March: A Tale of Salmon and Swedes (The Glothic Tales Book 4) (11 page)

March pushed the iPad and his notes away across the top of his small desk, in defeat, and leant back in his chair, noticing that his THE had finally regenerated its energy, so he picked it up and looked for something to cheer him up. He found it rapidly.

So I say

Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing

Thanks for all the joy they're bringing

Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty

What would life be?

Without a song or a dance what are we?

So I say thank you for the music

For giving it to me

As Abba continued singing away, he suddenly wondered about the words, ‘thank you for the music, and giving it to me,’ and if it was possible that they could give him their music.

‘Hold on,’ he muttered to himself, and grabbed his Q’muniktor; quickly searching his address book for an old friend on Gloth he hadn’t seen in ages, Outcrop Simmer, who was a music promoter. Well, not quite so grand, but he did supply background music to every elevator, sky tube and scoot path on Gloth.

Quickly attaching a couple of Abba songs to his message he wrote, ‘
Hi Out! Long time no see. Hey, what do you think about this music? Would it suit your customers? Waiting for your reply. March G.
’

‘Hungry?’ he heard from behind him, and he turned to see Trys poking her head through the door.

‘Um, yes. I could do with a break.

‘Any luck with your calculations?’

‘Yes and no.’

‘Tell me about it over lunch. I’ll pop back downstairs and make some for us.’

‘I’ll give you a hand,’ he said, jumping up from his chair.

While they ate, March explained the result of all his calculations, and how it was impossible, as he saw it, to make anything approaching a satisfactory outcome because of the limitations the force field created. On top of that, he knew from experience now that the shuttle missions were dangerous, or unreliable to say the least, and because of the shuttle’s size, totally unsuitable for transporting profitable quantities of cargo. There was no possible way he could see that Earth could add to Gloth’s wealth without entry ports, and that his father would never agree to the cost of them, while the trade opportunities and the market for advanced weaponry were so limited.

‘And that won’t improve either, March. Local planetary conflicts and wars don’t make anywhere near a reasonable profit. Wars between planets is the starting point of decent profitability, but because Earth is totally cut off from the Twelve Sun Systems, they don’t even know that there are planets out there that they could go to war with, let alone get there and then get to work.’

‘True. It must be so frustrating for you though. I mean, I’ve only been here a few days, and already I am totally despairing of the situation here. How have you put up with it for so long?’

‘To be honest, March, I gave up a long time ago, when I reached the same conclusions as you are coming to. But this is my last posting, so I’ve made the best of it, made a few friends, and now I’ll happily wait for my orders to arrive soon for my return home to Gloth. I miss real people and the diversity of them, who I always got to meet on Gloth during the months of Grand Council Assemblies. You know, like people from Myscopinia, who talk to you telepathically, or those from Outer Multitudinous, who are such superb conversation makers with their four heads. Never a silent moment with them jabbering away to themselves, and always with a smile or a laugh at the ready. Most of all I think I miss Lacertilians though. They are such a refined race of people, and well, the men are just so drop dead handsome, aren’t they? Oh, and of course the Haandrills from Varius Two, who, with four arms, can shake both your hands and give you a hug at the same time.

But here, it’s only damn Erdeans. Even the ones with some Glothic blood are still Erdean, and thoroughly boring. I suppose they can’t help it though. I mean it’s in their genes, isn’t it? And they are cut off from knowing anyone other than themselves. Such a travesty.’

‘Will you be replaced?’

‘You may have to ask your father that question. I am not sure, as there is so little to do here, and to be honest with you, if you don’t mind me being frank, there is very little that can be done for Earth, as it is wandering down the same path as Erde travelled, and heading towards its second self destruction, so perhaps it would be better to forget about trying and just leave Earth and its horrid Erdean gene be until it disappears, again, and finally.’

‘Did you pop some depressants in our breakfast tea this morning?’

Trys laughed loudly. ‘Oh March, I wish I had, and then we would both have an excuse for being so down about things today. Look, I have to walk down to the post office after lunch to post my letters. It’s quite nice weather today, so would you like to come with me, and then we can take a short walk in Hyde Park, and perhaps sit on a bench and talk about the weather. That’s what people do here when it’s a nice day.’

‘Sounds line a splendid idea. Of course.’

Dum Dum Diddle

After a pleasant afternoon, which included Trys introducing March to the delicacy of scones with strawberry jam and clotted cream, at a nearby tea room, they arrived back home in a much better mood than when they had left a few hours before.

As it had been a little warm in the sun, March went upstairs to change. As he did, he noticed his Q’muniktor flashing with a new message. He grabbed it and tapped.

‘Hey Big M! Yes, too long. Now, this muzac you sent me. Where did you get it? It’s ouuuttaa, ouuuttaa man!! For my business it’s an easy winner, but I think it could be big, huge, humungous! So I sent the tracks to a guy I know, Dum Dum Diddle, who does inter Sun System hologramatic concert broadcasting. He’s a real biggie in it, and he has already replied and wants to know more. Like soon too Big M!! Can you send me vids, fast? Out.’

March quickly grabbed his THE, and spent half an hour uploading and converting a few Abba videos to his Q’muniktor, then attached them to his reply to Out.

‘Hey Out! What? Huge? Ok, here you go. Three muzac vids! Let me know. March G.’

March was wearing a smile that Trys hadn’t seen on his face before, when he went downstairs, so she knew something had cheered him up, and very quickly.

‘You look pleased with yourself,’ she said, looking up at him from her armchair in the sitting room.

‘I’m not sure, but I might have stumbled onto something.’

‘What?’

‘I have a friend on Gloth, who runs a small music business, but he has a friend who is huge in the music and hologramatic concert business throughout the Twelve Sun Systems.’

‘And?’

‘Well, I sent my friend a couple of Abba songs, and he reckons this other guy might be interested.’

‘Interesting. So do you think something will come of it?’

‘Not sure. He asked for a few videos, so I just sent them to him. I guess all I can do is wait and see.’

‘Easier to export than salmon I suppose,’ Trys said with a little laugh. ‘I have no idea about the value of entertainment, but I would think that salmon and caviar would be far more lucrative. What is the price of salmon on Gloth now? Last time I was there I think it was around a Month for a small serving.’

‘Oh, on the EdErg index?’

‘Yes.’

‘Oh it’s a lot more now. About five Months.’

‘And the buying price here on Earth is less than a Day at present I think.’

‘About that, yes.’

‘So that’s a six thousand percent profit margin. Stick to salmon then!’

‘Wow. Your mental arithmetic is fast. I would have needed my calculator for that one.’

‘I did very well at school; I’ll have you know. Top of my class in mathematics and algebra.’

‘Well done! So ok, while I’ve got a living breathing maths genius in front of me, I’ve been wondering about something that you can solve for me.’

‘Of course, what?’

‘The exchange value between the EdErg index and the paper money here in London.’

‘Not an easy one, March because of all the currencies, as I mentioned before. But the last time I had to do the calculation was for a transaction I worked on with Mr. Prescott-Jones. In the end we settled on two currencies to use. The Pound, which is the money here in England, and the Dollar, which is American money and worth about one half of a Pound. It was a few months ago now, but little has changed since then though. So for that transaction, one Pound was worth eight Minutes, and a Dollar, four Minutes.’

‘That’s only a fraction of the cost of a Curdll on Gloth.’

‘Of course it is. Money here is absolutely worthless; it’s just little pieces of paper, so I think that the Glothic Treasury were very generous in their estimation. However, in the end we used gold to settle the deal, as we do with all transactions, as at least there is a realisable value to gold here and on Gloth. The only problem is that it is so damned heavy. I’ve got some in the sideboard there, waiting for the next shuttle run. It could have gone back with your arrival, but it is far too heavy for me to carry. I thought I would wait until after you arrived, so you could carry it for me to the next shuttle.’

‘No problem at all, of course I can.’

*****

Over dinner of fish and chips, which they had bought from a shop in a side street nearby, March was pleasantly surprised by the paper wrapped hot meal he had carried home, and thought it was delightfully delicious in fact, as he picked out morsels of greasy fish and chips with his fingers, from the whitish paper laid out in the middle of the dining table. He found that he preferred splashes of vinegar on his chips though to a squeeze of lemon, after trying both.

When his Q’muniktor vibrated in his trouser pocket, he quickly licked his greasy fingers, and then wiped them on his paper napkin before pulling it from his pocket. He tapped the screen.

‘Big M! Dum Dum says he wants a hold and first option on this. Also, he wants to know how much there is. Audio, video, concert recordings, the lot. Can you hold, and can you send the info? Out!’

March was dumbstruck. ‘Sorry, I’ll be back in a minute,’ he said, as he jumped up from the table, before returning with Trys’ iPad.

‘So?’ Trys asked, as he sat down.

‘I need to check how many songs Abba recorded, and how many videos of their concerts are available,’ he said, as he searched for the data on the iPad.

‘Ah, for your music friend?’

‘Yes.’

‘Oh, I would guess at a hundred songs or more. They were not only popular, but also prolific during their time.’

‘Here we are, and you’re quite right. If I only count the official releases, there are well over a hundred songs, plus ten recorded concerts and forty music videos. I’ll quickly send this data to Out,’ he said, tapping away furiously at his Q’muniktor.

‘Hurry up then, your dinner is getting cold.’

After they had finished dinner, Trys made coffee and they retired to the sitting room. March was quiet, deep in thought, wondering what possibilities there might be with Out and Dum Dum Diddle. Despite his excitement however, he knew that he shouldn’t get too carried away, because even though he loved Abba, it shouldn’t be his priority. He was here to improve trade, not to help add Abba songs to background music play lists for elevators, sky tubes and scoot paths, or to organise hologramatic concerts.

‘Lost in your thoughts there,’ Trys said.

‘Oh, sorry, I was thinking about this Abba stuff and trying to get my mind back on to what I am supposed to be doing here.’

‘You never know. I mean music is a big business here, so it might have some value on Gloth. It seems your friends are interested, so why not wait and see what they have to say?’

‘This man my friend knows asked for a hold and first option. What do you think I should do? I wouldn’t know where to start, or who to ask for a hold and first option. And anyway, what is a hold, and on what?’

‘I can’t help you with that, March. All I know is that music is covered by Rights, such as copyright and intellectual rights, well at least from my limited knowledge, something like that anyway. But if anything comes of it, I’m sure I can find someone to ask.’

‘In the end, it will probably only amount to a few Days or Weeks anyway,’ March said, with a distinct defeatist tone. His Q’muniktor vibrated again.

‘Can you send more sample songs and vids? Dum Dum wants to see more. Out.’

March tapped out a reply.

‘Will do, Out. I’m working on a hold and option, but say it’s ok. Give me a few hours to convert and upload. March G.’

‘He wants more samples, so I’ll finish my coffee and get them done before I go to bed.’

‘He is keen,’ Trys smiled.

*****

‘I think I need your help.’

‘Oh? With what?’ Trys asked, looking up from her breakfast, at March leaning on the doorframe. He moved and sat down opposite her at the table before he replied. Trys poured a cup of tea for him.

‘My friend’s friend has offered a Century…..’

‘For the music?’ Trys interrupted.

‘Just as an up front holding deposit!’

‘What? I can’t believe it. That’s over, … let me think. Um, that’s over six and a half billion Pounds!’

‘Ha! Your mental arithmetic is incredible. Anyway, he wants to know if he can buy the entire privilege licence, which I think is like the Rights thing that you mentioned, or if not, to take a sole agent’s agreement for a five hundred year roll over lease.’

‘My goodness.’

‘My friend Out says that his friend told him that Abba were absolutely unique and he wants to do business, before anyone else hears about it. Out thinks that either way, lease or buy, the whole deal could amount to quite a few Centuries.’

‘For music? It’s hard to believe.’

‘With so much on offer, I was wondering if we could speak to Mr. Prescott-Jones again.’

‘A very good idea I think. If anyone would know about rights and their value and such like, I am sure the Chancellor of the Exchequer of the British government would be a good person to ask. I’ll contact him this morning, and see what I can arrange. He’s always very busy, but usually, if it’s a very important matter, he finds time for me.’

‘Thank you, Trys. Just one other thing. How much would it cost to upgrade the force field and install two entry ports?’

‘I’m sorry, March, I really don’t know.’

‘No problem, I’ll ask my advisor.

March tapped out a message to his advisor, the Deputy-Under-Secretary for Earth Containment, retired Major Errst Humff.
‘How much would the total cost be to upgrade the Earth force field, and then to install two polar entry ports? Check the last estimates on file, which will suffice for now, as I need this information urgently. Extremely urgently. I expect your reply within twelve hours.’

He sent the message hoping Humff would understand that his request was not to be sent to a subcommittee for consideration early next year.

‘Would you like some toast, March?’