Marco (The Men of Indecent Exposure #1) (4 page)

I smiled a little. “Yes, Mona, I did. All the tests came back clean. Got the HIV results today, as a matter of fact. Everything’s all good.”

Thank God.
This could’ve been so much worse. I didn’t know this man, what he’d been into, who he’d been with. At the thought of it, I rubbed my forehead. This, hooking up with strange men, wasn’t something I was in the habit of doing, but this had definitely set me straight. From now on, drinking would be limited to casual get-togethers with friends and family, or while I was alone in the comfort of my own home.

Well, after I brought this baby into the world safely, that is.

Having kids wasn’t something I really dwelled on, wasn’t a part of life I was aching to experience, but here I was. I placed a hand on my stomach through my robe and I imagined what the coming months would bring. This was about to be an experience unlike any I’d ever had.

Mona got off the phone when Cedric came into the room. She knew she wouldn’t be able to talk in code without giving away my secret, so she just promised to call tomorrow. I sat there on the couch, alone, staring at my shaky hands when a set of headlights shined through the sheer curtains covering my front window.

I damn-near fainted.

He’s here. Time to face the music
.

Slowly, I stood from my seat and adjusted my robe before opening the door. I watched Naseem make his way up my sidewalk, smiling, clueless. We hadn’t seen one another in two solid weeks because of his visit to Jordan. He’d gone home to check on his father who’d recently fallen ill. A few weeks before leaving, he let his facial hair grow in a bit thicker than usual because his parents preferred it that way. Now, a full beard complimented the loose, jet-black curls that touched his shoulders. His face was warm when it pressed against mine. Naseem engulfed me in an embrace so tight it told me everything he was thinking, everything he was feeling without him having to open his mouth
.

“I’ve missed you,” he freely admitted, and my eyes fell closed at the sound of his words—his Jordanian accent coming through stronger after having been home with his family for a while. I should have said it back,
wanted
to say it back because I did miss him, too, but I couldn’t bring myself to utter those words. Not considering the news I had to deliver in a moment. Being sweet to him seemed cruel.

A car or two passed on the street as we held one another in the threshold. I tried to distract myself by watching them until they disappeared, but it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough to keep my mind off the fact that I was about to end something that could’ve been very special. Naseem was a good friend and I knew for a fact that he was a good man, too. This news would change everything between us, though.

I knew it.

I could feel it.

How was I supposed to explain the timing of it all? What would he think of me when I confessed to only knowing Marco for hours before this happened?
It was all just so unlike me. Naseem knew the careful Brynn who mostly stayed to herself. Bar-hopping, drunk-sex Brynn? He didn’t even know she existed. Hell, she
didn’t
exist. She just showed up for that one night in my twenty-five years of life to mess things up and then she was gone again, leaving the
real
me to pick up the pieces.

When we separated, I closed the door behind Naseem once he was inside.

The air in the room felt thin as I drew in a deep breath. Naseem took a seat on the couch and I wrung my hands together. I hadn’t even told him we needed to talk. Tonight was just supposed to be a
‘Let’s catch up on everything we missed’
kind of visit, but I’d soon throw a wrench in that with my news.

I couldn’t bring myself to sit beside him, so I leaned against the wall near the fireplace instead, striking up casual conversation until I was ready to discuss the heavy stuff.

“So, how was your dad when you left?” I asked.

Dark eyes scanned me before he gave an answer, likely wondering why I kept my distance. “Better. The doctors think he’ll recover fully. They believe the virus only hit him so hard because of his age.”

I nodded. My parents had adopted me late in life, so I had similar concerns before they passed away. Panic would strike whenever they’d come down with even a simple cold.

“I’m glad to hear he’s doing well,” I replied.

Naseem smiled at a memory before sharing it aloud. “I think my mother was about
this
close to asking me to stay longer,” he said, demonstrating with his fingers. “I really do have to do better about getting home more often. It’s just so hard to get away with my work schedule. I’m planning to go again this summer, so that gives me a good six months to rearrange things.”

I nodded aimlessly, listening, but not really. I had so much on my mind. I just—

“Everything all right?” he asked. I looked up to find him staring, wearing a look of concern that let me know the attempt to hide my nervousness was a failed one.

‘No, everything’s the opposite of okay,’
I thought to myself. However, I said nothing at all.

Naseem crossed his legs loosely, propping his ankle on his knee while waiting for me to respond. “Brynn?” he called out questioningly.

“Ummm… well…” was all that would come out at first.

Naseem’s brow creased with concern and his relaxed posture tensed, rigidity spreading across his shoulders.

I can’t do this. I can’t tell this man, my friend, what I’ve done. The way he’ll look at me? The things he’ll think but will never say out loud for fear of hurting my feelings?

I can’t.

“Brynn, what is it?” He sat forward and the corners of my eyes began to sting.

No tears, girl. Not a single one. Pull it together.

Before he left, things were good between us. We were on the path to taking things to another level, perhaps taking things where they should’ve gone years ago.

“Did I do something?” he asked, half smiling, but I sensed he was anxious.

“No, it’s not you,” I assured him, shaking my head. I’d have to start talking soon. He already knew something was wrong. There was nothing left to do but confess.

I wet my lips and stared at the floor when I couldn’t bring myself to look anywhere else.

“We need to talk about something,” I began.

Hoping to lighten the mood, Naseem chuckled. “I’m right here listening.”

I meant to blurt it right then, but the words got stuck. They got stuck and I honestly thought about making up some other excuse—like just telling him I thought we made a mistake trying to be more than friends, like I simply wasn’t interested, which wasn’t true. I
was
interested.
Very
interested.

Honestly? Nothing would’ve made me happier right now than to be with him.

From where I stood, I watched him get to his feet. His tall frame crossed my living room and I was forced to look him in his eyes now—those deep wells that had proven capable of withdrawing even the best kept secrets. It’d been those same eyes that made hiding my feelings for him impossible.

Glancing over his features, his rich, golden complexion, I felt like such a fool—for taking so long to realize how important he was to me, for what happened with Marco, for all of it.

I just… I messed up.

“Please talk to me,” he said softly, brushing a hand across my cheek when a tear spilled from my eye.

When he held the sides of my face, I looped my fingers around his wrists and held on to him while I still could, while he’d still let me.

“I did something… and I know it’s gonna ruin whatever chance we might’ve had,” I started, and at my words, Naseem’s hands loosened just a little, but I felt it. My mouth felt dry all of a sudden. I wanted nothing more than to turn back the hands of time and redo everything, but I couldn’t. There was no going back.

“I uh… before we decided to try this whole…
dating
thing,” I stammered, “something… I…”

There was a loaded pause and we were both still. Eventually, Naseem’s hands fell away from my face and went slack at his sides, probably filling in that blank I left wide open with any number of things.

There was no use in holding the tears in, so I just let them roll down my cheeks as I confessed a little at a time, releasing my truth like steam from a valve. “I was with someone else.”

He looked so confused because, as my friend, he knew I hadn’t been seeing anyone.

This might have all been different if there was some type of emotion behind what I’d done, if Marco and I had feelings of some sort for one another, but that wasn’t the case. In short, I ruined my chances with Naseem over a fling—over a sexual encounter I was too drunk to even remember.

He didn’t move, just stared, waiting for me to explain further, so I did.

“I don’t mean I was in a relationship,” I elaborated. “I mean… I was
with
someone. A guy,” I added, lowering my head. There was no easy way to say this. “Do you remember the girls and I going out the night before Mona and Ced’s wedding?”

Naseem nodded, a vacant look behind his eyes. “Yeah, you all went to
The Alibi
,” he answered immediately, startling my heart when he recalled the location. “I was actually the one who suggested the place when you told me you all were thinking of taking her out.”

Shame washed over me when I was reminded of that detail, when I recalled the memory his words had just triggered. A heavy sigh left my mouth as irony set in; the place where I met, and later hooked up with, Marco had been Naseem’s idea.

“Well, I…” The words got stuck again, but I realized stalling wasn’t going to make this any easier. “I um… I met a guy that night and… we hooked up,” I finally blurted, deciding to just let the words fly out before I got too scared again.

Naseem stared blankly at the rug beneath our feet. A range of emotions crossed his face, but just as soon as I thought I figured out what he was thinking or feeling, it changed, confusing me again, unnerving me even more.

There was still more to tell and I just wanted to get it over with before he started thinking my confession was done.

“When it happened,” I started, swallowing hard before I went on. “I wasn’t careful and I… we were drinking and… we didn’t think about protection and I’m…” I stood there panting. There was desperation behind his eyes as if he knew the last of what I had to divulge, as if he silently pled with me not to speak aloud the words he was thinking. It broke my heart, but I had to continue.

“Naseem… I’m pregnant.”

He stared and I held my breath, not moving a single muscle. All I could do was watch him and wait for a response.

Had I violated our budding relationship? No, not necessarily, because this act took place before we even decided to give it a go. However, that didn’t lessen the hurt I saw on Naseem’s face. There had been feelings brewing between us for quite some time, feelings we didn’t act on all those years for one reason or another, but they existed.

We both dated other people casually, all while dancing around what our friendship was growing into. For that reason, I knew he probably had very mixed feelings about all of this. We weren’t together when it happened. Technically, we weren’t together even
now
, but this still felt oddly like betraying him.

When he moved for the first time in almost a minute, I watched as he crossed the room, this time heading toward the door. I gaged his temperament and wasn’t surprised that he didn’t seem mad… just hurt.

And I couldn’t blame him.

“I um… I just need a little time to process this,” he said in parting, just before closing my front door behind him.

His words echoed in my thoughts;
he needed a little time.
That statement was eerily similar to Marco’s. They both needed time to think. Meanwhile, I was stuck in limbo in both situations. While Naseem definitely got a pass, I was admittedly disappointed in Marco’s response, which may or may not have been unrealistic of me. Did I expect him to embrace these circumstances with open arms? No, but it definitely would’ve been a welcomed surprise.

I plopped back down on my couch and took a sip of lukewarm tea, staring at the four walls around me while I thought. Something occurred to me in that moment of solitude. It was becoming clear that I was the one person who didn’t have a choice in the matter when it came to seeing this thing through. Any one of the people in my life could decide to bail on me at any given time. This realization came with an air of loneliness. This didn’t fall on anyone’s shoulders the way it had fallen on mine.

Reality came into full view. The only constants, the only sure things I had under these circumstances were me, myself, and I. That was a terribly sobering thought.

My eyes shifted down to my stomach and for some reason, despite my emotions running high tonight, I still smiled. I was wrong. I
wasn’t
alone. There was actually one other tiny individual who’d be with me through it all and I placed my hand there.

“Looks like it’s just you and me.”