15
being held and even helped her unload the food. But he went
16
back to wait in the car while she did her thing. And when she
17
was done, he drove her back to Tart where he helped her clean
18
up all her equipment.
19
“Would you like to go look at the moon?”
20
He looked up, surprised. “Yeah.”
21
“Let’s go back to my house.”
22
23
24
Once there she grabbed some snacks, a blanket and a fl ashlight,
25
and they went out through her yard. She pointed. “There’s a
26
rise just through that stand of trees. There’s even a path; just
27
watch your step.”
S28
She wasn’t sure why she was taking him to her thinking spot,
N29
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01
but she wanted to look at the moon and be with him, and he was
02
there and the moon hung high and full on a very clear Septem-
03
ber night, so why not?
04
“Smells so good.”
05
“It was a pretty day. The bark got warm. I love this smell.
06
And the pine needles. The water off in the distance.” It was dark
07
out there on her side of the island. Dark enough that the stars
08
above were bright and clear.
09
“It’s a good thing I work out. This is your idea of an easy
10
walk?”
11
“Pfft. This is a totally easy walk. It’s just a little steep this
12
last bit. Don’t cry about it.”
13
He laughed then. “You’re tough.”
14
“I have two older brothers. If I wasn’t tough, I’d be in trou-
15
ble. Plus my dad is a retired ironworker. Do you know what an
16
ironworker thinks about weak people who sit on the couch
17
all day?”
18
“Ha! My dad is a rancher, so I bet I heard the same thing
19
growing up. We were only allowed to watch television or play
20
video games on weekends, and only for very restricted hours. I
21
think now, looking back on it, that they did it when they wanted
22
to lock their bedroom door to get it on. We were too dumb then.
23
But my mom is pretty crafty.”
24
He laid out the blanket once they’d arrived and they settled.
25
She opened the cooler and popped a stuffed mushroom into her
26
mouth. She passed one his way and he scarfed it down.
27
“Damn, it’s beautiful up here. You can see everything.”
28S
“This is my parents’ land. I’ve been coming up here since I
29N
was, I don’t know, eight or nine? Ryan and I discovered it. I come
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up here when I need to be reminded of the beauty of the moon
01
and stars.” She laid back on the blanket and marveled at the
02
world just above. “Over the years people have tried to buy it. But
03
my dad loves the wildness all around. My mom would be grumpy
04
too. She likes to do little improvements. Their yard has gotten
05
bigger over the years.” She snorted a laugh.
06
“Why do you laugh?”
07
“She’s hilarious. She gets a bug to do something. Build a
08
little water feature, or some decking, whatever. And she starts
09
leaving little articles about it, pictures, how-to guides, that sort 10
of thing around until my father fi nally relents and does it. It’s a 11
little game between them. They have a zing. It was good to have
12
that example growing up.” It was why she had the attitude that
13
she’d wait as long as she had to to fi nd it for herself. That zing 14
was worth the wait.
15
“They sound a lot like my parents. My dad is a third-
16
generation rancher. We started in Kentucky and moved out to
17
Oregon when I was six. They’d scrimped and saved and got up
18
enough to buy a good, solid plot of land. Then we all built the
19
house while we lived in a shitty little trailer. That fi rst winter I’m 20
surprised we didn’t kill each other. But when you’re a kid you
21
don’t really know. Anyway. He decided on alfalfa and that’s
22
what he did. We took in the fi rst harvest as we fi nished the
23
house. That got us through the next year and so on. My mom
24
directed us; he set the course. They both have this intensity of
25
connection. When I was a kid I remember going to other peoples’
26
houses and wondering why their parents didn’t kiss each other
27
or talk to each other all the time the way my parents did.” He
S28
paused for a bit as they watched the sky.
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01
“How did they react— your parents, I mean— when Cal told
02
them about Jules and Gideon?”
03
“I was there when he showed up to tell them. My dad was
04
downstairs dealing with his computer. Ryan and I have to go
05
over there once a week or so to run a virus check and to get rid
06
of eleventy billion cookies and stuff. Anyway, my mom made
07
us shut the door and get her emergency kit down.”
08
“Emergency kit? God, I’m starting to wonder if our mothers
09
being together in the same place might rip a hole in the space-
10
time continuum.”
11
Mary started to giggle and it took a bit to get back under
12
control. “It’s a pack of cigarettes, some whiskey and a few twen-
13
ties. I can proudly tell you she’s never had to get the emergency
14
kit down for me. My brothers, god, they were so wild. You’d
15
never know it to look at them now, all successful and stuff. But
16
holy cow, they were hard to handle growing up.
17
“Anyway, she took two shots, lit the cigarette, cross- examined
18
Cal, who likes to think he’s smooth but my mother could have
19
been a code breaker in the war. No one can withstand her. Any-
20
way, in the end she said she supported him and would handle
21
my dad. They always took his being bi pretty easily, but you
22
know a threesome is a whole different matter. But they love Jules
23
and that he does too worked out. Gideon is impossible not to
24
love as well. I’m lucky. I know some people don’t have parents
25
like mine. I’m spoiled to live in this little world where I’m sup-
26
ported and loved the way I am.”
27
“My brothers and I weren’t easy. Ezra and Paddy were the
28S
worst. But my mom should have had a parking space with her
29N
name on it at our schools, she was down there so much. She used
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to threaten to homeschool us. Ezra got in fi ghts a lot and later
01
he drank and carried on. I remember my dad having to haul
02
him home by the back of his shirt a few times. But it’s always
03
been my mother who kept us in line. I mean, we got into a shit-
04
ton of trouble, but without her and her very strong hand in our
05
upbringing, it would have been way worse. Ezra was a handful
06
but she kept him out of jail with music. He loved to play music.
07
He was the fi rst of us who learned an instrument.”
08
“He used to be the lead guitarist for Sweet Hollow Ranch,
09
right?”
10
“Yeah. He still song writes with Paddy. Ezra got out of high
11
school and fl irted with going into the military, and I think my
12
parents would have supported that idea. But then he started on
13
at the ranch and we started Sweet Hollow Ranch. Then Paddy
14
graduated and he worked at the granary part time too. We
15
started getting gigs in places none of us were legally able to go
16
into were we not playing there. By the time Vaughan was done
17
with school we were ready to make that move to L. A. She came
18
with us as I said. Kept us fed, beat off the worst of the people
19
who’d have bled us dry.”
20
“There’s a big
but
there.”
21
“I assumed you knew.”
22
“I have been a fan of your music a long time. I know there
23
was trouble, but to be totally honest, ever since Adrian came
24
into our lives I try not to look at the tabloids. It’s a self- defense 25
mechanism too, now that you’re around.”
26
She reached out to take his hand in hers as they watched
27
the sky.
S28
“He partied hard. Harder and harder as things went on. Lots
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01
of alcohol. Then drugs. After a while they affected his game.
02
He started to show up late for shows. A really scuzzy element
03
started hanging around backstage. He kept borrowing money.
04
It just . . .” He had to stop to swallow back the emotion.
05
“He was my hero. The big brother who always had my back,
06
and suddenly he was the guy who I caught stealing shit from my
07
wallet. The guy who left used needles all over the fucking place.
08
He lost a huge amount of weight. He stopped taking care of
09
himself. I knew he had a problem with heroin but we kept hop-
10
ing he’d turn it around. We gave him ultimatums and he’d stop.
11
For a while anyway. Finally, he and Paddy threw down after a
12
show when Ezra literally fell asleep on stage. Just nodded out
13
while he was playing. We had to cancel the rest of the tour. He
14
took off. We tracked him down. He was in bad, bad shape.
15
He refused to go to rehab.”
16
God, he’d never felt so fucking helpless. They’d had to watch
17
Ezra; worried he’d take off again to get more drugs. Ezra had
18
said all sorts of mean shit to hurt them, push them away. Damien
19
had worried about the band, about their tour, all that money
20
riding on the extra dates. Felt guilty that he’d worried over those 21
things.
22
“Anyway, my mom showed up. She went in the room with
23
him, locked the door and stayed in there for two hours. After-
24
ward, she came out, told my dad to get the car, we drove him
25
to the rehab facility. He stayed for four months. Did another six
26
in aftercare and he’s been clean ever since. He threw himself
27
into the ranch, taking over the majority of the day-to-day oper-
28S
ations from my dad. He quit the band, which he needed to do,
29N
but he still writes with Paddy. He produces our records now too.
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He’s my big brother again. He’s changed a lot in many ways,
01
but for the better.”
02
“Wow. I’m glad he’s okay now. Sorry you all had to go through
03
it. It must have been so hard to see him that way.”
04
He sucked in a breath. “Yeah. But he’s strong. Seeing him
05
come through it changed us all.”
06
“I imagine so.”
07
“Not that we don’t get wild when we’re on the road. But it
08
was so much less controlled then. It could have been any of us
09
really. My family came together, which is what counts. I don’t
10
know what my mom said to him that day, but whatever it was,
11
it scared him into dealing, facing it and really committing to
12
rehab. She’s a strong woman. ’Course she blames herself.”
13
“That’s what mothers do.”
14
She got him. And that should have scared him. But it didn’t.
15
“Thanks for sharing all that with me.” She squeezed his hand