Lust (11 page)

Jake buzzed up on a snowmobile. “Is everything all right?” he asked. “Mr. Moore, can you ride on the back of this with me?”

Tom turned to Jake. “Thank you for your help—but my daughter and I aren't going with you.”

“What? Dad!” Gaia said.

“There's no way you'll get back without the snowmobiles,” Jake said. “And the rations. And the supplies.”

“We'll manage,” Tom said, taking Gaia's arm protectively.

“Dad, listen,” Gaia said. She turned to face him.
“Jake's right. We're dead meat on our own. Even if you're still suspicious of Oliver, you've got to trust me enough to know we'll be all right. If we go with him, maybe something will happen. But if we don't, there's no chance of survival. And there's no turning back,” she added, with a toss of her head toward the now-mounting flames inside the prison walls.

Tom gazed into Gaia's eyes as if he were trying to gauge whether she'd been brainwashed or not. It was a legitimate question. Loki had been a master of manipulation—Tom himself had been fooled by Gaia doppelgangers, though not from this close up. But there was no time to think it over carefully. He had to act quickly.

“Sir?” Jake asked. “If one of those bullets hits my gas tank, we're going to have some trouble.”

“All right,” he said. “I'll go with you.” He climbed on the back of the kid's snowmobile while Gaia buzzed on ahead. She was right. He had no choice—for now. But he was going to watch carefully for a chance to grab his daughter and get away from Loki. Or use this opportunity to get revenge.

He didn't know what Loki was up to now, but he was about to come face-to-face with his old nemesis. What did Loki want? What was his plan? Tom wasn't sure. But he knew that, bottom line, it had to be evil. And being this close to Loki was going to give Tom the opportunity for revenge he'd always wanted. The temptation was beyond unbearable.

I
don't think I could be more worried if Gaia were actually my own daughter. I've been watching since I finished setting up camp. Everything is in order. The food is ready, the coffee is brewing. Now all I can do is watch from my perch up here on the mountain. Gaia's down there somewhere, and she's with my brother.

My brother. How am I going to face him?

Tom has every right to detest me with all his heart. I ruined his life—and even tried to take it. I nearly destroyed Gaia time and time again. I have been behind every painful betrayal of the last five years, and there have been many of them. Too many to count. Too many to remember. The flashes that come to me nearly drive me insane with regret and remorse. A lifetime of penance couldn't make up for what I did.

Still, here I am. I brought Gaia to him, and I'm going to carry him out of here on my back
if I have to. It's the least I can do. I owe him that much. After that, if he still wants to hate me, I can't stop him. But at least I can prove to him that I can be trusted with this one task.

I can hear shouts and gunshots. The prison is boiling with rioting prisoners. I saw the flare, so I know Gaia found her father. Did they get out? If I see two snowmobiles climbing toward me—and I think I do—then they did.

The shouts. The gunshots. The prisoners are rioting. Why am I drawn to the sound? Is it familiar? Is there something I don't remember from my Loki years that is being set off now? The sound is so familiar—

It's like there are two of me. As I gaze down the mountain, I'm horrified by the danger and chaos in that prison. But I worry. Is Loki still alive inside me? Is he relishing the shouts? Does the clamor sound as pleasant as the laughter of children to him? If he's here, I can't sense him. But
I'm worried that I will. If he appears out of my subconscious, I'll have to lock him up, keep him out of my way.

Concentrate on the pain, the horror of it, the worry about Gaia and Tom. If I can keep that fresh, I can remain myself and keep them safe from him. From that part of me.

Hurry up, Gaia. Get Tom up here so I can see him safe. So I can apologize like a man. This is the most terrifying thing I've ever had to do—not because I'm afraid he'll harm me, but because I have to admit what I became, what I was. What might still be, deep inside. Facing Tom will be the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

And I'd just as soon get it over with.

Hurry up, Gaia.

Hostility

GAIA PULLED UP FIRST. SHE JUMPED
off the snowmobile and ran to Oliver.

“He's not doing so great,” she said.

“Was he injured?”

She grimaced. “I mean, he's a little wasted. He doesn't look so hot. But that's not the problem.”

Oliver looked up at her, curious.

“It's going to be really hard for me to convince him you're trustworthy,” she blurted out.

“Well, of course. We expected that.” Oliver returned to his food-preparation activities, stirring a pot of beans carefully. Gaia watched him. He was nervous, anyone could tell.

“I guess I just thought he'd have more faith in me,” she said quietly.

Oliver looked up at her. “Gaia, your father and I were bitter enemies for most of your life. You can't erase that in a few days. Don't expect too much of him right now. This is a huge shock. And it's not the only shock he's going to have to deal with. Don't forget, he has no idea that Natasha and Tatiana turned against him. This is going to be quite a blow.”

Gaia breathed in sharply. She knew she was going to have to deliver that news, too. This was just getting harder and harder. She'd finally gotten what she wanted—she had found her father and delivered him
from prison—and she felt almost nothing but nerve endings.

Jake buzzed up behind Gaia in his snowmobile and pulled it up right next to hers. He was completely casual about it, like he was pulling into a parking spot at the mall. Gaia had to smile. The guy handled himself like a pro.

“Hey!” She plastered on a smile and ran toward Jake and Tom. “Come on over. There's food. . . .”

Tom climbed off the back of the snowmobile and stalked over to Oliver. She could see that his eyes were aflame with fury. “Dad, come on,” she said. But he walked past her as if she wasn't even there. Oliver put the metal pot down on the fire and moved away from the flames, instinctively taking himself away from the vulnerable situation. Tom grabbed him by the collar and shook him furiously. The weakness brought on by his imprisonment was gone. Empowered by his anger, Tom was suddenly a tower of strength, lunging at his brother full force.

“What's your game?” he asked, grabbing Oliver by the collar.

“I know this is strange,” Oliver told him, hands in the air. “I'm not here to hurt you.”

“Do I look like an idiot?” Tom asked, shoving Oliver backward. “Do you think I'm a fool? You expect me to eat food you prepared? So you can poison me again? You've done enough. I don't know why you're pretending to help me or how you've fooled Gaia, but
I'm not falling for it. Go. Get out of here. Find your own way back to civilization.”

Tom punctuated his tirade with little jabs at Oliver's chest. Oliver stepped backward slowly, absorbing the blows, hands in the air in surrender. Finally Tom gave him a shove and he tripped, falling backward into the snow.

“Out of here,” Tom repeated. “Take a snowmobile and go.”

“Dad, stop!” Gaia shouted.

“Tom. Listen,” Oliver said, getting up and standing at a wary distance. “I'm not going to fight you. You need me to get out of here.”

“I need you for nothing,” Tom screamed. “You want to help me? Bring my wife back.”

Oliver winced as if he'd just been pushed again. “I'm so sorry,” he said.

“Sorry about what? About killing my wife?” Tom asked.

“That wasn't
me
.”

“No, it was Loki. And Loki is who, exactly?”

Oliver bowed his head in shame.

“I'm not hearing an answer. Who is Loki?”

“He's me. He
was
me. Loki was me, but I'm not him anymore. You have to believe me.”

Tom reached for the handle of the pot on the fire, ready to swing it at Oliver and let the boiling soup and the heavy iron finish him off. Gaia stepped in, using
techniques she had learned from Tom himself to paralyze him momentarily.

“That's enough,” she said. “Dad, you and I are going to sit over here. Oliver and Jake will build a new fire. Right?”

Oliver nodded. Jake looked dubious.

“Come on, Dad, sit down. Come on.” Tom allowed himself to be led to the fire and sat down. Gaia crouched next to him for a moment, putting her arms around his shoulders. She suddenly felt very protective of him. She'd rescued him, but he wasn't out of the woods yet—literally or figuratively.

“This is a lot to take in,” she said. “Maybe you're right, and maybe I'm just being an idiot about Oliver. But we're okay for now. Just hang in there with me.”

Tom nodded. Gaia got up and went to Oliver and Jake, who were already busy setting up their alternate camp.

“Oliver,” she said. “This is weird. I mean, it's awkward. You've been so great, but—”

“Your father is showing me the same suspicion you did,” Oliver acknowledged. “It's understandable. Be patient with him.”

“Oh, I am,” she said. “I just hope you will be, too.”

Oliver nodded, giving Gaia a reassuring smile.

“I think it's also the imprisonment—the torture. His mind isn't quite working at full capacity. He told me they pumped him full of all kinds of drugs. He doesn't even know what they are.”

“And without a laboratory, we don't know, either,” Oliver said. “So I'm up against Tom's legitimate suspicions plus his lowered capacity to be reasonable. The trip back to New York should be quite interesting.”

“Well . . . I guess it'll be like any other dysfunctional family reunion,” Gaia said.

She looked toward Jake. He seemed freaked out She didn't even know what to say to him. As far as he knew, Oliver was a great guy who'd been helping them. He didn't really know Gaia's long history with Loki, just the broad strokes. She couldn't risk telling Jake any more than that In this case, too much information could be a dangerous thing. Now, though, she wished she'd prepared him for how scary Loki was. Just to give him some perspective. She suddenly felt a wave of guilt for having let him come along. For not having let him make an informed decision.

But she couldn't worry about that now. Her priority was Tom. Her dad. He wasn't doing so great. She had to nurse him back to health—and get the last of those drugs out of his system so he could return to his normal self.

She tromped back over to the Gaia-and-Tom fire and sat down on a folding camp chair next to his, in the shelter Oliver had constructed. “So we'll rest here, then go to Moscow and get the plane back to the U.S.,” she said.

Tom gazed at his daughter. The grizzle of his unshaven face made him look older than he was, older than his brother. The red rims of his eyes could have
been the result of sadness or illness—it was hard to tell. Finally he nodded.

“How's the food?”

He looked down at the bowl of beans in his hands. “I haven't been able to bring myself to eat it.”

“You need your strength,” Gaia said gently. “Here, look.” She dipped a spoon into it and brought it to her mouth. “Ow! It's hot. But it's fine.”

Tom nodded again and took the spoon back from Gaia. She wrapped him in a blanket that looked like tinfoil and rubbed his shoulders. She hated seeing him like this.

She was suddenly ravenous, and tucked into her own bowl of food with an enthusiasm she hadn't known she had. She wanted to get the meal over with and get moving. At least with the buzz of the snowmobiles in her ear, she wouldn't have to listen to the uncomfortable silence between her father and her uncle.

“This is kind of good,” she said.

“Probably because we're so hungry,” he answered. “Gaia, thank you. Whatever else is going on, I can't believe you made it all this way. I thought I was lost in there.”

“I couldn't sleep till I found you,” she told him. “There was no way.”

“Do I really look that bad?”

Gaia laughed. “You've looked better, I guess. Do you think you can drive?”

“I'd be happy to.”

“Good. I'll ride with you, Jake will ride with—on the other one. Okay?”

“Fine.”

They sipped in silence again.

“The game plan,” she finally told him, “is that we're going to travel back on the train, but instead of being passengers, we'll hop on the freight cars this time.”

“Sounds wise,” he said. “That's a good plan.”

Gaia's heart skipped a beat.
Funny how your dad's approval always gives you that warm feeling
, she thought.
Even when you just had to bust him out of jail.

She wanted to get going. Get out of this odd isolated location, with this odd group. Funny how all the easiness of the last few days had vanished. She hoped her dad would come around soon, before she developed an ulcer from all this hostility.

Maybe it's a dysfunctional family
, Gaia thought,
but it's
my
dysfunctional family.

Okay,
I found my dad. I haven't had a second to process all of this. Here I am, riding down the side of a mountain behind him, hanging on to him for dear life. I've been hugging him for hours, but I still don't feel like I really have him back.

Maybe there's only so many times you can lose someone and get them back. Maybe after a certain number of times, your heart says, “Enough. I'm not going up and down anymore.”

Or maybe he doesn't seem like my dad. My dad is physically strong and incredibly sharp-witted. Even when he's angry, he doesn't let his emotions get away with him. He should be able to deal with Oliver, even if he thinks he's secretly still Loki, until we get back to New York. And he should be able to see that I've assessed Oliver and trust my judgment about him.