Malice in Wonderland #1: Alice the Assassin (12 page)

“I see,” Alice says. “So did you steal the tarts?”

The Jabberwock sighs. “I assert my right to remain silent on that matter.”

She decides to use her newfound skill of lying. Despite the fact that the old version of herself always thought he was a secret sweetheart, she says, “Well I must
confess,
you certainly seem more pleasant than I imagined. I always see you at my unbirthday parties, but I’ve always been intimidated by you and your blade.”

“Oh, I’m not so bad, am I?”

“Well you’re not like the others. You always stand back. Never participate.”

“Oh I like to watch them torment you. They come up with such creative ways!”

“Isn’t that dishonorable?”

“Hey, as long as I’m not the one doing it, what’s the harm?” He shrugs.

Alice shrugs too, now grins. “Okay, one last question before we get down to playing cards. Why do you guard the Eighth Square?”

“Well no one in Wonderland wants you to escape or become a queen. That would ruin all the fun. So I guard it to keep you out.”

“Become a queen?”

“Yes, if you ever were to enter an eighth square, you’d become a queen. Hey, you know, I think I’d really like a game of poker right now.”

Alice nods, reaches into her dress for the pack of cards. “Shall we play?”

“Oh, let’s! I do so love playing cards!”

Alice sits cross-legged in the grass and begins to shuffle. She hopes she is dealt the Thirteen of Heartless, but she doesn’t know how to cheat, so she just shuffles the way she normally would. She remembers the Thirteen of Heartless saying something about how he could show up in a deck anywhere he wanted to.

Let’s hope so.

The Jabberwock sets his blade down and mimics sitting cross-legged in front of her.

She can’t help but giggle and make a mocking wriggle at him. “Why, you look so dainty sitting that way!”

Alice doesn’t know if jabberwocks can blush, but she thinks he almost does. He says, “Well, anything for a bit of a game.”

Something occurs as she shuffles. “You know, I heard that when one commits hari kari, there is someone with a sword who beheads them right after they slice their tummy. Is that true?”

“Yes, they’re called the ‘second’. They do it to relieve the suffering, because the pain can be excruciating.”

“My, that’s a big word! But isn’t it cheating?”

The Jabberwock looks outraged and offended. “It most definitely is not! It is completely honorable. Why, a jabberwock would
never
cheat! Why
cheating
is…why it’s a terrible thing to do! I’m offended you should even
think
that!”

“Okay, okay. Sorry! Let’s play shall we? Put the pot in.” She sets her hat on the ground between them. “What you got?”

The Jabberwock digs in a pouch on a strap at his side. “Three, four, five gold coins? Is that satisfactory?”

Alice nods, then the Jabberwock adds it to the pot.

Alice says, “Now, cut the deck.” She holds the deck out to him. “I’m sorry that the cards are so small compared to your, you know, humongous razor sharp claws.”

“Oh, it’s okay. I’m quite dexterous. It’s just my eyes that are the problem. You’ll see when you get my age.”

“You use big words.” (She really doesn’t think the words are that big, but she’s practicing her deception skills.)

Amazingly, he manages to use the tips of his claws to cut the deck.

As she deals five cards to each of them, Alice makes small talk. “So, if I crossed the line to the Eighth Square, would you enjoy killing me?”

“Oh, very much so. Little girls have so much red inside of them. You don’t notice until you bring it out of them.”

“Ah, I never really thought about it that way.”

“That’s because you’re a prissy, innocent little girl.” He takes the five cards in his claws. The cards are rather tiny in comparison to his claws. It’s amazing that he can manage to hold them so well. “Hold on a second.” He rummages again in his pouch, brings out a pair of spectacles and puts them on. “It’s the eyes that are the problem, you see.”

Alice nods supportively.

She looks at her own hand. She has four jokers and the Ace of Spades. There isn’t a Thirteen of Heartless, which is what she wants, so she turns in four cards, so she’ll get four back.

The Jabberwock turns in zero cards. She peers at him, but his poker face is inscrutable. Despite the fact it doesn’t help her game, she likes his poker face, because it doesn’t reveal his scary fangs.

Alice looks at the four cards she’s been dealt back. The Thirteen of Heartless is amongst them, the others are two jokers and the Ace of Spades. So it turns out the Thirteen of Heartless is capable of cheating after all, not that she minds.

She shouts, “I have the Thirteen of Heartless! That means you have to fold and confess!”

She isn’t sure what’s supposed to happen next, but what does happen is that the Thirteen of Heartless begins to glow.

In a dazed voice, the Jabberwock says, “I fold. I had five jokers. But what’s this about confessing?”

As she gathers the cards up, she says, “Yes, is there something you’d like to tell me?”

A look of exquisite perturbation comes over the Jabberwock’s face. He tries to fight it for several more seconds, but finally he blurts, “Okay, I stole the Queen’s tarts, okay? I confess!”

With a condescending pout, Alice says, “Well, you know what happens now. You must do the honorable thing.”

“Yes,” he says. He bows his head. He scooches his glasses up, now picks up the vorpal blade.

Does he not realize he doesn’t need the glasses anymore? Perhaps I should tell him,
she thinks, but she doesn’t want to break his momentum. She slips the deck into her pocket.

The Jabberwock meanwhile kneels in the grass, with the vorpal blade laid out in front of him. Alice stands in front of him, watching the ceremony with a big grin on her face.

The Jabberwock begins to recite his poem.

The Jabberwocky code has made,

Us conduct ourselves with honor.

We live and die by our own blade,

So soon, I shall be a goner.

I kneel today in loathsome shame.

I’m fully confessing my crime.

And for this dishonour to my name,

It’s hari kari time.

The Jabberwocky creed, it is firm,

Every sentence the same, there’s just one:

To wriggle my guts like a worm,

For soon with my blade they’ll be spun!

I stole the tarts, it now is clear,

Beyond any and all disavowal.

So with my vorpal blade, I fear,

It’s time to disembowel!

One two! One two! Now a fatal boo boo,

By my own vorpal blade has been done!

And now with a stir that’s so fast it’s a blur.

Ow, see how my entrails are spun!

I feel so much pain as I’m dying,

I ask of you, behead me please!

I see now that you are not crying,

But I beg of you here on my knees!

Delicately, the Jabberwock transfers the sword by its bloody handle to Alice. It is dripping all over red.

Now Alice decides to make up some poetry, recalling the old
Jabberwocky
poem and mimicking a stanza.

“And will I slay the Jabberwock?

Death by
my
hands, a coocoolicious girl!

O frabjuous day! Callooh! Callay!

I chortle as I whirl!”

Alice spins in order to give force to her blow. The Jabberwock is upright, exposing his neck for her. When she whirls completely back around, blade out, there is no
one two
—there is only
one,
as the vorpal blade slices cleanly through the Jabberwock’s neck. His head flings off to the side and the neck stump gushes with blood.

Alice is quite satisfied with herself. She is after all, not a skilled swordsman. She watches the body twitch until it is still. She looks to the Jabberwock’s head—its eyes are still open, but staring dead.

She throws the blade to the ground, then inspects her hands, covered in blood.

“Ooh icky!” she proclaims with wrinkled nose.

She does her best to clean her hands, puts the hat back on.

She hears a crunching sound and looks down to see that she has stepped on the Jabberwock’s glasses. “Oopsy! You’ll have to schedule an appointment with the optimist or you shan’t be able to read!”

She looks over at the Jabberwock’s head.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that. If you didn’t want them stepped on, you shouldn’t have left them lying about.”

The Jabberwock doesn’t respond.

Alice walks toward the outer edge of the Eighth Square. Just before she enters, she tries again, saying, “Shadow? Shadow are you there?” But the shadow doesn’t appear. She shrugs, then steps over.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Showdown

Alice crosses the outer line of the Eighth Square. As she does, she feels a sudden weight atop her head. She discovers that there is a crown
underneath
her top hat. “Of all the curious headgear!” she exclaims. “Imagine wearing two hats at once, when one of them would do! It’s unfitting for a queen, if that’s what I am now.”

She taps the top of her hat but has no vision of Malice. “This thing doesn’t work, anyway.”

So she takes off the hat and holds it in her hand and is satisfied with just the crown on her head. And now she enters the Looking Glass House and looks around. It’s been so long since she’s been in here, but it’s like she last left it, except much dustier.

Perhaps I should dust it as I wait. I do hope I don’t have to wait too long.

When she walks into the room where the looking glass is, the room looks like an ordinary room, with the looking glass on the wall. There’s the clock on the mantelpiece. There’s the table with the chess board on it and its pieces.

She almost doesn’t want to, but she looks into the mirror. She has no reflection. She first came to Wonderland through the mirror, and she wonders if she can leave through it as well. But when she presses her fingertip to its surface, she finds it’s just a solid, regular mirror. Perhaps when she had a heart, that might have made her cry, but the tears don’t come. All she knows is that she must get her reflection and her heart back, but she can’t really remember why.

She sighs. “This place is a mess! Is there a duster about?”

There is a cabinet set against one of the walls—as she’s opening it and peering inside, she sees there are a couple of books and an old stopwatch. She is just about to investigate these curious relics when she hears someone call out behind her, “I hope I’m not too late…for your unhappy birthday party.”

Alice turns around to see Malice standing in the doorway. Malice is also wearing a crown, holding the bloody vorpal sword in one hand and a large blue cloth sack in the other.

Alice says, “Malice. Welcome. What’s in the sack?”

“It’s a surprise for later, for your unhappy birthday party.”

“You mean our
happy
birthday party.”

“Oh yeah, right.”

“So my shadow told me you’ve decided to recombine with me in the mirror?”

Malice nods. “Absolutely. And I brought our heart too. The Mad Hatter had it, the jerk. But I gave him a little justice.”

Alice nods. She points. “The magic Looking Glass is over there. If we get reflected by it at the same time, we’ll come together again, just like before.”

Malice looks. “Yes, I can’t wait. I just want things to be the same as before. Less complicated that way. But first, we have to deal with the heart.”

“Hmm? Why not recombine first and then deal with the heart?”

Malice rolls her eyes. “Are you stupid? You need to play the game using the card to get your heart back, right? You can’t play by yourself. That wouldn’t work, right?”

“Wouldn’t it?” Alice isn’t sure.

“Well, of course not. You need someone else to play with. Our shadow explained it to me. The order of events has to be, put the heart in first,
then
recombine in the Looking Glass.”

“But only one of us can win the heart. How will that work?”

“Well, my dumb twin, that’s how games work right? There’s a winner and a loser.” She rolls her eyes. “Trust me, it’ll work. Just one of us needs to win the heart, then in the looking glass mirror, it’ll make us the same again…it’ll make us mirror reflections.”

“Are you sure?” Alice asks.

Malice nods. “Absolutely. Trust me?”

“Well, sure. You’re me, kind of. Gotta trust myself, right?”

Malice nods. “Right.”