Make My Heart Beat (3 page)

After getting a shower and shaving, I actually feel a little bit better. I hated leaving the hospital, but I know that sitting in that waiting room is just gonna eat at my nerves too much. Knowing that my sweetness was three doors down, refusing to see me, kills me.

The look in her eyes as she was yelling for me to leave her room haunts me. The light that had shone so brightly is gone; Lynae looked like a shell of herself. All I want is to rush right back over there, lock her in my arms and refuse to let go until she finally gives in and tells me that she still loves me. She has to still love me. I don’t think I can go on living if she doesn’t. When she said the words “I hate you” that night, it was the worst feeling ever.

I throw on a pair of jeans and dig through my drawer for a t-shirt. As I’m shuffling things around, I find a few of Lynae’s skimpy little shirts that she likes to sleep in that she left here. I bring one of them up to my nose and inhale. It smells like her. She made me buy some girlie fabric softener to do her laundry. Said that if she was gonna stay here, she might as well just do her laundry here too. God! I’m such a pussy. Just the scent of her damn night shirt brings me to my knees. I fold it, place in back in the drawer and grab a shirt for myself. Lynae
will
be back. I will beg her forgiveness every single day if I have to. I will prove to her that I am not the man that said all those poisonous words to her. I will earn her love back. I have to.

Just as I’m about to head back into the living room, I hear Seth’s raised voice. “Damn, man! What’s with you?”

“Where the fucking hell is he?” Sly bellows.

Shit! Shit! Shit! This is not going to go well. I take a deep breath and leave my bedroom. I deserve everything Sly is going to throw at me. The second I see him, I can practically feel the rage coming off his body. I square my shoulders and enter fully into the living room. “I’m right here.”

Sly is in my face in three long strides. His hands grip my shirt as he shoves me back against the wall with enough force to knock one of the pictures off the wall. “You piece of shit! I knew you were no good for her!” Sly cocks his arm back and slams his fist into my face. I feel and hear my nose break under the impact. “Motherfucking asshole!” he growls.

My hands fly up to my bleeding nose as Sly brings his fist back attempting to land another blow and another, but I block him with my forearm. I don’t fight back. I am numb to the pain.

Seth manages to get between us and shoves Sly away, back into the middle of the living room, as I slide down the wall to sit on the floor. “Calm the fuck down!” he barks at Sly. “Beating the shit out of him isn’t going to help anything! Back off!”

“It sure as hell is! That fuck could have killed her!” Sly bellows.

“He didn’t push her, man! She fell!” Seth retorts. “I saw her. I was there!”

“He fucking broke her! She was already a broken mess before he met her, now I don’t know if I’ll ever get her back!”

I can’t argue with him there, but for fuck’s sake, he didn’t even know what she had been through. He was right there when that dick raped her, he was friends with him, then lived with him, and he didn’t see what Matt was capable of. If he was supposed to be Lynae’s best friend, so in tune with her life, he should have known what Matt did to her. I may have broken her further, but I
will
be the one to put her back together again.

“Listen, Sly, I know I fucked up. But you did too! You let that piece of shit get close to her. I’m gonna make it up to her. I promise. I just have to get her to talk to me.”

“You stay the fuck away from her. I don’t give a shit what you have to say!” Sly squares his shoulders.

Seth is still standing between us, afraid that Sly may attack me again. He holds his hand out to help me stand up. He looks cautiously back and forth at the two of us. “Sly, you need to calm the hell down or just leave. This isn’t the way to deal with this stuff.”

“What the fuck do you know?”

Taking a step towards Sly, Seth shakes his head. “I was there, dumbass! I saw her fall! Maybe I shouldn’t have let her come up here, but I know what happened was an accident.”

I wipe the blood off my face, get up, then take a step towards Sly. “I love her. I will always love her. I’m not going to let her or the baby go through this alone, and I will be there for her. I don’t care how long it takes, or how many times I have to tell her I’m sorry, or how many times I have to beg.”

Sly whips his head around. “What did you just say? Baby?”

“You didn’t know?” Seth asks.

I thought surely Lynae would have told him when he went in to see her. She tells him everything. Well, almost everything. I guess the hothead ran out of the room before she got a chance to talk to him, or she doesn’t know yet either. No, she has to know. Lynae is an extremely smart woman, and there is no way that she didn’t understand what Dr. Greene was doing when she woke up.

Sly lunges across the room, tackling me to the floor. He has the collar of my shirt gripped tightly in his fist, and he’s practically sitting on my chest. I can barely breathe. “She’s pregnant? And you treat her like that! You fucking bastard!”

I try to push Sly way from me, but the fucker is strong as hell. “I didn’t know! I was drunk! I said some shit, but I swear to you, I didn’t hurt her on purpose!” I shove against Sly’s chest again, but I can’t move him. “I swear!”

Seth is pulling at Sly again. And now, I can see that Marcus has come up the stairs. “What the fuck?” he yells, then finally manages to help Seth pull Sly off of me. Marcus tosses Sly on the floor and gets in his face. “Listen, man, I know you’re pissed about what went down with Nae, but you need to chill out. Beating the shit out of Connor isn’t going to do anybody any good. You get me?”

Sly grunts and stands to leave. “Stay away from her. Don’t go near her again.” He gives me a pointed stare. “If I see you anywhere near her, I will kill you. Matt already tore her apart, now you shattered what was left. Leave her the hell alone!”

I’m left panting on the floor, trying to catch my breath. I hate myself for putting Lynae through all of this pain. She’s already been through way too much. Sly’s right, I did shatter her.

After Sly stalks down the stairs, I make a vow to myself. I will not leave her alone, no matter what he says. I will not stay away from her. I can’t live without her. Lynae is my very reason for living. I don’t care if I have to walk through Hell and back again, I will get my family back. Lynae and the baby, they are my family. The only family I care about.

~

Laying with my head tilted back resting on the armrest of the couch, I hear the door open and close. I lift up the ice pack from my nose so I can see who it is and I immediately drop my head back down. Gabbi comes charging through the doors, tossing her bag on the kitchen island. Damn Wade for giving her a key to our apartment.

She comes over to the couch, shoves my feet off the end and plops down beside me. I can feel her eyes boring into me through the ice pack. “Sly sure did a number on you, didn’t he?”

I merely grunt in response. Of course she knows that Sly has been here. Who else would try to pick a fight with me other than myself?

“Listen, dipshit.” Gabbi smacks my leg, still trying to get me to respond to her. “You hurt my friend. I really want to kick your ass, but I’m not.” She reaches over, snatching the ice pack off my face, forcing me to look at her. “I said listen to me!”

“What?”

“I know that you didn’t mean all that word vomit you spouted at Lynae. You were a drunk ass. I get it. But that doesn’t mean it’s okay to say that stuff.”

“Tell me something I don’t know. For fuck’s sake, I know that there is no excuse.” I grunt.

Gabbi shoves at my legs again. “Damn straight there’s not any excuse. She’s scared and she’s confused right now. I didn’t know about all that shit with Matt, but holy shit. You need to get your head out of your ass and get your act together.”

I sit up and rest my elbows on my knees. “Had she calmed down when you saw her? I was only with her for a few minutes after she woke up, and she was pretty hysterical.”

“I don’t know how long it was before we got there, but Michelle and I came down as soon as her nurse called us. Sly was just walking up the stairs too, so we went in together. She got pretty upset,” Gabbi tells me. “As soon as Sly got to her, she broke down again, but he stormed off. I guess you already figured that part out.”

Looking over a
t her sitting beside me, I ask, “Does she know? About the baby?”

“Yeah. She knows. She’s scared. Lynae said she’s afraid to talk to you.” Gabbi gently starts rubbing my back up and down.

“I love her so fucking much it hurts.” I groan. My throat feels like it is going to close up at any moment. Tears are threatening to spill over the edge. I try taking some deep breaths in and out to control it, but it’s no use. My cheeks become wet as the pain becomes too much. “I can’t live without her. I need her so damn much.” I bury my face in my hands and let it out.

I vaguely feel Gabbi scoot closer beside me as she continues trying to console me. I don’t deserve her attention. She should be at Lynae’s side, helping her. My sweetness is the one that needs someone to take care of her. “She’s not by herself, is she?” Lynae doesn’t need to be alone right now. I wish I could be the one to be with her, but I know I’m the last person she wants to see.

“No, Michelle was going to stay with her until her dad got there. John was on his way over,” Gabbi reassures me. “Just because I’m being nice to you doesn’t mean I forgive you. I really hate you right now, but Wade told me to give you a chance to explain yourself.”

I nod my head in acknowledgment. I don’t blame her at all for hating me. I am really surprised she’s sitting here talking to me at all. I would have expected her to stay with Lynae and Michelle. I am glad to hear Michelle
is still with her though. I don’t want her by herself.

The thought of Lynae having to face John and tell him about the baby without me kills me. I should be sitting there holding her hand while she tells him that he is going to be a grandfather. I know John would be pissed as hell at me that she’s pregnant, but now he's going to really hate me for the damage I’ve caused his little girl. They have such a strong relationship. I envy them, but I’m so happy that she has his support in her life.

“So, dipshit. Talk. What the fuck possessed you to turn everything ass backwards and make what I’m sure is one of the biggest mistakes of your life?” She glares at me.

That’s exactly what I did. I turned everything, what did she say, ass backwards? All Lynae was trying to do was get me to open up and talk, and I went and got stupid drunk and took things out on her. What can I say to her? “I fucked up. I think that's about all I can say. Lynae and I had a fight. She didn’t do anything wrong, but I didn’t give her a chance to explain. Then I tried to bulldoze my way back in and made things worse. She tried to get me to explain what my problem was, but I pushed her away. I went out, knocked way too many back and then, like the complete ass that I am, I made more out of what I thought I saw. And I... I said things to her that I shouldn’t have.”

“Yeah. She told us about what you said about Matt.” Gabbi smacks me across the chest. “I didn’t know about all that shit before today. You should have fucking known she didn’t ask for it! Hell, you were the first man she let within ten feet of her other than patients, coworkers, or Sly!”

My back stiffens just at the thought of Matt touching her. I really want to kick the shit out of my own ass for what I said to her. “I know that! I was fucking drunk and pissed,” I growl but calm myself down when I see Gabbi jerk back at my forceful retort.

“I can see why she’s scared of you right now,” she hisses back.

Holding my hand up, I look at Gabbi. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you. She just makes me so crazy. I feel helpless right now. I’m the reason she’s lying in that damn hospital bed, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“There is something you can do about it. You can get your shit together. Grow some balls and be honest with yourself and her about whatever the hell had you acting like a fucking lunatic.” Gabbi stands up and looks down at me with her hands on her hips. “I may be royally pissed at you, but I know that you love my girl more than anything. I can see it in your eyes, but you aren’t going to be any good for her unless you fix yourself.”

“Thanks, Gabbi. You don’t have to stay out here. I’m sure Wade will be back soon.” I try to dismiss her. This is what I do. I push people away. Wade and the guys are the only ones that know everything about my past. Hell, Wade and Marcus were there when it all went down.

Luckily, Gabbi takes the hint. She smiles at me, then turns to grab her purse before heading back to Wade’s room. “I’ll always be here if you need to talk, Connor. Anytime.” Gabbi calls out before shutting the door behind her.

After everything, she tells me that she’s here for me. I can’t believe it. I’m glad to have her on my side. I have a feeling I’ll need all the help I can get to try and win back Lynae’s love and trust. I can’t live without her. She is my life. I know I probably need to give Lynae some time to recover and let her mind wrap around everything happening right now, but I can’t help myself. I don’t expect her to answer her phone. Hell, I don’t even know where her phone is right now, but I have to reach out to her.