"So, uh, what was that complicated thing you wanted to talk about?"
"Er." I shook my head, wondering how to go about telling him. It was so strange. This was a person I'd touched. My skin had been naked against his. He had been inside me. Why couldn't I talk to him without blushing?
"You sure you're not thirsty?"
"
Positive
."
"Well, I am. D'you mind?"
"No. I mean, do you have time? How long before your plane leaves?"
"I got fifteen minutes before the car gets here," he said, walking across to the kitchen area. "Time enough for a beer."
I sat down on one of the stools and watched him take one out of the fridge. I could see the muscles in his arms. Strong and beautiful. He smelt good, too. I wondered what our child would be like. As dark as me, or a shade lighter, like Danny? I hoped it would have Danny's eyelashes. His mouth too. If our child was human, that was. If it didn't come out looking like old man Cansino.
Neither of us said anything for a while. He sat sipping his beer and drumming his fingers against the table, like the basketball game hadn't gotten rid of enough nervous energy.
My nervousness multiplied. Danny wasn't going to be happy to hear about the baby. Especially when I told him I couldn't be sure it would be human.
"So, uh, Reason? There's some stuff I have to talk to you about too. Other than Julieta, I mean. Well, it's sort of got some to do with Julieta, of course."
"Yes?"
"But you can tell me your thing first if you want."
I blushed. "I don't mind."
He took another sip of his beer. "Well, you know I like you, right?"
I nodded, suddenly afraid of what he was going to say. He wasn't looking at me.
"So it's my fault. Totally my fault. I accept that and I feel really, really bad, 'cause you're a nice kid and, ah, it was, you know, ah…You sure you don't want something to drink? Soda? Water?"
"I'm sure." What did he think was his fault?
"You got any thoughts?"
"Thoughts?" I had lots of them. But mostly I just wished I knew what he was talking about.
"About what I'm saying?"
"Well, um, I like you too?"
Danny looked down. "Well, that's good, seeing as how you and Julieta are getting real close. Like sisters, she said. Um, is that how you feel about her? Like a sister?"
"I guess." I'd never had a sister before, but then I'd never had a friend either. It had always been just me and Sarafina. Other people were there to work for; or buy water, food, and supplies from; or tell us if the flood levels had dropped and we could cross the bar up ahead. Money, food, and information, but not friendship. "It would be nice to have a sister."
"It's great that you and Julieta are friends. She's been through a lot, you know? Our dad was real rough on her. And, well, you're the first friend she's had in a long time, so that's great and I'm really happy. I don't want her to lose a friend. I need to know that you're going to stay friends with her."
"Of course, Danny. Why wouldn't I?" My stomach felt weird. I wondered if I was going to chunder again.
"Well, right, yeah. See, that's the thing. I do, you know, I do like you. You're a great kid. But you're young. Really young. You're only fifteen! I'm eighteen, Reason."
"That's only three years— "
"It's a big difference. Trust me. And…" He took another long sip of his beer, finished it, and then crumpled the can in his left hand, flattening it into a metal disc. He wasn't acting as though he liked me, more like he wished I'd go away. "What happened was nice, but it was a mistake. It shouldn't have happened. I'm going to be starting college and you're still in high school— "
"No, I'm not. I've never been to high school."
"Right. I forgot. Well, you know, you
should
be in high school. So should Julieta. It's what I want for her. It's what Dad wanted: for her to be educated, make a life for herself— "
"She's dying," I said. "She doesn't have much of a life left."
Danny stood up abruptly, opened the fridge, pulled out another beer can, but instead of opening it, he held the can against his cheek. He looked like he might cry.
"She has hardly any magic left. Esmeralda tried to save her, but…" The Cansino magic hadn't worked for her because she wasn't a Cansino. She had only the normal kind of magic, and it was almost gone.
"And she's there," Danny said, "and I'm here." He glanced at his watch. "But not for much longer. Soon I'll be on the plane. I'm even gladder I'm going now. If she doesn't have much time, I
have
to be there. She's my sister."
I nodded. I felt the same about being separated from Sarafina.
He looked across at me, met my eyes. "I keep thinking that it's not true, you know? When I talk to her on the phone she's Julieta: full of spunk, buzzing. Not dead girl walking at all…" He rolled the can across his forehead then back again. "You're sure she won't get mad at me for coming to visit? I really need to be with her, you know?"
"She'll be happy. You can stay at Esmeralda's. It's a really big house."
"Right," he said. "Shit. I totally forgot about that. What's the address? Hang on a second." He dashed into his bedroom and returned with paper and a pen.
I told him and he wrote it down. "Great," he said. "Glad I got that sorted out. Coulda been awkward on the other end. And you understand about us, then? That's cool with you?"
I blinked. Danny wasn't there. And then he was, looking at me, waiting for me to say yes. "What's cool?" I asked. The small voice had come back, was pretending it was mine. "You coming to stay with us?"
"Well, yeah, that, but also, you know, the other thing, the you-and-me thing."
I stared at him, trying to make sense of what he was saying, but he was as elliptical as Raul Cansino. I hadn't told him about the baby yet; he couldn't be saying what it sounded like he was saying.
"It's too awkward, Reason, what with you being Julieta's best friend, you so young and all. We can still be friends, you know? You can think of me as a big brother." He winced. "Well, maybe not. But forget about the other thing, okay?"
"The other thing? You mean sex?" I stared at him, openmouthed, then closed it in case he thought I wanted to kiss him.
"Anyway, I'm not really into the girlfriend thing, Reason."
The girlfriend thing? Danny was saying he didn't want to kiss me again, or touch me, or have sex with me. I blushed. Furious with myself for not being able to control the blood underneath my skin.
Had he ever wanted me? How could I have kissed him in the first place when he didn't want me to? But he had kissed me. He had touched me all over! He had helped make the baby inside me. I hadn't even told him about the baby and he was rejecting me.
Danny's big brown eyes were staring back at mine. He was a very handsome man. A very handsome man who didn't want me or our baby.
Was that what had happened to Sarafina? She'd slept with a man once and then he'd told her to go away? She always said that she hadn't told him about getting pregnant, that it had been her choice to never see him again. But what if she had? And he said no and
that
was why I didn't have a father? My dad hadn't wanted my mother; why would he have wanted me? I didn't have a father, and now my child wouldn't have one either.
There was a buzzing sound. Danny picked up the phone next to the lift. "Car's here," he told me. "Can I give you a ride somewhere?"
I nodded and gripped the ammonite in my pocket to keep my voice steady. "Back to the door would be good."
"Sure," he said, picking up his suitcase.
He didn't want me.
The pain inside me was sharp, but it burned too. My eyes stung.
I closed them, let Cansino's world surround me. The pain went away. Everywhere was the light of magic. It was beautiful here, and safe. I could hear Danny talking to me from the other world, but his voice didn't hurt me at all.
I could see the sixteenth Fibonacci that was the door to Sydney. I saw other sets of magic light wound together with filaments. I wondered if they were doors too. And if they were, where they would go.
I would stay in Cansino's world, I decided. But first I would endure the short ride with Danny, and then I would finally rescue Sarafina and bring her into Cansino's safe haven of mathematics and lights. She was a Cansino, after all.
All I had to do was give her some of the old man's magic.
7
Telling the Truth
Tom listened calmly to Cathy
reaming him out for not returning her call earlier or answering her emails. Da had finally said he could tell Cathy about magic, and he was wondering how to break it to her. What could he say? "Um, yes, Cathy, sorry 'bout that. So, you know how me and Da have kind of been holding out on you? Well, that's because it turns out I'm magic! How 'bout that?"
Nope, that wouldn't work.
He wondered again if Jay-Tee had meant anything by that kiss. She'd stroked his cheek. That wasn't really a friend thing, was it? Reason would never stroke his cheek. He was amazed at how much he wished she'd meant something by it. It was
Jay-Tee
, after all, cranky Jay-Tee who never missed an opportunity to hassle him. Why would he want to kiss her?
Because she smelled good. Because when he remembered that kiss his lips tingled.
But he liked
Reason
, not Jay-Tee. He wondered how he'd be feeling now if Reason had kissed him.
"Tom? Tom? Are you listening?"
"Yes, Cath, I'm listening. I'm really, really sorry and it won't happen again. But, you know, there's something I have to tell you. Something big."
"I'm waiting."
Tom paused. How the hell do you tell someone that you're magic?
"Well?"
"Where are you, Cath?"
"What do you mean where am I? I'm at home. You think I'm going to rack up this kind of phone bill on someone else's phone?"
"Esmeralda'll pay for it."
"You know, Tom, you're going to have to stop relying so much on her generosity. It won't last forever, and, as it happens, Tom Yarbro, Esmeralda does
not
pay my phone bills."
"Sorry."
"You were about to tell me something momentous."
"Um, yeah. Look, can you do me a favour, Cath? Can you stay at home? I have to do something, but I'll call you back within an hour."
"'Ken oath! No way, Tom, you tell me now! Right now! And why do I have to stay here? You know my mobile number."
"It's much better talking on a landline. Please, Cathy? Just an hour?"
"Okay, but if you don't ring I'll kill you. Got that?"
"Got it. No call equals death. It won't be an hour. More like twenty minutes, okay?"
"Okay. Talk to you then."
"'Bye."
"'Bye."
He put the phone down, swapped his shorts and T-shirt for jeans, polo neck, woolly jumper, thick socks, boots, and coat, and stuffed a hat and gloves into his pocket.
* * *
Tom closed the door behind him. Night time. He'd forgotten it would be dark. Well, not exactly dark, with all the streetlights blazing. He pocketed his sunglasses and shivered. He'd never get used to the cold. What time was it? He looked at his watch: 11:15 AM, so, what time here? Was it six or seven or eight? He could never remember. Reason would know.
It was winter, that was for sure, so whatever the time, the sun had been down for hours. Over here when it was winter the sun set practically seconds after it rose. He imagined going to school in New York City: leaving in the dark, coming home in the dark. Majorly sucky.
No Jason Blake in sight. Tom hadn't really expected him to be there. He touched the bandage on his cheek where the bastard had scratched him. He'd be lucky if it didn't get infected. That man was toxic.
He had to be quick, better to get back before anyone missed him. Esmeralda hadn't explicitly told them
not
to go through the door. At least, she hadn't said anything about it for a few days now, but he doubted she'd be thrilled with him going through on his own. Esmeralda was the boss of who went through the door and when. But it was the only way to tell Cathy: face to face.
How else would she believe him?
* * *
Tom still had the keys to Cath's flat from his last visit. Come to think of it, she still had his backpack. He paused in front of the door to her flat, only partly because there were so many locks he'd forgotten in what order to unlock them. It would probably be a better idea to knock. Surely him being here in New York City mere minutes after he'd been on the phone to her from Sydney would be enough to convince her. Tom raised his hand to the doorbell and then put it back in his pocket.