He didn’t move.
“Zay? Are you okay?”
He finally looked away from her. Looked at me. The pain and sorrow in his eyes, raw, angry, made me want to close my eyes. Made me want to forget he could hurt that much for someone. For Chase. Who had tried to kill him. Tried to kill us.
“I’m sorry,” I said. And I was. I knew Chase and Greyson had done horrible things. But there was a time, not all that long ago, when Zayvion and Chase were lovers. He had loved her.
She had left him for Greyson. Even though Zay had accepted that, it didn’t mean he had stopped caring for her. I think he hoped she would somehow survive this, survive all she had been through, and be a strong, whole-minded person again. That somehow we’d find a way to cure Greyson. That they’d live their lives together.
There was no happily ever after for Soul Complements. Not in life. Maybe in death. Maybe Chase and Greyson would finally be happy together there.
“Time to be moving,” Hayden said quietly.
Zay didn’t move.
“We need to let them take care of this, Zayvion,” Hayden said. “We’ll only be in the way.”
I looked up and realized there were four other people in the room—people I didn’t recognize. Three women and a man, all in jeans and matching jackets. They were talking quietly among themselves, and there were two gurneys staged to one side of the room.
I glanced over at Shame and Terric. They were both on their feet, though Shame still leaned one shoulder against the wall and looked a little dazed. Yeah, I knew how he felt.
“Who—?” I started.
“Cleanup crew,” Hayden answered. “They’ll make sure all the locks are in place, check on the prisoners. Take care of them too.” He nodded toward Chase and Greyson.
“Think you can get Zayvion to move?” he asked.
“Yes.” I pressed my hands against my thighs and pushed up onto my feet. Then I walked around Zayvion, careful not to step in the blood, even though it didn’t really matter. I had their blood on my boots, heavy at the hem of my jeans, on my palm and under my fingernails. It would be a long time before I felt clean of it.
I rested my hand on Zay’s shoulder.
“We need to go, love. We need to let the others take care of her. There’s a killer out there to hunt.”
His anger, his sorrow, his guilt, brushed through me. But I was too numb to do anything more than just acknowledge it. There wasn’t anything else we could do but accept what had happened. We didn’t have time to grieve.
“Leander’s still alive,” I said. “Out there somewhere, free. I think we need to do something about that.”
My words, if not my emotions, reached him. With one last tender brush of his fingers along the edge of Chase’s jaw, Zay stood. He turned his back and closed down his emotions so completely, I looked at him to make sure he was still standing next to me.
“We’ll take care of this,” Hayden said. “We’ll find that bastard and end him. Let’s get out of here.”
Zay looked over at Terric, then Shame, as if he were surfacing from a dream and did not recognize the world he was waking up into.
“Shame?” he asked.
Shame swallowed. “Fuck of a day. Let’s go kill something.”
Zay looked at me, finally. I could not read his expression, was not touching him, so I could not read his emotions. I could only guess he was worried.
So was I.
He held his hand out for me, and I took it, Chase’s and Greyson’s blood between us. Zay was so locked down, all I felt off of him was a blank static.
We started up the stairs and did not look back. Our shoes echoed against the marble walls, bloody soles drying after only a few steps. Soon Shame’s and Terric’s paces echoed with ours.
It seemed to take a lifetime to climb to the top. I ached from the roots of my hair to the soles of my feet and could not have moved any faster if my life were on the line. The price for using so much magic—for destroying the disk in Greyson’s throat—was already gripping my body. Or at least I hoped that was the only price I was paying. I hoped Greyson’s death wouldn’t also be added to my tally. Since I wasn’t dead yet, I was pretty sure Greyson’s death had only been partially because of my, or rather Dad’s, attack. I was pretty sure breaking the disk while Leander used then discarded his body was what finally killed him.
But if I felt this bad, I could only imagine what Shame and Terric felt like, sharing each other’s pain.
Hayden lingered below, probably taking the time to talk to the cleanup crew. We finally made it to the main floor. I was breathing hard, sweating, trembling. I wanted to ask Terric if he was okay; I wanted to ask Shame; but I had no words and no air. They looked exhausted from the slog up the stairs, and both leaned on a wall near the door, eyes closed.
Finally, Hayden joined us on the main floor of the building.
“Just what Victor and Maeve needed,” he said. “Their best students to go rogue. Whose ass-backward idea was this?”
Shame held up one finger, though he did not open his eyes.
“Boy, you’ll be the death of your mother, you keep going down this road.”
Shame didn’t say anything. That showed just how tired he was.
“What now?” I asked.
“Now my job is to get you all to a doctor to make sure you’re okay. After that, I wash my hands of this mess, and you’ll explain just what the hell you thought you were doing by breaking into the goddamn prison. Zay, give me your keys.”
Zay wordlessly took his keys out of his pocket and dropped them into Hayden’s palm.
“I’ll drive,” Hayden said. No one argued. I wondered how Terric’s car was going to be returned, but since there was only one other vehicle in the parking lot—a medical transport van—I figured one of the people still inside would take care of it. Or maybe it would just get towed.
The van should be able to hold the bodies of the guard and Chase and Greyson. My chest hitched at the reality of what we had just done, what we had just been through. Leander was loose, the disks the Veiled had used empty of magic and broken beyond repair. But there were more disks out there. And more Veiled.
Chase and Greyson were dead.
Terric had almost Closed Shame’s mind to try to stop Leander from having him, from using him to get free. I didn’t know what that would do to Shame. Didn’t know what it would do to the link between them they endured.
I turned and looked back at the structure. It didn’t look like people had just lost their lives there. Didn’t look like a prison. Even without Sight, I could see the locks and wards on the building and the smooth, magic-empty space where the gate had blown open and been Closed by Zayvion’s spells.
I wondered if anyone else had gotten through it, if anyone else except Leander had escaped.
The wind picked up, dragging cold across my skin. I rubbed the chill off my arms and wished I could rub the rest of the day away too.
“Coming?” Hayden asked.
I looked back at the car. Terric and Shame had ducked into the backseat, and Zay was in the front, staring straight ahead. Hayden stood with the open door to his back, the shotgun still propped over one shoulder.
I nodded and got in, sitting next to Shame, who was already snoring quietly.
Hayden pulled out his phone and dialed. I didn’t follow his conversation very closely, but it sounded like we were meeting Dr. Fisher at her office.
As Hayden drove out of the parking lot and started down the old highway toward Portland, twisting above the river far below, I took a clue from Shame, closed my eyes, and tried to forget, if only for a moment.
Chapter Thirteen
H
ayden was as good as his word. He took us to Dr. Fisher’s office, on the top floor of the high-rise at the foot of the sky tram. It didn’t take her long to cycle through us, though she spent the most time on Shame.
He ended up with a few sample pills and her recommendation to stop using magic like an idiot for a day or two.
I knew he’d use one of the two things she gave him.
Zay hadn’t said anything. Shame even sat next to him in the waiting room, while Terric took his turn with the doctor, and tried to engage him in conversation. Nothing.
He did finally stand and pace over to the windows that gave a vista of the docks on the river, the tops of other high-rises, and the long, rolling, deep green expanse of Portland to the north and east. Among the green, Beckstrom storm rods fitted to each building glinted like a haze of thin golden threads drawn through the sky.
I was too tired to use my remaining energy on standing. I stayed on the couch, letting the painkiller Dr. Fisher had given me do its best.
Finally, Terric came out, and I don’t even remember whose suggestion it was to go to my house, nor to stop and get Chinese food before we did.
Maybe two hours later, we were walking up my stairs, and, after pausing at my door, we all went inside. The men rambled into my living room and slouched down into their favorite chairs like they’d been living with me for years. I stopped off in the kitchen and brewed some coffee. I took the pot and some cups with me into the living room.
The Chinese food cartons were open on the coffee table, but from what I could see, no one had taken a bite.
Zay sat in a chair by the window and had drawn the curtains back so he could see outside.
I picked up one of the boxes—fried rice—and a set of chopsticks. Sat on the couch next to Terric and took a bite.
“Oh, God, that’s good.” I don’t know if it was my approval or that I ravenously tore into the food that got the others moving. But within a few seconds, everyone had a box and was eating.
Terric finally hauled himself up and found some napkins and plates in the kitchen, so we could share the containers’ contents more easily.
Even Zay ate, and eventually he stopped looking out at the city and looked, instead, in at us.
“Why?” he asked me.
“Why what?” I refilled my coffee cup and sat back. I’d eaten half the fried rice and a helping of everything else. I was stuffed, still hurting and paying the price of magic even through the heavy-duty painkillers, and really wanted a nap. But at least I wasn’t in overwhelming pain. Dr. Fisher was quickly headed up on my chart of people who could be my BFF.
“Why did you kill him?” Zay said.
If someone had asked me that question even a year ago, I would have had to deal with an avalanche of emotions and second-guessing. For all I’ve lived a Hound’s life—and there is a lot of danger inherent in that life—I am not a killer. I’m not built to heartlessly gun people down.
But I’d been involved with the darker side of magic for a while now. I knew what to accept as my faults and failures, and what to accept as things I cannot change. Greyson’s death was something I could not change.
“I tried to stop him from shooting you,” I said. “I forced Dad to help me. Dad wanted Leander dead. He wanted Greyson dead. When I tried to stop the magic, when I tried to force Dad not to use magic through me anymore, I couldn’t break his hold. I could not stop him.”
Zay watched me speak, his gold eyes weighing the truth of my words. Let him stare all he wanted. It was the truth.
He wiped his mouth with a paper napkin and leaned back in the chair. “She couldn’t survive it,” he said quietly. “Couldn’t survive him dying.”
“I know.” What I didn’t say was that Leander had dragged her around by the throat. It was just as possible that he had crushed her windpipe before he had unloaded three magic-worked bullets into her chest. It was just as possible she was already dead before Dad and I hit Greyson with everything we had.
But that was logic, and Zayvion Jones did not look like he was interested in logic at the moment.
“Since we’re putting it all on the table,” Shame said, “what in the hell did you do to me, Terric?”
“I Closed you.”
“What?” Shame suddenly looked far less interested in his food and far more interested in the sharp sticks in his hands.
“Leander possessed you,” Terric said. “I could . . . feel him. Hear him. He was going to use you for as long as the crystal held to support him. And before the crystal ran out, he was going to kill us; I mean you. Kill you. So I Closed you.” He reached over for another carton, glanced inside, put it back, and took a second choice.
“What did you take away from me when you Closed me?” Shame asked.
“Nothing.”
“Bullshit. Closing means you screwed with my head and took my memories or my abilities away. What did you do to me, Terric?”
Terric chewed, swallowed. “Listen to me tell you the truth, Flynn. I Closed you, hoping to trap Leander long enough that we could remove him from you. Maybe with Victor or your mother’s help. But since you were also tied to me, I think he knew what I was doing. Or at least knew what my intentions were.
“He bailed. Just before you were Closed. I reversed what I had done and Opened you. No hits, no fouls, no harm done.” He nodded once. “No permanent harm.”
Shame was staring at Terric like he had grown a second head. “You are fucking kidding me. You can’t be that arrogant. You don’t know that you didn’t leave permanent damage in my head.”
“Yes,” Zayvion said, “he can. He’s a Closer, Shame. We’re good at this.”
“You check,” Shame said, turning to Zay. “You tell me that he didn’t leave holes in my head.”
“Now you know how I feel,” I muttered.
“Stay out of this,” Shame said without heat. “Z. Tell me he didn’t do something to me.”
“Jesus, Flynn,” Terric said. “If I didn’t know you were honestly terrified about this, I’d take offense that you just told me I suck at my job.”
Zayvion wiped the napkin over his hands, then wadded it up and threw it on the table. “Do you really want me in your head right now, Shame?” he asked. Cool and calm. But there was a fire burning behind his words.
“You, I trust.”
Zay made a little
huh
sound. “This might hurt,” he said.
“I doubt that.”
Zayvion set a Disbursement, then traced a delicate spell in the air. It reminded me of morning glory vines, thin, corkscrew lines with bursts of magic flowering along it. He said a word and nudged the spell so that it settled against Shame’s face, then melted inside him.
Zay was very quiet. He didn’t move, didn’t touch Shame. His gaze did not search Shame’s face. But I knew he was assessing Shame’s mind, looking for pain, looking for wounds, looking for holes.
Terric had stopped eating and took a deep breath and exhaled, not so much enduring pain as just enduring someone else digging around in a mind he was connected to.
After a minute, Zay sat back and brushed his fingers through the air, negating the spell.
Shame slumped back. “Shit, Z. You’re in a mood.”
Terric shook his head and went back to picking at the food in the box, though he looked like he’d lost his appetite.
“So?” Shame asked.
“Terric did exactly what he told you. He Closed you, but before he could lock your mind down, he reversed the spell and let you go.” He looked over at Terric. “Nice work. That’s a hard spell to reverse under those circumstances. I think I would have just Closed him, then reopened him later when I had the time.”
Terric shrugged. “And listen to him bitch for the rest of my life, once he found out what I did? Seemed better just to get it done and over with at one go.”
“Where’d you learn that?” Zay asked.
“Have a couple good teachers up in the Seattle area. You ever met Flo Hill?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Amazing Closer. I’ll introduce you someday.”
“I’m all for talking shop,” Shame said, “but how about less shop and more about me. Are you sure, Zay?”
“Shamus, this is the last time I’m going to say this to you: Terric did his job, and he did it well. That level of magic use is equal to if not better than what I would have done to you.” He paused, rethinking that comment. “Better than what I would have done. Much finer touch. Even Victor would have been impressed. Now, shut the hell up.”
That, apparently, was the vote of confidence Shame was looking for. “Fine,” he said. “You could have just told me that to begin with. And Terric? Don’t ever do that again.”
“Don’t get possessed again, and I won’t do it again.”
I yawned. Not very tactful, but damn, it had been a long day. “I’m going to bed. You can stay if you want. Couch is open. Inflatable mattress in the bottom hall cupboard, linens in the top. Don’t wake me until morning.”
I stood and wandered off to my bed. Maybe not the best hostess in the world, but they were full-grown men. They could fight for the couch and make their own beds without me.
I shut the door behind me, a little surprised Zay hadn’t followed. Maybe he needed more time with Shame and Terric. Maybe he was too angry to sleep. Maybe too angry at me. I’d try to work it out with him when I had more energy. Right now, nothing was going to get between me and my sheets.
I stripped out of my shirt, toed off my boots, and stepped out of my jeans. I wanted a shower. I smelled of magic and blood. But I didn’t think I could stay standing for much longer.
I shuffled over to the bed, pulled back the covers, and crawled in. The blankets still smelled of Zayvion’s pine cologne, my perfume, and fabric softener. I had about a half second to groan over how soft the pillow was before I was out.
I don’t know how long it was until Zay crawled into bed beside me. I hadn’t moved, and there was drool on the pillow. I sleepily wiped at my mouth as Zay pulled up tight against me, fitting his body to the curve of my back and legs, wrapping his arm around me so tight, I almost couldn’t breathe for a second, before he eased off on the pressure just a bit.
Still, I knew he was worried I’d slip away, slip through his hands, through his arms, and wind up dead like Chase. That I could sense from him.
“Not gonna happen,” I mumbled. “You’re stuck with me for a long, long time.”
I didn’t hear his answer before I fell asleep again.
I woke up once more, in the middle of the night, before dawn stirred. Zay was still tucked up tight behind me. I didn’t know what had woken me. I lay there, listening to his breathing. Realized he was not asleep. His breathing was shallow and uneven. I heard him swallow, then blink hard enough that I could hear his lashes catching on tears. He sniffed once and held his breath, steadying it through shear will.
Then he was breathing normally again, peacefully. I felt his arms grow heavy as he relaxed and fell into sleep.
I lay there for some time, listening to the wind stir the trees outside my window, listening to Shame’s soft snore from the living room, waiting for sleep to reclaim me. And while I drifted a bit, I didn’t fall into a deep sleep. When someone, probably Terric, got up to brew coffee just before dawn, I slipped out of bed too and took a shower, scrubbing the blood and stink off of me methodically, careful of my hip, my arm, and my bruises while my mind wandered.
Where would Leander go with no body? Anywhere, I guessed. Maybe to find more of the disks that had been changed by the wild-magic storm?
I was surprised Leander had broken them. Maybe Dad was right and they didn’t know how to recharge a disk. Or maybe Leander was too desperate, too hasty trying to break out of the prison to consider what he was doing. Maybe it had taken all of their magic combined just for him to open the gate and get free.
I finished showering and slipped back into the dark bedroom. Zay hadn’t moved. I dressed mostly by feel, finding a T-shirt, hoodie, and jeans. I left my bloody boots behind. Today would be a running-shoe day for sure.
I stepped out into the hall and saw Shame, who was sleeping on the inflatable mattress, the covers pulled so far up, all I could see of him was the top of his head. The blankets on the couch had already been folded neatly, one of my spare pillows perched on top.
So I was right. Terric had to be in the kitchen brewing coffee.
I walked into the kitchen. Terric was not only brewing coffee; he was making French toast.
“Morning,” he whispered. “Coffee’s fresh.”
I poured myself a cup and inhaled the nutmeg and vanilla scents of the toast on the griddle. My mouth watered, and I pulled a couple plates down for us.
“Get some sleep?” he asked.
“Yes. You?”
“Shame snores.” He rolled his eyes. “Thought I might as well make some food.”
I rested my hip against the counter and watched him cook. For all I had only met Terric a short time ago, he was someone whom I felt like I’d known for years. He had rebanded his hair back, but his silver-white bangs slid down to cover his eyes as he focused all his attention on lifting the corners of the toast so he could see how brown the slices were getting.
“How are you doing?” I asked.
He shrugged one shoulder, his mouth curving in a brief frown. “It’s been better.” He slid the spatula beneath the toast and flipped it. “And it’s been worse. Mostly, I’m worried for all of you.”
“All of us?”
“Since I’m from Seattle, the things that are happening around here aren’t really my concern.”
Oh, you could have fooled me. Out of everyone who had been called down to handle the wild-magic storm, only a few had stayed, most notably, Hayden and Terric. And even though I’d heard the others who lingered, Nik and Joshua and the Georgia sisters, talk about missing home, I’d never once heard either Hayden or Terric say they wanted to be anywhere else but here.
“If it’s not your concern, why are you still here?”
He looked up at me, smiled. “Let me rephrase. The blame won’t fall to me. Not for the breakup in the Authority. Not for the kidnapping. Not for the attacks. Not for what happened out there at the prison. I’ll take my share of responsibility, but the recent disasters the Portland branch has been going through will fall on someone else’s shoulders.”