“Then, what do you have to lose? You’ve spent plenty of time without her, so if it doesn’t work out, you’ll be back to where you started. Nothing really lost.”
Nothing really lost except his heart and hopes again. This plan had risks, but none of them would affect Lizzy. As his mother said, he’d already been without Kirsten for many years. He could do it again. The risks were few.
“You’re right, Mom.” He wanted to pick up the phone immediately. Kirsten liked aircraft and had always been able to name any one she saw in the sky. His mother made a good case. Lizzy’s happiness was infectious. Perhaps Kirsten had no idea how good it could be with a child around. “Okay. I’m calling.”
Mimi picked up her book and settled into the cushions behind her. “Good. I’ve never had a daughter. I’d kind of like one.”
“That’s going too far. It’s just a trip to a museum.” Although he wanted to guard his heart, his hopes just rose a little higher.
****
Kirsten dove for her phone when she heard the Battle Hymn of the Republic playing. She’d given Duff his own ringtone during the few days he hadn’t called so she wouldn’t miss his calls. As she dug into the depths of the bag, she hoped he had something good to say, because she’d planned to do something to heal the rift she’d made between them. Her problem was that she didn’t know where to begin. “Hello. Duff.” She surprised herself with how loud her voice sounded. It gave away her nerves.
“Got some time to go to the museum?”
His directness worried her. His voice also sounded devoid of emotion, very much like an officer giving orders. Maybe he was getting back at her? Or could he be guarding himself against more hurt from her?
Dammit, I did hurt him. I have to make this right.
“I do. Will your daughter be with us?”
“She will.” Again, no emotion.
“Great. I can meet you there.”
“No, we’ll drive together.” Again an order. She’d deal with it for now, but not for long.
“Yes, sir.” The clipped answer of a cadet slipped out before she could catch it. “Of course.”
“Good. I’ll pick you up in half an hour.”
“I’ll be ready.” Kirsten put the phone in her purse and wondered if this trip would be an amazing experience or a huge disaster.
Chapter Thirteen
As Kirsten and Duff reached the back deck of her house after their long day of museums, parks, and dinner, he spoke, his voice barely carrying over the sounds of the waves washing onto the beach. “You’ve been quiet.”
She had been quiet with him, but she’d chatted and played with Lizzy for most of the afternoon and evening. From the hours at the Naval Aviation Museum to dinner at a restaurant on the beach, the little girl had charmed her. When Lizzy had asked for a goodnight kiss, Kirsten dabbed at a tear that sprung from the corner of her eye. That label of career woman didn’t feel so comfortable after that. She hadn’t said much, because she was stunned at how quickly she’d connected with the child.
“You’re still being quiet.” He leaned on a railing. The distance between them seemed insurmountable. One of them had to make the leap.
She tamped down the desire to let sex do the talking so that he would know her feelings now. Except sex couldn’t communicate how the day had changed her labels and opened up a loophole of that no kids rule.
She and Lizzy had slid down the slide of a kid-sized aircraft carrier, and the little girl had reached for her as she climbed out of the fuselage of a retired F/A-18 at the museum. How easily she’d fit into her arms. Kirsten’s heart had softened a little bit at a time, especially when Lizzy giggled and flashed that dimple. Duff had made it easy, taking care of the difficult moments, like when Lizzy didn’t want to leave. Kirsten had all the easy moments. That kind of yin and yang could work, especially if she learned how to handle the stubborn times.
That dream of a family with Duff emerged from the darkness during the day, and by dinner, it stood gleaming in the middle of her mind. She’d always loved the idea, just like she still loved Duff. In one afternoon, his Lizzy had charmed her and tossed all of her worries about raising a child into the trash bin. With effort, the two of them could find that happiness they’d possessed when they were younger. With a deep breath, she said, “I’m full of thoughts. I’m trying to process them before I say something I shouldn’t, like I did last night.”
“We’re a strange pair. You think out loud, and I wait to speak until I’ve got it all figured out.”
“Like all things, we should try to find that middle ground.”
“Can we?” He narrowed his eyes at her, and she wished she knew what he was thinking.
Her leap, she reminded herself. She’d be the one to jump. Her heart thumped, and, although the night’s air carried a chill, a bead of sweat rolled between her shoulder blades. “I take back all that I said about not being able to handle children. I know, at least, that I like Lizzy. She was great today.”
“Were you with the same little girl? She whined, got over stimulated, and barked out orders like a drill sergeant.”
She laughed at his description. Yes, the kid had moments of less than wonderful behavior, but all of it understandable. “Sorry to laugh at you. But everything she did, I understood why she did it.”
“How?”
Kirsten set her purse down by the door and leaned on the railing next to Duff. “One military kid to another.” She saw him about to protest, and she waved her hand to stop him. “I know she’s not been with you the whole time, but she’s had some impermanence in her life. Much more than I had at her age. The frantic I-have-to-see-everything-now is normal. That was me. In fact, it was me when you met me.”
“You’re going to have to explain that.”
“Dad was on his last year in Pensacola, or so he thought. I wanted to suck every bit of life out of this town and of the beach. I’d lived on other bases, but the men there were older or enlisted.” She’d been thrilled when they’d moved to where young officers were trained to fly. Eager, single men abounded, and even when she was too young for any of them, she’d been thrilled to look, knowing that one day she could touch.
“I can see where enlisted men would be a huge no-no for your father, but the other men, I don’t get that.” He grinned at her. “I was older than you.”
“Exactly. You must have annoyed him from the start.” A nearly forgotten moment sprung to mind. “He once said that when I was old enough, I could have my pick. I was thirteen.”
“You picked me. How did that happen?”
She tucked her hand into the crook of his arm, desperate to connect with him physically. “Something about you called to me. I’ve never really understood it, and I don’t think it matters. We’re drawn to each other.” She tightened her fingers on his upper arm. “Anyway, it’s the same with Lizzy. She doesn’t know how much time she has with you or in this place. She’ll figure it out, of course, but that’s where guidance comes in.”
Kirsten finally felt wise and relished her experiences of moving around so much. “I didn’t think I had time either, and I wanted everything, anywhere we lived. Damn, I wanted everything with you, too, back then. Somehow I didn’t think it would last with us.”
Huh, I’m not feeling so rushed now.
This time, they might last.
“I can give her that. So could you.”
“Yeah.” She could. Within her resided the strength and the knowledge to help this toddler out of a difficult stage. Even Duff sounded convinced, as long as he might consider her a candidate for dating again. “Are you still angry with me?”
“No. Angry is the wrong word. It was disappointment. I didn’t expect you to say what you did.”
“I’m sorry. It’s not good to blame it on shock or on my past or anything else, but I wasn’t ready to hear any of it. I’ve given it lots of thought. I barely slept as I replayed the scene in my head. I’m so very, very sorry. I was an idiot. I really like her. I really like you. Can we try this again?” She held her breath. He’d been so stoic since they left Lizzy asleep in her bed with Mimi reading a book in the small living room of the apartment. On the slow drive home, she expected him to break it off cleanly, but he’d said nothing.
“Yes.”
She pressed her face into his chest as she wrapped both arms around him. Relief flooded through her. She hadn’t realized how much she wanted him back in her life. Him. Not anyone else who enjoyed sex. Duff. She wanted Duff. “Right answer.”
“You’ll have to help me with this military parent thing. You’ve been through it before.” He kissed the top of her head and held her against him.
“Of course, but give me some more warm up time.”
“I’m not diving into marriage. That’s not what I’m saying.”
“I know.” He couldn’t have said anything more perfect to her. She wasn’t ready for marriage either. “There’s too much to discuss, like how we’d even make my career and yours work. This isn’t going to be an easy ride.”
He lifted her chin and gazed into her eyes. “Some of the most memorable flights are the rough ones.” A grin spread across his face.
She matched his smile. “I’m adventurous.”
He lifted an eyebrow questioning how much adventure she could take. “You think.”
“I can be with the right guide.”
“And sex.”
“Yes.” She kept her cringe to herself. Sex would be normal, not therapy. Words would make the difference.
“We have to have more of it. Even a few days without you was painful.”
“That will be tough with a mother, a kid, and a roommate.” She did it, laid out her worries instead of keeping him quiet with a kiss.
He grinned. “We managed before.”
Thoughts of frenzied humping in the passenger seat of his car flashed in her head. She snickered. “The places we managed to get some.”
He looked over her head at her house. “Looks dark in there, right now. The kid’s asleep, safe with my mom. Doesn’t look like your roommate is home. I could use a long, slow love-making session.”
Love-making. Not sex. It would always be this way, because she loved him. “Where you don’t let me hurry you?”
He grinned. “It has been a whole day. Quick might be best.”
“I have a better idea.” She backed toward the door and bent to get the keys from her purse.
“And that is?” He pressed against her as she unlocked the house.
“Something smooth, since we know we’re in for a rough ride in life.”
“Like a glass of wine as we declare our love for each other?” He pulled her to him and pressed a passionate kiss to her lips. “Because I do. I love you.”
Her heart flipped and then filled to near busting. “Oh Duff, I—”
He put a finger over her lips. “You don’t have to say it back. I know you have more nerves about this.”
She took a deep breath. Words. “I do, but don’t doubt my feelings. It’s there. I’m just going to take a while to say it.”
“Which will make it all the sweeter when you do. So, tell me, what was your smooth idea?”
She opened the door to her house and pulled him behind her. “I get to start. I want to give you another blow job.” She dropped to her knees and tugged at his waistband.
“I like how you think.”
About the Author
Ursula Whistler transplanted to New Orleans four years ago from central Virginia. The culture shock wasn’t too terrible since she spent most of her life in northwest Florida, which everyone considers lower Alabama. She’s got two degrees that have nothing to do with literature or writing, and she’ll tell you more than you want to know about that if you ask her.
While pregnant with the second of her three children, she had a recurring dream that she dutifully wrote. We all know how dreams go, thin plot and lots of deus ex machina. She learned to not show that manuscript to anyone even after she edited it. She continued to write paying closer attention to plot, and she joined RWA and the Southern Louisiana Romance Writers. That has made all the difference.
Visit Ursula Whistler at
www.ursulawhistler.com
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Also Available
Big Bad Easy
by
Ursula Whistler
A grueling unsolved murder case is the tipping point for detective Jameson Kelly. He's ready to hang up his holster for early retirement when Zara Robinson walks in to his precinct, the victim of a car break-in. She's everything Jameson likes in a woman--tall, blonde, beautiful and athletic. More than enough woman to take him down and make him beg for more. One more case can't hurt to help pass the time, especially one he knows he can solve.
Zara is a woman who knows what she needs, and top of her list is closure on this spree of car break-ins. And there's Jameson--he's big with an air of bad despite being a cop and all man. Man enough to easily make her feel soft and womanly. But when clues to the theft lead to something bigger, she's glad to have his brains as well as his skills on her side.
Chapter One
Jameson Kelly had an eyeful this morning. A few times a week, usually on a Sunday morning, there would be legs sticking out of short skirts and boobs barely contained by tube tops or halter tops. But this was a Monday, when the hookers weren't lounging around the station waiting for transfer to central lockup. There shouldn't have been a well-dressed, tall woman with long, muscular legs making a splash with the male officers who were beginning their mornings with a review of cases and a cup of coffee. Yet, there she stood, with an equally muscular ass cupped by a mid-thigh length business skirt.
Without a case to review, he felt free to watch her as she shifted from high-heeled foot to another. He guessed she waited on the captain, which meant he would have a nice long time to daydream about what the rest of her body would look like in a black lace bra and matching thong. He wouldn't mind working with her. Getting a view of those legs each day might inspire him to keep his job as a detective for the New Orleans Police Department. The firm, toned biceps on the woman drew his eye as well. The cap sleeve of her simple white blouse covered her deltoids, but he bet that he'd be able to see the definition there as well. All of the muscles were well complemented to her long dark blond hair and tanned skin.