Made To Love You (16 page)

I stand and start to pace back and forth getting more and more anxious. I can’t lose them; I won’t be able to handle it if that happens. “I’ve got to go for a walk.” I open the door and practically run out of the room.

“You okay?” Cooper asks.

“Fine, just need some air.” I say walking past him.

I wander around the hospital for a while, my cell phone a ticking time bomb in my back pocket waiting for someone to call me back to the room. I stumble across a little chapel much like the one I sat in not long ago when I was waiting on word about mom’s condition at St. Peter’s Hospital. No one is sitting in it so I walk in and take a seat in the back row.

I look up shaking my head. “So we meet again. You know I don’t pray or even go to church. I’m still not even sure I believe in God but I’m begging you, please, let Layla and Eli be okay. Let them make it through this surgery,” I close my eyes to fight off the tears. “You can’t take everyone I love away from me.”

I sit here for a while, feeling safe. I ask for forgiveness for everything I’ve ever done wrong, hoping and praying He’s listening. My eyes grow heavy due to the lack of sleep over the last month with everything weighing heavy on me. I lean forward, arms on the back of the bench and rest my head on them. My body is yearning for rest, my mind fighting it.

Dreams.

I'm not sure I like them.

I'm not sure I don't like them either.

I do know I hate the ones that feel real. The ones when you wake up with your heart pounding, feeling like you can’t breathe, whole body trembles and your eyes are wet from your tears.

I place a hand over my rapidly beating heart. It’s thumping so hard. Reaching up with my other hand I wipe my wet eyes with the back of my hand.

I try to recall the dream that I woke from just seconds ago but I can’t. My mind is running in a million different directions; flashes of a funeral, a smiling baby, a wedding, a new house, baseball fields, Fierce, a death, another death, a broken heart and a black door.

My phone dings and startles me. I must have dozed off.

I freeze before reaching for it.

Cooper 9:44pm:
I need you to come upstairs.

I send one more prayer up to God before wandering back into the hallway. I pass the cafeteria, a gift shop, lots of office doors and some bathrooms. I’m in no hurry to get back there. If it’s bad news this is just prolonging it, if it’s good news everyone can see them first because I’m not leaving two of my closest friends alone until they leave the hospital.

I reach the elevators and hit the up button. It dings then the door opens. I step in and press the number three. With each passing floor it gets harder and harder to breathe. The elevator dings again and the doors open. I step out, turn the corner and walk to the room where my friends and my family are waiting.

“Please, God, please let them be okay.”

I take a deep breath and hold it until my lungs burn. I push the door open.

Cooper is bent over leaning against the wall, Mrs. Del Luca is rocking back and forth repeating the word “No!” Erin, Eli’s sister, who must have arrived after I left, is sitting in the corner with her face buried in her hands, and Mason and Hunter are holding their crying wives.

Everything goes gray. I struggle to take a deep breath in. My throat is tight and when my eyes meet with Cooper for just a second I see the pain in his eyes before a black door slams shut.

Cooper

“Jay,” I yell before jumping over the chair and catching her head before it hits the floor.

Everyone is up and on their feet. Everything happens in slow motion. I’ve got Jaylinn’s head in my lap, Hunter is barking at someone to go get a nurse, and the girls are all huddled around Jaylinn. Hunter leans down next to me and grabs Jaylinn’s wrist.

A nurse pushes through the door. “Could everyone please move back?”

Everyone takes a few steps back giving us some room. The nurse grabs the wrist that Hunter was holding, glances down to watch Jaylinn as she breathes. “We’ve got to get her downstairs.” She explains to another nurse that walked in behind her.

My eyes are wide with panic. We’ve just lost Layla no way in hell can anything happen to Jaylinn. The nurse who is standing behind the other nurse turns, “I’ll go grab a stretcher.”

I’m in action before she even turns around. I position Jaylinn so she’s cradled in my arms with the two nurses on either side of me.

One of the nurses turns around. “You all stay here until we get her situated downstairs.”

We step into the elevator as Jaylinn starts to moan. My body sags in relief, she’s coming to. “Jay, baby, can you hear me?”

She moans louder and tries moving her head. “Hang on. We’re getting you downstairs to get checked out.”

The doors ding and open. A nurse is there with a bed. I lie Jaylinn down on it and they wheel her down into an empty room and it’s a flurry of activity. I stand to the side as they work on connecting wires and other things to Jaylinn. Her eyes are pinned to mine and I see the tears that slip out. I take a step closer and the heart monitor spikes a little.

She mouths the words I’m sorry but I shake my head. She has nothing to be sorry for. I should have seen this happening. I should have known better then to let her walk into a room like that. I should have went and found her.

An older doctor steps into the room and Jaylinn starts crying harder. She’s almost to the point of hysteria. The doctor takes a look at the computer screen that a nurse is typing into then glances over at Jaylinn.

“How are you feeling?”

She tries to talk but she can’t get the words out.

“We were upstairs and just got news that a friend of ours passed away and she fainted,” I explain and Jaylinn sobs so loud that the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

“Okay,” the doctor nods and turns towards the nurse. “Let’s get her something to calm her down and then we’ll reevaluate.”

“No,” Jaylinn cries. “You can’t.”

The doctor and nurse both turn to look at her. Jaylinn turns her head and pierces me with the two words that come out of her mouth. “I’m pregnant.” It comes out like a whisper but the words are like a scream to me.

“You’re pregnant?” I ask just to make sure I heard her correct.

Her face pinches in pain and the crying continues. “I’m sorry.”

I take the last step to her bed and cup her face with both my hands. I wipe some tears away with my thumbs. “You’re going to have my baby.”

She nods, the tears are never ending.

I hear the doctor ask the nurse to call OB down.

“I’m so sorry.”

I tip her head up so she’ll look at me. “Don’t be sorry. It’s okay.” I get a little flutter in my chest. She’s pregnant with my baby. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Jaylinn turns when I sit on the side of her bed. “I just found out yesterday. Layla…” Her voice trails off as a sob escapes.

I lean forward and wrap my arms around her trying to give her all my strength. “It’s okay. Take a deep breath.”

“We were in her office and she was complaining about cramps,” she sniffs. “It was then that I realized I hadn’t got my period for a while. We got a few tests, went back to the office and took them.” She looks away.” You were home sleeping and I didn’t want to wake you. I know you haven’t been sleeping well lately.” Her head falls down. “I took all three tests and all came back positive. When I woke you up we had to leave and go meet Layla and Eli for dinner and then you had to go right into work. I was going to tell you tonight over dinner.”

I nod understanding just as another doctor, who I assume is an OB, enters and is all smiles as she glances at Jaylinn’s chart on the computer.

“Well, it looks like you’ve calmed down a bit so that’s a great start.” Jaylinn nods as fresh tears spring to her eyes. “I’m Dr. Mock,” she holds her hand out for Jaylinn to shake.

“So tell me a little about what’s going on.” She glances back to the monitor with the notes. “I see that you just found out your pregnant, correct?”

Jaylinn nods and wipes the tears away with the back of her hand. “I just took a test yesterday, three actually, and all came back positive.” Her eyes cut over to mine. She needs my help with the next part.

“We just found out that a good friend of ours passed away a little bit ago. Jaylinn here,” I nod towards her, “fainted upstairs when we got the news.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that. I know this is a lot for you right now, especially with the passing of your friend.” Dr. Mock smiles sadly at us. “I’d like to get an ultrasound done just so we can rule out any issues that could arise. Jaylinn, when was your last menstrual cycle?”

She takes a deep breath, “Near the end of December, right before Christmas.” Jaylinn clears her throat. “My cycles are normal but with all the emotional stress I’ve been going through lately I didn’t even realize I was late until yesterday.”

Then it dawns on me that we were drinking the weekend I proposed, she had a few drinks the other weekend when she went out with the girls, too. As I work all this out in my head Jaylinn does, too.

“I, uh…I’ve had some alcohol since my last period. Could that, uh…hurt the baby?”

Dr. Mock pats Jaylinn’s leg. “Since it looks like you may only be a few weeks I’m sure everything is fine but let’s get that ultrasound done.”

We both nod.

“The technician will come and get you shortly and I’ll see you here in a bit.”

“Thank you.” Jaylinn leans her head back against the pillow.

I pull a chair up alongside of her and reach for her hand.

“Cooper, what happened with, uh…”

I squeeze my eyes shut and look away. I can’t tell her right now, not until I know she’s going to be fine. Once we get the okay with her and the baby I’ll tell her. “Let’s make sure you’re okay first, alright? I don’t want anything else to affect you until I know you and,” I glance down to her stomach, “the baby are okay.”

Jaylinn places a hand gently on her stomach and pats it a few times. “Look I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“Don’t,” I interrupt her. “Don’t be sorry. We don’t deserve anymore sorry, Jay. We’ve just about ran out, okay?” If I ever hear those words again it’ll be too soon.

“Okay. I know this isn’t the greatest time and we really didn’t want to have—”

“Stop.” I beg. “It’s like this was a gift to us. Someone close to us was taken…” I get choked up on the words and have to take a second. Jaylinn starts crying again. “Someone was taken from us but we were given a gift in their place.” I reach over and place my hand on top of her stomach. “I love you.” It’s all I can say before the events of today crash down on me hard. We lost a friend, another is still battling for his life, and I was given this gift, this baby, one life for another. It shouldn’t be like this but it is. I find myself in the most fucking ironic situation right now. It’s so hard to be happy…it’s even harder not to be happy and celebrate this with Jaylinn.

I lean my head down on the bed near Jaylinn’s hip and cry. I never cry. I always keep things bottled up but this broke me. She places her hand on top of my head giving me all the support she can since she’s hooked up to all kinds of monitors. Minutes later she moves over a little and I climb up on the bed with her and we wrap our arms around each other. We’re leaning on each other the way we should be, the way we always will.

After a while the ultrasound technician comes in and informs us that we’re being moved upstairs to labor and delivery. Jaylinn freezes next to me and clutches my hand tight.

The technician notices. “It’s the only available room for the ultrasound. Otherwise you’ll be waiting a few hours down here and Dr. Mock put a rush on yours.”

Jaylinn and I both release a breath.

The nurse comes in seconds later and disconnects a few wires from Jaylinn. I wait until the last possible second before getting off the bed. The second I do, Jaylinn’s heart rate spikes.

“Huh,” the technician says and she pulls up the handle bar to the bed.

“He can come with me, right?” Jaylinn voices shakes.

She nods her head. “Yes, not a problem at all.”

The three of us head upstairs and Jaylinn is wheeled into a room without any windows and the lighting is set low. It’s a little creepy.

“What’s wrong with the lights?” I ask because I don’t understand how she’s going to be able to see what she’s doing.

“It’s so the light doesn’t interfere with the ultrasound,” she explains like I should know this already. I’ve never had an ultrasound done before so I’ve got no idea. MRIs and CT scans, sure.

The tech hands Jaylinn a gown and a blanket. “I need you to remove your clothes and put this gown on; you can tie it in the back. Then lay the blanket over your legs and I’ll be back in just a few minutes.”

Jaylinn looks like she’s on the verge of another breakdown. I’m not sure how much more either one of us can take at this point. I hold my hand out for her to help her sit up. She stands up for the first time since she went down and she’s a little shaky. I take a step closer so our bodies are touching and help her remove her shirt and bra first. We slide the gown on and Jaylinn turns so I can tie it. I kneel down in front of her and stick my hands up the gown to remove her yoga pants and panties.