Ashley laughed; her arm was fully extended, and she was skipping every third step. "He really wants to go out!"
"Apparently." Lauren shook her head. "Let's trade." She took Gremlin's leash, giving it a sharp tug to slow down the Pug, and then handed Ashley Princess'.
The Pomeranian show dog was acting like, well, a show dog, prancing quietly down the hall like royalty. She was the very picture of serenity and obedience. "Why do I think instead of you getting better behaved, you'll just drag Princess down?" Lauren asked Gremlin flatly, more to hear Ashley laugh than to scold her beloved pet.
They opened the doors to the south lawn and were greeted with a blast of chilly autumn air that smelled heavily of wet leaves and soil. "Brrr!" Lauren shivered as she stuck her hand in her pocket. "We'd better make this a short trip."
"Okay," Ashley agreed, snuggling deeper into the warm suede.
"You going to tell me what's wrong?" Lauren asked casually. Ashley was a chatty, bright child who wore her emotions on her sleeve for the world to see. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out something was up with her. "You didn't seem too happy when you came to my door."
"You didn't look too happy either," Ashley shot back.
"You're too smart for your own good." Lauren snorted. "Just like your mama." She moved to the left, guiding Ashley and the dogs around a large, muddy puddle. "Well, you gonna tell me?"
"You first."
That earned Ashley a raised eyebrow, but Lauren didn't refuse. "I tried to talk to my daddy on the phone, and he hung up on me."
Ashley frowned. "That's not very nice."
"No." Lauren sighed and pulled the collar of her jacket closer around her neck. "It's not."
"Is he mad at you?"
Lauren nodded. "I think so. Mad and disappointed, I guess."
Ashley made an unhappy face. There was nothing worse than having a parent disappointed in you. "How come?"
Lauren exhaled wearily and glanced down at Ashley, considering how much to tell her. She decided she was old enough to understand the simple truth. "He's disappointed because I didn't stay in Tennessee to help my mama this summer." There was a pause. "When she was sick." They approached a bench, and Lauren motioned for Ashley to sit down.
They both took a seat. "Let's let ‘em run around for a while," Lauren said as she unhooked first Princess' then Gremlin's leash. "They're already going to need baths."
"How come you didn't stay home then, when she was sick?"
Lauren winced at the complicated situation being distilled into a child's simple question. "C'mere," she held out her arm, and Ashley scooted closer, pressing tightly against Lauren. "I didn't stay home because, in my heart, I didn't think there was anything I could do for my mama. But your mama needed me, and I thought I could make her feel better." She shrugged. "So I decided to come home... this home."
"When she got shot," Ash recalled.
"Uh huh. So that's why my daddy is mad at me.""
"That doesn't seem fair." The girl hugged Lauren. "I'm sorry."
Lauren leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "I'll be okay, sweetie. It just makes me sad. We'll work it out eventually."
Or not.
They were both quiet for a moment as they watched Gremlin and Princess playing in the yard and splashing through the leaf-strewn puddles.
"Mom didn't come home for dinner tonight," Ashley commented very softly. "She's working late."
Ahhh... so that's it.
"I know. She's in a meeting tonight with some people from Mexico."
"She couldn't come to
The Nutcracker
with me last week. It was my birthday present; it was going to be just the two of us. Emma took me, but it's just not the same."
"Oh, honey." Lauren closed her eyes and tightened her hold on Ashley. "She wanted to go with you. Your mama felt terrible about that."
She was nearly in tears that night when she told me.
"But it was an emergency and-"
"And she had to work late," Ashley finished glumly. "She always does."
Lauren let out an unhappy breath. She had no good answers for this. Ashley didn't give two shits about the global economy. "You know she has a very important job that takes up most of her time, right?" she began rhetorically.
"Yeah." A dark head nodded. "I know."
"But when she has to miss out on being with you and your brothers, it's not because she thinks y'all are less important than what she's working on."
Ashley's eyes widened a little, and she looked up at Lauren's face to see if she was telling her the whole truth. "It's not?"
"No way, Ash. Nothing is more important to your mama than you guys," the writer announced firmly. She cupped Ashley's chilled cheek. "But the stuff she's doing is very important, and she knows that the people who love her will cut her some extra slack when there just aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done. Nobody except her family will do that."
"They won't?"
Lauren shook her head gravely. "No."
Ashley's face turned contemplative. "I didn't know that."
"I know. It's a hard thing for even grown ups to understand. And it's not fair to you or your mama. But she's doing the best she can, Ashley. If she could, she'd spend all her time with you guys."
An enormous grin broke out across her face. "She would? Really?"
"Of course!" Lauren hugged her again. "She's very proud of you and loves you like crazy. Besides," she pressed her forehead forward against Ashley's, "I happen to know she got tickets again for this week, so you guys can still go to the ballet."
"I know. It's still going to be just the two of us." Ashley tugged on Lauren's coat a little. "That's okay with you, right?"
Lauren smiled warmly. "Absolutely. You'll both have a wonderful time, and you can tell me all about it. And maybe, if something comes up, and your mama absolutely can't make it... even though she wants to more than anything... maybe we can go?"
"Sure!" Ashley blurted out. "I would miss Mom. But that would be fun too." Impulsively, Ashley kissed Lauren on the cheek. "Thanks, Lauren."
"You're welcome, sweetie."
"I love you."
Lauren swallowed hard. "I love you too."
Tuesday, November 9
th
"We're finished for the day, right?" Dev shifted on the sofa anxiously.
"Sure," Lauren answered slowly. "If you want to be." She sat down her notebook on the coffee table, a little put out that Dev wanted to end their interview so soon. This hour had been set aside all week.
Then again, it's not like we're getting anywhere.
It had been thirty minutes of pure frustration, with Lauren having to pry every single word out of her normally chatty partner. Dev had been nervous and withdrawn, her gaze finding the antique grandfather clock, which had been an October addition to Lauren's room, every few minutes. Dev's sudden restlessness left Lauren confused and on edge herself.
The blonde slipped off her glasses and began gnawing on the tip of an earpiece. "Do you have a hot date or something tonight?" she asked teasingly. But her words were laced with annoyance and insecurity.
"No. No." The President waved her hand dismissively. "I've got nothing going on." Dev groaned inwardly.
Shit. That was convincing.
Five minutes into their work, while Dev was thinking about how much she loved Lauren and how much she wanted to be married to her, she'd suddenly remembered she had an evening appointment with a jeweler to pick out a ring. Ever since then she'd been a nervous wreck, just thinking about how she was going to make a quick exit in the middle of their scheduled meeting without arousing Lauren's suspicions.
God, I'm helpless without Liza and Jane to keep my schedule.
The jeweler had also asked for Lauren's approximate ring and hand size, stating unequivocally that this was crucial information if Devlyn wanted to pick out a truly flattering piece of jewelry. Personally, Dev thought that was a load of crap, but where Lauren's happiness was concerned, she wasn't taking any chances. "Nothing is going on," she repeated when it looked like Lauren was waiting for her to elaborate. She reached for Lauren's hand, only to have it subtly pulled away.
"I see." Lauren sprang to her feet, easily detecting Dev's lie. She picked her notebook up as she rose and walked back to her desk, setting it down carefully. The clock chimed seven times, and Lauren wondered if Dev might be hungry. Lauren spoke with her back to Dev as she gently tossed her glasses alongside her computer. "Would you like to have dinner together? I'm sure the kids have already eaten."
Arrghhh.
"I'm not really hungry."
"Okay." Lauren's own appetite disappeared.
Stop being such a big baby. She doesn't have to spend every evening with you. Maybe she just needs a little time to herself.
She consciously kept her voice light. "I'll see you tomorrow morning then."
Dev was on her feet and at Lauren's side in an instant. "How about a late supper? I'm sure I'll have an appetite in... say... two hours?"
"Are you okay, Devlyn?" Lauren searched her face. "You don't seem yourself tonight."
"I'm fine," Dev blurted out more harshly than she'd intended. She let out a muffled curse and glanced at the clock. "I'm just not hungry, that's all." And that was the truth. Dev couldn't even think about food right now. Casually, she reached for Lauren's hand again, only to be denied. Dev cursed again.
"What is wrong with you? And don't you dare tell me nothing." A slender, fair eyebrow lifted. "You're acting all anxious. And why do you keep trying to grab me?"
"I'm not trying to grab you, I'm trying to hold your hand and talk to you." Dev's voice took on that deep tone she normally reserved for when things weren't going well in a meeting.
"You are trying to grab me!" Lauren's temper snapped, and she held her hand up in front of Dev's face, snatching it away just as Dev reached for it again. "See!" An angry flush began crawling up her cheeks. "And you're not ‘talking' to me. You're lying to me."
"I am not lying to you! I've never lied to you!" It was like a slap in the face, and Dev took a step backwards, stung by the accusation that was technically true, though she knew this wasn't the sort of lie Lauren meant. She chewed on her lip as her own temper reared its head. "Thanks so much for thinking so highly of me. I am not a liar."
"Then why do you keep looking at the clock every ten seconds, but insist you don't have any place to be?!" Lauren shot back. She marched up to Dev and poked her in the chest with a rigid finger to get her attention. "You don't have to spend every minute with me, Devlyn Marlowe. But don't tell me you don't have someplace to be when it's not the truth. I'm a big girl. If you've got other plans, just say so!"
"Okay, fine," Dev put her hand up in defense. "You're right! I have someplace to be. I have an appointment tonight. There. Are you happy now?" She crossed her arms over her chest and waited.
A large part of Lauren's anger deflated, only to be replaced with genuine hurt. "No, I'm not happy. All you had to do was say that in the first place." She turned her back on the President, and her voice dropped to a whisper. "Judd lied to me whenever it suited his purposes. I won't put up with that again, Devlyn."
Not from someone I love.