Max reached for the container. “That’s old news.”
“Max.” His voice was pleading.
He met his best friend’s gaze, noticing his eyes were bloodshot behind his glasses, his skin pale. “How about you never do this shit again, okay? Because I . . .” Alec shook his head and looked at the floor.
Max’s stomach dropped. Alec lost his father as a kid. He didn’t have a huge circle of friends but the ones he cared about had his whole heart. And Max was lucky to still be in that circle.
“Hey, dude. I’m all right. It sucked but I played it smart, didn’t I?” Max asked.
Alec looked up with a wry grin. “Yeah, you played it smart. Proud of you for not trying to be a hero. Because you were a hero. Your brothers tell you they got the guys?”
Max nodded.
Alec nudged his shoulder. “Good job, man. So, how’s the head?”
“All right. Just got a killer headache. Happy to be heading home.
“Good.”
“Okay, enough chitchat, what’s in the container?”
Alec rolled his eyes and plopped it in Max’s lap. “Danica, believe it or not, felt sorry for your ass and made you muffins.”
Max peeled off the lid and popped one in his mouth. “Oh wow, apple cinnamon. These are fucking great.” He stopped chewing. “Did Lea help her?”
Alec’s smile froze and then faded. “I don’t know.”
Max swallowed his lump of barely chewed muffin that wasn’t so tasty anymore. There was something in Alec’s posture, like he knew something he wasn’t telling. “Have you talked to her?”
Alec blew out a breath and looked out the window of the hospital. “Uh . . .”
“Please just tell me whatever—“
“I think you need to talk to her.” Alec met Max’s gaze.
“Well, no shit.”
“I don’t know everything that happened but—“
“You probably heard it, what, like third or fourth hand by the time what happened made it to Kat’s ears and then yours? Who knows what you heard.”
Alec chuckled. “A dragon swooped in and threatened to burn down the garage, but Lea tore off a helmet and said, I’m no man!’ ”
Max glowered. “There was no
Lord of the Rings
reenactment. But that would have been fucking awesome.”
“I talked to her, asshole. And, basically, you didn’t acknowledge you knew her and stood there like a lump when your dad was a misogynist dick.”
The bit of muffin churned in Max’s stomach. “That sounds really bad.”
“I think it was pretty bad, Max.”
“Like you’ve never fucked up—”
“Don’t make this about me. I have fucked up. But then I fixed that fuckup.”
Max smashed his fist down on the mattress. “I was trying to fix my fuckup, but then I got jumped by some pistol-wielding kleptomaniacs. And I’ve been in a hospital since then. What am I supposed to do?”
Alec shift his lips from side to side. “You could call her.”
“I’m not calling her to grovel. She has to see my puppy-dog eyes. And maybe I’ll flex a little and try to look handsome at the same time.”
He expected Alec to laugh and assure him he’d get his girl, but Alec didn’t look very confident.
Max reached over to his side table and grabbed his shirt. “She visited me while I was sleeping and brought this.”
Alec reached for the shirt and held it out in front of him, a small smile on his lips as he took in the logo. He dropped it back onto Max’s lap. “How do you know Kat didn’t bring it? Or me?”
Max narrowed his eyes. “Don’t try to confuse the head-injury victim. I know it was her, okay? I know. I heard her voice, and I felt her touch, and I can smell her scent on this shirt. It’s driving me fucking crazy and giving me a hard-on which is super awkward because my nurse is a dude.”
Alec reared back in his seat and put his hands up. “Max, swear to God, I didn’t need to know that. At all. Fuck, man.”
“That’s what you get for trying to mess with me.”
Alec rolled his eyes. “So you’re not giving up?”
“Fuck no.”
Alec let a small smile through. “She’s got her armor back on. It’s gonna be tough to climb that wall with her again.”
Max knew that. It hadn’t been easy to conquer “Mount Lea.” He didn’t know if he had it in him again but he sure as hell was going to make the trek again. He hoped the altitude didn’t kill him.
While they waited for a nurse to bring his discharge papers, Max told Alec all about his conversation with his dad. Alec was surprised that Max stood up to his dad, but he was proud of Max for finally standing strong.
They talked about what it would take to change his major and estimated Max would have to attend another full year. He hated the thought of sitting out of graduation when Alec, Cam, Lea and Danica graduated but at least he’d have Kat to keep him company next year, when she’d be a senior.
And in the whole picture of his life, one more year in college was worth it to get the degree he wanted, to do what he wanted.
When Jeremy brought the discharge papers, he also brought a wheelchair.
“Seriously?” Max whined.
The nurse patted the padded back. “Sorry, it’s policy.”
Max rolled his eyes and plopped down onto the seat while Jeremy opened up the leg rests.
“Zuk can roll me out,” Max said to Jeremy, and the nurse nodded and led the way to the lobby.
Max tapped his fingers on the armrests and said over his shoulder to Alec, “Can you make zooming noises?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Come on—”
“No.”
Max pouted, and then when they went around a turn at the end of the hallway, Max made a high-pitched screeching sound out of the side of his mouth.
“Seriously?”
“You’re no fun.”
L
EA DOUBLE-
CHECKED THE
meeting time with her advisor and then closed her browser, slinging her bag over her shoulder.
She’d received an e-mail earlier in the week from him, requesting her at his Wednesday office hours. Dr. Mayberry didn’t say why, but she assumed it had something to do with her student-teaching assignment next spring.
She glanced at her phone, which had been abnormally silent today. In the last week, she’d had all kinds of phone calls and texts—from her parents, sister, Alec, Kat and even Danica when she couldn’t corner Lea in their apartment.
The name she both loathed and loved to see never showed. Part of her wanted him to fight for her. And every time she thought of him in that hospital room, she wanted to throw up.
Which told her she wasn’t over this. Over them. Not even close.
When she reached Dr. Mayberry’s office, she knocked lightly and the door gave way beneath her knuckles.
She stepped into the office, smiling at Dr. Mayberry and then froze in her tracks when the door opened the rest of the way to reveal Max.
Max Payton. Lounging on a chair in front of Dr. Mayberry’s desk looking not at all surprised to see her.
In fact . . . was he smirking?
Dr. Mayberry stood behind his desk, and Lea tore her gaze from Max before she tore out his throat. What was he doing here?
“Lea, this is Max Payton, although he said you know each other.”
Lea didn’t trust herself to look at Max, but she swore he snickered.
“Anyway, Max has just changed his major to secondary education.”
Lea flinched at the words. Was she the one with the head injury? Did he just say Max changed his major? She slowly turned to Max, sure that confusion was written all over her face. He stared back, smirk gone, a slight challenge in his eyes. Was this a joke? Did he really . . .
“And since he’s making the change senior year,” Dr. Mayberry continued, “he suggested another student help with the transition. And he mentioned you helped one of his friends, Kat Caruso. So, if you’re willing, I’d like you to give him a little guidance.”
Her ears burned. She clenched the strap of her book bag until she was sure the nylon pattern would be etched into her palms. Max had engineered this. He’d kept silent for a week, letting her think he was fading into her past when really he was plotting a way to sneak into her future.
The jerk.
Dr. Mayberry cocked his head, confusion passing over his face. She loved her advisor. He’d been wonderful and supportive since she was a freshman, so she didn’t want to let him down.
And Max knew she wouldn’t say no, pass off a responsibility. Even if she thought it was stupid and unnecessary.
The jerk.
She cleared her throat and eased up on the death grip she held on her bag strap. “Yep, I’d be happy to help.”
Dr. Mayberry clapped, clearly happy to have passed off this duty. “You can start with showing him around the education building. You two can exchange numbers and if you have any problems, please see me.” He turned to Max, who stood beside her, and the two men shook hands. “You’re in good hands.”
“I know I am,” Max said and the grin in his voice made her see red.
They walked out of the office side by side. And Lea hated that part of her that wanted to lean into Max’s warmth, wanted to feel his arm around her shoulders, his breath on her face, his lips at her ear. She wanted to touch him back, run her hands over his head and down his arms, to verify tactically for herself that he was healthy and in one piece.
She stared at the tile of the hallway. She stopped at a door and gestured inside. “This is one of the computer labs for the Grove Education Building. The other one is on the second floor, at the opposite end of the hallway.”
Max stood in the doorway, facing
her
, his eyes boring into
her
. “I don’t really want a tour.”
She ducked her head and kept talking. At the set of double doors at the end of the hallway, she pointed inside. “This is the faculty room, as we call it. It has all the office-type supplies the school provides us, like the copier and—”
“I don’t give a shit about this room, Lea—”
“—and a soda machine and this is where all the posters are hung for clubs or whatever on the bulletin board over there—”
“Lea, damn it—”
“—and a small kitchenette so it’s a nice place to hang out and socialize.”
“Fuck it,” he growled and then she was crowded into the empty room, the door shut behind her, and then Max’s body was pressing hers against the door. His breath was on her face and his lips inches from hers. His one hand on the door near her shoulder, his forearm braced above her head.
“Why are you avoiding me?”
“Max—”
“You gotta talk to me eventually—”
And that snapped her spine straight. “Oh? Do I? And why’s that?”
His eyes narrowed. “You’re still my girlfriend.”
“Well, that’s news to me.”
His voice lowered even further. “We never broke up.”
She leaned forward now, taking the offensive. “I’m not interested in being Max’s girlfriend only on campus. You met my dad. And then I go to visit you, and your family doesn’t even know who I am. Or wait, they did know me as the girl who got too attached and made you cookies—”
“You didn’t give me a chance—”
“There were plenty of chances there, Max. Plen-ty. But instead your dad treated me like a twelve-year-old and—”
“God, I know!” He yelled, pushing off of the door and tearing his hands through his hair. “I know. And if I could do that day all over again, I would.”
He linked his hands on top of his head and watched her. She had to look away before she was dragged back into the warm brown depths of his eyes. She didn’t want to let her heart be that open with him again. She couldn’t deal with that and him getting hurt . . .
“I want to,” he whispered.
She snapped back. “What?”
He lowered his hands and stepped forward hesitantly. “I want to do it over again. Don’t you see? I’m making changes. I’m trying to make it right. I told my dad. And my brothers. I told them everything. About changing my major. And coaching.” He licked his lips. “And you. I told them a whole lot about you.”
She could already feel herself weakening. “I can’t do this.”
He grabbed her hands and she didn’t protest. “You can’t do what?”
The words scraped into her throat like barbs as she croaked them out. “I can’t let myself be weak and trust you again.”
Max froze, his eyes flickering as he processed her words. She bit her lip and tugged her arms so he let go of her wrists. Closed his eyes slowly and looked down at his feet, hands on his hips, and then he raised his gaze to her. He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing under his skin. “You think trusting someone else is a weakness?”
Her hackles went up. “Don’t act like you’re better than me. You didn’t trust me to meet your family—“
“No,” he cut her off. “That’s not why I didn’t want you to meet my family. At the time you were the one thing in my life that I truly wanted. I was facing a future I hated, and my dad was breathing down my neck and, fuck, you met him! You gotta understand why I was hesitant to take you to meet him. Because your dad is love and pie and laughter and mine is hard and cold and . . .” He paused and shook his head. “It had nothing to do with not trusting you. I do trust you. With my heart. Do you think that makes me weak?
He had her cornered in this conversation. “We’re talking about me, not you.”
“Right.” He nodded. “But that’s your logic. That I’m weak because I trust. You’re strong because you don’t trust.”
Well then her logic was flawed. Because nothing was stronger than the sight of Max grabbing the headboard, closing his eyes, and trusting her with his naked body and naked heart. “I don’t think you’re weak.”
His exhaled with relief and stepped closer, brushing his fingers over her bangs, eyes watching the hair fall back into place. Then he met her gaze. “I don’t think you’re weak either. I know you have it in you to trust. Is it me? You can’t trust me?”
Everything in her heart screamed she could but her head didn’t want to admit it. “It’s not you,” she whispered. “I don’t see myself as broken or hurt or weak. And I’ve never trusted another person, other than my family, to feel the same way about me. To see me as an equal and not a fragile doll.”
He laughed softly, cupping the back of her head, thumb rubbing the shell of her ear. “I call you doll because you look like one. But you sure as hell aren’t broken.”
She gave in to the feeling, the weight of his hand on her, the caress of his thumb. He took another step closer, so her chest brushed his. He cupped the side of her neck and tilted her head up with his thumb on the bottom of her chin. She had to look at him. There was nowhere else to look. A soft smile played on this lips. “That’s what you’ve taught me, even if you don’t know it yourself. I’ve never felt stronger than when I decided to open up to you. When I decided to surrender my heart to you.”
He tore down that wall, brick by brick with his bare hands, that she’d so painstakingly put into place since that day at the shop. She opened her mouth but didn’t know what to say, which was good because Max kept talking.
“I thought keeping my distance from everyone and sticking with the family business was strength. I thought working out at the gym was all it took to call myself strong. But, you . . . fuck, Lea, you showed me how liberating it was to let all that go—how it was stronger to put my heart on the line and fight for the future I wanted.”
“But . . .” The guilt welled in her throat, cutting off her words. She swallowed and tried again. “But I made you weak.”
“How?” he challenged quickly.
“I . . . I knew about the gun. I had planned to tell you at the shop when I visited, but then . . . and I was the reason you were on campus. That’s what happens when I open up and trust. I get hurt.” She exhaled roughly. “And other people get hurt.”
Max looked at her with a wry twist to his lips. “Are you serious?”
She smacked his chest. “Don’t make fun of me, asshole. Yes, I’m serious.” But her resolve was weakening, because Nick had told her the same thing.
He shook his head. “Look, we can’t change what happened. I was there and so were they, and so . . .” He shrugged.
“But I didn’t tell you about the gun and—”
“Is that what you’re upset about? What, you feel guilty?”
She nodded and his face relaxed. “Oh doll, it wouldn’t have mattered. And you know what happened, right? You know I got away. Because of you. Because of what you taught me. I got away and those assholes are gonna sit in a cell now.”
“Yeah, but—”
“No buts. And no guilt.” He said each word with a slight shake of her shoulders, like he wanted to imprint it in her brain. And each shake rattled that pile of guilt until the small ray of sun peeking through was a wide beam. Soon, it’d be the whole sky.
“Max . . .” She reached up and wrapped her fingers around his wrist, closing her eyes.
“You’re not weak. Not at all.”
She opened her eyes and fell into his.
“You wanna know what I told my dad and brothers about you?”
She nodded.
“I told them you’re funny. And smart, so fucking smart. And I told them you can kick my ass . . . they really loved that and Brent wants you to do some moves on Cal. And I told them you’re beautiful. I told them you’re the strongest person I know.”
She sucked in a breath when his voice caught on
strongest
.
“And,” he continued, “I told them you’re the girl I fell in love with.”
That was it. Max stomped the wall beneath his boots into dust. But she stood behind that wall, not weak or defenseless, but strong because being with Max made her stronger.
He was right. In his Max way.
Neither of them was weak.
She flung her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his. His arms were around her back, lifting her up so he could wrap her legs around his waist.
He opened his mouth and she took what she could, showing him how he was the the cause for the strength pumping through her veins.
He pulled back, his breath coasting over her lips, and sat her on the counter of the kitchenette, keeping his place between her thighs. “I don’t think we should make out here.”
“Yeah, probably not.”
He rested his forehead on hers and she ran her hands through his hair, pausing at the stitches on his scalp behind his ear. Her stomach twisted. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”
He didn’t say anything, just watched her eyes.
“I thought about you every day,” she said.
He fingertips slipped under the hem of her shirt and skimmed the skin at her hips. “I know it was you who brought me the shirt.”
She leaned in to his touch, unable to resist rolling her hips against his. His breath caught in his throat. “Cal told you it was me?”
He leaned in to her body, his hands roving now, around to the small of her back, his fingers dipping beneath her waistband. His lips were at her ear. “No, he didn’t.”
She crossed her ankles, locking herself around him, and pressed a kiss to his jaw. “How did you know?”
He pulled his head back to look in her eyes, his whole hands down the back of her pants, kneading her butt. “I just knew. I heard your voice in my head. And I felt your touch. And I smelled you. Everywhere in that room and on that shirt. Still haven’t washed it.”
She dropped her forehead onto his shoulder.
“Why’d you leave?” he whispered.
She closed her eyes. “I heard your dad’s voice. I left before he came into your room.”
He stroked her hair. “I’m sorry about him. Look, I’m not going to lie. I told him I was going to break up with you. But it’s because . . . you were the one thing in my life that was mine. What I chose. I didn’t know those words were going to come back and bite me in the ass. I never intended to break up with you, for what we had to be a one-night thing.”
She bit her lip. “I wish I would have trusted you enough.”
“We’ll work on it,” he said, brushing her bangs back and forth on her forehead with his fingers. “We got time. We were just interrupted a little.”