Authors: Rex Saunders
It was very dark, cold, and lonely. I thought about my wife and family,
especially Darryl, our handicapped boy. I knew he would be asking his mom where
I was, and I knew Irene would be having a terrible time trying
to explain to him that I was lost somewhere out in boat. I thought about my
church and our pastors. I thought about my mom in the senior’s home. I said,
“Lord, she’s ninety years old now, and she shouldn’t have to go through
something like this. Lord, take care of her. Don’t let her worry too much.” Then
I said, “Lord, this is Tuesday night. About this time last Tuesday night I was
at the prayer meeting in our church. This Tuesday night I’m adrift on an ice
pan.”
I thought about the many times we gathered at our church on Tuesday night
prayer meetings, when Pastor Primmer would ask all the people to gather around
in a large circle, and hold hands and pray because someone was in the hospital
very sick or there was a serious accident somewhere. I said, “Lord, maybe Pastor
Primmer and our youth pastor, Pastor Rogers, got all the people up front of our
church and they’re holding hands and having special prayers just for me.”
I also imagined my wife in our home with maybe twenty or more people gathered
praying for me, and comforting her and Darryl. I knew for sure that our daughter
Trudy was with her mom, and I thought Denley might be on his way home from
Brampton, Ontario, because he gets very emotional. But the other two boys,
Derrick and Corrie, were different. They love me just as much as Denley and
Trudy, but I suppose they’re stronger and are able to handle
things like this.
I was getting very sleepy. It was getting close to midnight, or maybe even
later. Maybe it was close to getting daylight. I had my hood strings pulled
tight and my coat collar pulled up over my face, trying to keep warm by blowing
my breath down my belly and under my arms. After a little while I would open my
collar and have a look around, but still there was nothing to see. It was still
dark. I was shivering so much and couldn’t control it.
Then I said a prayer. I said, “Lord, You’re my Father in Heaven. I’m Your
child. We’re all Your children, but I’m very cold and weak, Lord. I’m dying here
on this ice pan. Lord, I’m a father and I have children. If one of my children
was in this situation, I would wrap my arms around that child and I would
squeeze that child to my chest and I would hold them until the pain or the
sickness or cold or whatever it was they were going through had passed. I
wouldn’t let go until they were all better again. Lord, You’re my Father. You’re
my loving Heavenly Father. Will You please wrap Your great big warm strong arms
around me and let me feel the warmth of Your arms? I’m freezing to death here
and I don’t want to die. I want to go home to my wife and family. Please, Lord,
send someone to find me.”
Then I noticed I was beginning to get warm, and right
away a
different thought crossed my mind. First I thought I was dying. Was that why I
felt warm? Then I said to myself, “I’m not dying.”
I just asked the Lord to wrap His big warm arms around me, and I had faith
enough to believe that’s what was happening. I tried to sing some more of our
church hymns again.
“There’s power in prayer,”
I said, and,
“Not by
might nor by power but by my spirit, saith the Lord. This mountain shall be
removed by my spirit, saith the Lord.”
Now I was even more tired than before. I just wanted to go sleep, but I was
afraid I wouldn’t wake again. I was falling off my gas can. I would fall to my
right side and I would catch myself before I hit the ice. Then I would fall to
my left side and I would catch myself again before I would fall all the way
over. I would almost fall head-first, but I would catch myself again. I said,
“I’ve got to try and keep catching myself again.” Then I said, “I’ve got to try
and stand up and try to walk and try to get to my water hole and get a drink.” I
was very thirsty. My throat was dry. I tried to pull myself up by holding onto
the ice clump, but I didn’t have strength enough to do that. Instead, I got off
my gas can and crawled on my hands and knees and got hold of the ice clump
again. Finally, I got to my feet, but my jeans and the legs of my floater suit
were frozen. I was
having trouble walking. I was really weak, so
I had to sit on my gas can again.
I spent another while blowing down my belly and under my arms. I loosened my
collar when I saw a seagull. It just landed right between my two legs and folded
its wings. I said, “Oh my goodness, I’m going to put you inside my coat. You’ll
be nice and warm on my belly and underneath my arms. You’re going to make me
warm.”
I tried to catch him by the head so it wouldn’t bite me. I was going to put it
under my right arm, then under my left arm, then on my belly, but when I grabbed
for it, it was gone. I thought that was strange. I was so sure it was a gull. So
I had another look around but saw only ice pans and water, no lights
anywhere.
I went back to blowing down my belly and under my arms again. After a while I
loosened my collar again and had another look around. Then I saw a seal, a young
harp. “Now,” I said, “I’ll get that one for sure.” He wouldn’t get away from
me. I wondered how long it had been there. I thought for sure he was there long
enough to be nice and dry and fast asleep. I was going to take him back to my
gas can and sit down and put my two frozen legs up across his back and put my
cold old hands down around his nice warm sides. I thought I would warm myself up
nice and fast. So I got off my gas can and crawled over to where he was and
grabbed hold, but it turned out to be a clump of ice that had
been there all the time. That was very disappointing. So I crawled back and sat
down again.
I began to think about what was happening to me, because I had thought for sure
it was a seal. Then it hit me. There was no seagull and there was no seal. I
heard of something like this happening before, either on television or I may
have read it in a book, or maybe heard someone talk about it. I said, “I believe
I am hallucinating or something like that. That’s what’s happening to me.” So I
started singing again to try and get it off my mind.
Shortly after that, I thought I heard an outboard motor idling. I looked around
and right behind me was a speedboat with two men in her. I watched as the man at
the front of the boat picked up a paddle or gaff and pushed the boat away from
the ice pan out into clear water. The other man was back in the after part of
the boat controlling the motor. I was trying to stand up. After a while I got to
my feet by pulling myself up by the ice clump. Then I waved my gas can and my
arms and shouted out as loud as I could. “Come on in here! I’m in here! Come on
in!”
After shouting out three or four times, I realized there was no speedboat, just
as there had been no seagull and no seal. It was that hallucination stuff coming
back again. So I sat down again, feeling very disappointed.
I prayed and sang that old song again. “There’s power in
prayer. All I ever needed is waiting right here. Just a few words, a child’s
faith, and its goodbye despair. There’s power, so much power in prayer.” I also
sang, “This mountain shall be removed by my spirit, saith the Lord,” and parts
of a few more hymns we sang at our church. I had them all tangled up together.
Then I said, “Lord, I know You can straighten them out.”
Not long after that I had another look around, and there was a big flat pan of
ice drifting by my piece of ice. I watched it for a while. Then I said, “Oh my
goodness, there’s a polar bear on that ice pan.” That was very scary. Then I saw
another polar bear. I said, “Oh my, there’s two there, the two of them,
together. It must be an old bear and her young one!”
I thought if that ice pan goes on by, maybe the bears won’t see me, but if the
pan happens to strike together with the one I’m on, then for sure they will see
me. As I was watching, I saw the small bear put its nose up to the big bear’s
mouth. Then I saw the big bear put its paw up on the back of the young one. They
looked as if they were playing. Then I said I had better try to get to my feet
if I can and try and scare them away. So I got hold of the big clump of ice and
pulled myself up onto my feet. I took my gas can and waved it at the two
bears.
Then the realization came to me again; there were no polar
bears. The same old thing was happening again. That old hallucination stuff. I
put my gas can down and sat down again. I felt better knowing there weren’t any
polar bears around, but I was very tired and wet and cold and hungry. I was very
weak. My throat was very dry. I wanted a drink of water, but I was too weak to
get to my water hole. The last time I had to crawl there, and the ice was too
hard to break with my fist. I had to break it with the heel of my boot, but now
my pant legs were frozen, and I could no longer raise my legs to break the
ice.
I wondered how much longer I could live like this. I wanted to go to sleep so
desperately, but I was afraid that if I took a small nap, I might not wake up
again. It was at that point I gave up. I could no longer stay awake. I was gone
as far as I could possibly go, so I said, “Lord, I’m going to leave it all in
Your hands now. My glasses are broken. I have them in my shirt pocket and I’m
going to put them back on my eyes and pull my coat collar up around my face and
pull my hood strings tight around my face. Please, Lord, don’t let me fall on my
right side, because my head will be in the water, and don’t let me fall on left
side, because my old body will be shut in behind that big clump of ice, and the
people looking for me won’t be able to see me. Lord, please, when I fall, give
me strength enough to
crawl ten or twelve feet. Then I’ll be in
the middle of the ice pan and someone will find me there.”
So I put my glasses on and got ready to die. I said, “Lord, now I’m ready. The
gulls won’t be able to pick my eyes out or pick my face to pieces.” I said,
“Lord, when they find me they’ll open my hood strings and loosen my coat collar
and my face will look the same as it does now. Then they’ll take me back to my
home and they’ll put me in my casket and put me in my church and my wife and
family will look at me and say, ‘Yes, that’s him, all right, ’ and they’ll bury
me and put a closure to all this and get on with their lives again.” Then I
said, “Lord, it’s all in Your hands now, but not my will, Lord, but Thy will be
done. Amen.”
I would fall to my right side, catch myself, fall to my left and catch myself,
then fall forward and catch myself. I said, “I’m going to stay seated on this
gas can as long as I can, but when I fall off the can, Lord, please give me
strength enough to crawl, and I’ll just straighten myself out and go to sleep.
In a few minutes I’ll be in Heaven into Your presence.” But, somehow, I refused
to let myself fall off my gas can.
After a few minutes I said, “No, I’m not going to give up this easily. I’m
going to fight a little while longer.”
So I loosened my hood strings and pulled my zipper
down on my
coat collar and had another look around and went back to singing the same old
church songs again.
“There’s power in prayer, all I ever needed is waiting
right here. Just a few words of child-like faith and its goodbye despair.
There’s power, oh so much power in prayer,”
and,
“This mountain
shall be removed by my spirit, saith the Lord.”
I took my old broken
glasses off my eyes again and put them back in my shirt pocket.
By this time it was almost daylight again. I looked around and wondered where I
was, and which way was east or west or north or south. I didn’t know how far I
had drifted. I was very cold and lonely. After a little while I saw the sky
begin to turn red. I said, “That must be east, because the sky is a bit red and
the sun rises from the east, so that’s what’s making the sky red.” Sure enough,
I saw the sun, a big ball of fire coming out of the water. I said, “It’s east out
there, and that’s home in there somewhere to the west.” I said, “Oh my, I wonder
how far from home am I? This is going to be a good day. For sure, they’ll find
me. Please, Lord, let someone find me today.”
I was afraid I would go to sleep because the sun was very bright and warm, and
there was no wind. The glare from the sun on the ice was blinding. As the sun
was rising, I looked all around, hoping to see a boat or helicopter or airplane
or something, but I saw nothing.
The sky was as clear and blue as ever. Just then I noticed a
small cloud. As I watched, it became round; it looked about the size of my fist.
Then about a foot or so from that one I saw another very small cloud. As I
watched, it grew to the same size as the first one, nice and round. Then I
thought of the man in the Bible, 1 Kings 18: 44-45,
“There ariseth a little
cloud out of the sea, like a man’s hand. And he said, Go up, say unto Ahab,
Prepare thy chariot, and get thee down that the rain stop thee not. And it
came to pass in the mean while, that the heaven was black with clouds and
wind, and there was great rain.”
I said, “Lord, surely you wouldn’t be showing me a sign from Heaven. I’m not
like them Bible people.”
Then I saw a third cloud appear, about the same distance from the other two. As
I watched, it gew to the same size. Then I thought,
That’s three round clouds
and I’ve been here three days.
“Lord, are you showing me something? Do
those three round clouds mean I’m going to be found today? Lord, I sure pray
that it is a sign from Heaven.”
But then I saw another cloud. As I watched, it blew up to the same size as the
other three and kept the same distance apart. Then I said, “Oh Lord, I thought
you were showing me a sign that I was going home today, but now I know that is
not so. Maybe that fourth cloud means I’m
going to stay here for
another night. Oh Lord, if it is so, You sure will have to be with me, because
You know I cannot stay alive another night.”