Macarons at Midnight (25 page)

He didn’t breathe quite right until they were back in the Village. Even though he’d grown up on the Upper East Side, the Village had felt like home right away. He still remembered the day he’d signed for his apartment, twenty-three and just about to start culinary school, and he hadn’t known what he wanted to do or become. He’d spent four years at college and a year getting to know the kitchens in the city. None of it had made him happy, but his home had. It had been his favorite place in the world since the first moment he’d walked into it, and it still was. There was just an addition to it, now.

Tristan never felt like someone who didn’t belong, never felt like a guest. He’d spent nearly every night there for weeks, probably had more belongings with Henry than in his own place and possession of a freshly cut spare key. It just seemed right. Again, Henry pushed some silent plea out into the universe, for whomever might be listening, that his family didn’t make Tristan flee to keep his sanity. Henry nearly opened his mouth and promised they wouldn’t have to see them much. It was true; with the exception of Trixie, he rarely saw his family. Something about saying it out loud didn’t feel right, though.

“Hey, we’re almost home. You want to tackle cannolis tonight?” Some of Henry’s favorite times were in his kitchen, music playing, him and Tristan joking and touching and kissing over whatever baking lesson was on for the night. He thought maybe chocolate chips and mascarpone would erase the weird aftertaste of his parents’ palatial mausoleum of a house, that music and laughter would make Tristan forget how unwelcoming it was.

“Sure,” Tristan said. His voice was still quiet, but he sounded more like himself. Maybe the Village had that effect on him too.

Henry squeezed his hand and tried to convey how much he felt for Tristan, how perfect he felt when they were together. It hadn’t been long, but Henry’s mind and heart had already gone crazy places, the kinds of places where he’d go with Tristan to England to meet his family, where he’d ask Tristan to move into his apartment. Those kinds of places. Henry didn’t know if he should be more thrilled he was feeling it, or terrified it was the worst idea ever.

T
HEY
THANKED
Ollie for the ride once he pulled up to Henry’s building, trotted across the sidewalk, and walked up three flights of stairs, fingers loosely curled together. Henry wasn’t quite ready to let go of Tristan yet.

Everything took another shift for the better when they crossed the threshold of his apartment, then changed into slouchy T-shirts and sweats. Getting rid of the uncomfortable dress-to-impress clothes made it feel more like
them
. Being in his place, surrounded by his low-maintenance things and watching Tristan’s stress visibly melt away, helped too. By the time Henry started crowding the counter with cannoli ingredients, he felt normal again.

Yes. Baking was good. Baking always helped.

“What am I going to do?” Tristan had gotten much better over the past few weeks. He’d not had much practice, obviously—Henry pegged him as someone who got shoed out of the kitchen by his mom on a regular basis—but he wasn’t inherently awful. He was a quick learner, and it had gotten to the point where Henry barely had to give him instruction at all on the more simple things.

“Do you want to roll the shells or make the cream filling?” Henry asked.

Tristan grinned at him. Henry knew that smile. It was saucy and comfortable and cute, one of Henry’s favorite things. “I’m awfully good at making cream filling,” Tristan said.

Thank God.
They were back to normal, dorky, bad-joke normal. Henry snorted. “That’s terrible. Not even original.”

“You’re laughing.”

“Because you’re a
dork
. I like it, though. Not gonna lie.”

Henry attacked Tristan with kisses to his neck and jaw and mouth, pinned him against the counter, and twined their fingers together. Weeks in, and Henry still couldn’t get enough of Tristan’s kisses. He wanted to kiss Tristan always, every day, every minute. It was hard, sometimes, to get through a day at the bakery without spending the whole time thinking about getting home to Tristan’s kiss and touch and body. He’d screwed up a number of recipes because he’d spaced off daydreaming of the night before, salt instead of sugar, too much butter. Part of him hoped he’d get over the initial love-struck haze soon so he could go back to functioning like a normal person, but part of him wanted to stay buried in it forever.

Tristan laughed softly against Henry’s mouth and kissed him deeper. He untangled their fingers and cupped Henry’s ass, hauling their bodies close, closer. Henry wasn’t sure he was up for baking anymore.

“Hey, um, do you want to do this tomorrow?” he asked. He nipped at Tristan’s lower lip and swiped the area gently with his tongue.

“Why? I’m not tired.”

“Tristan,” Henry moaned.

“You have been promising to teach me cannolis for weeks, you know.” Tristan still ground their hips together hard, the damn tease. He leaned over and sucked a light bruise into Henry’s neck. Henry planted his palms on the counter and pushed back with his hips.

“You sure about that?”

“Mmmhmmm. Time to bake.”

Henry took a deep shuddery breath and stepped back. “You suck,” he muttered.

“Later,” Tristan whispered with a wink.

Henry didn’t know why he even liked him.

I
T
WAS
really late by the time they made it to bed, too late to start any of the things Tristan had promised earlier. Henry was trying to pretend he didn’t have to get up in four hours to bake. He’d had a hell of a lot of painful mornings ever since Tristan had crashed into his life. He had no regrets, though. Besides, he could always wake Tristan up in the morning. Tristan owed him a few hours of help to repay all of the distraction he’d caused.

“Hey,” Henry said quietly. “You did really well on the cannolis. They were fantastic.”

“Think you could sell them in Honeyfly?” Tristan asked. He looked hopeful, although he had to already know the answer.

Henry smiled. “By taste? Absolutely.” He kissed Tristan on the nose. “We’re still going to have to work on the presentation a little bit.” He thought of the pile of lopsided cannolis with filling squishing out the sides and chocolate sloshed all over the edges. Millie’s sons would still inhale them, because they did taste fantastic. Looks would come in time.

They were quiet after that. Henry wasn’t really tired. Nights with his parents left him both exhausted and wired, typically. This one was no different. Plus, he’d had a truckload of sugar, tasting Tristan’s creations. He stared at the ceiling and traced a pattern on Tristan’s pale, smooth back. Tristan tended to flop out on his stomach, head cradled in the crook of Henry’s shoulder, hand curled under Henry’s thigh. It looked wretchedly uncomfortable to Henry, but Tristan seemed to love it, so he just went with it. Henry just kept stroking his back, up and down, across his shoulders. He’d learned early on it would put Tristan to sleep in a heartbeat. He loved to be stroked, like a big, overgrown kitten.

“Henry?” Tristan said quietly long moments later. “You up?”

“No,” Henry chuckled. “I’m moving my hand in my sleep.”

Tristan turned, sleepy soft, and cuddled up to Henry’s side. “It could happen. I’ve got you fairly well trained, after all.”

“Not that well, my darling. Not yet, at least. Can’t sleep?”

“No. You can’t either?” He dropped kisses on Henry’s shoulder and slid his hand across Henry’s belly to cup his hip, fingers slipping under his thin pajama pants.

“I never sleep well after a visit to the homestead. I don’t know why. I slept just fine when I lived there.” The residual discomfort had faded while he and Tristan baked, but it was still there, lingering in the corners, keeping him awake.

“It’s so different here than at that house.” Tristan nuzzled Henry’s neck. “I can feel you everywhere in this flat. No part of that place seems like you.”

Henry couldn’t disagree. “It doesn’t really seem like anyone, does it? None of the main rooms were ever designed to look like an actual home. More like a spread in a design magazine.”

“I don’t understand that, really. I’m glad for you that you’re not there anymore.”

“I pushed hard when I was there.” Henry chuckled. “Plastered my room with posters my mother hated, hung out in the kitchen with the cook a lot.”

“You must’ve driven your mom crazy.”

“Only because I didn’t really fit appearances. Other than that, we didn’t have a lot of contact. I can’t explain it to you. I know your family is close. It must sound so alien.”

“Nah.”

Tristan kissed his shoulder again. The small kisses made Henry shiver. He ran his own hand down Tristan’s back until his fingers came across the soft, fleshy rise of his ass. Henry loved Tristan’s ass, that it was more generous than the typical guy’s, round and muscular from years of rugby, fun to grab and slap and hold onto. He didn’t think he’d ever get sick of it.

“I had friends who weren’t close to their families. Americans don’t hold the monopoly on dysfunction.”

“Good to know,” Henry said with a chuckle.

“You think your dad will ever like me?”

That took Henry by surprise. Nobody had ever asked that before. Not outright. Mostly, the guys would get stars in their eyes when they saw Henry’s childhood home and all the trappings that went with it, but the stars would fade when they sat down with his parents and felt the politely glacial chill. Tristan had never seemed impressed with the house, the car, or the glamor of the Upper East Side. But the chill? That was inevitable. Henry hated to think what would happen when the guy he was seeing didn’t care about the good stuff and only got overwhelmed with the bad. Might as well come out with it.

“Do you really wanna talk about this, babe?” Henry asked.

“It doesn’t have to be a big discussion. I was just asking.”

Henry shrugged a little, bumping Tristan’s head. “Probably not, then. But don’t take it personally. He barely likes Trix and me. I don’t think my dad has time to care about anyone who doesn’t expand his bank account. He’s married to Livingston’s, and he always has been.”

“I get it. It’s just hard to be around people like that.”

Henry sighed. Moment of truth. “Please tell me if tonight freaked you out and we’re going to get awkward and then all of a sudden you’ll forget to take my calls and I’ll never see you again. I’ve been through it before after a guy met my family, and if it’s going to happen again, then I’d like some warning.”

Tristan sat all the way up in bed, so quickly that Henry barely had time to miss the warmth of Tristan’s body against his skin. “What are you talking about?”

“I, uh.” Henry didn’t know how to continue. “My family has been a deal breaker for people I’ve been with in the past. The money seems fantastic from a distance, but I guess nobody likes to feel disapproved of, and my parents disapprove of the universe as a rule. Nobody is going to win them over wholeheartedly. Not even their own children. It’s not an easy position to be in for a partner who isn’t from that world.”

“So you’ve had boyfriends leave you because your dad is a bit of a dick?”

Henry smiled weakly. “I guess you could put it that way. It’s the simple version.”

“Well, I’m not going to. No awkward drift, no missed calls.” He leaned forward and kissed Henry. “I wouldn’t do that to you. Don’t you know how I feel? I mean, I’ve never….” He looked unsure, like he didn’t think he had the right to finish his sentence.

“Never what?”

“I’ve never been in love before,” Tristan murmured. “Not like this, anyway.”

Henry’s heart all of a sudden picked up in his chest,
thunk, thunk
, pulse racing, head spinning. Tristan had just said he
loved
him. Henry hadn’t been to that place with anyone since the boy he’d dated back in college. He sat up in bed as well and wrapped Tristan in his arms. “Me too. I mean, I feel it too.”

Jesus
. To go from the uncomfortable parent talk to love in under a minute. No wonder his head was spinning.

“I didn’t know if it was right to say. It’s so soon. But you’ve turned my whole world upside down, made me want different things, you make me so happy.”

Henry kissed Tristan all over. His neck, his face, his lips all got showered with waves of tiny kisses. “You make me happy too. I’m glad you’re not going anywhere.”

Tristan shook his head and nuzzled Henry back with kisses and nose rubs and little tickles. “Don’t say that again,” he muttered. “I’m not leaving.”

“I won’t.”

“A
RE
YOU
sure you can’t play hooky again today?” Henry kissed him, sucking and nibbling at his bottom lip and trying to work his fingers into Tristan’s waistband. “It would be nice to have you around.”

“I wish I could,” Tristan groaned.

He’d never loved going to work and had actively disliked it most of the time since he’d been in the US, but that morning, there was nothing in the universe he wanted to do more than stay with Henry, cozied up in his warm, golden kitchen, and watch him bake, maybe even help him a little bit. Kiss, touch, walk home hand-in-hand. It seemed like such a fantasy, one that a day at Blanchard and Starr would effectively kill, drain the lifeblood out of, and pound into the ground for good measure. Tristan leaned back against the butcher block and contemplated any and every excuse he could think of for why he shouldn’t have to go to work.

“I’m drawing a blank. I really need to go in.
Fuck
, I don’t want to. I’m so tired of the games and the constant jockeying.”

“You can stay here. Just say you don’t feel good. Maybe whatever you had last week is making a comeback?”

“You, sir”—Tristan poked at Henry’s chest—“are a bad influence. I’d really like to take you up on it too, but I need to go over these layouts with Shatara and make sure the—you know what? My job is boring. I won’t torture you with it.”