Loving Protector (12 page)

“I am sure that is not true,” said the
colonel. “None of us want you to die, Blanche. Calista?”

“No, of course I do not want Blanche to die.
I … I need some time alone.” She fled the room in tears, churned up by all her
conflicted emotions.

Calista normally laughed at young women
who used headaches as an excuse to hide away from the world, but for the rest
of the day she did just that. She refused to join the others for lunch, and
then again at dinner time. It seemed to her that the world was upside down when
someone who had almost murdered half a dozen people could simply get away with
it just to avoid a scandal.  She recognized her own dislike and jealousy
of Blanche played a big part in her feelings, but that did not mean that her
step-sister deserved to escape justice.

She was just about to undress and get
into bed when there was a knock on the door. It was Lady Bedlington.

“I am sorry I have not been down to
dinner,” said Calista.

“You’re unhappy, child, I can see that.”
Lady Bedlington closed the door behind her and took Calista’s hands. “I am not
happy with the way things turned out either. Like you I feel that justice
should be served. But unfortunately Brook and Mrs. Haywood are correct. If this
got out, the scandal would affect us all.”

“I do not understand why it should
reflect badly upon the innocent,” said Calista.

“Oh but it does, dear girl. You are very
young and idealistic, and very special for being that way. But I have lived in
this world for longer. I have seen these scandals come and go, and the effect
they have upon those who were innocent. Society tends to judge a family as a
whole being, rather than by its individual members. That is why Blanche will
not be brought to trial, and why Brook will never try for his father’s title.
He is not just thinking of his mother’s good name, but the good name of all our
family.”

“How can we ever trust her again?” asked
Calista. “How can Evelyn even dare to take a drink of tea from her?”

“It is hard to understand it, but I do
believe that Blanche is truly sorry for almost killing her mother. However…”
Lady Bedlington paused. “That is not to say that she will not do something else
stupid to someone that she does not love so well. We must be on our guard, you
and I.”

“Oh and what if she does,” said Calista.
“It would only be hushed up again for the good of the family and …” she
stopped. “I am sorry, Lady Bedlington, I spoke out of turn. I did not mean to
sound so angry with you.”

“I know, dear. And I understand exactly
what you are saying. But we must cross that bridge if and when we come to it.”
Lady Bedlington turned to leave then said, “Are you sure that Blanche’s attempt
at murder is the only reason you wish her to be punished?”

“No,” said Calista, shamefaced. “No,
probably not.”

“Well, I understand that too. But you
are a good girl, Calista, and the fact that you have admitted it shows that you
do not really wish her to be punished for anything other than what she has done
to her mother, Mr. Benedict and the servants.”

“I wish I could be sure that was true,”
said Calista. “But…”

“Yes, what is it?”

“Mr. Benedict. There is no way Blanche
could have arranged that. She must have been working with someone.”

Lady Bedlington nodded. “Yes, Brook said
as much. But Blanche refuses to name anyone else.”

“I think I know who it is,” said
Calista.

Chapter
Twelve

The days passed by until Calista woke up
one morning and realized it was her wedding day. She had barely seen the
colonel since Blanche’s plot was revealed. He and Mr. Benedict, who had made a
full recovery, were out most of the day, only returning late in the evening
after dinner. There was no chance for Calista to be alone with the colonel. She
had so many fears and doubts, but she knew that the right words from him, even
if they were not ‘I love you’, would make all the doubts go away.

“You look lovely,” said Evelyn, after
she had helped Calista into her wedding gown. It was white satin with an
intricate lace design on the bodice. A whisper thin veil covered her head.

“Thank you.”

“Calista, dearest, we have not had much
chance to talk since … well since everything happened. I know you are
disappointed in me…”

“No, I am not, Evelyn. I understand that
it is your duty to protect your child.”

“And yet in doing so, I have lost you. I
can feel it.”

“I am not your child.” It was a simple
statement of fact, so Calista was surprised to see the hurt in Evelyn’s eyes.
Since the events of which Evelyn spoke, Calista had felt increasingly isolated.
She began to wonder who would stick up for her if she ever did anything wrong.
She had no mother or father of her own, and whilst Lady Bedlington was always
kind to her, she was not a blood relation and would always put the family name
first. As for the colonel … his dismissal of Blanche’s wrongdoing for the sake
of avoiding a scandal hurt more than anyone else’s.  And yet in a few
hours time she would be his wife. How could she bear it? If only her feelings
for the colonel and hatred of Blanche were not so closely combined by her
certainty that he had other reasons for protecting her step-sister.

“You may not believe this, Calista, but
I would have done the same for you.”

“I would not have tried to poison you.”

“Please do not do this, darling. Do not
push everyone away because you are angry with us. Because you do not think we
did the right thing. It was as much for you as for anyone. You do not want your
marriage to the colonel marred by scandal right from the beginning. Society can
be very cruel.”

“The colonel assured me that he did not
care for what society thinks. I suppose he only thought so when there was no
danger of it happening, due to his war record. In the end it turns out he is
just like everyone else, terrified of losing his place in it.”

“Calista! This is no way to talk of the
man you are going to marry.”

“Oh why not, Evelyn? He is not marrying
me because he loves me. He is marrying me because he was cornered into it at St
James Palace. You as much as said yourself that he only intended to offer me
his protection. And it is I who must live with that reality. Not society.”

“I …” Evelyn looked helpless. “I may
have been wrong.”

“It is more likely that you were right.
Honestly I do not understand why he did not just ask Blanche to marry him if
she is what he wanted.”

Evelyn took Calista’s hand. “I do not
say this to be unkind, darling. You are clearly unhappy enough as it is and I
have no wish to add to that. But for a clever girl you can be very obtuse at
times.”

Before Calista could ask Evelyn what she
meant, a servant arrived to let them know that the carriage was waiting to take
them to the church. As Calista had no male relative to give her away, Mr.
Benedict had agreed to do it. The colonel had asked one of his fellow officers
to stand in as best man. He was waiting for them in the hall.

“You look very beautiful, Miss Haywood,”
he said kindly. He was one of the few people Calista was not angry with. She
knew from things that had been said that hiding the scandal had cost him almost
as much as it had cost her. She sensed there was an estrangement between Mr.
Benedict and Evelyn and was genuinely sorry for it. She still loved her
step-mother and did want her to be happy with the man she loved. It seemed that
Blanche had succeeded in destroying any hopes of that.

She tried to swallow some of her own
self-pity. At least she was marrying the man she loved, even if he did not feel
the same way. Perhaps all she felt was nerves because it was her wedding day and
that all the tense feelings would disappear as soon as she was married. But
there was something else too. Something at the back of her mind that told her
the troubles were not over yet. What form they might take, she did not know.
Only that as she climbed into the carriage on a bright sunny day, a cloud
crossed the sun and the light became dark. She shivered involuntarily.

“Are you cold, Miss Haywood?” asked Mr.
Benedict. The carriage set off towards the church.

“No, I am well, thank you.”

“Nervous?”

“Yes. A little. Very.” She smiled.

“You are marrying a good man today. Let
me take this chance to wish you both all the happiness in the world.”

“Thank you.” Calista struggled to smile,
feeling more like crying. “I hope … I hope you and Evelyn shall be happy one
day too. If it is not presumptuous for me to say so.”

“Thank you … Calista. I know that you
and I share the same opinion about recent events. I have tried to follow
Evelyn’s wishes, but … I had always thought that when I had a child I should
love it unconditionally. It is difficult to find out one not only has a child,
but that it is impossible to even like that child. I have to remind myself that
Evelyn has had to live with our mistake, and has suffered for it. She cannot
turn her back on Blanche now. And in many ways it is our fault the way Blanche
turned out. We were reckless when we were young. No, I was reckless. I cannot
bring myself to blame Evelyn. I gave no thought to the consequences of my
actions. Now we are both paying for our youthful transgressions. Even if
society does not punish, God finds a way.”

Calista did not know what to think of a
God who could bring so much on happiness on two people who were genuinely in
love. “Evelyn still loves you. I know that much, and I do so want you both to
be happy.”

“It is odd the way life works out. Your
mother and father are blessed with Portia. Myself and Evelyn somehow give rise
to Lady MacBeth.”

Calista laughed for the first time in
many days, albeit in a bittersweet way. “I am sorry, I should not laugh.”

“Yes, you should for that was my
intention. I know you are very confused and conflicted by the things that have
happened, added to the nervousness that all new brides feel. But I promise you
that by the end of today, all your worries will be eradicated. You will be
happy with Brook, Calista. I guarantee it.”

“And you and Evelyn?”

“We will work our way through things I
am sure. But we are not your concern. You must concentrate on your own life
from now on.”

Calista shyly reached out and took Mr.
Benedict’s hand. “Thank you for agreeing to give me away today. I cannot think
of anyone whom I would prefer to do it.”

“And I am very proud to have been asked
to escort such a beautiful bride on her wedding day.”

The church was full of people that
Calista barely knew. Only Evelyn, Lady Bedlington and Blanche were familiar
faces in the crowd. It once again illustrated how isolated she was. Soon, she
thought, as she walked up the aisle, she would be married to a man who had no
love for her. She hesitated slightly, almost losing her footing, before raising
her chin and deciding to meet whatever came afterwards head on. She was not a
coward, and she did love the colonel. Whether it would be enough to make her
happy, she did not know. All she did know, as she saw him waiting at the altar,
dressed in his uniform and with a fellow officer at his side, was that she
wanted to be married to him.

Mr. Benedict went through the
formalities of giving her away, her hand trembling as he put it into the
colonel’s. She assumed that she made all the right responses to the officiating
vicar, but afterwards, when they were pronounced man and wife, she had little
recollection of having done so. She was, however, very aware of the colonel’s
voice repeating the vows. It resonated throughout the church, and she imagined
she must sound very mouse-like in comparison.

“You may kiss the bride,” said the
vicar. The colonel … her husband … lifted her veil. She expected a peck on the cheek
so she was unprepared for the emotions that assaulted her when he took her in
his arms and kissed her full on the lips. The kiss was wonderful and
devastating at the same time. Wonderful, because his kisses always were, but
devastating because she was convinced it was either for show or to make Blanche
jealous. Or perhaps even a little of both.

As the kiss went on and on, she could
hear the congregation somewhere in the background. Some were saying ‘aw’ and
others were laughing uncomfortably. The British were not used to such obvious
shows of affection, especially in public.

She did not know who broke the spell.
Her or Brook, but she was grateful that even when he took his lips from hers he
still held her around the waist as she was sure she might stagger backwards.

“My wife at last,” he whispered.

The next few hours passed by in a daze,
with Calista feeling like a puppet whose strings were being controlled by other
people. She merely went where she was told, and spoke when she was spoken to.

 The wedding party returned to Lady
Bedlington’s where a wedding breakfast had been laid on. There were several
speeches. Some, by Brook’s brother officers, jokingly alluded to the coming
night, only just staying on the right side of decency. No one seemed to mind.
Even Lady Bedlington laughed, despite blushing in a very old lady-like manner.
If Lady Bedlington’s cheeks were pink, Calista imagined her own to be
scarlet.  She had almost managed to push the thought of sharing a bed with
Brook to the back of her mind, apart from the fevered dreams over which she had
no control.

Soon it was time for Calista to change
into her going away outfit. They were to spend a night at Brook’s house, before
leaving for their honeymoon the next day. Calista had no idea where they were
going. Brook had not shared the information with her. It was another indication
of her lack of control over her own life. She wondered if she would always feel
this way.

“Thank God that’s all over,” said Brook,
as they drove back to his house in the carriage. It was on Calista’s lips to
snap that she was sorry marrying her had proved such an ordeal, but she clamped
her mouth shut. He had no choice but to marry her, after the King had forced
his hand by trying to betroth Calista to the Earl of Garton. “Now we’ll have
chance to talk,” he said, softly. “I’ve arranged that once dinner is served the
servants will have the evening off so we can be alone.”

“That will be … nice…”

“Nice?”

“I mean good, that we can talk at last.
Because I’ve been thinking … We don’t have to … what I mean is … as far as
everyone is concerned, we are married now. So no one else will know what
happens inside our marriage. So if you want to … to see other ladies …” Her
voice caught in her throat. “I shan’t stop you. I’m sure you’ll find them far
more interesting than me and… Well we hardly need bother each other at all, do
we?”

“Bother each other?”

She wished he would stop responding with
a question. Especially questions that insisted she be specific about what she
meant.

“Are you saying that you do not wish to
share my bed?”

“No … I mean … well only if you would
rather not. If there is someone else you prefer…”

Brook frowned. “I am willing to put your
reluctance down to shyness, rather than be offended by it.”

“I am sorry, I did not mean to offend
you.”

“Very well, Calista. I shan’t bother you
tonight, if that’s what you prefer. But you do understand that if we are to
have children … which is something I would very much like … then we will have
to ... bother each other, as you so quaintly put it, sometimes. Do you
understand that? Has your step-mother spoken to you about tonight?”

“Oh yes. We had an excruciating
conversation about it last night. I am not sure who was more embarrassed.
Evelyn or me.”

“I can imagine.” Brook smiled, and it reminded
Calista why she had fallen in love with him. Of course she wanted to share his
bed and have his children. How could she have been so stupid as to suggest
otherwise? Only she did not know how to retract her statement without looking
even more stupid than she already did. He became more serious. “I am rather
hurt that you would foist me off on another woman, Calista. I had hoped …” he
sighed. “Never mind what I hoped. I can see now I’ve been a fool. There will be
no other women for me, and there will most certainly be no other men for you.”

“I would never …” Calista’s face felt as
if it was on fire and she glanced at him in horror. “I did not mean that I
would want to see other men. I am not like that.”

“Yet you think I am the sort of man who
would take a mistress? You are allowed to feel offended by such an insult, but
I am not. Is that it?”