Marked. Part I: The missing Link (34 page)

He pushes hard inside of me, and when he whispers the words “I love you” it sends me spiraling, lost in the most intense roller-coaster of an orgasm that has my back arching, my nails cutting into his skin, my toes curling, and lungs screaming out his name.

“Just like that, Lily,” he murmurs in my ear. “I love watching you completely give yourself to me.”

Sliding his finger inside of me, he pulls it out and brings them to his lips, tasting us together, “Even better than I remembered.” He grins at me before pressing his lips to mine.

“What happens now?” I dreamily ask as I float somewhere in heaven.

“
What ever you want to happen; you own me. ” He pulls me back up to sitting and brings me to his arms. I go back to straddling him while he leans against the headboard.

I watch my fingers trail along his shoulders and neck. I can't look at him as I begin to speak, “Anything I want?”

“Anything” his voice low, gruff, and needy. “Just tell me what you want.”

“
I want you to cuddle me all night.”

He raises a brow, “Only tonight?”

I watch my thumb stroke the skin under his ear. “I want you with me every night until we get bored of each other.”

Jay puts his hands behind his head, causing his muscles to bulge out. I can't help but play with the bumps of his ab muscles, which gets me wanting him again.

“So, what you're saying is you want me wrapped around you for the rest of our lives?”

I sneak a glance at him under my lashes while I shyly watch my fingers and hands. I'm nervous and excited about responding.

“Yes,” my response is throaty and comes out as more of a croak. Even after all that he has confessed to me, I'm still nervous about being rejected.

“
Done,” he growls, rolling so he's on top of me, crushing my body under his. He buries himself deep inside my walls, hands getting tangled in my hair, face smothered in my neck, and we begin to make love. It's a hazy state of slow and sweet thrusts until I whisper to Jay, “I love you,” and it turns our love making into a carnal beast.

Jay straightens his body up and drives harder into me, making us both scream out from the impact and pleasure. He takes my bent-up knees and spreads them as far as they will go. His thumb begins playing with my nub, driving me wild once again. We keep our eyes locked together to watch the others' face as it takes pleasure from the other. I notice the surge of love he is finally able to freely express that makes his irises dilate and inflame.

He's pounding me now and I sense he's getting closer, but I'm not ready for him to come. I want him to ride this wave with me and see how far we can take it.

I stop him and move on all fours in front of him, “I want to taste myself on your cock.”

This has Jay’s eyes scorching me with shameless greed as he drunkenly licks his lips. I lower my head and a growl rumbles in his chest. He holds my hair back to watch me take him in my mouth.

One of my hands takes hold of his erection and the other supports me on the bed. I suck and pull him deep into my mouth to the back of my throat. His breathing becomes a mix of grunts and breathless pants the deeper and harder I suck.

He leans his body to the right and bends over me to grab hold of an ass cheek. He lifts his hand up and lets his palm come down to smack it, making me groan and suck harder. He does it again and the stinging pain makes my eyes roll back from how good it feels. A finger slides between my cheeks towards my wetness, moving it around before slipping inside. The wonderful way it feels makes me fall forward in ecstasy, taking him all the way in.

“
Holy fucking hell, Lily,” He half whimpers, half grunts.

He slaps my ass and takes a firm hold of it in his hand, giving it a shake before slapping it again. He then uses that hand to take hold of my hair and yank it back to lift me up. His mouth forcefully collides with mine and he hungrily bites and sucks my lips. He begins kissing me with enough cohesion I can't breathe.

When we both need more oxygen he pulls my head back by my hair. I stare at him, completely intoxicated.

“
Face the headboard and hold on.”

I immediately do what he asks, facing the wall on my knees and holding on to the top of the wooden bed.

Jay doesn't waste any time and slams into me. He takes hold of my breasts for support while he continues to ram into me. The closer we get, the tighter I hold on, and the tighter he holds my breasts the more the pain adds to my enjoyment. The harder he penetrates me, the closer to euphoria I get. As we both start to come, he wraps an arm under my breasts, pushing them up as he takes hold of my side, nails digging into my skin. He rests his forehead on my head, his fingers working between my legs. Both our hips pound into each other, me backwards and him forwards. We start spiraling into an orgasm that transports us into a state of delirium and floating in pure ecstasy.

For the longest time, all we can do is stay still while our hearts and breathing return from primal and untamed to steady and consistent.

“What the hell was that?” Jay heavily breathes out.

“
Nirvana,” I exhale.

“
Yeah...wow...”

We stay unmoving for another few minutes, then we slide down and hold each other for a few more.

“Come shower with me.”

I shake my head, “I don't think I can move.” My whole body feels like putty.

Jay laughs softly, “Good point.” He reaches for the covers to pull over us and halfway up he pauses, “Uh, babe? Was I too rough on you?”

I can barely move my head to look at him, “No, why?”

“My hand print is all over your ass.”

“
Mmm...” I mumble, burying my face in my pillow, ready to drift off, “Good.”

Jay kisses it and works his way up my arm and neck as he pulls the sheets the rest of the way up. He lightly moves my shoulder and peers at my chest, “You sure I didn't hurt you? Your breasts are bright red from my hands.”

“Uh huh, I loved it.”

Jay quietly chuckles, “What is it about us that makes our bodies and minds lose control and we feel everything to the extreme?”

“Who cares, I'm just glad we do.”

Jay kisses my temple before cocooning me in his arms. I feel his breath on me and I start to drift off as I hear him tell me, “You and me, Lily. We're forever. I'm never giving you up.”

I make a silent prayer that he doesn't.

Chapter 33

Friday, January 24

6:02am

I awaken to Jay strumming my back. I take a moment to enjoy being in his arms. We spent all night making love and he answered any and all questions I had, not hiding anything from me.

I found out the reason he kept The Marker a secret from me and what happened was because he knew how deeply he cared for me. He wanted me as separate from that man as he could. He was also terrified that if I knew about him and the game they were playing he would lose me forever.

I talked openly about how hurtful it was when he left me and how it affected me. That tore him apart. He told me he hadn’t known how to cut loose from me without turning cold and withdrawn. He couldn’t handle the emotions he felt for me; it was easier for him to shut me out. I could tell the guilt was still eating at him for the pain he had caused me, pain he had vowed to himself he'd never be the source of. Then he made love to me with a tenderness that had me crying. (I think at this point I need to just embrace that I'm a highly emotional person. I mean really, who cries during sex?) Lucky for me, Jay doesn't make me feel embarrassed or uncomfortable about it. He fully accepts and loves me for all that I am.

Jay still carries guilt over Vault's dead wife. I can't say that I blame him, I would feel guilty too. They probably wouldn't have died if he had gotten past his revenge. It's a demon Jay will always have to live with. It shows the kind of man Vault is that he can forgive Jay and still offer to help him find a better life.

None of Jay's story changes the way I feel about him. I'm not sure what kind of person that makes me, but I don't care. I'm not looking to fix him and what's broken. I only want to love him and hopefully teach him the same self-worth he taught me. He's such a deep and intense person who feels things stronger than he wants to allow himself. He needs to let go and enjoy his life, to learn to let people in, and to realize what an incredible heart he has; it only goes dark because he forces it to.

I'm also worried I won't be enough for him, like Arianna telling me adventure and adrenaline is their “crack.” I can't offer him those things. I'm not sure a life with me will be good enough for him. Even though I know how much he loves me now, it doesn't ease my concerns. I want children one day, and I can't see Jay ever wanting that. He's had a hard enough time letting me in, I think kids would terrify him. I'm also afraid that he'll always be looking over his back, worried someone is looking for him or coming after me, which could certainly be a valid concern.

I want this to work. I'm determined to make this work. I love Jay more deeply than I ever thought was possible, and you can't let love like that go.

“
Baby, you awake?” I ask softly, still having a million more unanswered questions.

Jay mumbles something incoherent and my guess is he's still half-asleep.

“If you knew you loved me, why did you seem upset outside of the bank when I told you I could never change my mind about how I feel for you?”

“
I thought you were still upset with me for leaving and getting you kidnapped. I didn't exactly make the best exit when I left.”

I scoot up from being wrapped on top of him and trail my fingers along his scruff, staring at his lips, “I meant I would never stop loving you.”

Jay grabs my wrist and kisses my palm, “I don't fucking deserve you, Lily.”

I rest my mouth on his, “Yes. You do.” I put more pressure on his lips and let my tongue slip inside to tease his. His hands reach down to dig into my bare butt cheeks and our mouths become more forceful and demanding as we disappear into our own little world.

6:42am

Jay's head is resting on my chest, listening to my heart rate go down after our morning romp. His hand keeps stroking along my side from the top to my mid-thigh while I do the same to his back.

“
How do you know Lazra?” I wonder if one day the questions will stop and I'll know everything about him? I actually hope the answer is no, I like the idea of having a lifetime to unlock Jay Lincoln.

“
She owns some brothels and kink clubs.”

I snort back my laughter.

He jiggles my body, “What?” He looks up at me and his brows hit the top of his hair line and his eyes bug out, “Oh...shit! That's not
how
I know her!” He chuckles and shakes his head, “I was only informing you of what she does. She has a lot of money, and anyone with an enormous amount of wealth has enemies. Lazra used to contract my dad for most of her kills, but she's a little crazy...it's hard to fully explain. You would have to meet her to understand, and
that
will
never
happen,” he informs me.

I smack him on the back of the head, “I didn't even ask to.”

He kisses between my breasts, “Long story short, she's not quite right in the head and my dad stopped doing hits for her.”

We cuddle in silence while I try and get the courage to ask my next question.

“How's this going to work?” I finally ask, moving my hand up to run my fingers along his scalp.

“
What?” His hand starts creeping around to stroke the side of my breast. For a minute I almost forget I'm trying to have a conversation with him as I eagerly wait for him to fully cup me in his hand.

“
You and me? Are you still getting Lazra the dagger?”

He stops his movement, “No, but we still have to get Vault the file. There is no way around that. Once you promise him something there's no going back on your word.”

“But if we don't get her what she wants, won't that put us in danger?”

Jay sighs heavily and moves his hand up further to play with my hair, “Yes.”

“Oh,” is all I manage to get out.

“
I'm going to have to kill her,” he states flatly.

“
Oh,” is still all I seem capable of.

“
I've given this a lot of thought lately. I'm going to have you stay with Vault while I take care of her. It shouldn't take longer than a week. Is that okay?”

“
And then we get to be together?”

“
Yeah.”

“
How are you going to keep anyone else from seeking you out?”

“
I'm still trying to figure that out.” He scoots up so we are eye level and his eyes search mine, “If this is too much for you, tell me. You don't have to be with me. I can promise you though, I will never let anything bad happen to you again.”

“
Baby,” I sigh, stroking his cheek with the back of my hand, “You can't make promises like that. You're only setting yourself up for disaster. You can't avoid bad things happening to anybody, which is a good thing; it makes the sweet that much sweeter.”

He closes his eyes tightly, “I can still try.”

I take hold of his face, forcing him to look at me, “Stop. Don't put that kind of pressure on yourself. You will end up driving us both crazy.” Now it's my turn to squeeze my eyes shut, and I keep them that way while I talk, “I'm worried I'm not going to be enough to keep you happy.”

“
Fuck, baby,” he mutters, burying his face in my neck, “I'm so fucking tired.
All the time
. For
years
. It's not like that with you. You're all I need to be happy. You're all I'll ever need.”

“
That's what's scaring me. That won't last forever. One day you'll need more than just me, and that's not a bad thing. It's inevitable.”

He lifts his head and gives me a wicked grin with twinkling eyes, “I have a plan for that too.”

I match his expression, “Oh really? And what's that?”

He pecks my lips, “I'm not ready to share the details, but I've been thinking this out for a long time.”

I have a feeling him keeping stuff from me will always be an issue for us.

I raise a brow at him and challenge, “How long?”

I receive another wicked grin, “When I took you with me to the old racetrack. I loved sharing that moment with you. It got me thinking about what a life with you would be like, then you fucking kissed me and I was doomed.”

I giggle as he starts to nibble down my neck.

“You destroyed me with that kiss, babe. Fucking
destroyed me
.”

The next thing I know, he's inside me and we're making love.