Loving Tenderness (14 page)

“Aren’t you tired, boy?” Andrew asked, anxious to get moving and find a place to talk with Hannah alone. “We’re having cake and ice cream after dinner.”

“I’m not tired,” he said. “It’s my birthday, remember?”

Hannah gave her son a weary look. “Okay, but this is our last stop. You’re starting to slow down.”

In truth, Hannah had slowed down. Andrew located an empty bale of hay where Hannah sat while they went
to purchase the treats. Before JJ finished his large donut, he’d slid down and used what remained of Hannah’s lap for a pillow.

“Just as I thought, JJ. Sit up.”

“But, Mommy. I’m comfortable.”

Then to Andrew’s surprise, JJ suddenly lurched upward and gaped at Hannah. “What was that?”

She laughed. “The baby moved.”

JJ leaned down to stare at her belly. “It moved? How come?”

“The baby just moves sometimes.”

“Maybe I squashed him?”

Andrew drew closer, intrigued by the event. “You’re feeling him move?”

“Of course.”

“Feel it, Andrew,” JJ said, grasping his hand and pulling him toward Hannah’s abdomen.

He eyed Hannah, then JJ, and hesitated.

“Go ahead,” JJ said, urging his hand forward.

Hannah nodded, and Andrew accepted the offer and rested his palm against her rounded stomach. Nothing happened.

JJ watched his hand. “Do you feel him? He kicked me.”

“I guess he went back to sleep,” Andrew said, amazed at his disappointment. He started to pull his hand away, but Hannah captured it and held it in place.

“Don’t move,” she said.

With pure amazement, Andrew felt a rolling sensation beneath his hand, then suddenly a vigorous poke that whacked against his palm.

“A foot or an elbow,” Hannah said, her voice sending ripples down Andrew’s spine.

“That’s truly awesome.”

“It makes you realize there’s a little human being living in there where it’s safe.”

Where it’s safe.
Andrew raised his head, and his focus shifted to the crowd. He scanned the area and saw nothing suspicious.

His hand still tingled as they headed back to the car with JJ dragging along behind them.

As he guessed would happen, JJ drifted to sleep as soon as the sedan rolled out onto the highway. He basked in the quiet for a minute, reliving the wonderful experience of feeling the baby move beneath his hand.

Hannah leaned her head against the seat back, and Andrew feared she’d drift off, too, before he had time to talk with her. He sent up a prayer that God’s will be done.

“Do you feel like talking?” he asked. His hands clasped the steering wheel tighter than he had realized, and he forced himself to loosen his grip.

“Sure,” she said, rolling her head toward him without lifting it.

“I’ve been thinking about us.”

His comment brought her up straight, and she looked at him with a question in her eyes. Before he continued, he glanced into the back seat to make sure JJ slept soundly.

“About marriage.”

“Marriage?”

He glanced at her, concerned about the tone of her voice. “Does that surprise you?”

“Yes, I guess it does.”

“You don’t seem happy, Hannah.”

The look on his face saddened her. “I am, Andrew, but the timing’s not good.”

“Timing? What do you mean? It’s perfect. We could get settled before the baby’s born. We could buy a new house if you’d like and get a room ready for—”

“Andrew, things are so up in the air. Jack’s been released, I’m expecting his child, people are gossiping. It just seems to me—”

“I’m not talking about Jack or gossiping, Hannah. I’m talking about marrying you and making a home together.”

When she looked at him, tears filled her eyes. “Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, but I can’t think of marriage until I feel more in control of my life again. I’m not ready, Andrew.”

Andrew clenched his jaw to fight the dejection. He tried to comprehend Hannah’s thinking, but he wasn’t always successful. She set her mind, and nothing could sway her. His confidence slipped into a pit. She wasn’t ready now, and he would try to understand that. But would she ever be ready? That was the question that left Andrew in despair.

“You said
no?
” Jenni’s eyebrows arched, and she dropped the chocolate-covered spoon onto the work area. “Why would you refuse Andrew’s proposal? He obviously cares about you.”

“I know he cares, and I care about him.” Care? She loved him, but… “But it’s not the right time, Jenni. Think about it. Jack’s out of jail. He could be at my door—”

“Right. And wouldn’t it be wonderful to have Andrew by your side through all these problems?”

The vision of Andrew by her side settled over her like a cozy comforter, but she didn’t want his pity. She feared Andrew’s proposal had little to do with love and all to do with compassion. “Yes, but—”

“But? I don’t get it, Hannah. He’s every woman’s dream. You’ll never find a man more kind. And he’s a true Christian.”

“I need time for myself. Time to think through all that’s happening. If Andrew marries me now, we’d only validate everyone’s assumptions. They’d see the marriage as an admission of our guilt. I’m not up to dealing with that now. I want to get married because I’m ready—and Andrew’s ready—and I know it’s right.” She flung her hands in the air, slinging melted chocolate from her spoon. She set the chocolate-covered utensil onto a spoon rack and grabbed a roll of paper towels.

“It’s really because you don’t trust, Hannah. You’re just protecting yourself. Love is patient. It does not envy or boast. It isn’t proud. It always protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres. How can you let your inability to trust stand in the way of love?”

“First Corinthians, I remember, it also says love rejoices in the truth, and there’s a truth that’s missing, Jenni.”

Jenni’s nose wrinkled with her frown. “Missing? I don’t understand.”

Hannah’s heart rose to her throat. “Love isn’t one-sided. Andrew’s never said he loves me.”

Hannah had watched Jenni’s eyebrows shoot up earlier, but this time they reached her hairline.

“Never once?”

“Never once,” she said, realizing how difficult it was to admit it aloud.

Jenni shifted closer and rested her hand on Hannah’s shoulder. “But he does love you. It’s obvious.”

“How do I know it’s not pity or Christian kindness? Andrew’s been through a lot. He understands problems,
and he’s sympathetic to them. I don’t want someone to marry me because it’s a nice, pat way to solve a problem.”

Jenni rolled her eyes. “Christians don’t propose and marry out of kindness. They believe in the vows that they say at the wedding. To love and honor, remember?”

“He loves JJ. I’m confident of that,” Hannah said. She remembered Andrew’s awed reaction at JJ’s school event. “He felt the baby move the other day. It was amazing to see.”

“You mean JJ?”

“Both of them, but I meant Andrew. His face almost glowed.”

“See. If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.”

Hannah didn’t answer but turned off the burner, then lifted her pan of chocolate and carried it to the molds she’d laid out.

“Have you told anyone else besides Andrew’s family and me?”

“About the proposal?”

“No, about what happened to you—that it’s Jack’s baby.”

Hannah used the spoon to pour chocolate into the molds. “Yes, I told Annie. She wept.”

“And I suppose she was disappointed that you hadn’t told the police.”

Hannah nodded. “But she understood, I think.” She tried to concentrate on filling the chocolate molds, but her mind swam with thoughts. “My life is in turmoil, Jenni. I want to get married, but I want it to be joyful, not a relationship filled with fear of what will happen next. I need to give Jack time so I can tell if he’s given up on us or if his torment will continue.”

“That’s a sad reason to refuse Andrew’s proposal.”

“Maybe you think it’s sad, but I think it’s the best thing to do.” Hannah slid two molds onto a tray and smacked it against the worktable to settle the chocolate and remove the air bubbles.

With the thud, Jenni’s arms dropped to her side with a look of frustration, but the telephone’s peal halted the conversation. Jenni grabbed the phone, then stretched her arm toward Hannah. “It’s for you. The school.”

“The school?” Hannah’s stomach tightened into a knot.
JJ.
She grasped the receiver. “Hello, this is Hannah Currey. Is something wrong?”

The woman’s anxious voice set her on edge as she talked about recess.
Get to the point,
Hannah cried out in her mind.
Jack.
That’s all she could think.

“He what?” She turned to Jenni, almost relieved at the woman’s message. “JJ broke his arm on the playground at recess.”

“W
hat happened, pal?” Andrew asked when he came through the door.

JJ sat at the kitchen table, his arm in a cast.

“I’m grateful it was his left arm,” Hannah said. Looking at Andrew’s concerned face took her mind back to Jenni’s comment.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have Andrew by your side through all these problems?
At this moment, she knew Jenni had been right. The love Andrew had for JJ brimmed in his eyes.

“You can put your name on my cast with a marker,” JJ said. “See? The doctor did.” He pointed to the scrawl written across the plaster cast.

Andrew peered at the doctor’s signature and pulled a chair beside JJ’s. “I’ll do that after you eat. So tell me what happened.”

JJ told his story of how he’d climbed the ladder up the slide, but some roughhousing classmate had climbed up behind and pushed him off.

“Why would he do that?” Andrew asked, his face in a deep frown.

JJ’s innocent gaze riveted to Andrew’s. “He’s mean to everyone. He pushes the girls even. Mom said no one should push a girl.”

“Your mom’s right, JJ. Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and understanding. That’s how God tells us to behave.”

“Oh,” JJ said, dragging out the word. He turned to Hannah. “But Daddy was mean to you, Mom.”

Hannah’s heart squeezed at the child’s revelation, and she thanked God he saw the difference between what was right and what was wrong. “Dad made a bad mistake.”

“He scares me,” JJ said. “He says Jesus and God’s name when he’s mad. We shouldn’t do that.”

“That’s right, sweetheart,” Hannah said, touched by her son’s awareness since he’d attended Sunday school.

“Do you say God’s name when you’re angry?” His gaze settled on Andrew.

“Never, JJ. I’ve done bad things in my life, but I never swear using God’s name, and you won’t, either.”

“I won’t either,” JJ said. “I want to be like you when I grow up, Andrew. You’re the best.”

Andrew leaned down and kissed JJ’s cheek. “So are you, pal. You and your mom are the very best.”

He looked upward into Hannah’s eyes, and it nearly broke her heart.

When Philip came through the Bay Breeze lobby, Andrew grasped the chance to talk with him. Since Hannah had refused his proposal, he’d been confused—disappointed or both. Today seemed a likely time to discuss his plan.

“Do you have a minute?” Andrew asked, striding
across the elegant carpet that covered the reception area’s plank flooring.

“I have an hour,” Philip said, grinning at him. He motioned to the center of the lobby where love seats and overstuffed chairs formed a conversation area.

“How about my office? It’s more private there.”

Philip agreed and followed him through the lobby and down the hallways into the office area. As they walked, he chatted about Ellie and Philip Junior, then invited Andrew and Hannah for dinner one evening.

“I’ll check with Hannah,” Andrew said, opening his office door and motioning Philip inside.

Instead of sitting behind his desk, Andrew joined Philip in one of the two chairs. “I’ve been giving some thought to the trust fund,” he said.

Philip grinned. “Am I going to hear a wedding announcement?”

Andrew felt his spirit collapse, then related to Philip what had happened.

“You’re kidding?”

“No, I’m dead serious. I’m disappointed and confused.”

“And sad, I hope.”

Andrew nodded, understanding the point Philip had made. “Yes, not just sad. Hurt, if I’m honest. I’d expected her to say yes.”

“Women need to be wooed, you know. Flowers, candy, romance.”

Andrew wavered. He’d never given Hannah flowers, and she made candy all day long. Andrew peered at his brother.

“I hope you’ve at least said I love you.”

Andrew faltered.
I love you?
He’d couldn’t recall saying the words, but he assumed Hannah knew that.

“From the look on your face, I’d guess you hadn’t bothered.”

“I don’t remember. I thought she would understand how I felt.”

Philip shook his head and leaned back in the chair. “You have a lot to learn, Andrew. Women never take love for granted. They want to hear it daily. She needs to know that you love her with all your heart.”

“I do, and I tried to show her that even if I haven’t said it, but maybe you’re right.”

“No maybe about it. Talk with Jemma if you don’t believe me.”

Andrew ran his hand across the back of his neck to relieve the stress. How stupid of him not to realize that love needed to be said as well as shown.

“So what about the trust fund? It’s yours, you know that. You can do with it as you please, but I hope you’re not leaving again since Hannah—”

“Leaving?” Andrew’s comment disappointed him. “No. I won’t do that again, Philip. You have my word. This is home, and I love Hannah, and I’m not giving up. I’ll do whatever I can to convince her that I love her from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head.”

Philip chuckled. “That should do it.”

“Maybe not. Hannah says marriage right now isn’t good timing.” He told Philip all that had transpired. “The trust fund’s not for me but for Hannah. She can use the money with the baby coming. She needs a house and a wholesome place for kids to play outside. I don’t know if her insurance will cover—”

Philip waved his hand. “Have you talked this over with her?”

“No, but—”

“Second mistake. You’ve already told me how proud and independent she’s always been. Ask her before doing anything rash. She’s sensitive right now. Pregnancy brings out emotions women didn’t even know they have. Ask her first. If she’s in agreement, the money’s yours. You don’t have to ask me.”

Ask Hannah. Andrew stared across his desk out the window and watched golden leaves fluttering to the ground. A sense of sadness washed over him. Hannah seemed as fragile as the dying leaf that fluttered past the window—a lone life flung on the breeze. Buoyed up, then dropped to the ground and trampled.

Had he ever told her he loved her? The question repeated itself in his head like a sad refrain.

Hannah pulled in front of the school, slipped the gear into Park and turned off the ignition. Her gaze focused on the entrance, watching for JJ. When she saw him bound outside, she unlocked the car door and slipped one foot to the ground as a hand clutched her window and another the door frame, blocking her inside the car.

“Glad to see me back, Hannah?” Jack leaned into her face, his liquored breath searing her lungs.

Her pulse raced. “Leave me alone, Jack. Haven’t you learned anything?” She glanced toward JJ and saw him skitter back into the school. Thankfulness flooded her.

“You mean learned my lesson?” He grabbed her coat at the throat and dragged her closer. “Haven’t you learned yours? You’re my wife and JJ’s my son. I’m coming back home to live with you.”

Hannah prayed to stay calm. “You have no home with us. We’re divorced. Or have you forgotten?” She yanked her coat over her belly to hide it from Jack’s view.

“You have room for that new boyfriend though, huh? The rich guy.”

“I have no boyfriend. He’s a friend. JJ and I live alone.” She wished she hadn’t mentioned their son’s name.

Jack’s hand clamped on to her arm, and he dragged her upward. “JJ’s my son, too. I have rights to see him.”

“You have no rights.” As he yanked her forward, she felt the air billow inside her coat, and Jack’s eyes followed.

“No rights?” He veered backward without releasing his grip. “Well, looky here.” He shifted his free hand and wrapped his palm around her belly. “Seems like your friend has his rights.”

Her heart thudded with such speed Hannah could hardly breathe. She tried to jerk from his grasp, but he clamped down harder, and her arm ached with the pressure. “Let go, Jack. You’re hurting me.”

“I’ll do more than hurt you, you tramp.” He pulled his hand from her belly and tightened his grip on her jacket collar.

Anger burst inside her, and the words she’d tried to hide flew from her mouth. “This is your baby, Jack. Yours.” She screamed into his face.

His gaze lowered again while a crooked grin appeared incongruent with his evil eyes. “Well, now, that’s different.” He gloated at her and eyed her abdomen. “I’m quite the man, don’t you think?”

“I think you’re an animal.”

His maniacal laugh sent chills down her back.

“But a fertile one.”

Her hope sank with each moment. “Please, Jack, leave me alone. Let me live my life, and you live yours. What do you want from me?”

“Whatever I can get.”

He wanted her money and his own way with her. She struggled and turned her head away from his steely gaze. Why had she bothered to speak to him?
Lord help me. Tell me what to do.

Jack let go of her collar and pulled her against him, his nose against hers, his lips moving against her mouth. “If you don’t want me, I’ll take JJ. How’s that?”

Her legs trembled until she felt they wouldn’t hold her up any longer. She had no words to say. Nothing would change Jack’s mind.
God give me words.

A police siren sounded in the distance, and as if the Lord had answered her prayers, words came. “I told JJ if he saw you he should tell someone to call the police, Jack. You’d better get out of here.”

Rage spread across his face, and he pulled back his fist, but halted when the siren sounded closer. “Don’t think you’re finished with me, Hannah. You know JJ’s mine. Do you hear me?” He let go and pivoted toward his car.

Hannah clung to the door frame and struggled to breathe.

He yanked open his car door. “And you’re mine, too, Hannah. You and that kid in your belly.”

He climbed into his car and tore off, leaving a black tread on the concrete.

The siren faded again, and Hannah thanked God for giving her the words that had caused Jack to run.

But nothing would stop him. She would call the police, but Jack would keep moving. He would change cars. He would evade the law. She’d seen the determination in his face. She needed to tell JJ if he saw his father to have someone call the police. She’d never told
him. JJ would never be safe. She’d never be safe. Nothing would stop Jack. Nothing.

“What’s wrong with JJ?” Andrew asked, stepping into Hannah’s kitchen and hearing the boy’s cry from another room.

“He’s still upset about Jack, but now we have a new problem. They announced the winner of the scarecrow contest. A fourth-grade class won, and he’s disappointed. He keeps bugging me to take him to the corn maze.” She turned away and headed toward the door to the living room.

“That’s not fair, really.” Andrew dug his hands into his jacket pocket. “The five-year-olds can’t compete against the older kids.”

“No, but he’ll have a chance to win another time. He has to learn to take defeat.” Hannah had been living with defeat forever. She paused in the hall doorway. “Coming?”

Andrew nodded, but stood a moment after she left, thinking about JJ. By the time he entered the living room, JJ’s crying had halted.

Hannah grinned. “He probably fell asleep.”

Another issue dropped into Andrew’s mind. “Have the police called you back?”

She shook her head. “They won’t find Jack. He’ll do anything to ditch them. He knows they’re out for him this time.”

“Don’t be pessimistic, Hannah.” Seeing her hopeless look tore at his heart, and though he had the same thoughts, he wanted to give her hope. “The police know how to deal with men like Jack. They’ll find him and put him away again.”

“Even if they do, he’ll be back. I can’t bear this anymore.”

“Hannah.” Andrew faltered, realizing this wasn’t a good time to bring up the subject.

Her eyes searched his. “What?”

“What about drugs? Do you think Jack’s problem is drugs?”

She lowered her eyes as her head drooped. “I never thought so, but what do I know?”

“That would explain how he’s changed. Maybe your judgment wasn’t bad after all.”

“It was. I let myself believe. I hoped.”

Tears brimmed her eyes, and Andrew drew her into his arms and held her close, feeling the baby press against his body. He longed to erase her bad memories as he’d longed to delete his own. And he had done that in a way. Since Hannah and JJ had filled his thoughts, his past problems had seemed less and less important.

The church gossip hadn’t subsided, especially since Hannah’s belly had grown too large to hide, but no one asked and no one said anything. He could live with that. He prayed Hannah could, too.

“Please don’t cry, Hannah.” He eased her away and curled his arm around her shoulders. “Let’s sit for a minute. I’ve been thinking about something that will help.”

She gave him a puzzled look, then settled beside him on the sofa. “I didn’t mean to cry. I’m sorry. I hate self-pity and—”

“It’s frustration, Hannah, not self-pity. You’re determined and capable, but sometimes it’s difficult to handle things we can’t control.”

“Like Jack.”

He squeezed her hand. “Like Jack. We have to give that problem to the Lord.”

Her head lifted, and her face brightened. “Did I tell you what happened when Jack had me cornered?”

“You did. The police sirens. You know the Lord works His way for us. Sometimes help isn’t so obvious. We have to listen and hear His direction.”

“Sometimes it’s difficult.” She squeezed his hand back.

He longed to kiss her, but the stressful moment extinguished his urge. “Speaking of listening to God’s direction, I’ve been doing that.”

“What do you mean?” She tilted her head.

“I may not have told you about my trust fund,” he said.

Her puzzled look became a frown. “Trust fund? No, you haven’t.”

Andrew explained the fund and why he’d rejected it, then paused, concerned how she would react when he made his next suggestion.

“But your father forgave you or else he wouldn’t have left you the money. Why would you refuse the gift?”

“I didn’t earn it, and I didn’t deserve it.”

She shifted to face him squarely. “We haven’t earned God’s forgiveness either, and we don’t deserve it, but every day you remind me that it’s a gift out of the Father’s love for His children, and we should accept it freely. Isn’t this the same?”