Lust - 1 (17 page)

“To be honest, Adam, I don’t real y care,” Kaia explained patiently. “And I’m not sure why you do, either.”

“Kaia, I’m
in love
with her,” he shouted in frustration. “You know that.You said you understood. That the whole thing, that other thing, was a mistake, that—”

“Forget what I said,” she cut in. Now she knew she’d done the right thing, shucking the good girl act and coming after him hard and fast. Being soft and subtle, giving him time to think and regret before he acted, would never have worked. She needed him to stop thinking and start
acting
. And for that, he needed to know exactly what was on the table—exactly what he would be passing up.

“It wasn’t a mistake,” she informed him. “When we were in that motel, I wanted you. Just like I want you now.” She placed a hand on the waistband of his jeans, then let it slide slowly downward. “And you can’t tel me you don’t want me, too.”

He shoved her away. Hard. She slammed into the lockers behind her with a crash. The shock of impact was mirrored on his face when he saw how hard he’d pushed her. But he shook it off, letting anger sweep over him again—and she was glad of it. Final y, some real, deep emotion breaking through that placid surface. Some passion. Kaia knew what that meant—it was only a matter of time. She couldn’t suppress the smile.

He saw the look on her face and shook his head violently, backing away.

“Forget it, Kaia,” he snapped, stuffing his belongings into his backpack as quickly as he could. “It doesn’t matter what you want, or what you think I want. It can’t happen. It
won’t
happen.”

It was the second time in an hour that Kaia had heard those words. This was getting old—but once again, Kaia was certain: He may have
sai
d no. But he
meant
soon.

Adam slammed through the door of the locker room, with Kaia close behind him. This whole situation was maddening. Okay—flattering, too, but also completely out of control.

Kaia
was out of control. And word was sure to get back to Beth and—

Uh-oh.

Looks like word wouldn’t have to.

Beth was standing in the hal outside the locker room, facing the door, so Adam got a good look at her face as he walked out—the tentative smile when she saw him, twisted into a grimace of disgust a moment later as Kaia emerged, the front of her shirt stil soaking wet from when she’d pressed herself up against Adam’s bare and dripping chest.

“See you later, Adam!” Kaia said pleasantly, as the couple stared at each other in silence. She smiled sweetly at Beth, then turned back to him. “Thanks so much for your help in there.” And she strode away down the hal .

Adam stopped in the doorway, as if half considering a retreat back into the locker room. Maybe if he went inside, came out again, the world would give him a do-over, and he and Beth could start afresh.

Unfortunately, Beth didn’t look like she was much in the mood for fresh starts. She stood a few feet away, pressed against the brick wal as if she needed it for support. Her hands were clasped in front of her, in a loose and relaxed pose betrayed by the tension in her frozen face. She wore a light gray, short-sleeved sweater that he’d never seen before. It was the soft color of mist, the same gray that flecked her clear blue eyes. Her eyes, he noticed, were glassy, unshed tears pooling at the lids. She looked very angry—and very beautiful.

“Beth,” he final y said. “Uh, what are you doing here?”

“I came to find you,” she said mechanical y, staring off in the direction Kaia had gone. “I was going to apologize. One of the guys told me you were stil in there. So I waited.”
Thanks a lot, guys,
Adam thought. That was some team loyalty for you.

“I’m glad you did,” he said hesitantly, taking a step toward her and gently grasping her hand. “I wanted to talk to you, too.” The contact seemed to shake her out of her state of shock—she whipped her hand away.

“I said I
was
going to apologize,” she corrected him. “Past tense. That was before I … interrupted you.” She looked away. “I guess you weren’t expecting to see me here.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know what it means.” She swiped a hand quickly across her eyes and final y met his gaze. Her lower lip was trembling—and she looked at him as if he were a mysteriously familiar stranger, someone she’d once known, long ago. “God, Adam, in public? In the locker room? What were you thinking? Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”

“You don’t even know what you’re talking about!” he protested. The best defense, after al , was a good offense. Not that he had anything to be defensive about. He hadn’t
done
anything—was it his fault that Kaia kept chasing after him? Wasn’t the point that he kept turning her away? Didn’t that, in fact, make him a
better
boyfriend? What more did she want from him?

“What do you think happened in there?” he snapped, losing his patience. “You think I threw her down and
did
her? Right there on the floor in front of half the swim team? Do you even want to know what real y happened? Maybe you’d rather just assume the worst.” He heard the words coming out as if someone else had spoken them—surely it hadn’t been him.

Surely he wouldn’t say something so hurtful to someone he loved. Surely he wasn’t that kind of guy.

“What’s the point in asking if you’re just going to lie to me?” Beth asked, furiously blinking back tears.“! see the way you look at her—I know you think she can give you what you want. Fine—go get it.” She whirled around, as if to leave, but he grabbed her arm and tugged her back around. She wasn’t walking away, not this time. Al of this, the constant fights over nothing, the tears, the silent treatment, it had to end. They had to actual y deal with this—which meant she was, for once, going to have to stick around.

“I’m so sick of you making everything about sex,” he spit out, total y exasperated. How many times could they have the same conversation?

“Me? What about you? You—”

“No,
you
,” he argued. “This is not about sex, or Kaia, and you know it.” And he tried to force the image of her clinging to his wet body, of her lips on his, of her arms wrapped around him, out of his head. “This is about
you
. About you not trusting me. Not trusting us.”

Beth’s face softened, and for a moment Adam thought he’d gotten through to her. Then she shook her head.

“No. No!” She flung his arm off and pushed him away. “You can’t turn this around on me—this is about you acting like a jerk.This is about
you
skulking around in a boys’ locker room with another girl. This is about
you
wanting—” Her voice broke. “Wanting what you can’t have and acting like its al my fault.”

“Beth …”

“Of course I don’t trust us,” she said dul y, sounding suddenly exhausted. “Right now, us sucks.”

She walked away—and this time, he let her go.

“Thanks for the heartfelt apology!” he cal ed after her, punching the wal in frustration. The stinging pain in his knuckles only made him angrier.

This
was his reward for doing the right thing? For resisting temptation? He might as wel have thrown Kaia down on the locker room floor, torn her clothes off, satisfied his every pornographic desire—why the hel not, if that’s what Beth was going to believe either way?

He’d been there for her, he’d thrown himself into this relationship, he’d done everything he could for her—and she couldn’t even be bothered to ask him for the truth. She couldn’t be bothered to stick around for a damn conversation.

And you know what?

Good riddance.

She’d never known a knee could be so sexy.

But there it was. Under the table. An inch away.

She could feel his leg there next to hers, could imagine moving hers over just a bit, just an inch, pressing their legs together. And that’s not al she could imagine. He was so close—she could just slip her foot out of her shoe, slide her toes up his calf, trace a gentle design across his skin. She could reach out, take his hand in hers beneath the table, massage his fingertips and then press him against her body, so hungry for his touch ….

“Harper? What are you thinking about?”

Adam’s warm voice startled her out of her frozen reverie. And thank God for smal favors—if she didn’t stop obsessing over her stupid fantasies, she might miss the chance to turn them into reality. And that’s what this was—her chance.

“Harper?” he repeated, sounding concerned. “What’s up?”

“Nothing—don’t worry about it,” she assured him.

“Are you sure?”

“No, I’m fine, it’s nothing,” she said again. “Besides, I’m supposed to be cheering
you
up. What are you thinking about? As if I have to ask …” Beth, of course. It was always Beth. Whether they were in the gazing-into-each-others-eyes-there s-only-two-of-us-in-the-whole-world mode, or in the I-may-never-speak-to-you-again mode (as, happily, they were tonight), Harper knew that the Blond One was never far from his thoughts.

But Adam just laughed. “No, I’m not thinking about her, Harper, I swear—I’m just enjoying the music. Thanks again for dragging me out tonight.” It had been a bril iant idea—after al , who knew how long Beth would be stupid enough to stay away sulking, leaving Adam on the open market? Opportunities like this didn’t come along very often and didn’t last for very long—so Harper was planning to take ful advantage of this one while she had it. Seize the day, right? She looked around at the grungy bar, the local band that was—just barely—cranking out something that bore a distant relation to music, and sighed. If only she didn’t have to seize the day in such seedy surroundings.

Though she had to admit, what with the darkness, the haze of smoke, the music (sort of), the place had possibilities ….

Of course, a
true
friend probably wouldn’t take advantage of Adam’s postfight instability, wouldn’t do her best to talk him out of a relationship he clearly wanted to stay in (not that she planned to stick with talking)—on the other hand, Harper reminded herself, wasn’t it her duty as a true friend to help him see the error of his ways?

“You know I’m always here for you, Adam,” she said, hoping he would hear the emotion in her voice, would, for once, realize what al her loyalty, al her attention, al her efforts real y meant.

“It’s true, Harper—you’re real y a great friend.”

And that was Adam—hopelessly oblivious, as always.

But so painful y perfect, in every other way.

She closed her eyes for a moment, imagining what it might be like to open them to a different world, one in which Adam was sitting across the table gazing at her in that way, that tender awestruck way that had always been reserved for Beth. If she could just get him to real y
look
at her, to see what he was missing. She raised a hand to her neck, let her fingers play their way down the bare skin until they reached her silky neckline—if she opened her eyes, would she catch him sneaking a forbidden glance, wondering what lay beneath?

She opened her eyes.

And the answer was no.

He wasn’t even looking in her direction—he’d turned toward the door, toward a gaggle of girls from their school who had just walked in. Toward Kaia. Of course.

And there went her perfect night, her golden opportunity.

Kaia spotted them, raised an arm in greeting, and treated Adam to a long, slow smile. Harper just sneered. And waited.

Adam paused for a moment, nodded briefly in acknowledgment—and then turned away.

Harper breathed a sigh of relief, and only then realized that she’d been holding her breath, tensed and ready for rejection. But Adam was stil there, and Kaia—one eyebrow raised in—surprise? Skepticism? Disbelief? Whatever—Kaia sat down across the bar.

Good. And you’d better stay there,
Harper thought. She resisted the impulse to make some snide comment about her nemesis—or about the fact that Adam seemed suddenly to have abandoned his Siamese twin act and was actual y al owing some space to intrude between him and his il icit beloved.

No reason to ruin a perfect moment—even for the perfect snark.

Besides, the important thing was that he was staying away. Whatever the reason, Kaia had lost this round—she was across the bar and Harper was here, across from Adam.

Across from his deep blue eyes and luscious smile and biceps that could—

“Harper, there’s—there’s something I need to talk to you about.”

That’s it—no more gazing, no more dreaming,
she told herself sternly. Must stay focused. Listen. Even though he was looking at her so intently—was, unbelievably, leaning in close and laying his hand on top of hers. Even though it was hard not to lose herself in the electrifying contact and in fantasies of where this might be going …. No. Must focus. Pay attention. Hope.

“You’ve always said I could talk to you about anything,” he began hesitantly.

Harper just nodded, afraid, for once, to speak.

“Wel … you know that Beth and I have been real y happy together, that I think she’s wonderful ….”

His voice trailed off, and Harper nodded again, impatiently. There was only so much of this she could listen to, and if the evening was about to devolve into yet another monologue about Beth’s mil ion-and-one divine attributes, she was going to need a
lot
more to drink.