangerous to not be the messenger.”
“My thinking, Dee, is that he is her father, after all. I know she hasn’t told him and I think he ought to know what’s going on with her. Maybe he’ll be able to talk to her. She’s certainly not confiding in me. I still don’t even know who the father is. And then there’s her second year at school, which is very close to starting now. What about that? She could be a mother by the end of second semester.”
“Yeah, you’re right, let him in on the secret. I’ll say that for Manny, he might not have been right for you, but he did the right thing by Kathleen. When do the fireworks begin?”
“He’s picking me up for dinner at about six. Surprise—we’re going to that little Greek restaurant, the one that’s been his favorite for seventeen years.”
“You could never call Manny fickle, could you. He’s a lifer.”
“Except for me.”
“Yes, well, except for you. Wait a minute, you sound different, what just happened? You’re not having regrets about Manny…or anything like that, are you? Good grief, Piper, that was over so long ago, and after all, you left—”
“Of course not, just stating the facts,” she said. Piper did not want to relive those old, awful days. “Okay, Dee, I’d better get ready, talk to you later.”
“Call me anytime, Piper. Ciao, bella.” Deirdre said her goodbye in a way that reminded Piper of what a dear friend she was.
After hanging up, Piper remained where she stood, and put her hand across her forehead. She had felt positively bereft for a moment in that conversation and it had taken her—and Deirdre—by surprise. She and Manny weren’t right for each other, had never been right together. And they had fourteen unlamented years of life after marriage to prove it. The single thing they had done spectacularly well was produce Kathleen.
Still there was that momentary flash of loss, longing. Certainly not for Manny, but for an unknown person who could be what Manny should have been. Someone who would love and protect her, comfort her, laugh with her, make love to her. Another unruly sensation to be quashed. She absentmindedly stacked the piles of books and papers on her desk, preparations for the new school year. Yikes, the beast that rode in on the first week of September was whinnying increasingly loudly and about to come charging straight at her.
“You need to dress for dinner,” she said, pulling off her lightweight khaki pants and sleeveless pink top. She stood in front of the closet, wondering what would be appropriate to wear. “Don’t be silly,” she chastised herself. “This is not a date, it’s a dinner with your very ex ex.” The man who had swept her off her feet when she was eighteen. And married her. Against her parents’ wishes, of course, but what did they know.
This was the man who it turned out had not been right for her—or for anyone else until he stopped the drinking that was ruining him in every way—but had been unstinting in his care and love for Kathleen. This did not change even after remarrying and starting another family. Wrong time for Piper, but very right for beautiful, gentle Maria, his wife for the past twelve years. Manny and Maria, even their names together sounded more like a couple than Manny and Piper ever had been.
It had been a long time since she’d dressed for anything other than vacationing or teaching. What would she wear if she was going to dinner with Rob. That prospect was more fun to entertain. Rob—her feelings for him were too new and tender to be shared with Deirdre yet, and when they came to nothing she didn’t want to have to endure Deirdre’s sympathy. But her reticence in talking to Deirdre hadn’t prevented Rob from infiltrating her thoughts with regular frequency. Actually her dreams, too. And those had been X-rated. She who only liked fluffy movies was dreaming in porn. It would be a relief to see him in real life with his clothes on.
For the past eight days, she hadn’t seen him once, in any state of dress. Coincidence or intentional? She didn’t know him that well, maybe he was the sort who ran and hid when presented with a difficult situation. Not her. When a problem arose, she found it was simply easier to meet the situation head-on, deal with the immediate discomfort and establish the new normal. And what exactly was the new normal now that they had a history in which a kiss overrode all other features of their short history. She blushed and shook her head. She couldn’t remember the last time she had so thoroughly dissected a scene from her past, and she still wasn’t tired of it.
She manhandled the clothes at the front of the closet to reach less-used possibilities at the back, the party girl section. She had brought far too many clothes with her, and wondered why she’d chosen these particular items, what ball she’d anticipated an invitation to. Crazy, a pink taffeta cocktail dress. And a couple of skimpy risqué numbers that she hadn’t had the courage to wear even once. She pulled them out and held them up one at a time, dancing in front of the floor-length mirror and letting her head fall back as she modeled them for herself. Manny had never been further from her mind.
Rob was walking by his front window when he saw Piper embracing a dark-haired man who was not much taller than her. They separated and he caught a glimpse of the man’s face. Even from this distance, Rob could see intense dark eyes. The man had other equally strong facial features—substantial nose and mouth. Rugged, a man’s man. He was the kind of man who could serve as a visual definition of the male of the species.
Rob didn’t like him. He was undoubtedly just short of Early Paleozoic in his attitudes about the environment, equality between the sexes, probably spent his free time chasing his trilobite friends in violent video games.
So, what was Piper doing with him? Was that he-man her boyfriend? Of course, Piper could have a boyfriend—just because she hadn’t mentioned one didn’t mean he didn’t exist. He’d wondered about it earlier and then let it go when no boyfriend surfaced. It shouldn’t have mattered one way or another, but he’d been relieved.
Now the man was opening the passenger door of a Hummer. He hadn’t noticed the make of the behemoth in his driveway. Good Lord, Rob had kissed someone who had kissed someone who owned a Hummer. As Piper stepped up into the vehicle, Rob finally looked directly at her. He had never seen her in that particular sundress, red with tiny see-through straps. Her hair, shiny and black, was pulled into some kind of twist at the back. A few tendrils had come loose from the rest, and she was laughing. She looked radiantly beautiful. She had gotten all dolled up for this Neanderthal. Rob obviously didn’t know the real Piper.
“What’s wrong, Daddy?”