Authors: Julie Blair
“Are you going to forever be knocking me over?” Jac lifted her eyebrow, a hint of a smile at the corners of her mouth.
“Yes. Are you going to forever be sneaking up on me?”
“I haven’t decided yet.”
“I love this smile.” Liz traced Jac’s lips. “Can I kiss you?”
“No. I don’t know. No.”
“Chicken.” Liz tightened her grip on Jac’s waist.
Tears poured down Jac’s cheeks as if a faucet had been turned on. “I’m terrified,” she said in a whisper. “I love you so much, and if you break my heart, I won’t survive. I won’t, Liz. I can only be friends. Just friends.”
“Shh.” Liz held Jac as tenderly as she could. It couldn’t have been easy for her to say that. Her heart swelled with love for the woman who was strong and yet so fragile. “It’s all right, honey. I want there to be an us. Friends is an us. A beautiful us.” Max pressed against their legs, as if reminding them he was part of this.
“Do you have Kleenex?”
“No, but I have thumbs.” Liz brushed the tears from Jac’s cheeks and kissed the corners of her mouth.
“I don’t think friends kiss each other.”
“Your rules, not mine. Now are you taking me to lunch, or not?” Liz craved so much more, but she wasn’t going to force herself on Jac. She would be whatever Jac needed her to be.
Lunch at the Bistro was an extravaganza. “Where have you been?” Tony asked, coming out to the patio to greet them. He pampered them with delicious food, including a decadent dessert. Jac pretended not to recognize the wine, to Tony’s immense delight.
Jac was quiet on the walk home until they’d left the busy downtown streets behind. “In Hawaii…” Her stride became shorter with each step. “That night. For me. It was making love.”
“I know.” Liz adjusted her stride to match Jac’s. “My body knew it. My mind hadn’t caught up yet. When you tried to push me away on the deck, then wouldn’t let me touch you, I didn’t understand it was your way of protecting yourself.”
“I couldn’t say no to you. I wanted to be with you so much. I was afraid I was a substitute for Teri. I couldn’t let you touch me. It would have broken me.”
“I wanted
you
that night. You. Not Teri. I was in a bad state after watching you parade around in shorts and sleeveless blouses with too many open buttons and that swimsuit. Oh, my. You can’t look that gorgeous around me and expect me not to want you.”
Jac undid another button on her shirt.
“Don’t.” Liz clamped her hand over Jac’s as she moved to undo the next button.
“And if I want you to touch me?” Jac sounded shy.
“I’ll touch you with all the love in my heart.” They continued in silence along residential streets. A comfortable silence. Liz studied the gardens she knew almost as well as her own from months of walking this same route with Jac. Their relationship had changed with the seasons as surely as the gardens—the flush of new growth in spring had phased into the flowers of summer, and now a hint of fall foliage tinged some of the Japanese maples.
Finally, Jac spoke again. “I fell in love with you the first time I danced with you.”
“Memorial Day?”
“I’m a sucker for a beautiful woman dancing in my arms.” Definitely a smile.
Liz nudged Jac’s shoulder. “You know how to make a girl feel special.”
Jac took her arm, elegant fingers curling around her elbow. “You’re the most special. I wanted to tell you in Hawaii so many times.”
Liz shuddered as sensations rolled through her. Warm sensations. Jac’s fingers felt like they’d always been there. Like they belonged there. “You did with every thoughtful gesture. I fell in love with you dancing, too. The first night in Hawaii.”
“I almost kissed you. I thought you knew and that’s why you left the dance floor so abruptly. You were different after that. I felt guilty.”
“God, we’re a pair. I left because I almost kissed you. I wanted to so badly. I was worried you knew, and that’s why you kept your distance.”
“I was afraid I couldn’t keep my hands off you or I’d blurt out I love you or burst into song or something equally inappropriate. That last afternoon at the beach undid me.”
“What was with your playing that night? I almost came on the piano bench.”
Jac’s smile grew huge. “Yeah?”
“Don’t do that tomorrow night.”
“And if I do?”
Liz tickled Jac’s ribs. “Are you going to kiss me? Like in the next few seconds?”
Jac stopped. She looked scared again.
Liz stepped so their bodies touched and closed her eyes. “I hear water being sprayed against something, a woman laughing, cars a few blocks away. I smell you and me. I feel your shoes against mine, your legs against mine, your breasts against mine. I feel you and only you. I feel us.”
“You’re getting better.” Jac’s voice was soft.
“I’m hoping I have a lifetime tutor.” Liz held Jac’s waist and kissed her, and kissed her, and kissed her on a peaceful Carmel street on a beautiful day. “We should walk faster. If I don’t touch you soon, I’m going to burst.”
*
Us. Jac entwined their fingers as they walked to her cottage. Lovers. She felt gloriously alive. And terrified. She made it as far as the bench along the walkway before fear bullied her onto it. Wind blew across her shoulder, a cooling contrast to the sun’s warmth. Liz sat beside her. Max leaned against her leg. Sandwiched between the woman she loved and the dog she adored, she felt paralyzed. “I don’t know if I can do this. Maybe we should give things more time, in case you’re not sure.”
Liz took her hand, lacing their fingers back together. “I won’t force myself on you, but I won’t pretend I’m not sure of what I want. I didn’t expect to fall in love with Teri, but I knew it was right. I didn’t expect to fall in love with you, but I know it’s just as right.”
Jac rested her hand on Max’s back. Just sitting here like this with Liz was more than she’d thought she would ever have. Friends. And now Liz was telling her what she’d longed to hear. Offering her everything she wanted.
“What about you? Are you sure? I saw you with Gwen last night. I wasn’t stalking you.” Liz squeezed her hand. “If you want to date—”
“You. I only want you. Gwen called after I returned from Hawaii. In a moment of anger that I’d again fallen for someone I couldn’t have, I agreed to dinner. There will never be anyone for me but you.”
“Then can we move on to the having-each-other part?”
“We need to talk about my blindness.” Not the conversation she’d choose to have right now, but a necessary one. A deep sadness welled up. It hadn’t mattered, or she’d pretended it hadn’t mattered all these years, and now it mattered a great deal. “My life has complications.”
“I haven’t noticed any complications, except that you get stubborn sometimes and your stride is too long.”
Another reason she loved Liz. She had no doubt Liz honestly believed it didn’t matter. “Having a blind friend is one thing. Having a blind lover…there’s so much we won’t be able to share, so much I won’t be able to do for you.” Jac wanted to see this moment so badly she trembled. Just this one moment, damn it. When Liz gathered her into a hug she wrapped her arms around her. Was there no end to the sadness clouding this perfect offering of the future she wanted?
“I could tell you we shared zip lines and snorkeling and beautiful sunsets and I never once felt a lack of sharing with you. That’s not what this is really about. It’s about sharing our bodies. It’s about taking your clothes off this time. It’s about my seeing you and your not being able to see me.”
Jac nodded into the crook of Liz’s neck, embarrassed and relieved that Liz understood. She hadn’t seen her body in ten years. She had scars from the back surgery. Liz was ten years younger.
“This is new territory for both of us. I’m as nervous as you are, honey. Please take this step with me.” Liz cupped Jac’s cheeks and planted feather-light kisses at the corners of her mouth. “Let go. I’ve got you.”
She kissed Liz with all the passion swirling through her, every part of her aroused and wanting. Lovers. She wanted to be lovers with Liz. Before her mind could throw up any more excuses, she stood and took Liz’s hand.
In her bedroom, doubt returned. Jac clasped her hands, listening to the sound of Liz lowering the zipper on her jeans, of shoes discarded, of clothes tossed on the chair behind them. Undressing. Her belly quivered with anticipation and knotted with fear. Then Liz was in her arms, warm, soft skin against her hands as they kissed, their tongues caressing with abandon.
Liz lifted Jac’s hands to her cheeks. “Touch me.”
A delicious slow burn built deep in her abdomen as she slid her fingers down Liz’s throat, over the bounding pulse, and down the delicate chain to the pendant she’d given her. She slid her fingers along Liz’s collarbones to her shoulders, taking her time. She remembered everything about Liz’s body from Hawaii, but those had been stolen touches. This was permission to explore. Down the straps of her bra, along the edges of the lacy material to the V, then around her ribs to the clasp. Jac’s breathing quickened. That moment when a woman’s breasts were freed always aroused her. She undid the clasp and slid the straps down.
“You’re teasing me.” Liz’s voice was breathy. Desire. For her.
“I am, and I’m teasing myself.” When she stroked the outsides of Liz’s breasts with the backs of her fingers, Liz let out a long sigh. She cupped them and rubbed the nipples with her thumbs. Soft became hard, and Liz leaned into her touch. She found Liz’s mouth and sank deep into the sweetness and warmth.
“Can I undress you?” Liz kissed along her jaw.
Her breath caught. Was she ready for this? Lovers. Easy to say. Easy to want. Was it safe to give herself to Liz? She had no way of knowing any more than she could see the zip-line landings. She wanted the exhilaration and freedom of jumping into the unknown. She wanted it with Liz. She undid the buttons on her shirt, slowly, parting the material as she went.
“Teasing again,” Liz whispered. “You’re so beautiful.” Liz slid the shirt off her shoulders, then laid her hands over her lower back and fingered the raised flesh of the scars. “All of you. I’m dying to touch you. Please.”
Desire scooped her up, and Jac was falling into the intimate quiet of a lover’s voice, the passion-laced touches that left hot trails on her skin, the scent of bodies wanting. She held Liz’s palms against her breasts, then rubbed them across her nipples until they felt huge and hard. She let go, and Liz kept fondling them as she licked along the edge of Jac’s bra. When Liz bit her nipple, Jac’s clit contracted. She needed Liz. Wanted Liz. “Lovers,” she whispered into Liz’s mouth before another passionate kiss. When Liz lowered the zipper on her jeans and unhooked her bra, she let her. Naked except for panties, she rocked against Liz’s thigh as a demanding kiss shredded her reserve.
“Nice rhythm.” Liz matched her rocking, her sex wet on Jac’s thigh. “I want to make love to you.”
Jac groaned and pulled herself from Liz’s thigh as fear dominated her. “I haven’t made love with anyone in a long time.”
“Afraid some parts might be rusty?” Liz kissed the base of her throat. Her touch soothed. “We have the rest of our lives to get to know each other. Lie down with me?”
Jac settled on the soft flannel sheets with Liz tucked against her. She reached over the side of the bed to pet Max. “Sorry, buddy.”
“We’ll let you up later,” Liz said. “The tip of his tail is wagging, and he’s looking at us like he approves. I’ll never interfere with the bond you have with him.”
“He hasn’t been himself. I think he missed you as much as I did.”
“Can I lie on top of you? Will your back be okay?”
Jac nodded and spread her legs. Liz covered her, and everywhere their bodies touched, long-dulled nerve endings burst to life. She wrapped her arms around Liz as they lay cheek to cheek, hearts beating against each other.
“Feel that? It’s our rhythm.” Liz circled her nipple with a delicate touch.
“Now who’s teasing?” Jac squirmed.
“Do you like your breasts touched?”
“I used to. And sucked. Bit.” Arousal took her to that place where everything softened and became just about her lover. Liz.
“Thank God. You might have to have me surgically removed. I go crazy for breasts, and yours make me think I landed in paradise.” Liz closed her mouth around Jac’s nipple, biting gently, then sucking hard.
“Mmm.” She’d forgotten the exquisite ache that came from a lover’s touch. She was so lost in Liz’s touch she could barely think. Liz’s mouth was sending her to places she’d never been. “So good, love.” She flooded from arousal, embarrassed before she remembered she didn’t need to be. Liz’s hand crossed her abdomen and dipped inside the waist of her panties. She wasn’t ready for this and clasped the probing fingers.
Liz rolled onto her back. “This is what you do to me.” She put Jac’s hand against her sex.
Wetness coated Jac’s fingers. She sucked in a breath as heat rushed through her. The heel of her hand brushed soft hair as she explored the folds of Liz’s labia and circled her opening. So invitingly slick.
“Make love to me.” Liz pulled one knee up, opening herself.
Desire sparked through her at the invitation. She kissed Liz as she touched her clit, cataloguing Liz’s responses—hitch in her breathing, an involuntary tensing of her abdominal or thigh muscles. Learning her lover’s body. Liz groaned in her mouth and she kissed her harder. “I’m so in love with you.” She bit Liz’s nipple, and Liz twisted under her.
“Make me come.” Liz’s voice was thick with need.
She entered Liz, withdrew to stroke her clit, entered again, keeping a slow rhythm.
“Don’t tease.” Liz gripped Jac’s shoulders as she rocked her pelvis, moaning, breathing fast.
Jac added a second finger and pushed in as far as she could, paused in that hot encapsulation, then withdrew to the tight ring of Liz’s entrance. She stroked Liz’s clit with her thumb, matching the rhythm of her fingers. She kept her mouth fastened to Liz’s breast. She needed as much sensation as she could get. Everywhere she touched Liz was hot. “Come for me, love.” Liz tightened around her fingers in a surge and release, like the ocean.
Liz’s hips stalled in their rocking and her arms tightened around Jac’s neck. “I feel you everywhere. Ahh…so good…coming for you, my lover.”