Authors: Suzan Battah
An elated smile crept onto her friend’s face. “I’ll come with you.”
Julia nodded, then with a grimace behind
Andreena’s
back, she followed her toward the open doors. They were stopped by some guests for a moment before continuing on their way through the crowd. Julia paused to take some deep breaths, clutching her stomach against the sudden pain. She looked once at the stairs where Chris should have been standing, but he was gone already.
The air near the doors was cool, a refreshing change from the stuffy heat in the reception hall.
Andreena
waited for her to catch up. “Is everything all right? You don’t look too good,”
Andreena
said, taking Julia’s arm to lead her out onto the open balcony.
“I’m okay. It’s all good.” She gave
Andreena
a tight hug.
Andreena
pulled away. “What’s wrong? You’re shaking.”
She pulled Julia closer toward the light where she could see more clearly. Julia closed her eyes from the sudden bright light flashing in her face. “I’m all right.”
“Julia, I know there’s something wrong. Sweetie, I know you. What’s wrong?” Her friend continued to prod for an answer.
“Hey,
cuz
!” Cole came out to join them, grabbing his new wife around the waist and pulling her close to his body. “I’d like to have a dance with my beautiful wife before we have to leave. Have you seen her?”
Julia shrugged with a shaky laugh. “I haven’t seen your wife anywhere, Cole. Hang on a minute, is that her?”
Cole looked down at
Andreena
, whirled her around, taking her hand as if he hadn’t been holding her in his arms. “There she is! I’ll have to take her away from you.” Cole winked at Julia, disappearing back inside with
Andreena
right behind him. Her friend looked back with concern, but only for a second before she was whipped through the crowd.
Julia leaned
against the rail, sighing, looking out over the dark night. Bright yellow, blue, and red lights flashed through the black canvas and another sharp pain hit her temple. The sight of the traffic below driving past, cars weaving in and out of lanes, was making her nauseous. She sighed, resting her head on her forearms, trying to think of something else.
“Found you, finally,” Chris grabbed her from behind, his tone so tender tone. “I can’t see any of your family hanging about, so I think it’s safe… Come back inside for a dance.”
Julia pushed away from the rail and bumped into Chris. When she stumbled, his arms automatically moved to wrap around her waist, large hands resting on her hips. He didn’t pull her close, but the contact of his cool skin against her hot skin felt just as good.
“Not yet. I need some fresh air. I’m not feeling too good.” She rubbed her belly, but that didn’t seem to help. The throbbing pain and nausea became too much and she pushed away from him.
He let her go. “Something’s not right,” he said, narrowing his eyes to take a closer look at her face. “You’re trembling.”
Julia closed her eyes and covered her mouth. She turned from his gaze. “I’m not feeling too good. Do you think we can go?”
“What’s wrong?” Chris asked, concerned.
“Don’t worry,” Julia tried to reassure him. “Let’s just go. Go get Dylan, come on. It’s late and I want to sleep.”
He turned her to face him. “Julia, Dylan isn’t with us. What’s going on? Tell me.”
She flinched as the bright light made her dizzy. “I’ve taken some pills to help me stay awake. I’m just so tired still. It’s not helping. I still don’t feel too good. I can’t stop shaking,” she whispered, feeling her chest being crushed in that moment. “And my head is so… so heavy.”
“How many?” Chris grabbed her shoulders a little roughly in his concern.
Julia looked into his eyes and saw the love he felt for her. She sucked in a breath and blew it out. As blackness fluttered in front of her, she felt herself steadied in an instant and lost all awareness of what was going on around her.
Chris had never felt the ice-cold shiver of fear run through his veins before. She looked pale, sweat building up on her brow despite the fresh breeze. Her eyes were coming in and out of focus, dilating in such an unusual way, bloodshot. She looked as if she was on drugs.
“What did you take?” His voice rose with worry.
She stared back at him with empty eyes.
“Tell me!” The urgency in his plea, followed by a slight shake to her shoulders snapped her out of her thoughts, but she just as quickly spaced out again.
“I… don’t… know,” she slurred unable to form words.
“Oh, God.” He swallowed hard. “When? How many?”
“I’m not feeling too good,” she mumbled dully, nearly collapsing backwards.
He supported her with an arm around her waist, searching the large reception area to see if he could catch a glimpse of anyone to get some help. His heart raced double time, and finally he waved over to Julia’s brother next to the dance floor. He was carrying his young son Antonio.
Michael handed over his son to Amy, than pushed through the crowd, who were waving off the bride and groom. He stopped on the threshold. “What’s up?”
Chris moved aside, so Michael could see Julia. “She took sleeping pills or something. I don’t know. She looks high. Look at her eyes, they’re glazed. I don’t think she remembers.”
“Julia… Julia, what did you take?” her brother urged gently in Spanish. “What medicine did you take?”
She didn’t respond, her eyes shutting again. Chris swore heavily. “How many? Were they pills? What was it?”
She kept looking into space like they weren’t there. Michael checked her pulse and then lifted her eyelids and straightened with a frown. “Her pulse is high, her eyes spacey, and she could collapse at any moment. We need to take her to the hospital now. Whatever she took needs to get pumped out.”
As if on cue, Julia grabbed hold of Chris’ arm, retching violently all over the potted plant.
“Good,” Chris said, partly relieved. At least if she was throwing up, whatever she had taken would come out as well. He crouched down beside her and remained outwardly calm, rubbing her back while she started to lean toward him.
Michael nodded. “She’ll be fine, Chris. It looks like it’s wearing off, that’s all. It’s probably a combination of things. We really should get her to the hospital.”
They discreetly left the reception, heading straight to the emergency hospital. They transferred her immediately to a ward, and she spent the night in a private suite, with Chris sleeping in an armchair next to her bed.
***
Julia woke feeling terribly dehydrated, her mouth very dry with a bitter taste. She swallowed a few times, her eyes opening, she glanced around the unfamiliar surroundings with sudden panic until she saw Chris stretched out on the large armchair. The vague memory of
Andreena
and Cole’s wedding flashed through her unclear head. She was in the hospital. It was all coming back to her. She closed her eyes.
He knows!
Chapter Nineteen
Chris pulled into the Augustine parking lot. He could sense Julia shifting uncomfortably in the passenger seat next to him. They had been silent on the drive over from the hospital. He was glad, for at this exact moment he had no idea what to say to her. Considering the harrowing night he had just spent in the hospital, he wasn’t in the least surprised that she was fidgeting, nervous, and silent.
He planned on getting to the bottom of this particular incident. Julia had a way of keeping things to herself.
“Could you take me to my place, please?” Julia muttered, clearing her throat, he could hear the thick emotion in her voice.
He looked at her hard, ready to argue if need be. “You’ll be staying with me for the next few weeks, or at your mother’s house. I’m going to take some time off work. You have a choice of where you want to stay, either way, it doesn’t bother me. I can take you to your mother’s place. But I thought we might have some privacy first to talk.”
Julia covered her face with her hands. “Oh God! Mama knows everything, doesn’t she? Do
Andreena
and Cole know?”
“They don’t know. They’re on their honeymoon. Julia…”
“Good, because it really was nothing,” she said firmly. “I’m serious, there’s nothing to talk about. I’ve been exhausted. Okay, it was bit of off timing, but I’m feeling much better now. There’s nothing really to discuss, baby. Don’t worry about it, everything will go back to normal.”
The way she shrugged it off as if what happened was nothing annoyed him enough for him to snap. “I don’t think so, Julia.”
She looked back at him with surprise. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“The truth for starters. Why didn’t you come to me? Why don’t you talk to me?”
She grabbed her handbag, immediately defensive. “I didn’t come to you because you’ve got more important things to worry about than me. I can take care of myself. I don’t need you.”
Chris grabbed her wrist before she could open the door and get out of the car, saying quietly, “What did you say?”
She looked back at him, her eyes glassy. “Okay… that was unfair, I’m sorry. I’m just exhausted, why are you turning this into a big deal?”
Chris cupped her face tenderly, tilting her chin up until she looked back at him. “You need to slow down and rest before you do yourself harm. You could have died.” His voice rose in his agitation.
“I wasn’t going to die, I just made a mistake. I’m not an invalid. I don’t need a babysitter,” she snapped peevish at the constant coddling, twisting away from him. “My knee hurts all the time, I’m in pain, and I couldn’t sleep. So I needed something to help me out. Medication is common, you’re making it out as if I did this on purpose!”
“I didn’t say that.” He sighed, wondering what he could say to get through to her.
She continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “I needed something to keep me awake. So maybe I took more than I should have. I made a mistake. I was too busy… I wasn’t thinking with a
clear head, I assure you it won’t happen again. Besides, having to sit through a psych consult explaining to that patronizing doctor that I wasn’t trying to overdose on pills is enough to make any sane person crazy! I was not trying to kill myself, Chris. I would never! You could have been more supportive.”
Chris was at his limit in the argument. She wasn’t listening. He threw his hands up in the air. “Supportive! I watched you collapse right in front of me. I had no idea what you were on. You don’t talk to me! You hide what you feel. I can’t… I can’t read your mind, Julia. If you’re tired, tell me. You live in this solo world, sometimes I have no idea what you need. You hide so much.”
They were silent for a few moments after his outburst. He was out of his league in dealing with Julia. Chris had seen her struggling, sensed her battle yet had been so focused on Dylan that he hadn’t done anything. Now it had come to this.
“I just needed to stay awake and then I needed to sleep,” she muttered more forcefully. “How many times do I have to say it? I’m not addicted to painkillers. Stop looking at me like that. What do you know anyway? Have you ever taken care of someone other than yourself?”
Chris swore heavily and watched as her eyes widened and her face turn pink at his choice of words. He didn’t like her brushing the whole incident off, dismissing it as if it was unimportant.
“Let’s go open your eyes a bit.” He turned the ignition on and reversed out of the car space. He put the car into gear and headed out of the Augustine with the faintest squeal of tires.
Hastily, she buckled her seatbelt again. “Wait, where are we going?”
Chris refused to answer her, she would see soon enough. He heard her gasp of shock when he pulled up to her place. Thankfully her roommates were out. He had the key to her house and strode up the steps with determination.
“Chris?” Julia tried to stop him, but wasn’t quick enough.
He beat her to the door and headed straight for her bedroom. “I’m going to show you.”
More than anything, he needed for her to open her eyes and see the seriousness of the situation. He knew about her purple bag full of medicine. One by one, he pulled out unnamed bottles full of pills. Sleeping pills, packets of painkillers, and five medication bottles lined up on her dresser.
“Can you explain what each medication is meant for? Especially the ones without labels?” he asked, more calmly now.
She bit her lip. Chris watched her twisting her necklace between her fingers. When she finally looked at him, his heart squeezed at the hurt deep within her eyes.
“What are each of these meds for?” he asked, breaking the silence.
“I swear I didn’t do this on purpose. Just for the last few weeks, I’ve been exhausted,” she confessed, relenting. “I’m just so tired. I can’t keep up all the time; with work, with you. The Augustine renovations, I don’t want anything to go wrong. So I’ve been working long hours. I want to be with you too, but I’m just so tired. Working from home isn’t easy. The Augustine contract was mine; I should be working on it. I want to see how everything is going. Why did this have to happen to me? Now, I don’t want this, not anymore.”
Chris closed his eyes. The revelation was hard to take. His protective instincts came bubbling up to the surface. He reached for her, pulling her close in a hug. If only he had seen more clearly, this wouldn’t have happened. Julia meant everything to him and he had let her down.
“What did I do?” He needed to know. “Was it the late nights?”
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Chris. I didn’t want to disappoint you,” she confessed, her voice cracking with emotion. “This isn’t about you, it’s me.”
“You can always ask me for help,” he responded, finally understanding the gravity of what she was feeling. “I want you to be happy. Are you unhappy with me?”
“No, never.” Feeling the steady rhythm of his heart beating beneath her fingers, she whispered, “I am so glad I met you, and you are too good to me. I feel alive again. You make me feel like a queen. But you’re used to late nights and a hectic lifestyle. These last three weeks in particular have been very exhausting. I’ve been going between Key Biscayne and Miami for close to three weeks. I just need a break… from everything, even you.”
The stricken look of despair on her face made him hug her closer to him. Yet she was already in the grip of a panic. Her body changed, tensed.
She was angry, grabbing the medicine bottles, she started throwing them in the waste bin. “I’m not ever going to take pills again. I don’t care how much I need to sleep. Never again. I’m so sorry, Chris.”
Chris took the bin from her hands. “Julia, if you need a break, it’s okay. Take a break.”
“I can’t take a break.” Her breathing was short and sharp, gasping air.
Chris rubbed her arms. “Sure you can.”
The doctor had warned Chris that Julia may feel depressed or suffer an anxiety attack when she went back home. Even with that knowledge, he was shocked seeing her go through it. Chris tried to ease her agony, kneeling beside her, whispering words of comfort, but she continued to draw each breath as if it were her last.
“Julia… baby… take slow breaths, slow breaths. You’re okay,” he said, rubbing her back. His heart pounded. A lump formed in his throat as he watched the pained emotions on her face. Her eyes were red and wet as she gasped, shaking. If he didn’t do something now, she would collapse and they would be spending another night in the hospital.
He jumped up, rushing to the kitchen, rummaging through the kitchen drawers until he found what he was looking for. Busting the bag open, he pulled out a brown paper bag. He swore when his nervous fingers couldn’t get a grip on it, and then the whole packet spilled onto the floor. Swearing some more, he scooped down to pick up a paper bag and ran back into the bedroom.
Julia her face pale, almost blue, and wet with tears was staring back at him. She was trembling, afraid to look at him.
He crouched down next to her, holding the bag in front of her mouth for to blow air in and out. “Breathe. Breathe into the bag.”
She did as he instructed and he watched as
color
came back into her features. After several frightening minutes, she finally calmed enough. Her breathing came in and out steadily.
Chris ran a hand down his face. His eyes stung and his heart pumped blood through his body in a rush of adrenaline. Never before had he witnessed someone so distressed. The feelings she evoked in him were painful, but he couldn’t show her how scared he was while she was gasping for breath.
She was still shivering with anxiety. He knew he had to be her strength. He settled down beside her on the floor and wrapped an arm around her.
“Take as long as you need.” He kissed her temple. “The Augustine isn’t important.”
“Yes, it is,” she retorted croakily.
He looked down at her, frowning, shaking his head. “No, it’s not. The Augustine is not going to collapse if the renovations don’t finish on time.” He tightened his arms around her, smoothing back her hair. He felt completely out of his element. The uncertain feeling didn’t sit well with him.
She rested her head against his knees while he rubbed circles on her back. They sat like that, crouched on the floor in the darkness of the house. He felt her pain and took it to heart
that she had not sought his help. The previous night had been hell. He had watched her shaking and sweating as she drifted in and out of sleep.
Though he had no understanding of what she was going through, he couldn’t help but take on the burden she felt. Chris needed to show her how much she meant to him.
“I am here for you, whatever you need. You could have died and I would never have forgiven you for that. Do you understand me?”
Chris wiped her tears as she nodded, planting a loud smacking kiss on her wet cheek. She laughed huskily.
He turned serious. “I never want to lose you.”
She pressed her hands together to stop shaking. “I’m sorry. I should have told you. It’s only been these last few weeks, Chris. I just want to rest. I’m one of those silly workaholics.”
“Don’t apologize. I should have been there when you needed me. And even workaholics can rest.”
He caressed her, holding her in his warm embrace, soothing her with tender words and gentle kisses across her brow. “I think you should take a break, away from here for a while. Wherever you want to go, get away and relax, get pampered. Rejuvenate.”
“Chris, I really can’t drop everything to take time out,” she said after a moment.
Chris silenced her by pressing a finger to her lips. “There’s no point in arguing. Forget about work and I’ll put you on the plane myself if I have to. Ben’s gone off to Vancouver with the private jet, so we’ll get you on the next flight out tomorrow.”