Making Choices (Black Shamrocks MC Book 2) (6 page)

“I meant what I said. That was phenomenal.”

The frown doesn’t shift from his face.

I have no idea what his problem is.
We fucked, and I thanked him.
What am I supposed to do, take out a full-page ad in the newspaper extolling his prowess in the sack?

“So tonight was just a one-off fuck then?”

Lucas’s question surprises me. I take a step back from him.

“Um, of course it was.”

Turning his back on me, he fastens his pants and walks into the kitchen.

I follow, not sure why he’s questioning what just happened. “It was awesome, but it’s not going to happen again. I’m a doctor, and you’re a biker. The Sergeant-At-Arms, to be precise. I fix the damage people like you cause...”

I pause when his head whips toward me.

“Damage people like me cause?” His voice is quiet but lethal.

“Yes, I know what a Sergeant-At-Arms does in a gang like yours. You hurt people to get what your Club needs. Shit, sometimes you torture and kill them. I’ve read the papers.”

“You know what, Juliette?” I cringe when he says my actual name. I don’t know what I said to upset him, but he is radiating rage.
He’s beginning to scare me.

My decision to get on the back of his bike, come to his house, and fuck him is starting to look really foolish. I don’t know this man and, intense attraction aside, I have no intentions of getting to know him.

“You
really
need to stop talking. You have no fucking idea what you’re fucking waffling on about. I protect my Club, and if that means some other cunt gets hurt in the process, then I’m not gonna lose any sleep over it.”

He leans his face near mine. I force myself to stand my ground, even though all I want to do is take a step or two away from him, so I’m not receiving the full force of his sudden fury.

“You may think you’re better than me and my Club, note that I said
Club
since we’re not a fucking gang, but you were gonna lie for your fucking sleazebag of a boss just so you could get the job you want until my Club offered you enough incentive to tell the truth. I fucking guarantee you that the most fucked up of my brothers has more integrity in his little finger than all of the doctors you associate with have collectively. We have each other’s back at all times, and we don’t throw each other or people we barely know under the bus to cover up our own bullshit, or to further our fucking careers.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to insult you. I was just answering your question.” I reach out to touch him, but he moves away and sighs.

“Nah, it’s all good. I was an idiot for thinking we had chemistry and shit, and that this might be the start of something. Story of my fucking life. Never fucking good enough!”

Lucas sounds broken, his expression hard but sad.

Without another word, he turns his back to me and walks out of the dining room through a doorway I hadn’t noticed before. As he leaves, he twists his hair into a knot on top of his head, fastening it with an elastic he fishes out of his pocket.

I wait for him to return.

He doesn’t.

Taking a step to follow him, I rethink that plan.

I should go.

Walking into the kitchen instead, I silently pull on my clothes.

This was a massive mistake. I should’ve made my intentions known before we did this, although I don’t have a clue where he got the idea this was anything more than a one-time fuck.

He didn’t even take his clothes off to screw me, and he’s guilt tripping me for treating him like a one-night stand.

I won’t lie, I do feel a little bit bad. It was rude of me to tell him so bluntly that I wasn’t interested in a repeat.

Well, I’d love a repeat. But someone like him would never fit into my life.

My parents wouldn’t accept him, even as a short-term fling, and I don’t need any distractions from my career. Which a sexy, dominant man like Lucas could become quite easily. 

Once I’m dressed, I find my phone and dial a taxi.

I need to get out of here pronto.

LUCAS

Present Day

S
ending JJ away was fucking hard, but it needed to be done.

I can’t let her get further under my skin until I’m certain that she’s in it for the long haul.

My Club’s in the middle of some serious shit, and it’s only gonna get worse before it gets better. Having my head all over the place because of a woman who thinks she’s too good for me, a woman who’s too scared of her father to live her own life, will take me off of my game and put the Club and our families into further danger.

It’s my job to keep everyone safe.

To have every weak spot that can be targeted protected.

And to make sure nobody ends up hurt again, like Joel and Maddi.

“I fucking owe you big time for that, brother.” Mad Dog drags me from my fucked-up thoughts when he strides into my kitchen.

“That you do, brother. She’s gonna kick my ass for letting you in.”

I can’t help my morose tone, even though I’m mostly happy for them.

When he chuckles in agreement of my assessment of the reaction I’m gonna receive next time Maddi sees me, I can’t even summon the capacity to laugh with him.

I’m out of fucks to give, tonight.

Since JJ left, I’ve been slumped at the dining table knocking back beer after beer, trying to resist the overwhelming urge to ride to her house and demand she makes a decision
right fucking now
. The loud arguing coming from Maddi’s room died down about twenty minutes ago so I’d let myself wallow about mine and JJ’s shit, certain that at least those two were heading back onto the right path. 

Grabbing a banana from the bowl on the counter, Mad Dog leans back against it as he peels the piece of fruit and eats it in three big bites. Throwing the peel over his shoulder into the sink behind him, he regards me for a long moment before he speaks.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing you can fix. Nothing anyone can fix.”

Curling his lip at my whining tone, the smug bastard breaks into the first full grin I’ve seen from him in over six months.

“Try me. I’m full of fucking wisdom and all that shit tonight. Got Lainey to give me another chance, so I reckon I can fix your woman problems.”

“Never said it was woman problems.” I shrug, hoping he’ll let it go. “How did you manage to talk her into giving you another shot? She was fucking adamant when she got back from the date you fucked up, that she wasn’t gonna give you the time of day, let alone another shot.”

Rolling his shoulders, his grin dims a bit as he ponders my question.

“It was close, but we got there. Just had to admit exactly how big of a fuck-up I am. We’re gonna date for a bit, take our time and rebuild. It’s gonna fucking kill me keeping my hands to myself, but if it means I get her back, I’ll manage it.”

He groans, running his hands through his hair. “Fuck! What the fuck did I just sign up for? I can’t
not
fuck her—”

He shoots me daggers when I burst into laughter at his dismay.

Dumb fucker just signed up to torture himself, and I’m going to enjoy every minute of it.

He’d do the same to me.

“Yeah fuck you, brother. I’m out,” he snarls.

Thumping me on the back as he walks past and heads for the front door, he cocks his head over his shoulder, flashing serious eyes at me.

“You need to talk, you know where I am. You always have my back, and I’ve got yours. Any fucking time of the day.”

“I know, Mad Dog. I’ll let you know if I can’t sort it out.”

Shooting me a sympathetic smile before the cheeky grin that everyone who knows him has wanted to wipe off of his face on a regular basis appears, he drawls, “Women, brother.”

“Yep. Fucking women.”

Pushing myself from the chair after the front door closes behind him so I can grab another beer, I’m interrupted when my phone beeps.

Checking it, I find a message from JJ.

Fuck. What do I say to that?

My entire being wants to ride to her house right now, but it’s not a good idea. I need to give her—both of us—the week I promised. If I don’t put my foot down now, we’ll never get this shit sorted, and she’ll keep giving me just enough to keep me around.

I want total commitment, and I refuse to settle for the dregs she throws my way.

I’ve done it for the last six months.

No fucking more.

Pulling back my arm to throw the phone at the wall, my frustrations with this situation boiling over as doubts creep in, I’m interrupted by a silky voice chiding me about my impending stupidity.

“You’re going to regret that, Timber.”

Maddi walks into the kitchen and pulls my phone from my hand. She gently places it on the table before wrapping her arms around my waist.

Leaning back so she can look me in the eyes, she continues scolding me. “What’s wrong? And don’t tell me nothing. You’ve been stressed for the last few months, and it’s only getting worse.
Talk to me.
”

Extricating myself from her arms, I throw myself back into my chair.

She follows, taking the chair opposite mine.

“Talk, Timber.” Maddi rolls her eyes at me when I continue to sit in silence.

It’s not that I don’t want to share my problems—she’s a great listener, and her advice is usually on point. But since she’s part of it, I don’t think it’s fair to saddle her with knowledge that’s going to cause her to become conflicted within herself.

My confusion is enough for both of us.

“You know that JJ doesn’t want to get serious with me?” I begin. She nods, her narrowed eyes letting me know just what she thinks about JJ’s choice. “Well, I fucking laid it out for her tonight. All or nothing. I’ve given her a week on her own to decide.”

Shock flits across her expression before she pulls herself together.

“Do you think that was a good idea? I don’t know her story, and I’ve always had the impression that she really doesn’t like me, to be honest, but I can tell that there’s something serious holding her back. She’s obviously into you, and it’s pretty bloody obvious that you’re into her...” Trailing off, she swings back in her chair, deep in thought.

I assume she’s finished speaking. I keep quiet anyway. It’s not my place to tell her JJ’s story, but it proves how intuitive my best friend is. At least she’s realized that JJ does have a reason for being the way she is, unlike my mama.

And she does have a good reason, as much as I disagree that her issues are relevant to us.

While Maddi seems on board with me trying to work it out with JJ. My mama, on the other hand, isn’t. Her understanding ran out about a month ago—she’s pushing me to move on from JJ if she won’t commit.

I open my mouth to tell her about my mama, but close it when Maddi swings herself upright.

Rising to her feet and adjusting her short nightdress, she cocks her head. “I don’t want to know what JJ’s problems are. I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t want me to know. But I do want you to answer me a couple of questions,” her voice is brittle as she speaks.

Worry floods me as I wonder what she’s about to ask.

Her bright blue eyes are glistening.

Fuck, I hope she doesn’t cry. I’m not good with her tears.

“Anything, Princess. You know we don’t keep secrets.”

Shifting from one foot to the other, she toys with the hem of her nightdress, making my cock harden when she accidentally flashes the tops of her smooth, tanned thighs.

After a while, she smiles at me. It’s a fake smile, through thin lips. It almost resembles a grimace.

“You know what you said to me tonight before I found Mik in my room?”

Shit.
I don’t want to go here with her.

Not tonight. Not ever. I should have kept my pie hole shut.

“Yeah?” I answer, even as my heart starts to pound and my mouth becomes dry.

“You meant it, didn’t you?”

“Which part?” I hedge.

“You know what part! Don’t play dumb with me.” Her eyes flash at me in annoyance, and I suppress a smile. She has a decent temper on her, a temper that’s easily triggered at times, and not too much fun to be on the receiving end of. “The part where you told me that if I ever managed to get over Mik, you’d be there waiting, first-in-line. The part where you said that you’d love to have me for yourself.”

Her chest rises and falls as she pants with agitation. I pull my eyes away from her heaving tits. Now’s not the time to be checking her out.

I don’t know if she’s upset at me for playing dumb with her, or if she’s upset with what I said to her.

“Did you mean it, Timber?”

I can’t read her face.

Does she want me to mean it? Or does she want me to say that I said it to make her feel better?
Can I tell her the truth even if it means it drives a wedge between us both, and myself and Mad Dog if she tells him?

“I did, Princess. You already fucking know I did.” The truth falls from my lips, even as I’m questioning the wisdom of it.