Luca (I Love the Way You Lie #1) (10 page)

“Tell me what you’re feeling right now.” His baritone voice hit my clit.

What was I feeling? What was I feeling? What was I feeling?

My head lolled and my eyes met his. “Everything,” I whispered.

His eyes sparked with something primal as his fingers pinched my swollen clit. Thick fingers found their way around my panties and into my core.

I was never good at quid pro quo,
I thought.
Silly girl, you’re no match for him.
Fiery passion danced in the depths of his eyes. The intensity of it all. Just. Too. Much. Deprived of touch for longer than I cared to admit, he was an all-consuming fire. The spark I needed to re-enter the land of the living—feeling. However, my mind crept to the place it had no business being at the moment—insecurity.
Would his fire bring judgment,
I thought. Or would his intensity cleanse—purify me?

As the moments passed, the hidden dross rose to the surface where it became visible and reachable. Softened and surrendered, I yielded all of myself to the fire, giving him both the gold and the impurities. He skimmed my mire off the top and began to mold me into his perfect standard. I was clay in his hands.

While he worked my body, he watched me, saw through me, and delighted in the pure gold that began to shine through. He was far from finished, though. He continued to apply steady pressure and heat until I was left melted and broken.

“Please…” I begged breathily to the stars above, no longer struggling against the unfamiliar sensations, but welcoming them.

A string of profanities left his mouth with a growl. Said profanities vibrated directly into my pussy…challenging its control of him. The heat between my legs was too intense. The words on his tongue were encouraging. My body and will no longer mine. I entered Luca’s dimension with no armor. A thousand starbursts met my eyes like a battalion of rebel forces.

With my fingers threaded through his hair, I whispered, “Thank you…” I wasn’t sure whether I was thanking him or god for putting him on my path. Either way, I was gloriously grateful. Reborn, strengthened, and utterly satisfied.

I woke up the next morning with a stretch of contentment. The kind of contentment you get when you go to sleep in the exact opposite way you had intended. The night ended wrapped in his arms, drugged by his kisses. I would never get my fill of him. I would be forever lost in the sensation of…him.

“Someone’s smiling this morning,” Keri teased on her way to the bathroom.

“I sure am,” I yawned.

“Not sure why you’re yawning. You slept like the dead. You didn’t even take your meds.” She referred to the clear cup with a tiny white pill on my nightstand.
Huh, that’s a first,
I thought, smiling. I guess there’s something to be said about positive reinforcement.

“Sleeping beauty”—she tapped her watch—”group in forty-five minutes.”

“Fuck!” I jumped up.

She giggled, closing the bathroom door to shower.

“Hurry, please.” I knocked on the door.

“Yeah, yeah,” she shouted. I ran to my dresser, looking for something to put on. I wanted to look good without actually looking like I was trying. Problem was, I had only yoga pants that were clean. Ugh, I needed to do laundry. A problem I never worried about when home.

Black leggings, a light cashmere sage sweater, and black flat boots.
Don’t forget your pretty panties
, I thought. One obsession was constant… I was a lingerie whore. It was never about being seen in them. They just made me feel good—better. These days, I was in need of any tangible vice to lift my spirits. Now, I was with someone who’d appreciate them.
Was I with him?
I thought. I was never one for casual sex. However, it did feel like so much more. I hope I was reading it right and not seeing something that wasn’t there. I was forever in the murky waters of self-doubt. It was a triggering moment, but I refused to give in to it.

I glanced over, seeing Keri was out of the bathroom and made a mad dash to get ready.

I was too nervous to eat breakfast, just grabbed some coffee and took it with me to group. I didn’t see anyone yet.
Perfect,
I thought.

“Sleep well last night?” Ollie’s tone was groggy from sleep, his hair still tussled, eyes half-mast, and wholly adorable, in the most handsomely sexy-rocker way. He had that look without even trying.
He was blessed
, I decided. Yet, there was something in his tone that made me blush.

I turned away quickly to hide my blush. “Umm, pretty good I guess.”

“Only pretty good, babe?” Luca’s voice felt like silk over my skin.
Shiver
. He stepped forward, kissing my still swollen lips.

“I…umm…what I meant to say was…” I was a babbling idiot.

Ollie’s face was red with anger.

“No worries, it’s understandable; you’re at a loss for words.” Luca winked and then turned to Oliver. “How’d you sleep, Oliver?” The sarcasm rolled off his tongue, making me feel even more uncomfortable.

Oliver stood up abruptly. Anger and disgust was painted his face. “Go fuck yourself, mate.”

“Nah, I’m not mating you, Axel. But anytime you want an ass kicking I’m here, S-V-E-N…” Luca cracked his knuckles, his stance ready for a throw-down.

Mr. Stevenson entered the room with his Styrofoam coffee cup. “Is there a problem so early this morning or are you two peacocking?” His tone was sarcastic yet firm.
Definitely peacocking
, I thought. These two have been at each other’s throats since day one.

Luca chuckled. “There’s no need for me to peacock, snowball.”

“Whatever,” was Ollie’s only response. However, to my dismay, the bitch Sarah caught the whole exchange. Three two one…

“Keep holding your head up high, gorgeous. I can’t wait to watch you fall.” She smirked, grabbing on to Ollie’s arm.

Bitch was full of platitudes. “Yeah, life isn’t a garden. So stop being a hoe!”

Luca laughed. Ollie smirked. Her faced immediately soured. “Come sit with me, Ollie.” She pulled him across the room.
Fucking pathetic bitch
, I thought.

“I love when you talk dirty.” Luca pulled me close.

I rolled my eyes before taking my seat. I didn’t want to draw any more attention. Keri walked in just in time. The room was full yet no one was looking forward to today’s particular topic. Well, maybe Sarah was. Considering she just picked poor Ollie as her partner. The chairs were paired in twos, facing each other.

Mr. Stevenson pulled a crystal out of his pocket that was attached to a string. He spun it this way and that in the sunlight, producing a kaleidoscope of light on the walls. He walked over to the window, attaching it to the lock, and let it hang.

“There are many ways to cleanse,” he started his lecture. “I don’t subscribe to using crystals ritualistically. However, I do believe in the theory behind this task. As I said yesterday, today’s exercise is
personal control
. Personal control revolves around the belief each individual holds about the causal impact of his or her actions on gaining desirable outcomes and preventing undesirable ones,” he said as he continued to spin the crystal in the sunlight. “When personal control beliefs are strong, the person feels a sense of mastery over life’s outcomes. We then perceive a strong and causal link between the action we initiate, and the likelihood of good and bad events happening to us. When our beliefs are weak, there’s a sense of helplessness as we believe the good and bad events occur on a random basis, with no causal link between our actions and outcomes,” he elaborated mysteriously.

Oh, I didn’t have a good feeling about this exercise. Not for one fucking minute.

“We are taking the first step in controlling our beliefs. Thus having a healthier outcome and personal control. Since I see you’ve already broken up into pairs, you must be ready. You will tell your partner why you feel out of control in one aspect of your life while needing to control other aspects wholly.”

Someone from the back shouted, “Why the crystal?”

“Good question.” Mr. Stevenson took a sip of his coffee and then turned to face us dramatically. “Many people have found crystals to be healing. It has been said that they amplify your intention. The reason you’re all here is because you want to have better intentions—change. If you feel the exercise is too much for you, I want you to focus on the crystal.”

Another shouted, “So is it a metaphysical or psychic?”
What a nerd
, I thought.

“Neither. This is purely a meditative exercise. Nothing spiritual or freaky, okay?” His raised eyebrow elicited a bunch of nods.

There were a few other nonsensical questions about holding hands during the exercise. That gained some breathy eye-rolls from me.

Luca grabbed my hands, staring directly into my eyes. Clearly, he was taking this to heart. “You want to go first?” His tone hit me square between the legs. A squeeze of my thighs quelled that temporarily.

“No.”

“No worries. I’ll go first.” His tone measured. “I enjoy burning shit because my soul cries out with honesty. And fire is honest,” he said as the clarity of his evergreen eyes dared me.

Well, what the fuck do I do with that?
I thought. I wasn’t sure I was ready for that truth—with him. However, in time, maybe I could.

I squeezed his hand, silently thanking him for his omission. “I’ve held on to a secret that nearly killed me—mentally,” I blurted out. If I didn’t, I knew I’d chicken out. I swallowed the ball of shame in my throat, furthering my statement. “My body betrayed me during a sexual assault.”

Luca’s body straightened fully erect. His face turned ashen, eyes narrowed. My will crumpled. I couldn’t look him in the eyes. So I found a tear in my shirt to focus on…playing with the frayed edge.

“Explain that to me. Please.” He pulled my hands to his lips. His eyes glistened with understanding and I felt safe enough to continue.

“I thought I was in love with him. He’s my brother’s best friend. We’ve known each other like—forever. Anyway, after chasing
him
for god knows how long. He started taking notice. Of course it was very subtle. So much so that I thought I was crazy. Well, one day he asked me to help with his hockey equipment. I did this normally. Anything to be close to him. It was late. He had a game and offered me alcohol. It felt right—normal. I thought this was what all the older kids did. After a few minutes, he became aggressive. Not the same boy across the street I knew all my life.” I closed my eyes, nearly getting sick to my stomach. His hands squeezed mine again—a calming reaffirmation.

“Tell me everything,” he said, leaning forward.

He gave me no choice, but to admit my fault in all this. Confess all my sins. The shame I carried day in and out. I looked to the crystal.

“Fuck that crystal. Look at me. I’ll be your strength. Every ounce I have is yours,” he rasped, stroking my hands furiously.

I don’t deserve this—him. “It’s complicated. I’m broken. Damaged,” I said as panicked tears escaped my eyes.
Was that pity in his eyes
, I thought? I yanked my hands away, summoning all the strength and courage I could, and hoping it was enough. The walls started closing in around me. The crystal’s light was reflecting off the walls—it was all too much. Shame blanketed my ardor, pushing its way into my heart…bleeding all over me. “I can’t.”

“You can, and you will.” His thick tone felt familiar.

Confused, I stared at him. I gulped and drew in an insecure breath.
I could do this. Couldn’t I
? I thought. “He ripped my clothes off, said I wanted it. And I did…sort of. I wanted him, and if this meant he’d be with me, then I wanted to give him my virginity. What I didn’t expect was the callousness that came after. He treated me like I was invisible—dead. I blamed myself. Maybe if I’d been more experienced—better. What’s impossibly worse is the fact that I had an…” I couldn’t even say the words.

“Orgasm?” he offered.

I nodded. “Yes.” I noticed his knuckles white at his sides. The air in the room changed—a dangerous, lethal charge to it. The green eyes I fell for were replaced with furious darkness. His steady breath was now replaced with seething pants. I scooted back abruptly, bracing myself. Because at this very moment, I wasn’t dealing with Luca, but something else.

The vibration of his words left me lost. “I’ve got to go.” And he left the room, leaving his jacket behind.

With careful steps, I asked Mr. Stevenson to be excused. “Of course.” His face was pale and grim, looking from me to the now empty chair that was Luca’s. “You okay?”

“Yes,” I lied. I needed to get out of this room. I knew it. I couldn’t trust anyone. His absence hung around, robbing me of oxygen.

My legs were shaking as I ran to Just Jane’s office. Not bothering to knock, I entered her office.

Her eyes were startled. “Are you okay, Allison?”

“No, and I’ll never be okay,” I said, once again faced with my own demons.

She pushed out of her seat, coming around the desk. “Sit.” I could see the panic in her eyes as she quickly grabbed a cup, filling it with water and offering it to me.

“Thank you.” I didn’t drink it but held it to my chest.

She knelt beside me, handing me a tissue. “Tell me what’s happened.”

“Luca. Damon DeLuca happened.” I squeezed out more tears.

She only nodded and moved to take a seat beside me, not saying a word at all to me.

I hate this part of therapy
, I thought. “Today’s exercise in group was
personal control
. We were paired up.” I shook my head in disbelief. Why would I ever trust him? When was I going to learn? I have no one.
I’m alone
, I thought. She was still as silent as a mouse so I continued. “I told him.” I turned to her meeting her eyes and all she did was nod. “And he left the room. Left me. Said he had to get out of there.” I finally looked away. I couldn’t bear to hear an
I told you so.

“Oh, Allison. He wasn’t running from you. He was running from his feelings. He’s dealing with his own demons. And believe me. He has some anchored so deeply.” She smiled warmly.

Just Jane had wise eyes. The type of all-knowing eyes that no doubt saw many demons. Maybe her own. She had to, right? There’s only so much advice you can give patients. There has to be some personal experience within the layers of Just Jane. “It’s not your fault you were sexually assaulted, and it’s not your fault it affected you. For that, I’m truly sorry. Emotional responses vary. It’s important to remember your responses are not crazy. You’ve been through a life-changing and traumatic event. Our goal here is to provide you with options, resources, and empowerment—healing. Despite if you feel it was consensual, it was not. He played an important part in the manipulation of your mind and body. He took away your power to say no by using your innocence and feelings for him. He’s a predator through and through. I wouldn’t be surprised, Allison, if you weren’t the first or last young lady he assaulted.” Her voice held some truth. She had a valid point I couldn’t refute. He did manipulate me, and he was a player. My mind felt ready to snap. So, many questions and feelings were swirling in this venomous swill.