Mama Said (23 page)

She slid back down onto her heels, letting the few inches that separated them give her an opportunity to stare into his eyes, recalling that the first time she’d seen them how they had mesmerized her. Back then she’d seen the vulnerability he fought so hard to hide. Even on that first day when he tried to fire her somehow she’d known this would happen.

He covered her lips with his. Demanding, he pulled her body in close with arms that snaked about her torso. Evidence of how much he was ready for this rubbed against her. She felt she might implode right then and there.

A rumble of a sound came out of his chest. His tongue probed her mouth while his hands slinked through her hair. Plastered against him like a piece of paper caught at the end of a vacuum, her body bent to the curve he’d established.

His hands slid up and down her back, pausing for a few moments to rub her torso against his. Every nerve ending in her body seemed to be charged with need and want.

He ripped off her t-shirt in a quick, sure move and tossed it on the floor. Next his hand slipped along her back to unclasp her bra with the finesse of a man who’d done it a few hundred times before. Gliding the straps down her arms, he cast it aside and in the next breath his hands surrounded her breasts.

His breath feathering against the skin of her neck, he said, “I need to slow down and savor this.” His thumb brushed at her nipple, causing it to distend immediately.

“You’re right. Before you know it, the spark will be gone and it’ll just be a whole lot of fizzle. No flames.” She kissed the spot below his ear and was rewarded with a tremor followed by a quick intake of breath.

“We owe it to ourselves to get this out of our system. It’s keeping us distracted from what we have to do.”

“Absolutely. The last thing we need is to be distracted.”

With those final words, they tumbled to the bed and lost each other in a sea of lips, hands, and mouths.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Shane’s arms, legs, and insides still trembled. Thank God she’d ended up on top. He didn’t think he’d be able to move. Instead, he ran his hands down her back, enjoying the soft texture of her skin, the slight sway to her spine, and her incredible backside.

His breath faltered. “Maybe I was a virgin. What in the hell was that?”

“Either the best damn sex ever, or we’ve just invented something new.” When she kissed the spot where his neck met his shoulder, he closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensation. “Then again, it was put a Tab A into Slot B kind of thing, even if it didn’t feel like anything that simple.”

“Hell, no.”

“I guess that blows your theory about it being all spark and no fire.”

“Hell, yeah.”

“Is that all you can do, swear?”

“I’m still trying to catch my breath.”

“Why? I did all the work.”

Grunting, he reversed their positions so that he was on top. “Remember, I’ve been sick.” He kissed her, starting with her eyelids, her cheekbones, her ears, and then coming back to her mouth.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. You have a rather delicate constitution, don’t you?” She stifled a giggle. “Really, it’s amazing you made it through Special Forces training with your tendency toward accidents.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him as if he were the only man in the world she’d ever looked at, let alone slept with.

“Do I need to thank you again for saving my life?” When she nodded, he rubbed his lips against her neck. “You’re right. I would be dead without you. How can I ever repay you?”

“I’m sure you can think of a way or two.”

* * *

Gabriella had officially lost track of time. Somehow day funneled into night. At some point they stumbled down the stairs and defrosted a couple of steaks and grilled them on the fancy grill-top stove, only to return to bed shortly thereafter. Now there was sun peeping inside the window once again.

Delicious. There was something downright sinful about waking up naked in bed with a man trailing hot wet kisses down the length of her spinal column. Especially when he followed that by making the most wicked suggestions into her ear as visuals from the night before, still fresh in her mind, revved up her hormones.

“Hey, wait a minute. I don’t think that last one’s physically possible.” She couldn’t keep the smile from her face as she stuffed her hands beneath the pillow under her head.

“Wanted to see if you were paying attention.” He crept up the length of her back. Brushing away her hair, he planted a kiss at her nape.

“You have quite an imagination. But I must say you’re awfully ambitious for this early in the morning.” She squirmed a bit on the bed as he was doing some more exploring with his hands and his mouth that was downright enticing.

“My body’s thinking one thing, but my brain is a totally different story.” Although physically he was pressed against her, she sensed the preoccupation he was talking about.

Everything she’d been able to push away for the last twenty-four hours came tumbling back. Despite the risks, all the pleading she’d done, the lunacy of it, he was going to go on this suicide mission. Alone. Short of drugging him, she couldn’t think of a way to stop him.

Her fingertips traced a path down his arm. “Is it going to spoil the mood completely if I tell you something?” Seeing the satisfied look on his face, she figured this might be a good opportunity to fess up about Patrick. It was a last ditch effort to get him to see reason.

“That depends on what it is. If you tell me you’re really a guy and had a sex change operation, yeah, I think I might be a little perturbed. Surprised, but perturbed.” He drew back the cover and planted a kiss on her nipple.

“I’m being serious.” He’d distracted her so much last night she hadn’t wanted to think about Patrick and what he’d found out.

He rolled his eyes and stared. “I’m ready for it. Let me have it. What’s going on?”

“Shane, we have to trust somebody. We cannot do this alone.” It was the only way she could think about leading in to what she had to say.

“Garrett will come through soon. He’s the only person I trust.”

“But you’re going to the Blues Stop today. Alone.” Even saying it out loud made her anxious. Stepping that close to the city with a couple thousand police officers drooling at the idea of serving his head up on a platter didn’t exactly put her fears to rest.

“I know what I’m doing.” He planted a kiss where her neck met her shoulder. “Do I wish Garret were here? Yes. But he’s not. It won’t be the first time I’ve done things on my own.”

“Wait a minute. Haven’t you heard the expression there’s no ‘I’ in team?”

“I never said we were a team. It’s a dictatorship, pure and simple.” He smiled and scooted out of bed. Slipping on his clothes, he continued, “I know this stuff, Gabriella. Believe me.”

Tumbling out of bed, she yanked on a t-shirt and shorts, immediately regretting she hadn’t put on a pair of underwear as well. But what was a little discomfort compared to stopping the man she was in love with from going on a suicide mission? Oh, God. How had that happened? She was hopelessly head over heels in love with Shane O’Neil. The last thing she needed in her life was to fall in love with a man who was so twisted up in his own issues he didn’t know one end from the other.

“I know you do. But sometimes a little help is necessary. Like now. Besides, I’m getting kind of good at this sleuthing business.” She wanted to lessen the intensity of the moment, but based on the expression it wasn’t working.

“No. It’s too dangerous.” His voice echoed through the enormous bedroom. Translation: subject closed.

“Then please give Patrick a chance. See if there’s anything he can do to help us.”

His jaw clenched tight, he shook his head. He was so caught up in the past he couldn’t see logic.

That meant she had to take things into her own hands. While it would have been better to garner his cooperation, she had no choice. They needed an ally, and right now Patrick was it.

God, she hoped she was right about him.

“Why aren’t you afraid of me?” he asked out of the blue.

Tangled up in guilty thoughts, his question caught her off guard. “I’m not sure. Maybe I’m kind of stubborn.”

“Kind of?” His eyebrow quirked and a smile evidenced itself.

“Okay, a lot stubborn.”

“Most people run for cover when I challenge them. You stand your ground.”

“What is it you’re trying to say?”

“This thing between us is complicated, isn’t it?”

Now she knew what was bothering him—that same nagging feeling that had been rattling around in her heart for a while now. While she’d just now put a label on it, he was still struggling to do so.

Was he ready to hear the words from her? Probably not. “That it is. Providing we’re not ready to kill each other, we have some great sex together.”

“There’s more, isn’t there?” His expression turned serious. “We’re pretty much opposites clear down the line. I’m predictable as the sun, whereas you’re…ah…not.”

She didn’t know how to respond. She had a pretty good idea where he was headed and it was scary territory for her. No doubt, it was absolutely terrifying for him.

“We both speak what’s on our mind.” While he was trying to make sense of what was between them, she had come to the conclusion that it defied logic.

He shook his head. “I’ve spent my life analyzing and hypothesizing based on probability and statistics. It’s what made me good in the Special Forces. I could look at a situation and based on past behavior I would know the enemy’s next move. With you, that’s impossible.”

The fact that he equated her with the enemy spoke volumes about the depth of his fear. “And your point?” She was pretty sure she wasn’t going to like what he was going to say.

“With you, everything is always up for grabs. I’m thinking you’re going to zig and you zag instead. You’re so unpredictable, I never know what you’ll do next.”

“Isn’t that what makes me fun?” She wanted to tease him out of his sudden bout of melancholy.

“That, among other things,” he said. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to let you put yourself in danger. You’ve already done way too much of that for me.”

“They’re after me, too, remember? I saw who killed Mack.” She blew out a breath. “How are you going to stop me from following you?”

“I’ll take the keys to the Ryans’ car with me.” He moved toward her, that intimidating look back in his eye.

“You suck.”

“That’s really profound. Have you reverted to the age of thirteen suddenly?”

She shifted from one foot to the other, knowing there wasn’t a chance in hell she was going to win this fight. But when she thought about him going alone, her fear leaped exponentially.

“You’re not always right, you know.” Her mind raced a million miles a minute as she tried to think of a way to stop him. Somehow she needed to get him to see reason.

“True, but my average is better than yours.”

“How would you know? You’ve never given me a chance.” She drew in a breath and forced out the words that had been rattling around in her head. “Shane, I’m in love with you. I know you’re uncomfortable with the idea, but that’s the way it is. Deal with it.” People in normal, healthy relationships discussed this sort of thing; at least that’s what she’d heard. If they expected to get through this, they needed to talk about it instead of letting it hang like a dark cloud between them. Besides, if they didn’t survive this, she wanted him to know what she felt.

“You don’t love me. It’s the great sex you love,” he responded. The discomfort between them hung at a steady seven on a ten-point scale.

While she didn’t want a confrontation, she’d expected it. “Don’t tell me what or how I feel.”

His fingertips stroked from her collarbone to wrist. “I know better than to try to tell you anything, Gabriella. You’re the one person who might be even more stubborn than me. But since all your other relationships lacked a strong physical appeal, you’re confused.”

She wanted to shake him to dislodge the fear clogging his logic, but she knew by the set of his jaw he didn’t want to hear any of what she had to say.

“Guys confuse love with sex. Believe me, women don’t.”

“Are we gender stereotyping now?” His left eyebrow arched as he went from avoidance to charm in the space of a heartbeat. She’d learned that when one approach didn’t work for him, he switched to a second. At least with her. “Ms. Santos, I do believe you might be a man-basher.”

“Don’t try to avoid the issue. It’s staring you in the face, and you’re trying to skirt it. All that huffing and puffing fooled me for a while, but now I’m so on to you.”

“It’s the Gabriella Santos version of psycho-babble.”

“That’s your excuse whenever you sense a hint of vulnerability in yourself? Which specifically is your problem, tough guy. And I’m the person to call you on it.”

She blew out a breath. His eyes told the story. He didn’t want to hear what she had to say.

But nothing short of a natural disaster could stop her. “You’re always in control, but sometimes you have to let go and let the spirit move you. Howl at the moon, as the saying goes.” If she was reading him right that was pure fear hiding within his eyes. This confrontation, no doubt, was scarier than any mission he’d ever been on. The stakes were too high for him to even contemplate.

“No. That’s your problem, Santos. You’re never in control. You set off on a whim and you go where the spirit moves you. You never have a plan. There’s never a rhyme or reason to anything you do.”

“Sounds like we’re yin and yang.” She was hoping for a miracle, that he’d let down that guard of his long enough to see things as they were. But he was hell-bent on putting a wedge between them before he left. She could see that plainly now.

“Don’t start that crap with me.”

“Personally, I think you’re a big chicken. You put up a tough exterior to fool everyone into thinking that you’re in charge. But in reality our intimacy has you shaking in your boots.”

“You’ve gone too far, Gabriella.”

“No, if you ask me, I haven’t gone far enough. I don’t need your excuses and your finding fault with who I am and what I’m about. I’m in love with you and you’re in love with me. If you’re too stupid to see it, that’s your problem.” She was tired and ornery, and running around in circles over this subject was not an option. She wanted him to stay and listen to reason while at the same time she knew he wouldn’t.

“I can’t be in love with you.” He blew out a breath, as if by doing so he could dismiss the idea.

“Why? Because I’m black? Or could it be that big ugly mole on my forehead? Oh, that’s right, you don’t care that I’m black and I don’t have a mole on my forehead. Hmmm…could it be maybe that it scares you that I might leave you some day? That’s really what it’s all about, Shane, whether you can admit it or not. Being in love means there’s a possibility of pain. But I’m not going anywhere. Like it or not, I’m here for the duration.”

He grasped her hands but she pulled them away. “We’re really great together. The sex is incredible. But that’s all there is. I’m not your Prince Charming. Your fantasy made me into something I’m not.”