Lucian (31 page)

“I feel awful,” Lucian muttered, shooting a look up at the ceiling. “Cecelia keeps following me around and trying to make me drink tea. I hate tea.”

“It might help,” Jordyn suggested.

“Yeah, and so will the pills I just choked back. I’m not drinking tea.”

Jordyn huffed, already annoyed at his stubbornness. “Did you go to the hospital?”

“I refused medical treatment. I’m fine.”

“You sound like it,” she replied sarcastically. “Sound like a smoker edging on thirty years and a two pack a day habit. You should drink the tea, Lucian.”

Lucian stared at her, totally unaffected. “Is this your way of being angry with me? Badger the fuck out of me until I grovel?”

Finally, Jordyn stepped off the stool. “Why would I be angry with you?”

“Well, aside from nearly getting myself killed, you had to stand there and watch it. I don’t imagine that was particularly fun, Jordyn.”

“It wasn’t.”

Boy, was that an understatement.

“But you’re here, so that’s what matters to me,” Jordyn added with a small smile. “How did it go with the detectives?”

“Terribly. I can almost bet my life I’ll have a pair of new best friends following me around in an unmarked car for months. Bastards.” Lucian nodded at the shoe boxes Jordyn was digging through before he came into the bedroom. “What were you doing?”

“Looking for dress shoes to match your suit.”

“Why?”

“Church tomorrow. You can’t wear what you did tonight, and your shoes have blood all over them. I was looking for another pair.”

“Doesn’t matter. They took my shoes and tux as evidence anyway.” Lucian chuckled, rubbing at his forehead. “Besides, we don’t have to go to church tomorrow.”

“Yes, we do. I have clothes I brought over while I was staying here on and off. You have stuff here to wear. I don’t see why not.”

“Because I have no interest in waking up early and going to that place.”

Jordyn’s hands met her hips. “I do, and we’re going.”

Lucian sighed, the sound almost painful. If she wanted to go to church, they would go. “Fine. Don’t bother looking through those boxes anymore tonight; I wear the same size as my father. Can we go to bed?”

“No,” Jordyn replied softly.

“Why? I’m tired,
bella mia
. I want you, and a bed. That’s all.”

Jordyn understood that, but she could see there was tension tightening his broad shoulders. It was a clear sign he wouldn’t actually sleep at all, but instead, sit and stew over all the things on his mind.

“Talk to me, Lucian.”

Lucian frowned, not meeting her gaze. “I don’t have anything to say right now.”

“Don’t you?”

“Do you know?” Lucian asked back.

“I kind of put some of it together,” Jordyn admitted. “Antony’s phone calls after he made Cecelia leave the office helped, too. Then, he questioned me up and down about every conversation I ever had with Kate. I think it’s kind of obvious.”

“But do you know why?”

Jordyn shook her head. “No, but I’d like to.”

“I’d rather you didn’t,” Lucian said hoarsely. “I don’t want you thinking my choices regarding us are tied up in that woman, or anything else from my past.”

It was just another confusing thing to add to the pile of vagueness Jordyn was getting tired of.

“That might help if it made sense,” Jordyn responded drily.

Lucian sucked in a harsh breath, meeting her stare head on. “Do you know what went through my mind in that elevator?”

Jordyn couldn’t hide her flinch. “Lucian …”

“That my life wasn’t finished, and there were things I hadn’t done yet I wanted to. Things I hadn’t considered before. I was … I don’t know … twenty seconds off from being choked unconscious and all I could think about for those few moments was that I wanted to marry you.”

Jordyn stepped backwards at that admission, stumbling into the stool. “What?”

“Not tonight. That’s not a proposal. When I do ask you that, I’ll have a ring and I won’t sound like I just swallowed a fucking wasp. But eventually, sometime, I want that with you. Maybe I’ll ask in a week, or maybe it’ll be a couple months. Maybe it’ll be a year. I don’t know, I just knew I would. And children,” he stated like it was an afterthought. “Those, too. With you, I mean.”

Jordyn felt her brow rise on its own accord. “That’s what you thought about?”

Marriage and babies. Huh.

“I’m pretty straightforward with things I need and want. You’re one of them. It seems like the next best logical step to cement my decisions. That’s how I look at it, anyway.”

Marriage …

And
babies
.

Jordyn blinked at the man across from her. “With me?”

“Does that scare you?” Lucian asked. “Because I thought I made it clear how completely infatuated and in love with you I am. If I haven’t, I certainly hope this clears it up.”

“No, I’m aware.”

So much more than aware, really.

“Good. Do you not want me to ask … you know, eventually?”

Jordyn’s lungs froze, painfully so. “I think that should just happen when it happens, and you don’t need my opinion on it until you’re ready to ask.”

Lucian nodded, his expression pensive. “I agree with that.”

“I still don’t understand what this has to do with Kate.”

“Remember, I wanted this with you before, okay?”

“Okay,” Jordyn echoed.

“I had to be married or have produced one child before I turned thirty for my children to be able to receive the money my biological father left for his possible future grandchildren in trust. If I didn’t, Kate would receive the money instead.”

Well, Jordyn understood why he wanted her to know his thoughts in the elevator before this, now. 

“You’ve known this how long?”

Lucian glanced at his watch. “About twenty minutes. It’s still sinking in, I think. I’m not usually this slow on the ball.”

“You didn’t know at all before?” she pressed.

“No. That was … uh, one of his requests, I guess. That I make my choices for love and marriage because it was what I wanted to do, not what others wanted for me. Odd, isn’t it?”

Jordyn snorted low. “Is odd how you really feel about it?”

“No,” Lucian said again. “I’m incredibly sad I can’t thank him for caring about children who don’t even exist yet, and that I hadn’t even thought about until I fell in love with you. That’s kind of how I feel. And angry at Kate, but she’s like she always was … unimportant. To this, anyway.”

Jordyn glanced past him to the bed. She was beginning to think like Lucian. Really, the conversation was better suited for another day when things weren’t so … raw. “Sleep sounds nice right now.”

“It does,” Lucian agreed faintly. “It’s been a long day.”

Jordyn waited while Lucian left the sanctuary of the bedroom to shower. By the time he was back, she had herbal tea sweetened with honey waiting from his mother, and he didn’t argue before downing the hot liquid, disgust twisting his mouth into a grimace.

Lucian sat at the end of the bed, his lower half wrapped in a towel while Jordyn pulled off her clothes and searched for one of his old T-shirts to wear to bed. She couldn’t help but notice how silent and somber he seemed staring at the wall, like he was somewhere else completely. It wasn’t as if she blamed him. The information he learned tonight must have been a lot to take in, not to mention the choices that came along with it all.

Beyond that, there was also Kate and what she’d done to him. Sure, the woman was vile. She caused Lucian more than enough pain and heartache over the years, but it was easy to understand how people could mark that down to jealousy and anger. Who really would have thought she could have gone this far?

It was kind of devastating.

Jordyn had a sneaking suspicion they wouldn’t have to worry about Kate anymore after tonight. She’d heard the call Antony made about that, too. She didn’t even care. The woman had hurt the one person Jordyn loved in the entire world over and over again. She tried her hardest to beat Lucian down with words and shame for years simply because he was a physical reminder of a man who never loved her. When that didn’t work, she turned to something with a little more viciousness, even if she would have gained from it. What Kate would get for her choices was exactly what she deserved as far as Jordyn was concerned.

Pulling a grey T-shirt over her head, Jordyn turned to Lucian. “You okay?”

“I don’t know where I am right now,” Lucian said quietly, his voice starting to clear of some of the hoarseness.

Stuck in his head, likely.

“Where do you want to be?” Jordyn asked, moving to stand between his legs.

Lucian chuckled, wincing. “Here with you.”

Jordyn smiled at his answer. “Want me to bring to you back?”

“More than anything.”

That was all the encouragement Jordyn needed. She wasted no time tugging open Lucian’s towel before climbing into his lap, straddling him. Tender kisses dotted down to his forehead, cheeks, and jaw as his hands fisted into the shirt she wore, drawing her closer. His body reacted to her proximity and touches like it always did, fast and sure. Between her thighs, his cock pressed between her folds, smearing her arousal along his shaft.

It wasn’t long before Jordyn was sinking down Lucian’s length, a soft sigh falling into the quiet room. Lucian might have been tired, but his hands on her hips pulled her into the gentle rhythm he wanted while his face rested to her neck.

Over and over they loved with gentle words and soft touches. Until sweat slicked their skin and bliss tingled through her mind. He finally came back down with her name in his mouth, eyes wide open, and his heart in her hands.

Right where it belonged.

Epilogue

Two months later …

The seating arrangement in church had changed, now. Lucian was a little further down from his mother and father. Jordyn always sat to his left in the pew, her hand resting on his thigh to keeping him awake and aware.

Goddamn it, she was worse than his mother when it came to his attention on Sunday mornings.

Not that he was complaining …

Jordyn entered Lucian’s life at this very place, and it never failed to astound him how easily and fast his world had changed from that point on. She was a tornado, and he willingly let her pick him up and pull him straight into her path.

He wouldn’t call it destructive, though.

Since Kate’s death, there had been no more attempts on Lucian’s life. It seemed things were finally settling. Jordyn didn’t have to ask the what ifs. Lucian didn’t feel the need to remind her they were always going to be there, just in different ways.

Most times, things were easy between them. Natural, like breathing and living. Other times, it was a little more difficult.

After all, you couldn’t touch something as bright and beautiful as the sun and expect not to get burned.

Today was one of those days, Lucian knew.

While Jordyn sat at his side, her hand on his thigh supportively as it always was, there was tension and anger between the couple. Jordyn had said little to nothing to him over the last three days. Lucian found both the couch and the guest bedroom were particularly uncomfortable. Basically, anything but his bed and Jordyn was fucking uncomfortable. They hadn’t even gone to his parents’ home the night before like they usually would because the discontent between them was so clear, no one else needed to be brought into it.

It was the silent kind of fight, which frankly, only made it worse.

Lucian knew he did wrong. He just didn’t like to admit that he did.

Jordyn’s silence probably bothered and hurt him the most, though.

Sighing, Lucian stood for the final blessing and prayer by Father Peter. Church seemed to be especially long today, even if it did help to have Jordyn there with him. He was glad to see it end.

As the parishioners began to clear out, Lucian heard his mother ask Jordyn, “Are you two coming to dinner?”

The question was loaded with a hell of a lot more than just that hidden below the surface. It was more like Cecelia was picking up on the tension as Lucian’s back was turned, as was Jordyn’s. Apparently even facing each other was too frustrating.

“We should be,” Jordyn replied. “Right, Lucian?”

Lucian’s back straightened at her blatant regard of him. It was the first words she’d spoken directly to him all morning. “Sure, whatever.”

Gio’s guilty gaze met his older brother’s, and the younger man shrugged, almost in an apologetic way. Lucian rolled his eyes and shook his head in a silent acceptance. It wasn’t Gio’s fault they were fighting, not really.

Lucian was twenty-eight and an adult. He knew better than to worry Jordyn half to death by not coming home, and when he did, he probably shouldn’t have been hung-over as shit and still slurring his words. Gio might have been a bad influence with a taste for Molly and good liquor, but Lucian had the ability to say no.

No women were involved, at least not for Lucian. Gio couldn’t quite say the same, which was about the time Lucian left his younger brother to his private party and somehow made his way home.

Jordyn made it clear she didn’t give a flying crap. It was his behaviour and actions that were awful.

Yeah, he screwed up.

Congratulations to him. Every man gets to be a jackass at least once. Right? Apparently not.

A strong hand landed to Lucian’s back, and he recognized it as his father’s before he even needed to turn and see. “Son?”

“Hmm?” Lucian asked, picking up his Ray Ban sunglasses from the pew.

“Confession is a good place to start. It is Sunday, after all.”

Lucian wanted to laugh, he really did. The last time he tried to go to confession, he ended up stumbling out of the church like a bumbling idiot. Besides, he was pretty sure confession was not going to make Jordyn quit the silent treatment, or let him off without groveling.

He didn’t get the chance to say anything to his father, because Jordyn was giving Lucian that damned look again. The one that said his hell wasn’t over.

“I think that’d be a good idea,” Jordyn said, slipping past Lucian to gain access to the aisle. “I’ll be waiting in the car.”

Antony chuckled deeply. “I like that one, Lucian. You picked your better half well.”

Great
.

• • •

“Are you going to talk to me, now?” Lucian asked, tossing his suit jacket and car keys to the couch. “Or are we going to keep walking on eggshells for who knows how long?”

The car ride back to the condo was unpleasant. Just like the drive to the church.

Lucian couldn’t handle this anymore. He was dying inside.

Jordyn tossed his a look over her shoulder as she pulled the heels off and set them in the corner.

“I’m sorry,
bella mia
,” Lucian said, practically groaning. “I get it. I fucked up. How many more times do you want me to say it? Is this a pride thing or something? Just tell me what I’m missing here.”

“
Pride
? No. It’s a respect thing.” Jordyn huffed, crossing her arms and turning to meet his stare. “You scared the hell out of me. If you want to party, go party, Lucian. If you want to drink yourself stupid, feel free. I won’t be cleaning up your vomit, or lifting your head from the toilet seat, though. I dealt with that shit enough from my mother. You’re old enough to know better, anyway, and I’m not your keeper.”

Lucian nodded, agreeing. “You’re right. And I’m sorry.”

“Good, I’m glad we’ve got that straightened out. But let’s get some other things clear, too.”

“Huh?”

Jordyn waved at him, almost dismissively. “My job with your father isn’t reliant on this relationship. My friendship with your family doesn’t depend on us being together. I didn’t need a man before you to take care of me, so I won’t need one after you. Do you understand that?”

After him?

What the hell?

“I might love you, Lucian, but I will not be your doll. Not something pretty for you take out and play with when it’s suitable for you to do so. I won’t sit at home while you wander around doing whatever the fuck it is you want to do, calling me whenever it feels convenient to call and let me know, well, you won’t be home tonight.”

After him?

Lucian wasn’t quite getting past those words.

“Jordyn—”

“No, I’m not finished.” Jordyn tipped her chin to the side, disappointment tugging her lips down into a frown. “We’re good, you and me. But I won’t be good only occasionally, Lucian. That means if the kind of thing you did the other night happens again, and on a weekday no less, I will walk myself right out of this condo regardless of how much I love you and I will not be coming back. You want a loving, committed relationship, well here it is. It’s give and take. It’s not unconditional, there’s boundaries. You have to respect them, just like I respect yours.

“And being in love doesn’t give you a free pass to screw up when you should know better. Truthfully, that’s not the kind of love I want, anyway. I want the kind of love from a man who knows and notices everything about me. From the silly little things, to the big things, and all the in-betweens. That man would know acting like you did hurts me, and it wouldn’t have happened at all,” Jordyn finished sharply.

Others might have thought Jordyn was making a big deal out of nothing. Not Lucian. Her past with her mother made her particularly sensitive to issues like these. She didn’t mind his occasional smoke, or his beer with dinner. She didn’t care if he went out and had a good time, so long as he didn’t stumble home like a
cafone
leaving her to deal with the aftermath.

What she was asking for wasn’t unreasonable.

“I’m sorry,” Lucian said, hoping it’d be the last time. “I am. It won’t happen again.”

“Good. I just need you to act on that, not only say it.” Jordyn rubbed at her forehead, sighing. “I’m going to change into something more comfortable and then we can go to your parents if you want for dinner. Okay?”

Dumbly, Lucian could only nod and watch her go.

With Jordyn out of sight, the little box in his pants pocket was making its presence known. The damn thing might as well have been burning into his thigh for Christ’s sake. He’d been carrying it around for a couple of weeks, just waiting for the right time to slip itself into one of their days.

Funny how Lucian was thinking about it now.

Now, when they were fighting and she was angry with him. Now, when Jordyn was showing how strong of a woman she could be. Unafraid to tell him it didn’t matter how fiercely she loved him, if he couldn’t be the supportive, loving other half of their relationship she needed him to be, she would leave.

Yeah, he figured out what the after him meant.

There wouldn’t be an after him, Lucian decided.

Hell, he decided that a long time ago.

Sitting down on the couch, Lucian pulled that black box from his pocket and opened up the velvet top. The white gold band was encrusted in tiny white diamonds all the way around. The two-carat oval cut gem at the top would suit her hand perfectly. On the inside of the band,
Ti Amo, Bella Mia
was inscribed in script. It had been designed by him for her, not simply picked out of a shelf because it sparkled and looked pretty under glass.

No, he wanted her to love it. Like he loved her.

Plucking the ring out of the box, he stared at it for a long while, waiting for Jordyn to finish changing. Sometimes life was all about the wait.

“Lucian?”

Jordyn was standing in front of him, and Lucian didn’t have a clue how she got there. Those blue eyes of hers were watching the ring dangling between his fingers with a mixture of curiosity and maybe fright.

Lucian didn’t blame her there.

It was a big thing.

“Lucian?” Jordyn asked again.

Lucian smiled, shrugging. He didn’t kneel, he wouldn’t. She probably wouldn’t want him to. That wasn’t ever how he thought he would propose to her, anyway. Honestly, he assumed the time would come when they were in bed, laughing into sheets that smelled like them and love.

This was okay, too.

“I know you’re angry,” he started to say.

Jordyn blinked, wetness slipping along her bottom lashes. “I was.”

Lucian wet his lips under his tongue, calmness settling into his nerves. “I’m going to ask now.”

“Okay,” she murmured.

“I don’t want there to be someone after me, Jordyn, not ever. Marry me.”

• • •

Five months later …

Lucian watched his wife of only three months walk across the quiet street towards the tiny, yellow bungalow-style home, nervousness showing in her hands twisting together. This would be the first time she stood face to face with her biological father since she was two-years-old.

It was one thing Lucian could give back to her for everything she gave to him.

This little piece of her past, something good and healthy for her to keep, was everything Jordyn Reese-Marcello deserved.

“I have to go,” Lucian told his father on the cell pressed to his ear. “I don’t want her doing this alone.”

Antony sighed. “Call me back, yeah?”

“Of course. I should be there, I know.”

Antony was dealing with a Commission meeting of the influential bosses of major Cosa Nostra families, the underbosses, and their important men. Lucian was supposed to attend, like his other two brothers, but he didn’t want Jordyn to meet her father by herself.

“Some things will always be more important, son. That’s a reality of love and marriage. Besides, I just have to keep Gio and his hothead in check. That shouldn’t be hard.”

“Don’t count your chickens, as they say,” Lucian muttered. “Good luck.”

“I’ll need it.”

When the phone call hung up, Lucian dropped the device into his pants pocket. For a moment, he simply stared at Jordyn across the street, waiting for him.

She was always going to be so beautiful to him. Life and love right there in flesh and blood. Something he’d never knew he wanted until he met pretty blue eyes in a confessional box. How crazy was that?

They’d come from nothing but ruins, him and Jordyn.

Their lives, childhoods, had been anything but perfect. For Jordyn, she’d broken a cycle of neglect and addiction. With his help, she’d escaped a life she didn’t want or choose. For Lucian, he’d risen above tragedy, something that haunted him for years even though he refused to let it show. It had affected him for so long. With her help, he’d learned he was happy with his life, choices, and the expectations he knew people were still waiting to see if he would fulfill, even if his life marked him a criminal.