Loving You (Love Wanted in Texas) (30 page)

After giving Nate an update on what William was doing, I told them both to turn off their cell phones. Tess asked if I could find something to build a fire with outside and she’d make coffee.

As we both walked outside, I really took Tess in. She was pretty. Older than me, probably closer to thirty. It was then I noticed the wedding band on her hand.
I wonder how her husband would like to know how much she flirts?

“How long have you been married?” I asked as I headed over toward an area that had some brush. Beyond that about a mile was the tree line.

“Six years.”

“Wow! Kids?”

She let out a dry laugh. “God, no. He wants them, but he also wants a lot of other women and a divorce, so . . .”

“Damn, I’m sorry to hear that.”

With a shrug, she blew out a breath and pointed straight ahead. “Looks like the tree line is a good walk away. Should we grab something to put the wood in so we can carry it back? I would think we could be here at least a week while they expand the search areas.”

It was then I saw her in a totally different light. She was far from weak, and not on the verge of breaking down like I had thought earlier. Up in the plane we were all scared. Even with a broken wrist, she was ready to pitch in her weight.

“That’s a great idea, Tess. Let’s head back and find something.”

If we all stayed positive and rationed out what little food and water we had . . . we had a fighting chance.

I promise I’ll be home soon, Taylor. I promise.

Taylor

The cool morning breeze felt good hitting my face. Last night was the first night I’d slept over four hours. I was beginning to feel the effects of lack of sleep, but I didn’t care. When I was awake, I could think about Jase. Pray God would keep him safe.

“Tay? You feel like company?”

Turning my head and looking up, I smiled at Meagan and Grace. “I’m not much company, but feel free to join me.”

They both sat on either side of me, each taking my hand and holding it.

“Whitley invited everyone over for lunch. I guess they’re having Coopers cater it. You know how much I love Coopers.”

With a weak grin, I turned to Grace who stared straight ahead. “Yes. I know how much you love it, Grace.”

The next thing I knew, the back screen door flew open and Mireya ran by holding something. “I take it Libby and Luke are here?”

Meagan squeezed my hand. “Hell, the whole gang is here. Whitley may think twice before inviting us all over again.”

I tried to chuckle, but couldn’t.

Grace cleared her throat. I felt her eyes burning into me as she pondered what to say or ask. “Have you um . . . have you heard from Ryder?”

“Yes. The area where the plane was last on radar was pretty rugged. He said something about the plane having some kind of chute it can deploy and help glide it down. They’re hoping they used it and were able to find a safe area to land.”

“So, it’s still a search and rescue?”

My body went numb as those words hit me. I didn’t want to lose hope, but as each hour went on my heart ached even more. “For now.”

“They’re going to find them, Tay. You have to feel it in your heart that he’s okay.”

Swallowing hard, I felt a tear escape from my eye as I wiped it away. “Sometimes I do, but then I’m so overcome with grief sometimes I don’t know what to think. It hits me so hard that I’m almost positive he’s . . . he’s . . .”

“Don’t say it. Until they change it to recovery, or until we know something else, we keep going on that they will find them.”

Turning to Grace, I could see how strongly she believed the words she was saying to me.

“I’m trying, Grace. But I’m so tired and my brain doesn’t know what to think anymore.”

We heard a puppy bark. All three of us turned to see Mireya playing with Bella.

“Bella,” I whispered as I broke down crying. Meagan quickly dropped to her knees in front of me.

“Baby, it’s okay to cry. Shit, it’s okay to be angry.”

Nodding my head, I pressed my lips together. “I am angry. I’m mad at myself for not going with him.” Meagan shook her head as tears slipped down her face.

“I’m angry at, Jase. I’m so angry that he left me. He promised me it would all be okay. He swore to me he would never hurt me again.”

Grace joined Meagan as she looked up at me. “You can be angry, but don’t be angry at Jase. If he had the choice you know he would never hurt you. It was an accident, Taylor. Something out of his control.”

My hands came up as I buried my face in them. “I know! Oh God I know that and I hate myself for being angry. My emotions are everywhere and I just want to scream.”

“Sounds like to me . . . you need to take a walk.”

Dropping my hands, I jumped up when I heard her voice. “Grams!”

She held her arms out as I gently hugged her.

“I’m not going to break, child. Give me a proper hug and then let’s go for a walk.”

Chuckling, I nodded as I hugged her then wrapped my arm with hers. We slowly started down the stairs and toward the barn.

“I’m not as young as I once was . . . but I still walk a mile a day, you know.”

My heart felt lighter instantly. There was something about Grams that had always soothed me. “Grams, did you ever lose hope when times got hard?”

She made a tsking sound and then nodded. “Everyone loses hope at times. It’s all a part of life.”

“I knew things were too good to be true. It was as if I was waiting for the rug to be pulled out from underneath us.”

“Nonsense. Don’t ever think that way again. God doesn’t give you happiness just so he can yank it away. He may throw a few heartaches in there, some anger, some confusion, stubborn men who will always be stubborn.”

Giggling, I knew she was talking about Gramps. “But, sweetheart, he doesn’t take happiness away from us.”

Sniffling, I fought to keep my tears at bay. “I don’t feel very happy right now.”

“No. I’m sure you don’t. You probably feel helpless and maybe even giving up hope that . . . oh fiddle sticks . . . what is your beau’s name?”

Smiling wide, I answered, “Jase.”

“That’s right!” she said as she snapped her fingers. “Jase.”

We stopped outside the barn and sat on a bench. Looking back at the house, I saw everyone making their way outside. I’d heard Whitley mention something about heating the pool. Both Baylie and Mireya were running on the tanning ledge as Bella jumped in and out of the pool.

“The whole crew is here. Everyone except, Jase,” I whispered.

Grams placed her hand on my leg. I watched as everyone set up food on the outside tables. Grayson kissed my sister as he placed the twins in a portable playpen.

“Jase would love to see this. Everyone together.”

My chest ached as the scene played out in front of me. Everyone was sad, but going on with their lives and all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and dream of what my future with Jase would have been like.

“If God doesn’t want us to be unhappy . . . why did he take Jase from me?”

She remained silent for a few moments. “Think how unhappy you would have been if you hadn’t loved him at all.”

My head snapped over to look at her. Her blue eyes sparkled and held my stare. Winking she broke our connection when she glanced back over to everyone. “Tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. My momma used to say that to me all the time.”

Closing my eyes, I tried to understand it but maybe I was just selfish.

I wanted Jase with me.

I wanted to have kids and grow old with him.

I wanted our dreams to come true together.

The only thing I could understand now was how sad I was.

I shook my head and chewed on the corner of my lip. “No. No I’m not going to just sit here and believe I should be happy with the memories we made.” My chin trembled as I watched Mireya and Bella playing. “He’s coming back to me, Grams. He promised.”

She took my hand and held it. “Then that’s what you hold on to, Taylor. That feeling right there. Grip it and hold on to it tightly.”

I tried desperately to not withdraw back into myself while everyone sat around both inside and out. Not being able to help myself, I pictured what my wedding would have been like. Most likely exactly like this. Everyone I loved surrounding me in celebration.

Then it hit me. Everyone I loved was surrounding me now. It might not have been to celebrate my wedding, but it was to show me how much they loved me and Jase. My mother and Whitley played hostess to everyone and kept busy making sure everyone had something to drink or they got enough food to eat. They were keeping their minds busy.

I stood and made my way over to Mireya. “You wore Bella out!”

Mireya giggled. “Want to play hide and seek?”

Her eyes lit up as she jumped up. Her bouncy curls going everywhere. “Yes!”

Alex brought Bayli over to us as I called out, “Who wants to play hide and seek?”

Layton carried Nickolas in his arms and walked up. “Count us in.”

Smiling, I reached up on my toes and kissed him on the cheek. His blue eyes reminded me of Jase as my heart dropped. When he smiled back, I knew no matter what happened, I was going to be okay. Surrounded by people who loved me and cared about me, I knew I would be okay.

“Not it!” Alex called out as Bayli jumped in excitement.

“Not it!” Layton cried out and took off running while Nickolas laughed.

My hands landed on my hips as I gave everyone an evil smile. “Fine. I’ll be it. Home base is . . .” Spinning around, I saw Bella. “Bella!”

“Oh lord, that puppy doesn’t stay still for nothing,” Grace said.

“A moving home base. I like it,” Walker replied with a wink in my direction.

I closed my eyes and started counting. Everyone could be heard taking off in all different directions.

This was exactly what I needed if I couldn’t have Jase.

My family and friends.

Jase

Present day

Nate reached out and took the two Advil and a bottled water. “How’s it looking?” I asked.

Rolling his eyes, he said, “Swollen. I swear I have new respect for Ava now.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, that had to have sucked with a broken leg and ankle.”

“Fuck that. I will tell you what I’m grateful for.”

Lifting my eyebrows, I asked, “What?”

“I’m grateful for the person who packed that damn first aid kit and had the sense to put so much aspirin and Advil in it.”

With a light chuckle, I looked away. I didn’t have the heart to tell him there were only a few pills left. Between the three of them, we were running low.

Next thing I heard was William yelling. “Holy shit! Holy fucking shit! I’m so stupid. So. Fucking. Stupid.”

Nate sighed. “Damn. I thought for sure Tess would be the first to lose her shit and flip out.”

“Hey!” Tess said smacking the back of Nate’s head. “You asshole.”

The two of them had been at each other’s throats the last two days. It might not have been obvious to them, but I could tell they were attracted to one another.

Standing, I took in a deep breath and quickly forced it out as I worked up the nerve to go see what William was going off about.