Mad About You (15 page)

‘I’m delighted to hear that,’ I said. ‘She told me about her childhood and it was a bit grim. I think she could do with some confidence-building.’

‘Well, the children adore her, which is fantastic.’

I didn’t want to end up talking about Yuri and Lara. I knew that if we started we’d still be on that subject going home in the taxi. I changed tack. ‘How is everything going with your training?’ I asked.

‘Overall, fine, but I’m having trouble with one of the assistant coaches. He went for my job, didn’t get it and resents me. He’s been difficult to manage, but Harriet says he’s always been a tricky character.’

‘Who’s Harriet?’ I asked, my another-woman radar perking up immediately.

‘She looks after the administration of the club.’

‘You’ve never mentioned her before.’

‘Yes, I have.’

‘No, you have not. I’d remember if you had. Is she young?’

James thought for a second. ‘I don’t know what age she is. I suppose a bit younger than you.’

Younger than me? I didn’t like the sound of that. ‘Married?’

He grinned. ‘Engaged.’

‘Good.’ Engaged women were in the throes of love. They still thought their other half was marvellous. They hadn’t got to the stage where they wanted to stab him for chewing too loudly or buying full-fat milk when they’d specifically asked for skimmed.

James kissed me again – I’d forgotten just how good it felt to inhale his aftershave while his face was close to mine. ‘And how are you finding it all? You seem to be adapting really well.’

I put my glass on the bar. ‘It’s been fine, partly because I’ve been so busy. I do find the evenings lonely, though, with you working late so much. I miss being able to pop into Mum and Dad’s or meet Lucy for a drink. I thought I’d see her now that she’s based in London, but she’s busy with meetings and trips to Eastern Europe. Although she’s pencilled me in for a quick lunch tomorrow.’

James grimaced. ‘I was talking to Donal yesterday. He is not a happy man. He says they never see each other. She comes home on a Friday night and he works all day Saturday and a lot of Sundays, too. He sounded really fed up. Plus he was talking again about having another child. He really wants one.’

‘I’m telling you now, Lucy doesn’t. She can barely cope with Serge. Donal needs to drop it or he’ll push her further away.’

James shook his head. ‘But that’s not really fair. It’s a huge sacrifice for him to give up his dream of having another child. I understand why he wants Serge to have a sibling. To be honest, I think Lucy’s being selfish.’

I felt torn between the two sides, but I felt I had to defend my friend. ‘Hold on a minute. She didn’t want to have
any
children, but she gave in and had Serge because Donal wanted kids so badly. She’s done her bit.’

James could see that I was being defensive. ‘Well, it’s complicated, I grant you, but hearing the way Donal was talking, well, I’d worry about their relationship. And I know you’re really anxious about Lucy. Which, on top of Babs, is a lot for you to take on.’

I sighed. ‘The Babs thing’s keeping me up at night,’ I admitted. ‘She’s still not talking to me – she’s polite in front of the others and completely silent if we’re ever alone. That tosser Gary gets back soon so it’ll be out in the open one way or another.’

James nodded sympathetically. ‘Unfortunately, from what you’ve told me, I can’t see it ending well.’

I rubbed my forehead. ‘She hasn’t got a clue what she’s in for. He’s going to dump her and probably find a way to fire her. It’s a complete mess.’ I began to get emotional and struggled to compose myself.

James squeezed my hand and I held on to him gratefully. This was silly. I needed to get the conversation back on safe ground or I’d end up tipsy and emotional – never a good mix. James was about to say something else, when his phone beeped in his pocket. He took it out and his eyes widened. ‘What the hell?’

‘What? Is something wrong with the kids?’ I asked.

‘No, nothing like that. Sorry. I’ve just received a very strange text.’

I leant over and read it:
I think ur hot.
‘Who’s it from?’

‘I don’t recognize the number.’

‘Call it.’

James began to smile. ‘Oh, hang on, I know what this is. It’s the guys joking around. They do this to each other all the time on their Facebook pages.

‘Watch this.’ James texted back:
You’re barking up the wrong tree, mate
.

No I’m not. Ur hot and so am I.

I giggled.

‘I bet it’s Jamie. He’s the joker on the squad,’ James said.

I grabbed his phone and typed,
Hands off my husband
.

Another text came straight back:
I plan to have my hands all over him
.

‘Don’t respond, Emma.’ James was beginning to look annoyed. ‘I do not want to encourage this. I’m their manager, not their friend.’

We could hear applause from the dining room. Clearly the longest speech in history was finally over.

James took my hand. ‘Right, then, Mrs Hamilton. Let’s say a quick goodbye and get you home and out of that dress.’

I beamed at James as I swayed back into the room, feeling young and carefree for the first time in ages.

I had a very sore head in work the next day, but I didn’t mind because I also had that lovely post-sex feeling of closeness with James. We really did need to go out on our own more often. We had definitely drifted lately. I was feeling very loved up as I walked into the studio.

When I got Babs alone to do her makeup, I decided to continue with my more subtle approach.

‘How are you feeling?’ I asked her.

‘Fine,’ she said, nibbling on a Rich Tea biscuit.

‘Morning sickness can be tough.’

‘I’m fine.’ She was clearly determined not to enter any conversation with me.

I looked down at her hands. She had put red stick-on nails over her own chewed ones. ‘Look, Babs, I know this is hard for you and I know, despite your bravado, that you’re worried about Gary’s reaction. So all I want to say is that I’m here for you. Whenever you need a shoulder to cry on or advice about pregnancy or just someone to talk or rant to, I’m here.’

She didn’t say anything. I finished applying her blusher, and as she went to open the door to walk onto the set, she said quietly, ‘Thanks, Emma.’

As I watched her thin frame leave, I felt really emotional. My ballsy, brassy little sister was really struggling. Damn you, Gary, I thought. I hope you get flung out of a roller-coaster and die a painful death.

At lunchtime, I raced out to meet Lucy. She had booked a table in a posh café called Sophia’s near where she worked.
She was typing furiously on her BlackBerry when I arrived. She looked tired.

We hugged, then I took off my jacket and sat down. ‘How are you?’ I asked.

‘Exhausted,’ she replied.

‘You look a bit peaky. Work?’

Lucy put her phone down. ‘Serge has been awake the last two nights with an ear infection.’

‘Was Donal not around?’

She looked out of the window. ‘He’s still in the spare room.’

‘Oh, Lucy, I thought things were better.’

‘He was beginning to thaw a little bit, but then I told him I had to go to a meeting in Prague this Saturday and he freaked. He said weekends were supposed to be sacrosanct. They usually are, but this is a really important meeting. The investors are big hitters and I need to be there.’

I ordered a latte and Lucy a double espresso.

‘You need a rest, Lucy. Don’t burn yourself out.’

She sighed. ‘It’s been insane. I’m working fourteen-hour days. I’ve hardly been in our London office. I’ve spent most of the last few weeks flying to Eastern Europe to get clients to lease our private planes. I’ve never worked so hard in my life.’

I stirred my coffee. ‘Is it going well?’

‘We’ve had a lot of clients signing on, which is a relief because we’ve had to borrow eighty million euro from the German banks.’

‘How do you sleep at night? The stress of borrowing that much would kill me.’

‘I know it’s a huge amount, but I really believe this business is going to fly – no pun intended! We’ve committed the first sixty million already to buy planes.’

‘So when do you start making money? Won’t it take for ever to pay that loan back?’

‘Don’t worry. You know me, I’ve done the figures. The big bucks will come rolling in soon enough.’ Lucy stifled a yawn.

Sticking with my new softer approach, I decided to ask Lucy about Serge. ‘How are you coping with being away from home so much?’

Lucy replied to a text and I ordered two bowls of soup. ‘Sorry.’ She looked up again. ‘What did you ask?’

I tried not to get annoyed. I had just sprinted across London to meet her in a place near her office for lunch and she wasn’t even listening to me. I took a deep breath. ‘How are you coping with being away from home so much?’

‘I’m fine about it. It’s Donal that’s the problem. The weird thing is that we still have good sex. The only way we communicate these days is physically. Except that afterwards he goes and sleeps in the spare room. It’s as if he wants to dominate me and prove he’s still the man of the house or something, then remembers he’s annoyed with me and walks away. It’s ridiculous and sad. I’m lonely, Emma, lonely in my marriage and I know Donal is too.’

I reached out and held her hand. I felt bad for being cross with her when her marriage was in crisis. ‘I’m sorry you guys are having a tough time, but you’ll sort it out.’

‘I hope so,’ Lucy said. ‘No man would have turned down the opportunity I’ve been given, so why am I the bad guy? Where’s the crime in what I’ve done?’

‘There’s no crime,’ I chose my words carefully, ‘but you’re married and you’re mum to a small boy so it’s not straightforward.’

Lucy didn’t like what I’d said. ‘And that same boy will grow up and leave home. I don’t want to look back and regret not having grasped a golden opportunity.’

I felt I had to be honest with her. I wanted to make her see the other side. ‘Yes, but the reality of your being away five days a week is tough on Donal and Serge. They miss you.’

‘OK, well, let’s say Donal was offered a job presenting sports on Sky TV. It’s an incredible contract, huge opportunity, but it means being away in London four nights a week. Should he take it?’

‘It depends.’

Lucy was getting frustrated. ‘Come on, Emma, I thought you were on my side.’

‘I am, but you’re sacrificing a lot for this job and Donal will probably get more fed up as time passes.’

‘For goodness’ sake, it’s not as if Donal’s landed with looking after Serge all day long. I told you, I have a brilliant nanny who does most of it, and the babysitter comes every Wednesday so Donal can go out with his friends. And when I come home on Friday, I look after Serge all weekend while Donal works.’

‘But, Lucy,’ I said, ‘it’s not just about childcare. It’s about being together as a family and spending time with Serge and Donal. I have to be honest, since James started working late all the time, it’s really affected our relationship. We’re like ships passing in the night and it’s causing friction. I know you love your job, but maybe when things calm down a bit you could try to travel less.’

Lucy sank back in her chair. ‘I think I’m more like my mother than I realized,’ she admitted sadly.

This again, I thought. I could no longer tell if that was guilt talking or just her way of justifying her actions – as if she was driven because it was in her genes. ‘You’re nothing like your awful mother,’ I assured her.

She answered another email. ‘Sorry. Actually, Emma, in a way I am. My mother doesn’t like small children. She has no
interest in Serge and he’s her only grandchild. She only became interested in me when I was about eight. Before that she left me with nannies all the time. She found the baby-and-small-child phase boring. And I do too. Going to the park and pushing Serge on a swing for an hour drives me nuts. It’s mind-numbing. I don’t want to sing stupid songs over and over again. I hate feeding him because he spits most of his food out. I like him when he’s fed, bathed and in his pyjamas.’ She covered her face in her hands. ‘I know I’m a wretched human being with no motherly instincts, but that is honestly how I feel.’

I pulled her hands down. ‘You’re not a wretched human being. You’re a warm, lovely, generous person, who is struggling with motherhood. We all do.’ I tried to reassure her.

‘No.’ Lucy was firm. ‘I see the way you look at your kids – it’s different. I love Serge, but I don’t need him the way you need your kids. When I’m in work, I don’t miss him. I don’t feel the need to run home to see him. If he’s asleep when I get home, that’s fine. I like watching him sleeping – he looks cute and I can relax. I’m hoping as he gets older that I’ll feel more of an umbilical attachment, but I do
not
find this stage easy or fun.’

‘Lucy, lots of women feel the way you do, they just don’t admit it. But I think you need to be very careful not to spend too much time away,’ I warned her.

‘I know, but if I’d turned down this amazing offer, I’d be sitting at home now resenting Donal and Serge, and that would be worse.’

Lucy’s phone rang. ‘I’m on my way,’ she said into it. Then, looking at me, she said, ‘God, I’m so sorry, Emma, I have to go, some problem with one of our investors. Talk soon.’ She gave me a quick kiss and rushed out of the door into the cool autumn afternoon.

I watched her go, her shoulders hunched. Life was so much more complicated now. Everything that happened had serious repercussions. Every decision you made affected lots of people and the responsibility for that was sometimes crippling.

Our soup arrived as the door closed behind her. I asked for mine to be put into a take-away cup. I’d drink it on the tube on the way back to work. No one could maintain the pace of life Lucy was currently living. Something would have to give. Would it be work, her marriage or her health?