Read Mail Order Devastation (Montana Mail Order Brides, Book 4) Online
Authors: Julianna Blake
Noah walked in the opposite direction from the store, first going up one block, then down another, his breath coming in icy puffs as he strode as fast as the slippery sidewalk would allow. After fifteen minutes, he finally made himself turn and head in the direction of the shop. It wasn
’t fair of him to make his mother handle the store alone any longer than necessary.
By the time he reached the shop, he
’d worked off the worst of the anger. Replacing it was a physical and emotional weariness that draped itself over him like a cold, wet blanket.
“
There you are!” his mother exclaimed when he walked in the shop. “I was beginning to wonder if you’d make it back at all.”
“
I’m beginning to wish I’d never left.” He thrust his had onto a coat hook, followed by his overcoat onto another. Straightening his suit coat and tie, as was his habit upon entering the store, he headed behind the counter, avoiding his mother’s worried stare.
“
Well?” she asked.
“
Well what?”
She rolled her eyes.
“You can’t pop in here and tell me you just broke your wife out of jail, and leave, without expecting me to want the whole story later. Now get on with it.”
He sighed. He supposed she
’d find out sooner or later, but he just wasn’t in the mood to dwell on his situation with Mollie. “It’s a long story, Mother. I…I just don’t know where to begin. I really just want to forget the whole thing, for now.”
His mother stood, hands on her hips, for a long moment. Then she went to the door and locked it, flipping the sign to CLOSED.
“What are you doing?” They made it a point of pride in his family that they didn’t lock up the store early unless it was a family emergency.
“
I can tell when my son needs to talk…even if he doesn’t want to. Come with me.”
It wasn
’t a request. He followed her into the back room, shoulders slumped. The last thing he needed was a lecture from his mother about how it served him right for picking some stranger from the east coast over her own selections from among the local girls.
After pulling the chain for the single bulb hanging in the middle of the back room, she pulled out a stool, setting it down with a hard thwack. Then she pulled out another for herself and sat down
…and cocked one eyebrow in his direction, until he relented, and sat.
Scrutinizing him with a stern expression, she crossed her arms over her chest.
“Well then. Out with it!”
He gawked in stunned silence.
What? No lecture?
He stammered a few times before recovering from the shock. “She never wanted me,” he said simply. “All she wanted was a ticket.”
From there, the whole sordid tale tumbled out of his mouth, faster and faster, until at last he
’d unburdened himself completely. He’d never admit it, but she had been right—he needed to talk about it. And he couldn’t talk to his wife. Not yet.
Besides, it
’s nice to know that at least one person is always on my side,
he thought. Though it was childish, some small part of him anxiously awaited the torrent of sympathy his mother would express, along with bitter words for his manipulative wife.
But his mother merely looked away, shaking her head.
“That poor girl! I can’t imagine going through such torment!” She clucked her tongue in sympathy.
For Mollie.
Noah—feeling more than a little betrayed—was flabbergasted. “Poor girl? Mother, she lied to me! She hid things from me! And she was sneaking around, just like you said she was, up to no good.”
She frowned at that.
“Noah Jamison! First, it doesn’t sound like she told an actual lie. She just hid things from you. Which is wrong, but my goodness, child! Mollie had her
baby
stolen from her—
stolen
, right out of the bassinet, by her own mother! And what a beast
that
woman must be. To steal her own daughter’s child and give her away? What a heartless creature!” She shook her head at the idea. “Your wife went through all that, and you walk out because you're angry? How did I raise such a selfish, spoiled boy?”
“
Me?
Selfish? Are you mad? I’m the one who was manipulated and used! She made a fool of me, and she’s humiliated me in front of the town. I grant you, she’s suffered at the hands of her mother, but—”
“
There is no ‘but’! How can you think of yourself when this poor girl might never see her baby again? Why, I’d do anything it took to get you back, if someone had stolen you from your crib! I’d have lied, cheated, or stolen—whatever it took. You’re my
baby!
Can you blame the girl?”
“
Hm!” he grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. “Seems like you have no problem blaming
me
.”
“
Hold on there,” she wagged a finger at him, “I’m not saying that makes it right, not at all. And when this is all over, I’ll have a few choice words for that girl, for hurting you. But you can’t expect a mother to make sensible decisions when the well-being of her child is on the line.”
“
But…I don’t understand. I thought you didn’t like Mollie. Why are you siding with her?”
“
I’m not siding with anyone! But I know what it’s like to be a mother and turn around for a moment, and suddenly your child is gone. It happened with you at the park one day. You were two years old, and faster than a whitetail. I had taken my eyes off you for only a moment, and got no further than unpacking the cold chicken, when I realized you were gone. It was Independence Day, and there was a band playing, and the park was crowded, with scarcely room to weave between all the picnic blankets. Your father was buying us some lemonade at a nearby stand, and I scanned the crowd, looking everywhere for you. But you were dressed in summer white, like most of the crowd. I couldn’t find you anywhere.”
He could see that even decades later, the pang of fear and pain made her eyes shine with tears.
“I was taken?”
“
Oh, gosh, no. You disappeared into the crowd, you little devil! Five minutes of frantic searching, nearly tearing my hair out, and crying so hard that I doubt I could have seen you if you had been standing in front of me. I screamed your name, and screamed for your father, who came running. It was the most terrifying five minutes of my life. I was sure you were dead—fallen in the river nearby, or crushed by the throngs still entering the park. It was as if a hole had been torn in my chest, and I didn’t know how I would go on if I didn’t find you.” She waved a hand in front of her face, biting her lip to hold back the tears.
“
What happened?”
“
After what seemed like an eternity, some wonderful lady walked up to me holding your hand and asked if this was the child I was looking for. I would have kissed the darling woman, had I not been so busy crushing you to me and kissing your face all over.”
“
Wait! I think I remember that part.” He had a vague recollection of being somewhere in public, confused and frightened—and thoroughly embarrassed—by his mother’s frantic kisses.
“
I yelled at your father—as if it was his fault—because I was so overwrought. And I swore right then I’d never take my eyes off you again. And anytime we went to a public event, even if it was summer, I made you wear red.”
“
Oh no!
That’s
why you made me wear that red sweater all winter, and that red tie with my white summer suit? Ugh, I hated both of those!”
His mother laughed, tears still shining in the corners of her eyes.
“You bet I did! That was an experience I never, ever wanted to repeat itself.” Her laughter died away, and she reached forward, covering his hand with hers. “Don’t you see? Those five minutes were the worst in my whole life. Worse even than watching your father pass. I couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t go on until I found you. Mollie has been suffering the most excruciating torture a mother can face, for
ten months straight!
Not knowing where your baby is? Whether she’s hungry, or cold, or crying out for you? Whether she’s with kind people or cruel people? If she’s even alive?”
She held her fingers to her lips again, to staunch another sob.
“Mollie Quinn Jamison is far stronger than I ever knew. Stronger than me. Stronger than you. She may not have gone about things the right way, but as a mother, I can’t say I blame her. I can’t say I’d do different in her shoes, either. She may have a lot of things to make up for, especially to you, but for doing right by her baby? That isn’t one of them. And you,” his mother pointed at his chest, “you have some things to make up for, too. I understand why you’d be angry. But after all she’s been through—losing her baby, traveling across the country to marry a strange man and commit her whole life to him, just to get near her child, then being turned away without even so much as getting to see her baby, and
then
getting arrested on top of it all—don’t you think she deserves a little compassion? At the very least, she deserves a husband who’ll sit down and hear her out—not run off because it’s too much for him to deal with.”
“
I…I just didn’t want to make things worse.”
“
Noah Jamison, that’s a lie and you know it! I’ve raised you up, boy, and I know when you’re avoiding an unpleasant situation. You’ve hardly had to suffer a day in your life. You’ve never known the struggles most people go through. I’ve tried to protect you from all that, and maybe that’s not a good thing. You’ve grown up strong anyway, though. I’m grateful for that. You handled your father’s death well, stood by my side, and kept his business running without missing a step. But you’re not as strong as you
could
be, and you’re nowhere near as strong as that wife of yours. So you go back home and beg her forgiveness and fix things, before she decides that she has nothing left to stick around for.”
“
Wait—you think she’ll leave?” A churning rocked Noah’s stomach.
“
That’s what I would do. I’m a God-fearing woman, despite my dislike of established churches. I believe marriage is forever, and I believe you shouldn’t let the sun set on your anger. But if I’d lost my child, and then my husband turned his back on me, I’d find it hard enough to go on at all, much less to go on in a town full of strangers, when I’d already lost everything.”
A searing pain squeezed through his heart.
She can’t go! I can’t let her go.
Despite all of Mollie’s actions, and the pain they had caused him, she was still his wife. He still wanted her. He couldn’t let her go. He couldn’t imagine life without her. He still loved her.
And he
’d never even told her.
“
I have to go!” Noah launched off the stool. “Telephone Clay Porter, have Herman walk you home!” he yelled as he ran through the shop, unlocking the front door and thrusting it open.
He was a block away before the cold settled into his bones, the icy wind numbed his face, and he realized he
’d left his coat and hat behind. He didn’t care. Getting home in time to stop Mollie was the only thing that mattered.
The minutes it took to run several blocks home were the longest of his life.
Each block seemed to stretch on for a mile, and his chest burned from the icy air. He worried that he would be too late, and the agony of it took a toll on him--he felt a token of the same pain his mother must have endured for those minutes when he’d disappeared as a child, and a tiny sliver of what Mollie must have endured for ten long months, separated from her child. The cavernous hole in his chest that was left behind when he thought of a life alone, without his wife, was unbearable. He couldn't imagine feeling such pain for a day, much less for months on end.
I have to stop her!
At last he was half a block away from the house. It was still a little too early for oil lamps to be lit, and though smoke rose from their chimney, the wood that burned could have been laid in the woodstove over an hour before.
Certainty flooded him
…he was too late. He knew it. Too late…
He ripped open the gate and dashed up the sidewalk, bursting through the front door, anticipating a cold, empty house, sure that his Mollie was gone.
But she wasn’t.
Her head whipped toward him as she stood, framed by the doorway that led into the kitchen, nearly dropping the plates in her hand as she gasped in surprise.
“Noah! You’re home! I was just setting the table. I know how much it bothers you when I’m late—”
He crossed the room in only a few steps, walking into the kitchen and taking her into his arms.
“Don’t ever leave me!” he begged, whispering into her hair as he crushed her to him, kissing the top of her head. “No matter what, no matter how much of a fool I am, no matter how much we argue. Don’t ever doubt that I love you, and don’t ever leave me.”
“
You…love me?” Her lips trembled, and tears shone in her eyes.
He grasped her by the shoulders and held her at arm
’s length. “I love you more than anything in this world. I don’t care about my reputation or the mistakes you’ve made. I’ve loved you almost since the day we married, and I’ll love you as long as I love. So don’t you get spooked and run off, you hear?”
She set the plates on the table with a rattling clatter, then her arms stole timidly around his waist, hugging him close.
“I won’t. I promise. Where would I go? I love you, Noah. I want to spend the rest of my life here, with you.”
Squeezing her even tighter, he leaned down to tenderly kiss her on the lips. Then he let her go with great reluctance.
“You do?”
She nodded, blinking back tears.
“But what about Nell? The Demings won’t let her go. How can you live here in the same town, knowing you can’t see her?” He didn’t want to voice his greatest fear—that her love for her child would motivate her to do something rash, like stealing Nell back and going into hiding.
“
I don’t think Mr. Deming will stay here, especially not when he finds out I’m out of jail. He’ll either have me locked up for sure, or he’ll move the family back to Boston. Maybe both.”
“
We’ll fight it. I won’t let you go to jail simply for trying to see your own daughter.”
“
I was told it’s a minor charge, so it wouldn’t be for long, anyway. But it would give him ample time to move away—perhaps to a new city altogether. Time enough for them to move and settle down, without any chance of me tracking them.”
“
Mollie…I’m so sorry. This isn’t fair.
I
wasn’t being fair. I was hurt, and I lashed out at you. None of this is your fault—”
“
My actions and my choices
are
my fault. The rest might not be, but I have to take responsibility for the things I’ve done. But I swear, I never meant to hurt you. Even before I loved you, I had sworn to myself that I would make you happy. That I’d make myself worthy of being loved by you.”
“
Mollie! You’ve always been worthy. A few mistakes don’t change that. I love you because of who you are. Exactly how you are. You’ve lived a difficult life, and if you made one or two bad choices along the way…who am I to judge you? I’ve had it easy—just ask my mother.”
She giggled.
“Your mother does like things to go smoothly for you.”
“
I suspect that may have come to an end. She wants me to toughen up some.”
“
You’re plenty tough when you need to be,” she smiled coyly, poking him in the chest.
He grinned, enjoying the teasing. Then he sighed, brushing a strand of loose hair behind her ear.
“How are you going to cope if the Demings take Nell away?”
Mollie shifted her gaze, tears springing to her eyes again.
“I don’t know. I’ll…just have to, I suppose. I don’t know what else I can do.”
“
If you want me to fight for her, I will. She’s your daughter.
Our
daughter, as far as I’m concerned.”
“
Thank you for that,” she whispered, patting him on the chest. “It means more than you’ll ever know. But we can’t do that. I can’t do that to Nell. Or to the Demings. They are just as much the victims in this as I am, and as Nell is. I can’t cause them the same kind of pain that I’m going through. I’d be tearing Nell away from her home. I couldn’t wreak that kind of havoc on her. I’d die first.”
“
You’re a good mother,” he whispered, and kissed the top of her head again. “Alright. If that’s what you want, we’ll leave her be. And who knows? Maybe somehow you’ll cross paths with her again. You know her adopted name. You might even be able to track her down when she’s an adult. She’ll want to know more about you by then.”
“
Maybe,” she said, leaning into him and nestling against his chest. He heard her struggling against the tears that wanted to flow. “Or maybe it would be best to just let her lead the happiest life that she can. For all I know, they might never tell her about me. How could I just saunter into her life and turn it upside down, not knowing if she knows about me or wants to meet me?”
Noah sighed, feeling powerless. He
’d give anything to take away her pain—even the smallest bit of it. Instead, he had to stand by and watch her suffer on and on, for the good of her daughter. It wasn’t right. “Whatever you want, that’s what we’ll do. I’ll always be here for you.”
“
I’m glad,” she said, clutching at his lapel with one hand. “I honestly don’t know how I’d go on without Nell, if I didn’t have you.”
“
Oh, you’d find a way,” he murmured, remembering his mother’s words. “You’re a strong woman, Mollie Jamison. You’ll always find a way to go on.”