He was hurting. If she could take his pain away, then she would. But she wasn’t ready to commit yet.
Would she have believed them if they’d told her earlier? Was Rick right that she would’ve run? Even now when she was certain of her love for them, she was finding it difficult to understand. If she’d found out too soon, before that love had grown, she wasn’t sure she would’ve stayed.
“Can you forgive me, Mallory?”
The plea in Rick’s eyes tore at her. Yet she had to know more before she could give into the ache to soothe his pain.
“What does it mean? To be a mate?” She saw the hope on their faces and hated that she might have to squash that soon. “Truthfully, right now, with my head in a whirl, I don’t know if I can love that side of you.”
“Then you do love us?”
Telling them the truth was one of the hardest things she’d ever done. Not when the truth wouldn’t keep her there. “I do. I love you more than I can say.”
Their hoots of joy died when she lifted her hand. “Stop. Please. Loving you is easy. The other? Knowing that you’re an animal inside?” She choked back a sob. “I don’t think I can handle that.”
“We’re still the same men you fell in love with. Whether we’re in our human forms or as bears, we’re still us.”
“What about a family? Would my, your, children be like you?”
“They could be.” An indescribable look covered Rick’s face. “Would you hate that?”
“That’s what I’m saying. I don’t know.” She wanted to scream at a world that had brought them together only to put up an impossible barrier. “Please. I don’t think I can stand much more of this.”
“Baby, take some time to think about it. That’s all we’ll ask of you.”
Rick came beside his brother, doubling the pain she saw. “He’s right. Don’t make a decision tonight. Give it more thought. After having that asshole attack you and then seeing us and the werewolves, it’s too much for you to handle all at once. Just think about it overnight.”
Could she stay there, knowing that they were in the other room? Knowing that if she said no, she’d never see them again? Wouldn’t the connection draw them together once she let down the wall she’d built around her?
“For us, Mallory.” Gunner’s soulful brown eyes dove into hers. “Think about it for you and for us.”
She couldn’t stand to talk about it any longer. The agony stabbing her heart was too much. “Fine. I’ll think about it. But I can’t promise what I’ll decide to do.”
“That’s all we can ask.” The hopeful expression on Rick’s face had died, but the hunger was still alive and fresh.
“But you have to promise me. You’ll unlock that door and keep it unlocked.”
“Of course,” offered Gunner.
“And if I decide to go, you’ll take me into town to catch the bus, right?” She saw their hesitancy and knew they didn’t want to agree to her terms, but what choice did they have?
“Agreed.” Gunner’s tone was low, soft and tortured.
She’d gotten her way, but it took everything she had not to call them back as they unlocked the door and left.
* * * *
“Rick, hold up.” Gunner kept stride with him. He felt his brother’s heartache and knew the suffering he was going through. His own torment was hard enough, but to know Rick hurt just as much tore at his gut. “She’ll stay. You have to believe that.”
“The hell I do.” Rick burst out of the house, stripping his clothes away as he stalked toward the pasture.
He knew his brother well enough to recognize his need to run. His own bear clawed to get out, to prowl over the land. “Wait until dark.”
If a human saw two bears roaming around, things could get dicey. Most werebears kept their excursions confined to the cover of darkness. Thankfully, the human residents of Shatland and the surrounding areas knew about their existence, but they still had to be careful. They’d already taken that risk once today.
Rick kept going. “I can’t. I have to get this out.”
The agony that ripped into him had a tight hold on his brother. “Rick—”
He spun around, confronting him. His fangs slipped over his lower lip, his eyes glowing with hurt. “Don’t you fucking get it? I’m the reason she’s leaving.”
“What? No. Why?”
“I should’ve treated her better. I should’ve talked to her nicer. I should’ve told her earlier.” Rick tunneled a hand through his hair, his breaths coming quicker. “I should’ve shown her how much I love her.”
He’d had the same thoughts and would share in the blame. “I can say the same thing. Hell, if we’d told her the truth about why we were gone so much and what we are, she wouldn’t have had to find out the way she did. But what’s done is done. We can beat ourselves up about it, or just hope she stays.”
“Fuck that. I’ve got to get out of here.”
He had to let him go. To try and hold back his inner bear would only cause him greater pain. Gunner watched his brother shift, then tug his shirt over his head. Maybe Rick had the right idea. He lifted his gaze to her bedroom window.
Please, baby. Stay. Without you, we’re lost.
The shift came swiftly as it always did. Amber filled the world as he dropped onto all fours, then broke into a run after Rick.
* * * *
Mallory didn’t sleep. The night passed slowly, anguish keeping her wide awake. How could she sleep when she kept going back forth, deciding to stay with the men, then worrying that she wouldn’t fit into their world? Did she want children who could change into bears? Could she leave them and hope to fall in love again? Even if she did, she knew a dead spot would always remain inside her, a special empty place that would eat at her for the rest of her life. Was that a life? Was staying with werebears a better life?
When the sun finally rose over the horizon, she was still torn, but she’d finally made her decision. Taking her suitcase in hand, she left the bedroom and walked to the stairs.
She should’ve known they’d be waiting for her. Their faces were calm, but she saw the sorrow in their eyes when they took in her suitcase.
“You’re leaving?”
Her stomach tightened. Gunner sounded so surprised, so hurt. “Yes.”
Rick’s pain soon changed to anger that he made no effort to hide. He dragged in a shaky breath. “Then we’d better get a move on. You don’t want to miss your fucking bus.” He held out her purse that he’d retrieved from the pasture.
“Easy, man. We made a promise. Don’t take it out on her.”
“You’re right. I swore I wouldn’t let my mouth get away with me, and I already broke that promise. I’m sorry, Mallory.” His haunted gaze met hers. “For everything.”
Gunner took her suitcase from her as she made her way to the bottom of the steps. Keeping her gaze averted from theirs, she walked to the pickup and got in.
Just keep looking straight ahead. Soon, it’ll all be over.
Or would it? Would her heart hurt forever?
She hadn’t expected them to talk much on the way to Shatland. But not at all? Like the time they’d taken her to catch the bus before, a stoic Rick drove while Gunner kept his head turned toward the window. Even Rebel, who had jumped into the bed of the pickup, seemed sad.
Their electric energy, the connection, as they’d called it, was stronger than ever. But mixed with that was an overlaying tone of misery. If it hadn’t been for that anguish, she wouldn’t have resisted the urge to beg them to make love to her one last time. She bowed her head and tried to hide her tears.
They went on, the truck bumping over potholes as they headed toward Shatland and the bus line. Exhausted, the noise of the engine lulled her to sleep.
* * * *
“Damn it all!”
She startled awake and would’ve slammed into the dashboard if Gunner hadn’t used his arm to break her forward motion. Confused, she looked to the men for an answer.
Rick was on his feet and out of the pickup with Gunner at his side. Both men shucked off their clothes as they headed toward the cow lying in the middle of the road. Rebel barked then hurled his body over the side and landed beside the pickup. His barks turned to growls.
She inhaled, coming fully awake as she gawked at the gray wolf, its jaws and neck covered with the cow’s blood.
Oh, please, no.
Rick and Gunner shifted as they rushed toward the wolf. Within a minute, they’d changed, their huge bear forms bursting from their human forms. Rebel was by their side, ready to stay with his masters. They were only feet away from the wolf when it transformed, changing back into a man.
It’s him.
The man that had attacked her, the killer that had slaughtered the cattle, bent to the ground. Reaching to a spot that was hidden by the cow’s body, he stood up and pointed a rifle at the men.
She screamed in the same moment that he shot Rick.
Mallory didn’t think. Couldn’t think.
Rick went down on his front legs. Another shot shattered the air, jerking his body again. He staggered and roared, then went down on the black asphalt.
Rebel growled then launched himself at the man. His body jerked in midair as another shot rang out. Rebel yelped, full of torment, then fell to the road and landed next to Rick.
Gunner bellowed his rage, nudged his brother, then lifted onto his back legs. Slowly, rocking from side to side, he raised his massive paws into the air, claws extended, and came at the man.
She reacted, darting her gaze for anything she could use as a weapon. When she saw the shovel in the bed of the pickup, she lunged out of the truck, grabbed it, and ran to the side of the road.
Her thoughts turned to the memory of the poor cow lying in the ditch as she used the cover of another ditch to work her way behind the man. Gunner was huge, saliva dripping from his jaws. The man, his attention focused on the furious bear in front of him, backed away, cursing at Gunner, telling him that he’d die a slow, awful death.
She didn’t let his threats affect her. If she did, the fear she held at bay would take over and render her weak and useless.
The man taunted Gunner, shooting a couple of shots over Gunner’s head. Although Gunner faltered in his step when the shots rang out, he kept closing the distance between them.
She scrambled out of the ditch, careful to stay out of the man’s peripheral vision. Would Gunner recognize her in his bear form? Or would he attack her, too? And yet, if that was the case, she’d die happy knowing that she’d saved him.
Praying silently, she lifted the shovel over her head and crept toward the man. Gunner roared, whether at him or at her, she wasn’t sure. Something made the man stop, lower his rifle then begin to turn toward her.
Please.
Using every ounce of strength she could muster, she struck out, slamming the shovel against his head.
He yelled, then staggered back, dropping the gun as he did. But he wasn’t out. Not yet. She hurried to him, then lifted her weapon again. He glared up at her, his glowing eyes filled with hatred.
She stared down at him, her own hatred giving her the last ounce of strength she needed. “No one hurts my men.”
His eyes widened, terror filling them with a wild gleam. Fur spread over his jaw as fangs layered over his lips. Bringing the shovel down, she rammed it against his forehead, and barely noted the sickening thud it made as skin and fur-covered bones gave way.
Slowly, she backed up, her arms heavy. Blood covered his face, a face she wasn’t sure still existed. She dropped the shovel at her feet, then sank to the road.
I killed him.
“Mallory, damn it, he could’ve shot you.” A very human Gunner folded her into his arms.
Why was she shaking so much? Her teeth chattered and her mind swam. “Rick?”
Gunner glanced at Rick then back at her, worry etched in his forehead. “Stay here. I’m going to call for help.”
He laid her on the road, gently, lovingly.
* * * *
Mallory sat beside Rick. She hadn’t left his side since several of the men’s friends had come to help them. They’d taken the killer, somehow still alive, with them and promised to return him to his werewolf pack on the condition that they exact their justice immediately.
She was relieved to find that she hadn’t taken a man’s life, but had no problem admitting that, if she had it to do over again, she would.
“He’s getting better.”
Gunner rested his hand on her shoulder and she covered his with her own. “I know. The wound’s healing well.”
“Then get some rest. I swear he won’t die or anything while you sleep.”
“Promise?”
“Cross my heart. You know him. He’s too damn bullheaded to die. Men like him never die. They just nasty away.”
She laughed. “I guess that includes me. I remember someone saying that I’m just as stubborn as he is.”
Sadness enveloped her. “I’m sorry about Rebel.”
“Yeah. He was a good dog. A great dog. Sometimes, I think I liked him more than my own brother.”
She smiled at his attempt to lighten the mood. They’d buried Rebel behind the barn under the tree where he liked to sleep on warm days.
“And that man?” She couldn’t bring herself to say his name.
“The Carr brothers took care of him. He’s been sent to another pack on the West Coast. One that will pound some sense into his head.”
“Huh. And here I thought I’d already done that.”
Gunner laughed. “You sure did. You with a shovel? That was fucking hot, woman.”
She could still see the man’s face at times, but she was getting better at shoving those images away.
“Don’t worry about the rogue werewolf. If he doesn’t learn his lesson with this new hard-nosed pack, they’ll exile him, making him a lone wolf. That’ll leave him vulnerable to other packs and hunters. Trust me. For a werewolf, that’s worse than a death sentence. Hell, it is a death sentence. Either way, he’ll never show his snout around here again.”
“That’s good to know.” One more time the image of the man’s face came and she shoved it away. “I don’t know if I could’ve handled losing Rick. I was a fool to leave.”
“And we were fools to let you. But that’s over now. You’re staying.”