Married By Midnight (19 page)

Not entirely sure where this was going, Anne took great care with her reply. “Perhaps a little, but we are attracted to each other. I don’t regret it, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“
No, that’s not what I’m asking.”

Anne cleared her throat. “Are you going to elaborate?”

Garrett rose up on an elbow and ran a hand down over her hip. “I love every soft curve of your body...the fragrance of your skin, and the silky feel of your hair when it brushes across my face.”

He hadn’t answered the question, but she didn’t mind when he spoke words like that—words that made her melt into him and feel as if she could stay in bed with him forever.

His eyes met hers. “What would you say if I suggested that we become rebels and break the rules of the contract?”

Her heart began to pound. “In what way?”

All of a sudden, she was no longer relaxed. Her hopes were soaring, yet she was still fighting to grab hold of them, pull them to the ground, and stomp on them. She couldn’t bear if he referred to something different from what she wanted.

True love. Commitment. A devotion that would last a lifetime.

“
What if we didn’t part ways after the wedding?” he added. “What if we stayed together for a while?”

Anne wet her lips and labored to appear calm about his proposition.

“
I’m not ready for this to end,” he continued. “I like being with you. You like being with me as well, do you not?”

“
Of course,” she replied.

“
Then let us continue with the charade.” He paused. “Forgive me, that is not what I meant. It is not a charade. It is very real. I am passionate about you Anne, and if I am to be honest, I will confess that I want more. I
need
more. I was feeling quite dead inside until I met you. Somehow you have awakened me to good things in my life. I feel reborn. So much has happened this past week, and you have been at the center of it all.”

Every word he spoke was like music to her ears. She could hardly breathe... But what did this mean? A few more weeks of lovemaking until he was recovered from all the turmoil in his life, and ready to leave? That would only prolong the agony of her dread—for surely one day it would end. If not tomorrow, then a few weeks from now, or perhaps even a year hence. The contract gave him the right to return to his bachelor life. Could she survive the loss of him one day in the future, when each day made her love him more than the last?

“
Where is this headed?” she asked.

He shook his head. “I don’t know exactly. I’m confused by this. It’s not what I expected.”

“
Nor I.” She pushed him aside so she could sit up and reach for her dressing gown, which was laid out on the chair beside the bed. She stood and slipped into it, tied the sash, and moved to the chair in front of the fire. There, she sat down and crossed one leg over the other.

She heard the sound of the bed covers rustling and the creak of the mattress as Garrett also rose to his feet.

He was naked. She was afraid to look at him, afraid to get sucked back in again. She must keep her wits about her, because he was everything she could ever dream of. What should she do? Surrender to loving him for as long as he wanted her?

Or protect herself?

When at last she looked at him, she was relieved to see that he had pulled the coverlet off the bed and wrapped himself in it. Thank God it was winter.

He knelt down before her. “What’s wrong? Have I asked too much of you? I know you wish to be independent and I respect that, but you mean a great deal to me. I don’t want to lose you. I want to be a part of your life.”

He reached out to hold her hand.

“
I don’t want to lose you either,” she carefully replied, without spilling all her emotions onto the floor. She must stay calm and maintain her dignity. “But being a part of my life isn’t good enough, Garrett. I will be your wife in name only—I have agreed to that—but I cannot stay with you ‘for a while,’ as you put it. That would make me your temporary mistress. Do not misunderstand. I am not angry. This has been very enjoyable and I have no regrets, but when this engagement comes to an end, it must be all or nothing after that. If we are to be united in name only, then I must insist that we stay true to the terms of the agreement, for I cannot settle for less.”

He rose up and took the seat across from her. “I see.”

For a long time they sat before the fire, saying nothing.

Anne was not surprised by his lack of response, for he had been clear about his goals from the beginning. Now he wanted to be with her until the passion ran its course, then cite the terms of the contract, reclaim his freedom, and that would be the end of it.

Though considered damaged goods by some, in her heart, she truly believed she was worth more than that.

Their eyes met and he stared at her for a long time while his expression remained impassive. Unreadable.

Anne’s heart beat frantically. Perhaps all he needed was more time. Had she spoiled everything by giving him an ultimatum?

“
It’s past midnight,” he said in a suddenly casual tone. “Isn’t there a rule about not seeing your intended on the day you walk down the aisle? Isn’t it supposed to be bad luck?”

She fought to breathe normally and rose from her chair. “Yes, that’s what they say.”

“
Then I should return to my own room.” Turning, he went to fetch his clothes, then added lightly, “I wouldn’t want to take any chances, tempt fate...evoke the curse or something.”

Anne watched him get dressed and could have wept as an awkward silence poured into the room. Everything had been so perfect, but then she had demanded all or nothing.

She kissed him good-bye at the door and worried that she had asked too much of him, and had already received her answer—and it was not the answer she had been hoping for.

Chapter Fourteen

Garrett woke at dawn the following morning to the astounding reality that it was his wedding day. It hardly seemed possible, and he felt both astonished and transformed—for he was passionately in love with his bride. When he rose from bed and walked to the window, it was as if he were seeing the sunrise for the first time.

There was still something missing, however. Something he needed to add to the magic of this day... Something he had to do.

A short while later, after he dressed and took a quick breakfast, he stepped onto the early morning train with a strange mixture of bewilderment and awe. So much had happened over the past two weeks. He had come home to a father who had changed considerably since the last time they’d spoken. The duke was no longer a tyrant, but instead was a frail, frightened man who remembered nothing of their former estrangement, and wanted Garrett, his youngest son, at his side.

Or perhaps the duke did remember their estrangement, and that was why he was so frightened of death, and of being alone. Hell was not a pleasant thing to dream about. Garrett understood that. He also understood the desire to atone.

The duke was coming to the end of his life. His mind was failing him. Garrett found he could no longer bear a grudge toward the man for his mistakes in the past. He felt compassion for him now.

More importantly, there was forgiveness. And if he could forgive his father, perhaps he could forgive himself, too.

As the train pulled away from the station, Garrett felt a renewed sense of purpose. This morning he would travel to London to see Dr. Thomas. He would invite him to attend the wedding.

The wedding...

That, above all, was at the heart of this awakening. To be more specific, it was Anne. Anne, who harbored no bitterness toward those who had wronged her. Anne, who wanted a love that would last a lifetime. She did not let her past define her.

It must be all or nothing
.

He would not insult her honor by offering her less. Today—if she would have him—he would become her true husband in all ways and pledge his heart, body, and soul to her until the end of time. He couldn’t wait to get down on one knee and propose to her properly, in front of everyone. Pray God she would accept him.

* * *

The train arrived at Paddington Station at 10:15 am. Garrett shouldered his way through the crowd and whistled for a hackney cab to take him to Dr. Thomas’s offices on Park Lane. Since he was arriving without an appointment, and wasn’t even certain if the clinic would be open on Christmas Eve, he instructed the driver to wait, for he might need to be taken to the doctor’s private residence in Mayfair.

He alighted from the vehicle and stepped onto the frozen walk, felt the sharp winter chill on his cheeks, and ventured inside.

As he closed the door behind him, he noticed a distinctive smell. Some sort of antiseptic perhaps, which was both unfamiliar and strangely interesting. There were a few ladies seated in chairs in a small waiting area. He removed his hat and gloves, then approached the desk to speak to a clerk, a young man with mustache and spectacles.

“
Is Dr. Thomas in this morning?”

The clerk glanced up. “Yes, sir, but only until noon as it’s Christmas Eve, and I am afraid he is fully booked. Would you like to make an appointment for another day?”

Garrett tapped his gloves against his thigh. “It is a personal matter, and rather urgent. I would be grateful if you could inform him that I am here.”

“
Your name?”

“
Lord Garrett Sinclair of Pembroke.”

The color drained from the young man’s face. He set down his pen. “Pembroke Palace?”

“
Yes.”

The clerk leapt to his feet. The chair legs scraped across the floor. “I do beg your pardon, my lord. Please forgive me. I will let him know you are here.”

Garrett thanked the young man and turned to take a seat under a tall potted tree fern.

While he waited, he let his gaze peruse the waiting area. Across from him a woman held a young child on her lap. The child appeared sleepy. Feverish perhaps.

Another older woman was reading a book. He wondered what ailed her, for she looked perfectly healthy in every way.

He then noticed a painting on the wall and stood up to examine it more closely. It appeared to be an artistic rendering of the human anatomy. He found it quite fascinating and was still studying the details when a door opened in the back hall.

The clerk returned to the waiting room. “Dr. Thomas will see you now, my lord. If you will come this way.”

Garrett followed the young man down a narrow, red-carpeted corridor. He peered into two empty examination rooms as they passed by. At the end of the hall, the clerk opened a heavy oak door and gestured for Garrett to wait inside. “This is the doctor’s private office. He will be with you shortly.”

“
Thank you.” Garrett entered the room and looked around at the dark green painted walls with tiger oak wainscoting, the piles of medical books in danger of toppling over on the sofa, and a set of tall bookcases on the far wall behind the large mahogany desk. Most notably, there was a life size skeleton on a stand by the window.

He strode to it immediately, reached out to touch the ribs, and discovered it was made of some sort of plaster.

Wildly curious, he couldn’t resist the urge to examine the joints. He squatted down and studied the knees, then the ankles and spine. What a fascinating reproduction of the human body. He was completely mesmerized.

Next, his gaze lifted to a framed painting on the wall. This one depicted a team of surgeons crowded around a body in a lecture hall, performing some sort of procedure while students looked on. He leaned close and squinted, trying to make out what the doctors were doing with their instruments when the door opened. Garrett turned around.

Dr. Thomas paused at the threshold and regarded him with a look of pleasure. “Lord Garrett. How nice to see you.”

Garrett stepped forward and held out his hand. “Nice to see you again, too, sir. I apologize for the interruption. I see you have patients waiting.”

“
Only two more this morning. My nurse is with them now. What can I do for you?” He strode to the desk and set down the file he was carrying. “Please take a seat.”