Man with a Past (12 page)

It wasn't true, but she had no doubt Joe believed what he said. She inhaled deep, deeper, trying to fortify herself against the pull she felt from him. For him. The pain she saw in his eyes.

“Give me a walk in the moonlight.”

Joe's hand covering hers, the baby monitor hanging from a strap on her wrist, she led him to the three wide steps that descended onto the sloping front yard. The grass was too long from her not having mowed it this week, but it was cool against her feet.

And with every step she noticed more and more. Little things. Important things. Like how the scent of honeysuckle tinged the air. How Joe's work-roughened fingers slid against her own with every step they took. So opposite of Bryan's soft, doctor hands, Joe's were abrasive, yet just as gentle.

“Tell me about the scar,” she murmured finally.

A long moment passed. “Some guy tried to cut my throat with a shiv.” He laughed humorlessly. “It wasn't from some heroic act if that's what you were thinking.”

She swallowed at the image his words evoked. “The one by your mouth?”

The white of his teeth flashed briefly in the darkness. “My own fault. On a work detail my grip slipped and I landed on a rock in the fall.”

Her lips twisted and she sidled closer to him with a wry smile. “So I'm not the only clumsy one?”

This time his laugh was real. “No.”

They strolled awhile more in silence, down the slope of the hill at the side of the house. Unintentionally, or maybe subconsciously, she'd led them near the pond and the little screened-in shed Wilson had built for his wife so she'd accompany him when he came fishing.

She looked at Joe.

Ached.

She wanted to ease the pain Joe had suffered. Ease his sorrow and loss and give him comfort.

She was lonely, tired of carrying a heavy load and needed someone to share the burden.

And now she was here in this isolated place with a man who made her body heat just thinking about him.

But this was so much more than physical need, more than lust. In her younger, not-so-bright days before she and Mac, she'd rushed to satisfy those physical needs and regretted her impulsiveness later.

With Joe it was different. She knew it was different. Special. Nothing had every felt so right. Her body seemed attuned to him. He'd saved her life, helped her daily, tolerated an old man neither of them were related to. And avoided her son because he so badly missed his daughter.

Those things—they were why she loved him.

As crazy as it sounded, she'd fallen in love with Joe and all it had taken was spending three meals a day with him. Working side by side with him. Hour after hour, day after day. They'd shared smiles and problems. Washed the dishes together. And even though it had taken years for her to recognize her love for Mac, it had only taken her weeks to love Joe.

“Ashley?”

She turned and pressed a finger to his lips, her mouth parting in sweet surprise when he immediately kissed the tip.

“I discovered something tonight,” she whispered, shivering at the heated look in his eyes. “Bryan was nice—”

Joe groaned and stepped away. “I won't be a stand-in—”

“You're not.” She followed him, her hands gripping the material of his shirt to hold him in place. “He was
nice,
Joe. And it was a nice, fun date, but my heart didn't race when he kissed me good night. And I didn't ache with wanting to feel his arms around me the whole time I sat across from him at dinner.”

Joe tensed, the muscles of his chest hard when she moved so close her breasts rested against him. “What I feel for you… I—” She inhaled. “I don't know how to describe it yet. It's all happened so fast and I'm not even sure it's wise, but this feels—”

“Right,” he growled before dipping his head to kiss her. He stopped abruptly, his mouth hovering a scarce inch over hers. “It feels right, doesn't it?”

“Y
ES
.” H
ER GAZE
never wavered, knowing exactly what he needed to hear. “I want to move on, Joe. I'm ready. But I want to be with someone who understands me. Someone who knows what it's like to be different in a town like Taylorsville. I want you.”

Her heart pounded so hard she imagined her body pulsed with it, but it matched the thudding tempo of his. She felt the rapid cadence through his shirt, the heat of him, the strength of his need. “I've seen how hard you work. Harder than I've asked you to,” she whispered. “Like you're trying to prove something.”

She slid her hand up his chest, over his shoulder to where she clasped the back of his neck. “I know that feeling. I understand what it's like to work and strive in an effort to gain approval. To dream. Want,” she breathed, finally giving in to the overwhelming need to brush her mouth against his.

It was a light, barely there kiss with just enough tongue to make his arms tighten around her.

He tasted so good.

Joe's chest rose and fell heavily. “What about Max? You need to be with someone who—”

“You're not one of the statistics, Joe. Maybe I had my doubts at first, I admit it, but now…” She shook her head. “Maybe you can't offer me fancy cars, but you can give me and Max other things. More important things.” A sad smile was all she could manage. “You learn a lot becoming a widow this early. You learn what really matters. And I'll take a kind, hard-working man over material things any day.”

Joe stared at her a long moment, aching, painfully aroused, but torn and shaken by her words. She believed in him. He saw it in her eyes, in the way she smiled.

He had to tell her the truth.
Wanted
to tell her, get it out into the open and pray she'd forgive him for not telling her all of it sooner. Pray she'd believe him when no one else did. For the first time in a long while, he was afraid.

“Ashley—”

She parted her lips and kissed him again. Not the brief, slight kiss of earlier, but hot and hard and sexy. One minute he could think and the next it was all he could do not to lower her to the grass but get them inside the shed. Her hands teased him, slid over his chest and arms as though she liked what she saw and couldn't get enough.

Joe broke the kiss long enough to yank his shirt
over his head. Her mouth fell to his chest, kissing, nibbling, her teeth gently biting the skin over his collarbone, a sexy, teasing nip that sharpened his craving for her.

He tossed his shirt aside and lowered his hands to her dress. Eased it up the long length of her legs.

“Zipper's on the side.”

He found the pull and forced himself to slowly ease it down so as not to rip the dress off her. “I'm not going to walk away when this is over, Ashley. There will be tough times ahead, but this—” He raised his hands to her face, cradled her cheeks in his palms and forced her to look at him. “This—”

She didn't blink. “I know, Joe. Me, too.”

It was enough for now. The future with all its complexities could wait. Joe drew her close and pressed a kiss to her forehead, her cheek, the wide, sweet fullness of her mouth. Ashley's hands were on his stomach, at the snap of his jeans but when he looked down, he was even more turned on by the sight of her ringless hand. She'd removed her wedding band. Pleasure filled him, hope.

“What's wrong?”

Joe gently removed the monitor still strapped to her wrist. He carefully set it on the floor beside the lounger before straightening and taking her left hand in his. He stared down at the her fingers, a
frown on his face. He wasn't an honorable hero, but he'd spend his days trying to be.

I'll take care of them, Mac.

Joe lifted her left hand to his mouth and kissed where the ring used to be, lingered over the act when her lips parted with a soundless gasp.

The sound of the breeze rustling through the willows between the shed and the house faded into the background. The noise of frogs and crickets converged. But all Joe could concentrate on was Ashley's sweet, heady sighs when he slid his hands over the straps of her dress.

The fabric pooled at their feet and she stood before him in a black bra and panties. The sight alone nearly brought him to his knees.

“You are so beautiful,” he whispered, running his hands up her arms, around her shoulders and down her back. He pulled her close with his hands at her hips, and she moaned his name.

The tone of her voice made him still.

“Birth—birth control,” she whispered with a frown that said she was having as hard a time thinking straight as he was. “I don't have any. I wasn't planning…”

In that moment Joe was forever thankful for his prison counselor's sense of duty and humor in handing condoms to prisoners on their way out.

“My wallet.” He chuckled wryly at her expression. “I'll tell you later, but no, it wasn't intended
for someone else,” he murmured before pressing his mouth to hers.

His hands skimmed her back, smoothed over tense muscles. And from all the sighs and moans coming from her throat, he was creating a whole other kind of tension, which was a good thing since he wouldn't last long.

He tried to slow himself down, knowing without a doubt Ashley hadn't been with anyone since her husband. The thought was humbling. Tantalizing.

Once again her fingers fiddled with the snap of his jeans, and Joe helped her, gritting his teeth as she eased the denim and briefs over the erection straining toward her.

Ashley pulled away and wet her lips before she gently but firmly shoved him to a seated position on the chaise. Joe smiled and leaned back against the musty cushion, made himself comfortable, more than ready to watch the show as Ashley gave him a shy yet sultry look while she reached behind her to unfasten her bra.

She lifted one shoulder in a shrug, repeated the action and watched him closely as the straps slid down her arms. Biting her lip, she let the scrap of material fall.

Absurdly weak, ready to explode, Joe leaned his head back on the padded lounge with a growl. If he died now, he'd die a happy, happy man.

 

T
HE EXPRESSION
on Joe's face propelled Ashley to greater heights than she'd ever gone to entice a man. Joe made her feel beautiful and sexy and wanted.

“Come here.”

Eager to feel his hands on her she stepped closer, but now that he was seated, the lounge didn't look big enough to hold them both. Unless she was on top, which would leave her fully exposed, vulnerable—
and in control
.

Releasing her lip, she smiled as she swung one leg over both his and let Joe guide her into a sitting position on him, just…there. She settled herself, pleased by the groan that escaped him on contact.

“I'm sorry, Ashley.”

She braced her hand on his chest and leaned toward him. “For what?” she murmured, her mouth teasing his while she rocked against him.

“Ash—stop.” His hands gripped her hips and held her still, his breathing ragged. “It's been too long. This is too fast. I'm not going to—aww, this is so embarrassing,” he ground out between clenched teeth.

She kissed his lightly stubbled jaw and laughed, unable to help herself. Joe was in a bad way and needed release. And more than anything she wanted to give it to him. To be the one to help him since he obviously hadn't gone to someone in town like some men would have.

It was another reason she loved him.

Joe's hands slid up her waist, over her breasts. Distracting her from her thoughts. She watched his face, saw how much she turned him on. His eyes glittered as he raised his head and took her breast into his mouth. He suckled gently first, then firmly, stroking her with his tongue and mimicking the act by pressing her hips against him. She arched her back and moaned.

Then it was her turn. She slipped her hands between them, found him and encircled the hard, hot length.

His breath hissed. “
No.”

She ignored him, pressed her body against the lower length of him. Wanting him, her fingers and hand teased. Then Joe came with a groan full of self-recrimination and pleasure.

 

W
HEN
J
OE CAME TO HIS SENSES
Ashley still straddled his lap and watched him closely, his T-shirt in her hands. A second later, she tossed it aside and smiled a sexy little smile as though she'd conquered the world. All he knew was that she'd certainly conquered him.

He pulled her down to his chest and cradled her against him, his hands moving down her back and over her nicely rounded behind to squeeze. “You don't listen very well.”

His hands smoothed back up her body to her hair where he found the clasp holding it fastened.
He released it so he could spear his fingers into the long, thick mass.

Ashley crossed her arms on top of his chest and rested her chin on the top. “You didn't like it?”

Joe chuckled and gently pulled her forward for a kiss. “Liking it obviously wasn't the problem, but I didn't do much for you.”

She fingered the hair on his chest. “You needed it and I wanted to. I actually wanted to do more but…”

Her words trailed off and it didn't take long for him to catch on to what she was discreetly asking. She was afraid. And she had every right to be because this was a conversation they should've had before letting things go so far.

He kissed her again. “I'm safe, Ashley. There's a program. Some voluntary government thing. Before I was released I was given free testing.”

She looked at him, her solemn gaze asking for his understanding.

“I should've said something sooner. And don't feel bad or embarrassed. I'm the one embarrassed that we even have to talk about it, but between the fights and the shiv, I wanted to know. And you had every reason to be concerned.”

Some of the tension left her body. “There's no good way of bringing this into a conversation is there?” she murmured, her eyes lowering. “I didn't even think of it until…
then
and so…”

She'd pleasured him a different way. “I understand.”

“With Mac's military background and my pregnancy, the stress of the funeral—they ran all kinds of tests just to be safe. They were fine,” she said in a rush, as though she needed to reassure him.

“So we're both fine,” he murmured, smiling gently. “Except one of us got the raw end of the deal,” he teased as he tugged her hips into his. “Want to see how long it takes me to—”

Ashley's mouth covered his and she kissed him deep, her tongue stroking into his mouth, her breathing picking right back up to a pace that said she might not have found pleasure before, but she was more than ready to try again. He squeezed her hip, slid his hand to her inner thigh.

Max's whimper suddenly filled the air.

“Mmm, noooo. Oh, no.” Ashley's shoulders shook. “I'm sorry.”

Joe smoothed her hair away from her face before she shoved herself up, and tried to ignore the way she looked sitting on top of him now that he wasn't so trigger-happy.

“He's hungry,” she said, her expression drawing a smile from him because it was obvious she was hungry, too.

She got to her feet and whirled around, searching the darkness for her black dress. Max's
whimpers turned into cries that rose in volume with every breath.

“Here.” Joe found her dress and handed it to her. Ashley pulled it on, leaving the side unzipped. She hurried to the door of the shed before pausing.

“Joe—”

“Go on. I'm right behind you,” he said, picking up his jeans.

She flashed him a smile and left, scurrying up the hill away from the pond toward the house. Joe dressed, aware the air inside the shed was scented with the smell of sex and arousal and need. He grabbed his T-shirt from the floor and then stretched across the lounge chair to pick up the monitor when Ashley's voice came over the airwaves.

Drawn, knowing he shouldn't, he sat down on the lounge and waited for Max's story to begin.

 

“O
H
, M
AX
,” A
SHLEY'S VOICE
sounded tinny and far away. “Somehow we're going to have to work on your timing.”

Joe heard the rocking chair creak.

“Joe's a good guy, you know that? Yes, he is. But I don't want you to worry, Max. You'll always be my little man.”

Max babbled in response and Joe smiled down at the monitor.

“But we have to help him. Because as much as I love Joe, you come first and if Joe can't even
bring himself to touch you because of losing his little girl—”

Joe couldn't breathe. She loved him? She
loved
him? But on the heels of that amazing realization came pain.

She knew.

He couldn't hear the rest of her words due to the rush of blood past his ears. He shook his head, noticed her bra lying on the floor next to his foot and reached down to grab it. He shoved the ends into his pocket and ignored the lacy cups that brought images to mind he couldn't be thinking about at the moment.

“Joe loved his baby, Max. He may have been young, but when he looks at you, I see the pain. He's hurting. But even though he's hurting, and even though the sight of you probably brings back a lot of memories of his baby girl, he's still here helping us. That says something, Max, don't you think? I do. I think it means a lot. I think it means he's one of the good guys.”

Joe rubbed his eye with his palm. Things were such a mess and without a doubt, he knew Wilson was involved. The old man had obviously told Ashley bits and pieces, but not the whole truth. And while Ashley understood his loss and pain, that would change once she discovered the so-called truth.

She'd never understand. Would never believe
he'd kept the truth from her in the hopes she'd grow to see him as he is, rather than what people believe him to be.