Mad Swine (Book 2): Dead Winter (18 page)

Standing now, too agitated to sit, I paced the room as I spoke. “It should not be news to anyone here that we’re running low on supplies. Now, we haven’t made a big deal of this because we didn’t want to scare anyone, but it actually is a pretty big deal. Sam? Come up here a second, please.”

Sam stood and looked at me with wide eyes. I hadn’t meant to put her on the spot but I thought folks would take the news from her and know it was serious. I waved her forward and she came finally and stood next to me.

“Sam has been keeping us all fed for the last three months and she knows every last item that we have in supply. I asked her to do an inventory before this meeting. Sam, on your best estimate, how much longer do you think you can continue to feed us on our current ration schedule?”

With a slightly trembling hand, Sam dipped into the back pocket of her jeans and pulled out a piece of paper and unfolded it. When she looked out at the group and spoke, it was obvious she’d memorized the information.

“Right now we’re serving two meals each day – lunch and dinner – and we’re serving at half rations.” She paused a moment and looked at me. I nodded to reassure her. She looked back out at the group and said, “If I keep doing what we’re doing now…we’ll have enough food for another month, maybe a little longer, but not much.”

The room erupted again with exclamations of shock. I spoke loudly, “Settle down, now! Settle down! Let me talk, please. Thank you. Look, we’re not telling you this to scare you but this is the reality of our situation. Our food is running out. Today, Lara, Kat and I found Mr. Elmore dead in his own home, frozen. Probably died from hyperthermia because he ran out of damn firewood. When a group went out to get wood, they fell under attack from the crazies and barely escaped with their lives.

“We all knew life was going to be hard when this all started. We worked hard for the life we have today. We fought and we lost family and friends, but we overcame and we adapted. We did what was necessary to survive, to help our community survive. And that’s what we have to do again.

“We’ve tapped our resources here. We have no allies to our east or south. Providence controls everything in those directions—“

“We beat them before,” Carrie said defiantly.

“We lost half of our community and barely survived. They retreated, they left us alone, for now, but I wouldn’t say we beat them. Besides, we have nothing for them anymore and they have no reason to invade. And they’re not going to open their trade routes to us just because we say please.

“Let’s face it, folks, we’re now prisoners behind our own walls. We keep everything out, but everything else is keeping us in. We cannot sustain ourselves any longer here. That is a fact. That is our reality.”

Turning toward the council members and gesturing over them with the wave of my arm, I said, “We all met and we all heard the offer. We all discussed the alternatives.” Now back facing the community I continued, “We talked about scenarios, we talked about why we should stay and why we can’t stay and in the end, we all agreed that there is nothing left at Randall Oaks for us. But we also agreed that this was not a decision that we would made for the community.

“The Finnegans have a very large farm that can easily support their family and all of us for many years to come. They have shelter to keep us warm in the winter and dry when it rains. They’re going to teach us how to farm, how to grow things that can help sustain us. And in return, we’re going to protect them, protect the farm, and protect ourselves from starvation and any other enemy that tries to harm us.

“Right now, we’re alone in this world. Our neighbors to our east tried to kill us. The creatures that changed the world are all around us just waiting for us to venture out. We’re surrounded by people, living and dead that don’t want us to survive. And in our hour of need, the Finnegans are reaching out to us, offering us friendship and a new start.

“This collaboration will not only secure our survival beyond the next few months, but it’s also a step toward man joining together, standing together as humans against the things out there and taking back our humanity.”

Looking at my audience I could see that my words were having their intended effect. Although I had said each man, each woman, would have to make their own decision, my carefully chosen words, in fact, made it difficult for them to choose to stay. In my heart, I knew it was the best decision for all of us, the only way to increase the odds of survival for as many as possible.

“Now I realize not all of us are going to be able to make the journey, at least not now,” I continued. My eyes slid to Paul and then to Ravi who nodded as if to encourage me to go on. When I looked at Ray he extended his middle finger at me; if this wasn’t a serious topic I would have laughed.

“Some folks aren’t fit to travel in this weather, those that are sick or have very small children. Those that can’t travel will have to stay behind.”

That struck a wrong cord with the community and I was glad to see that they had not lost their compassion for their friends, their family who had been through so much the last three months.

“Before everyone gets agitated, please hear me out. There are a few people who will be staying behind, by choice. They know it will be difficult to travel in their condition and realize it would be best to hunker down here for the winter.”

“Who is staying behind?” Justin asked. “I mean, it seems like we just heard about this, so who has already made a decision?”

“As you know, the council discussed this in the morning. Ravi raised some concerns about several folks who she felt would be unable to travel. Ravi…is adamant about staying behind to provide any care necessary over the winter.”

More sounds of shock and concern filtered through the community. Some members of the council were surprised by this decision, as well. I could see that Brian was not happy with the decision; I’m sure he promised the Finnegans that we’d bring folks with a medical background.

“Ravi feels that Paul’s condition requires he stay. She also thinks that Robert and Kara should stay since they have an infant. She suggests Ray—“

“I’m not staying!” Ray interjected.

“Okay, so not Ray. Those who stay behind will have plenty of supplies to get them through the winter. The away team will take just enough supplies to last the journey and we’ll leave all the rest of the food and supplies here. Those who remain can stay in the CP since it has light and heat. And in the spring, or when the weather clears enough, we’ll come back with wagons and move the rest of our friends to the Finnegans’ farm. They’ll rejoin us and we’ll be whole again.”

“Who will protect us?” Kara asked. She held her baby, swaddled in a blanket, over her left shoulder. Her eyes were stricken with fear although her words did not betray her true emotions. “Are you staying with us?”

I was quiet then, unsure how to answer. I hadn’t considered the question of protection, nor had I considered anyone expecting that I would stay. It seemed logical, though, that I would stay behind with those who we were effectively abandoning, to keep them safe until we could join the rest of the community in the spring.

“You’ll protect each other,” Brian said before I could respond. “We’ll leave weapons, of course, but you’ll need to protect yourselves, just as we will have to do out there.”

“But you’ll have numbers,” Robert came to defense of his wife. “There’s, what, four of us? Ravi and Paul and Kara aren’t soldiers. We need protection and leadership just as much as you. Hell, don’t you think we need it more? We’re the ones stuck here on our own, hoping you come back for us.”

“We’re not going to abandon you,” Stan said. He took off his glasses and started to clean them on his shirt. “We will come back. Please, let’s not get so melodramatic here.”

“Easy for you to say,” Robert retorted. “You’re going with the group, I bet. You won’t be left here with the monsters and Providence. Who will stop them from coming in here and taking what we have left once you’re all gone?”

“We have nothing they want anymore,” Brian said.

“What about revenge?” Robert spat.

I saw Brian react as if he’d been slapped. Although Robert’s comment was coincidental, it had struck my brother’s raw nerve, the spot on his soul for which he felt he needed to atone. Until this moment, I had almost forgotten the conversation I’d had with my brother last night. I did not need Brian revealing the fact that we were the ones who started the war with Providence. That would only make matters worse.

“I’ll stay,” I said finally. When the room fell silent and all eyes were upon me, I repeated, “I will stay at Randall Oaks.”

“No,” Brian said immediately. His face grew suddenly red and the vein in his neck puffed up. “You can’t stay. You have to lead the group. They picked you to be in charge, you can’t just give that up for the sake of a few.”

“Robert is right,” I said. “Someone needs to stay with them and help them. We can’t expect them to survive without leadership. You can lead the away team to the Finnegans’ and I’ll ride out the winter here. We’ll meet up in the spring.”

Brian strode over to me now and took my arm, leading me off to the side. We stopped in front of Kat, Sam and Paul. In a hushed voice, he said, “Look, I can get them where we need to go, but once they’re there
they
need a leader. You have to go or old man Finnegan might very well call off the deal.”

“What does it matter to him whether I go or stay? He’ll get what he wants either way.”

“He has concerns,” Brian said. His eyes moved quickly back and forth, assessing who was within earshot. “He is concerned that a group as large as our might get unruly without proper leadership. He knows all about you and he wants you there. This is not negotiable, brother.”

“I can’t just leave them here,” I said. I started to walk away but Brian grabbed my arm again and pulled me back.

“Okay, I agree someone should stay, but pick someone else. You have to go.”

“I’ll stay,” Kat said suddenly.

Sam spun to her right to face her lover. “You will
not
.”

“Matt has to go and Brian knows the route,” Kat said. “He brokered the deal, so he has to go. Who else is there? No, it makes sense that I stay.”

“There we go,” Brian said, finally letting go of my arm.

Sam was desperate; tears fell down her cheeks. “Kathryn, you cannot stay. You’ve already given so much for these people. You sacrificed so much. You don’t have to prove yourself anymore.” She took Kat’s hand in her own. “I can’t go without you. I won’t.”

“Kat—” I tried to object, but she held up her hand to silence me.

She turned to Sam now and took the other woman’s face into her hands. “I love you, Samantha. I couldn’t live without you, baby. And I couldn’t do this without you.”

Tears continued to fall from Sam’s eyes as she hugged Kat. When they parted, Kat looked at me. Her eyes were dry, the pink punker of flesh on her cheek curved when she smiled. “We’ll stay, Matt. We’ll take care of them until you come back in the spring.”

“Kat, I can’t ask you to do that,” I said.

She shook her head. “You’re not asking.”

* * *

The meeting lasted another half hour. We decided Kat and Sam would stay and provide leadership and protection for those who remained. By the end of the day, Sam would set up a polling station and each person would give her their decision. Residents of Randall Oaks would have until tomorrow afternoon to make their decision and by evening the following day, Sam would have a final list of who would stay and who would begin the next part of their journey to Finnegan Farm.

After the meeting, I considered stopping by Lara’s but I was too exhausted and conflicted to be in her company. I really needed to be alone for a while, to allow my emotions to surface, to just…let myself feel whatever I needed to feel without hiding behind a mask for anyone’s benefit.

For the first time in months, I entered the bedroom I once shared with my wife and lay down on the king sized bed. The emptiness of it made me feel insignificant and alone. For a long time, I stared at the hole in the carpet near the door where my wife's blood once stained the carpet. After a while, I cried. I could still feel sorrow.

I spent much of the next day going through my house and taking inventory. I rearranged the furniture in the living room so that the center of the room was empty. I started two piles on the carpet: one for things I would take with me and one for things I would donate to the remaining residents of Randall Oaks. I didn’t expect this chore would take too long, but three hours later I was still at it and my travel pile was much too large.

With a heavy sigh I finally sat down to pare down the travel pile. Many of the items in this pile were extra weapons, food, tools, and books. As I rummaged, I noticed I had not taken any mementos of my wife and children. What the fuck did that say about me? Only three months had passed since I lost my entire family and already they were fading from memory. When deciding what I needed to take with to start a new life, I had packed ten knives and some autographed books, but not a single damn picture of my precious babies.

Angered by my oversight, I picked up an autographed copy of
The Beardless Warriors
and chucked it across the room where it slammed hard against a wall. I grabbed another cherished book,
The Talisman
—signed by both Stephen King
and
Peter Straub—and threw it with so much force that it knocked over the dining room chair it struck. A barrage of Dean Koontz paperback science fiction books followed. As I threw each book, I could hear myself breathing heavily, savagely. I felt foolish, yet I couldn’t stop myself from having this tantrum. I probably would have gone through the entire collection of novels if Brian hadn’t stopped me.