Mad About You (34 page)

James and I spent an hour straightening up the house, then headed over to Babs’s apartment to see the children. I wanted to feel their little arms around me. But when we got there, Babs was on her own. She had phoned work and told them we weren’t going to make it in. At this rate I’d probably be fired, but I didn’t care. I had decided to hand in my notice. I wanted to spend more time with Yuri and Lara and I needed time to clear my head.

‘Where are the kids?’ I asked.

‘Mum and Dad have taken them to the park. They said they’d meet me for lunch at Luella’s on Fulham Road.’ She cocked her head to one side. ‘Are you going to tell me what happened between you two? I take it a sleepover is a positive thing?’

I sighed and sank onto the couch. ‘You tell her, James, I haven’t the energy.’ I packed up the children’s things while he filled Babs in on the night before and the meeting with Maggie this morning. It was the first time I’d seen Babs listen quietly for ten straight minutes in a row.

‘So, I was right about her.’ She shook her head. ‘I knew from the beginning she was weird.’

‘I should have listened to you.’

‘But you chose to ignore me, like everyone else in the family,’ Babs grumbled.

James picked up a suitcase. ‘I’ll pop this in the boot and we can head out to meet your parents, let them know everything’s all right.’

I flopped down on the edge of the bed. ‘I’m shattered. I can’t believe this happened.’

Babs reapplied her lipstick in the mirror. ‘It’s over now, Emma. You can forget all about crazy Claire and being stalked and start being nice to James after all your accusations. The poor guy was totally innocent the whole time.’

I leant my head against the wall. Forget about it. Was that it? Was I just supposed to pretend it had never happened and move on? Was I supposed to be madly in love with James again just like that?

This must be what it’s like coming back from war, I thought. After you’ve lived through hell, everyone just expects you to put your backpack away, change out of your uniform and be ‘normal’. The fact that you got your leg blown off is irrelevant. The consensus is, ‘It’s over, move on. Forget about it – sure haven’t you got your prosthetic now and sure you’re grand. You were never very sporty anyway. It’s not as if you were out running marathons. People live full lives with one leg. No point dwelling on it. Just put it behind you. One good leg is enough for anyone. Come on, let’s all sit down and have a nice cup of tea.’

I wasn’t comparing myself to a soldier with one leg, of course, but I did feel that a single night was not quite enough time for me to forget about the stress and hurt of the last couple of months. And I still felt sick about the kids being with someone so disturbed. I really needed to talk to the children, to make sure Claire hadn’t said anything awful to them or done anything cruel.

When we got to the restaurant, I rushed over and hugged Yuri and Lara. For once, they didn’t complain. They flung themselves at James, too. Mum and Dad looked at me expectantly.

‘Please let me tell them,’ Babs said.

I couldn’t help smiling at her dramatics. ‘Knock yourself out,’ I said.

While James and I distracted the children, Babs gave Mum and Dad a detailed account of the whole thing.

Mum sat back. ‘I told you James was no philanderer.’

James went bright red and mumbled, ‘Thanks, Una.’

‘Why is Daddy all red? What’s a fladerer?’ Lara asked.

Babs and Dad snorted behind their menus.

‘Nothing, never mind. Now listen to me, both of you.’ I turned in my seat so I was facing them. ‘This is serious, so I want you to be really honest and I promise that, no matter what you say, I will not be cross, not even a tiny bit cross, so just tell Mummy the truth.’

‘Not even a tweeny bit cross?’ Lara asked.

‘No.’

‘Not even the tweensiest bit in the whole universe?’ Yuri asked.

‘No. Now just listen, OK? Daddy has found out that Claire was a bit naughty and we just want to make sure that she didn’t say anything mean to you or do anything that wasn’t nice.’

‘I love Claire. She’s super-nice,’ Lara said.

‘Claire’s not naughty,’ Yuri added.

‘Well, now, there you are. She did them no harm. She was just a confused young girl. Don’t make a big fuss, Emma. Leave the poor children alone,’ Mum urged. ‘Don’t be making a mountain out of a molehill.’

I glared at her. ‘She’s a raving lunatic, and they spent more time with her than anyone else.’

‘Darling, it might be best to do this later,’ James suggested quietly.

‘I need to know they’re OK,’ I said. ‘This is about my sanity.’

‘You said you wouldn’t get cross,’ Yuri said, pointing to my flushed face.

I fake-smiled at him. ‘I’m not! Look!’

‘That’s a scary smile,’ Lara said solemnly.

I took a deep breath. ‘Mummy just wants to know if Claire was ever mean in any way or did anything a bit strange.’

They shook their heads.

‘What did Claire do that was bold?’ Yuri asked James.

James crouched down. ‘She was mean to Mummy and we’re cross with her for that.’

Lara’s eyes widened. ‘What did she do, Mummy? Did she scratch you? Did she bite you? Did she break your sparkly shoes?’

‘No, sweetie, she didn’t,’ James reassured her. ‘Claire was just … well, she was a bit nasty to Mummy and she said some mean things.’

‘Did she say you’re a big fat piggy?’ Yuri asked.

‘No.’ I frowned.

‘Did she say you’re an ugly old witch?’ Lara wondered.

‘No. It wasn’t –’

‘I know!’ Yuri jumped up and down. ‘Did she say you’re a grumpy old troll?’

‘Jeez, guys, go easy on your mum. She’s not
that
bad.’ Babs grinned.

‘Feel free to jump in and defend me anytime, James.’

‘Sorry, darling. I thought you’d made it clear you wanted to handle this yourself.’

‘Poor man was afraid of having his head ripped off,’ Dad muttered, still behind his menu.

‘Enough of this nonsense! Leave the poor children alone – can’t you see they’re perfectly fine?’ Mum said.

‘WHAT DID CLAIRE SAY?’ Lara shouted.

‘It was a grown-up thing and it doesn’t matter, sweetheart,’ James said.

‘I need to go to the toilet,’ Yuri announced.

‘Any chance of a man getting a bite to eat around here?’ Dad grumbled.

James took Yuri to the Gents and Lara insisted on going with them, probably to get away from me and my interrogation.

‘That went well,’ Babs remarked.

‘Leave the children alone, Emma,’ Mum said. ‘That poor young girl was just looking for a father figure and took a shine to James. It’s hardly surprising – he’s so kind and handsome.’

‘I was the one who hired Claire,’ I snapped. ‘I was the one who was nice to her. I was the one who boosted her ego. I was the one who tried to get her to come out of her shell and praised her all the time. Me. Not James,
me
. And yet somehow I still get trampled on. Somehow I’m the bad guy who gets stalked. I can’t seem to catch a break.’

‘Oh, boo-hoo,’ Babs drawled. ‘Next time hire a male nanny and maybe he’ll fancy you if he’s into bossy older women. And he can send James nasty texts.’

‘That’s not what I mean, I just feel … well …’

‘Stupid? Guilty?’ Babs suggested.

‘Drained,’ I admitted.

Mum unfolded her napkin. ‘That’s enough drama for one day. Put a smile on your face and be nice to your poor husband. Put this behind you and move forward. Don’t be always looking back, Emma. Don’t dwell on the past. Try to be more positive – remember, the glass is half full, not half empty. Now, let’s talk about something else. Barbara, have you met a nice boy yet?’

I held my breath.

‘Not yet.’ Babs closed her menu. ‘I met a real jerk recently, but don’t worry, Mum, he’s gone.’

‘I’d love to see you settled with a nice man and some children.’

‘Mum,’ I tried to distract her.

‘I think children would be the making of you,’ Mum continued. ‘They’d calm you down and stop you thinking only of yourself all the time.’

‘Mum!’ I barked.

‘It’s OK, Emma,’ Babs said. ‘Mum, I want you to listen to me. Really listen. I am going to focus on my career for the next few years. So don’t ask me about kids, OK? I may or may not decide to have children in the future, but I really don’t need to be nagged about it. I’ve had a crappy few months and I want you to back off. I’m going to concentrate on myself and my career.’

‘So what’s changed?’ Dad smirked.

‘I’ve changed,’ Babs said.

‘It’s very subtle,’ Dad retorted.

‘It’s internal,’ Babs said, and thumped his arm.

Mum had narrowed her eyes and was staring hard at Babs. ‘What’s going on, Barbara? Did something happen?’

‘Everything is fine, Mum.’ Babs dipped her bread into the olive oil.

‘Babs has been great to me since I moved here, really supportive.’ I decided to change the subject.

‘I’m glad to hear it. Family must stick together,’ Mum said.

‘Emma’s been pretty good to me too,’ Babs admitted.

‘You all love each other, you’re all great. Now, for the love of God, can we order some food?’ Dad fumed.

James and the children came back and we ordered. Once the lunch arrived, Dad calmed down and became civil again. ‘Well, Babs,’ he began, ‘how’s your show going?’

‘It’s all right, but I’m going to move on. I’ve been talking to my agent and we’ve come up with a brilliant idea to move my career forward.’

‘Good for you! What is it?’ I asked.

‘She’s going to try and get me on
I’m A Celebrity … Get Me Out Of Here
.’

‘WHAT?’ Mum and I exclaimed.

Babs nodded. ‘Myleene Klass went in with a low TV profile and now she’s presenting almost everything. All I need is a couple of hot bikinis and I’m sorted.’

‘Is that the show where they eat the insects?’ Dad looked up from his steak.

‘Yuck!’ Lara squealed.

‘
Cooooool.
’ Yuri was impressed. ‘Are you gonna eat bugs?’

‘I might.’ Babs winked at him.

Mum leant over and put her face right up to Babs’s. ‘Over my dead body will you be going on that appalling television show. How could I face the neighbours?’

Babs’s phone beeped. She read the message and whooped. ‘Well, Mum, it looks like you’ll need to provide me with your dead body. That was my agent. I’m going into the jungle!’

That night, as I was looking forward to crawling into bed early and getting a good night’s sleep for the first time in ages, I got a call from Lucy asking me to meet her urgently. She sounded very stressed on the phone. Although I was absolutely exhausted, I agreed immediately. I could tell she needed to talk.

James had some rugby meeting he had to go to, so I asked Babs to come over and babysit because I didn’t trust anyone else. In fairness, she was nice about it. She’d been in fantastic form since she’d found out about
I’m A Celebrity
. She was going to hand in her notice next week and I knew she was working on the speech she was going to give Gary when she told him to shove his job. She was positively buoyant.

I hadn’t been able to get my clothes back from the charity shop yet as it was closed on Mondays, so I wore my jeans and a top that Babs had lent me, which was surprisingly not too tight. I seemed to have lost a bit more weight in the last traumatic week.

When I arrived at the restaurant Lucy was on her BlackBerry. I sat down and ordered a drink while she talked furiously into her phone. After five minutes I began to get fed up. I looked at her and tapped my watch. She mouthed, ‘Sorry,’ spoke for another minute and hung up. ‘There’s a problem with one of our deals. It’s been a crazy week.’

It was always a crazy week with Lucy. She’d always worked hard but since she’d gone out on her own she’d been twice as
bad. We ordered food and she asked me to fill her in on Claire. I told her the whole saga. Towards the end, her phone beeped and she began to text back. I tried not to get annoyed.

‘Sorry, go on.’

I finished telling her and she was as shocked as the rest of us.

‘Emma, you poor thing. How absolutely horrendous. Thank God it’s over now. You and James can get back to your lives and to normality.’

‘It’s been a real wake-up call. This whole Claire thing has made me take a step back and re-examine my life, my priorities and my relationship with James and the kids. I have to get a better balance.’ I wanted to stress this point to Lucy because she also needed a better balance. ‘To be honest, Lucy, I think you need to reassess too. Your schedule is crazy. You can’t fix your marriage and spend time with Serge if you’re always travelling or on the phone.’

Lucy’s eyes brimmed with tears. ‘Well, I’m going to have to make a lot of changes, actually. My life is going to be very different now. Donal’s leaving me.’

I dropped my fork with a clatter. ‘What?’

‘We went to see that marriage counsellor yesterday. I really thought it would help, but all it did was prove that we’re completely incompatible.’ Lucy was struggling not to cry. ‘All we did was shout at each other and blame each other. At the end of the session, Donal apologized for wasting the counsellor’s time and stormed out.’

I leant over and held her hand. My heart was breaking for her.

‘I followed him out and he said to me, “It’s over. I can’t do this any more. I don’t like you, I don’t respect you, I don’t want to be married to you.”’

God, that was harsh. I’d known Donal for more than
ten years, and I couldn’t picture him saying such cruel things. The pressure of the situation must have taken its toll on him.

‘I tried to reason with him,’ Lucy said. ‘I offered to come home earlier some weeks, like you’d suggested, but he just laughed in my face and told me not to make promises I wouldn’t keep. He said it was clear that my job came first. He said I’d walked away from them when I’d taken it on, and now he was walking away.’ Lucy dragged her hand across her eyes and took a few deep breaths. ‘Then he said he’d found a two-bedroom town house to rent near our own house and he was going to move in there with Serge. He had it all organized, Emma. He’d made his decision before we’d even gone to the marriage counsellor.’

I grabbed her hand. ‘Oh, Lucy, I just can’t believe –’

Her phone beeped, and she was texting again.

‘For God’s sake, Lucy, you’re in the middle of telling me your marriage is over and you’re still texting?’

‘If I don’t answer this, a ten-million-euro deal could be lost,’ she snapped. She put her phone down and rubbed her eyes. ‘I’m sorry, Emma. I’m just sick of having to justify my job all the time. No one makes really big money without being on call day and night.’

‘But your marriage is over because of it.’ I was exasperated. ‘Your family life is in tatters. Is any job worth that?’

Lucy shook her head. ‘My marriage was over long before this. Donal and I have been limping along for a long time. You know it and so do I. Since he pushed me into having a baby we’ve been fighting and bickering non-stop. I resent him for forcing me to have a child and he resents me for not having more. We want different things in life. He wants a house full of children. One child is more than enough for me. I love Serge and I’m so glad I had him, but I’d hate to have any more.’

‘But you and Donal were so good together. Think back to when you got married and how happy you were,’ I reminded her.

‘We
were
happy,’ she said sadly, ‘really happy, but it was a false happiness. We never really discussed children and family and careers. We just fell for each other and thought the rest of it would all fit neatly into place. But it didn’t. Life gets more complicated as each year goes by, and if you don’t have a rock-solid foundation, your relationship won’t last. We’re not like you and James.’

‘I walked out on James three days ago. We’re not bulletproof either.’

‘You’ve gone back. You guys are meant to be together.’

‘I don’t know, Lucy. I always thought so. I was very confident about my marriage, but this has really shaken me. I can see how stale we’d got and how we were taking each other for granted. James and I haven’t had fun together in so long. Everything’s been so serious and complicated and awful. When did the fun go out of our lives? Suddenly it’s all about jobs and budgeting and bills and children and lying and suspicion and stress …’ I chewed my lip. ‘It’s as if we woke up one day and life had ceased to be any fun at all.’

Lucy poured more wine into our glasses. ‘I know – one minute we’re having sex on the kitchen floor, licking whipped cream off each other, and the next we’re sleeping in separate bedrooms.’

Whipped cream? Really? James and I had never done stuff like that.

‘Do you think if you tried some really intense marriage counselling, you could make it work?’ I asked.

Lucy shook her head. ‘No, it’s over. As I said, it’d been coming for ages. My new job just put another nail in the coffin, and Donal trying to trick me into getting pregnant made
me realize we have no future. We want different things and we’re just hurting each other and lying to each other now. The trust is gone.’

I sank back in my chair, completely weary. Our best friends were breaking up. It was just awful. They used to be so great together. ‘Lucy, I’m so, so sorry.’

‘I know, it sucks. I never wanted Serge to come from a broken home.’ She was clearly fighting tears. ‘But what can I do? He’s better off living in a calm atmosphere rather than with two parents shouting at each other all the time. And I’ll still see him the same amount. Donal said I can have him all weekend. So, in a way, Serge’s life won’t change.’

I set down my knife and fork. ‘I’ve been so grumpy with the children because of all the stress. I want to spend more time with them and have them fall in love with me again. The whole Claire fiasco has shown me that it’s not just about being physically there, it’s about being there emotionally. They loved her because she played games with them, she cooked with them, she went to the park with them … She was fully present. When I’m with them, half the time I’m on the phone or reading a book or shouting at them to tidy up. I don’t actually do things with them and that has to change.’

Lucy folded her napkin. ‘Emma, please don’t tell me I have to start crawling into sandpits with Serge.’

I laughed at the idea of Lucy with her Jimmy Choos full of wet sand. ‘No, I draw the line at sandpits.’

‘Thank God for that.’ She smiled. ‘But I do need to engage with Serge and take him to the park. Ignoring him while I catch up on emails isn’t going to get me any Mum of the Year awards.’

‘You might need to leave your BlackBerry at home,’ I suggested.

Lucy looked horrified. ‘How about if I only check it every hour?’

‘Three hours.’

‘Two,’ she said, smiling.

We clinked glasses and toasted the future … whatever it held.