Read Mark McGuinness - Resilience: Facing Down Rejection Online
Authors: Mark McGuinness
Tags: #Business, #Stress Management, #Psychology
I know this sounds blindingly obvious, but—as any gatekeeper will tell you—there are plenty of people who don’t do it. Guidelines are there for a reason—to make the process easier for the gatekeeper. Create an unnecessary problem for them, and you make it harder for them to accept you.
How to fix it next time:
Follow the instructions to the letter!
2. You didn’t give them what they were really looking for
Every gatekeeper makes his or her decision based on certain key criteria—if you can figure out what these are, the task of convincing them becomes a lot easier.
Did you get any real feedback with your rejection? By ‘real feedback’ I don’t mean standard stuff like, “We receive a high volume of high-quality applications…” I mean feedback about specific things you did or didn’t do, and why that was important in their eyes.
If you can get this it’s gold dust, because it tells you the rules of the game they are playing. Once you know the rules, you can decide whether it’s a game you want to play and how to win. Or you may decide you want to play a different game, and look elsewhere in future.
How to fix it next time:
Make it your business to find out what the key criteria are before you apply and to make it obvious to the gatekeepers that you fulfill them.
Sometimes the gatekeepers spell out their criteria in the application instructions. As well as the minimum requirement, they tell you exactly what they are looking for. And I’m not talking about qualifications! Most gatekeepers are looking for something that is
less obvious
than letters after your name, such as proven experience in a specific role; the ability to solve particular kinds of problems; the achievement of measurable, memorable results; or the ability to collaborate as well as execute.
The next step is to research the gatekeepers. Read their books, articles, interviews, blog posts, even tweets and Facebook update. Do you know anyone who knows them or has worked with them? If so, ask about them. Keep asking yourself what all this tells you about their taste, their values, their influences, their passions, and their pet hates. And what does it tell you about their likely criteria for judging your application?
When I applied to Oxford to do an English degree, the college prospectus described the academic specialisms of the two dons who were to interview me. One of them was an authority on Anglo-Saxon literature, a part of the syllabus many students dreaded. But having been captivated by the story of Beowulf in translations and retellings, I was actually
looking forward
to reading the original text—so I made a point of saying so in the interview. I wasn’t faking it—I was (and still am) genuinely enthusiastic about Anglo-Saxon poetry. I doubt it was the critical factor in their decision to give me a place, but I’m sure it didn’t do me any harm. And if I hadn’t done my research, I might not have thought to mention it.
Don’t wait until the end for feedback—if you have contact with the gatekeepers during the process, they may well be giving you feedback all the way through, whether they intend to or not. When you’re talking to them, notice when they sit up and pay attention, versus looking bored or indifferent. Notice what they ask about and what they don’t ask about.
Shortly after leaving college, I was being interviewed for some freelance proofreading work. I noticed the editor’s eyes glaze over as I waffled on about my love of literature and writing. Clearly I was doing a great job of screwing up the interview. Then I happened to mention that spelling or punctuation mistakes jumped out at me when I was reading a book, and I found them really irritating. Suddenly she sat up and beamed: “That’s
exactly
what I want to hear!” Even I could take the hint at that point, and I reeled off a few more of my pet hates when it came to sloppy writing and editing—and got the job.
3. You were chasing the wrong opportunity
Years ago I had a meeting with the owner of a prestigious West End sports club, with a view to offering hypnotherapy services to his clientele. I’d done some really good work with a few professional golfers and tennis players, so I was confident I could do a good job here. The owner asked me to give him a session so he could see how I worked, and it went… OK. Not an obvious disaster, but nothing to get excited over either. So I wasn’t surprised to get a polite ‘thanks but no thanks’ letter a few days later.
At the time it was disappointing, but on reflection I realized I wouldn’t have been happy or successful in that context. The owner was a nice guy, the facilities were superb, and the whole setup was very professional. Looking back, I realized my gut instinct had been telling me the club didn’t feel like home to me. I would never have fitted in there.
That taught me to focus my efforts working with people with whom I had a natural affinity—the artists, creatives, and entrepreneurs who were my most enthusiastic clients, and the most fun to work with.
My first sales call under my new identity was to
Chris Arnold
, a partner in an ad agency and an ex-creative director at Saatchi and Saatchi. The first thing he asked when I picked up the phone was:
“Do you do anything creative yourself, or are you one of those consultants who just tell other people how to be creative?”
When I told him I wrote poetry he burst out laughing and said, “I’ve never had a sales call from a poet before! Why don’t you come in for coffee?”
A few days later, Chris welcomed me to his office. Music was playing, the walls were covered in pictures, people were wearing T-shirts and jeans. There was an electric guitar in the corner of the room. I instantly felt at home. That meeting led to several speaking gigs at conferences Chris organized, and we are still friends to this day.
How to fix it next time:
If you receive positive feedback on your performance, but get rejected in spite of it, maybe you’re just applying for the wrong kind of opportunity. Or maybe you get a feeling that your face doesn’t fit. You could struggle to break in and be accepted. Or you could go in search of your own crowd—people who will smile with recognition when they see what you’re all about, and welcome you with open arms.
4. You’re not good enough (yet)
Let’s be honest. Sometimes we just aren’t there yet, in terms of our ability. The bar is raised a lot higher than we can reach—for now.
In my early teens I used to fence with a foil. I enjoyed lessons at the local club, so when the instructor asked if I’d like to enter a competition, I thought “Why not?” Within sixty seconds of stepping onto the piste under the eye of the judges I was taught a short, sharp lesson in the art of swordsmanship. Even as my defense was brushed aside and I felt my rib cage jabbed again and again by my opponent’s foil, I remember admiring the sheer speed and precision of his movements. There was a lot more to this than I had realized!
I had a similar experience—if not quite so brutal—when I first discovered the
Poetry School
in London. I’d previously attended a few writing groups, and without blowing my own trumpet, I’d usually found myself near the top of the class in terms of ability and experience. But on this day, I realized the standard was a lot higher than I’d encountered before, and I was definitely in the bottom half. It was a bit of a shock, but once I got over that I felt a surge of enthusiasm. I realized that the teacher,
Mimi Khalvati
, was encouraging me to aim a lot higher than I had done before and it was an exciting prospect.
How to fix it next time:
If it turns out you’re not as good as the competition, you have two options: give up or get better. There’s no shame in giving up if that’s what you really want to do. Only resolve to get better if you’re really excited about the idea of putting in the work required.
5. You didn’t do yourself justice
I’ve left this one till last, not because it’s the least important, because so many people go wrong by failing to take enough account of what the gatekeepers are looking for. But sometimes you can be so worried about pleasing other people that you lose touch with your own instincts, and don’t express your talent to the full. The work you did may have been OK, but it wasn’t the real you.
How to fix it next time:
Ask yourself whether you are happy with the way you performed. If not, what was missing? What do you need to do next time, to stay true to yourself?
If you’re struggling, ask someone who knows you well for their opinion. Even if they weren’t there to see you perform, they can probably pick up quite a bit from your words and expressions as you tell them about it. And they may well have some valuable advice to give you.
Your next steps:
Next time you’re rejected, run through these questions, to review what went wrong and what you could do differently next time.
1. Did you meet the minimum requirements? If not, be meticulous next time!
2. Did you fail to identify the real criteria? If so, do more research next time.
Did you fail to demonstrate that you met these criteria? If so, make sure you signpost them to the next gatekeeper.
3. Were you chasing the wrong opportunity? Did you feel at home with the kind of people you encountered? Should you apply somewhere very different next time?
4. Were you just not good enough? If so, do you want to give up or get better?
If the latter, either study and practice on your own or find a teacher who will help you improve.
5. Did you fail to do yourself justice? If so, how will you stay true to yourself next time?
Notes:
Chris Arnold now runs Creative Orchestra (and has three guitars and two pianos in the office).
http://www.creativeorchestra.com/
Mimi Khalvati:
http://www.mimikhalvati.co.uk
The Poetry School:
http://poetryschool.com
19. Play the numbers game
Imagine you’re an actor who has been out of work for months. The landlord’s patience is at breaking point, not to mention your long-suffering partner. And today you have an audition for a part that could solve all your problems. You know you can play the part and you’re desperate to do yourself justice. But this is the only audition you have, and everything is riding on it. It feels like your last chance.
How confident are you of delivering your very best performance?
Now imagine you’re just as short of cash, but today’s audition is just one of half a dozen you have lined up, any one of which could put you back in the black and back in everyone’s good books. On the way to the audition, you get a call from your agent urging you not to agree to anything even if it goes brilliantly—she’s just found another opportunity she thinks could be perfect for you.
Now
how confident are you of doing yourself justice?
Maybe you thrive on pressure and like to live on the edge. But typically, the more options you have, the more relaxed you are about any one of them. Which paradoxically means you will perform better, and have a higher chance of success in each instance. So even if you only want to boost your confidence, it makes sense to play the numbers game, by making sure your ‘opportunity funnel’ is constantly filled with new options.
Sadly, not everyone is going to love your work, even if it is amazing. You sometimes have to knock on lots of doors before you’ll find someone willing to give you a chance. But the more you put it out there, the more chances you have of finding the people who
do
love it.
Start with a list—of the gatekeepers, companies, publications, agencies, or other hubs around which opportunities cluster. Then work through it, first researching how to approach them, then gritting your teeth and making the approaches. Assume you will have to hear a lot of ‘no’s before you hear your first ‘yes.’ That will help you prepare for the worst, and make the surprise all the sweeter if you get an early win.
The numbers game is another reason for finding and hanging out with your tribe—the more people you know on the scene, the more likely it is that
your
name will crop up in conversation next time a new opportunity is discussed.
Your next steps:
1. Make a list of all the potential opportunities you have right now. Next to each one, write the next step you are going to take towards making it happen, including the date.
Use whatever system is easiest for you—a notebook, a Word document, a spreadsheet, or contact management software. Personally I’m a fan of Bento, as it allows me to organize data with the flexibility of a spreadsheet, but to display it in nice-looking templates instead of the hideousness of Excel. See the Resources page for this book for some other options:
http://lateralaction.com/resilience-resources
2. Now make a list of all the different people and places you can apply to for more opportunities—publishers, sports clubs, agencies, companies, trials, competitions etc. Research the application process for each one.
3. Set up a system for applying for opportunities. Do it however you like, as long as it includes the following elements:
Your aim is to keep your system in perpetual motion—constantly identifying and applying for new opportunities.
4. Make a list of the most important gatekeepers and influencers in your field—the kind of people who could send opportunities your way, if they knew and cared who you were. Research each of them thoroughly.